Why cant I have 1 good day. Today was going great. Iwent to church , then to my parents' house for a barbecue. great day. mood very good. The on the way home my husband made a comment that lately I snore like a pig. I never used to snore but when I started lamictal I got nasal congestion as a side effect. It never went away. My husband normally wears ear plugs and we both sleep well. But today Bryan made the comment that I snore like a pig. He hurt my feelings. I got quiet like I usually do when my mood isnt good. He immediatly got mad and started yelling at me. 'your so sensitive, blah, blah, blah'. What did he expect? That I would like being called a pig. And then when I tried to explain that I wasnt mad but my feelings were hurt he wouldnt let me talk. He kept interrupting and yelling that I'm too sensitive and he doesnt kno why he bothers talking to me. Well I just stopped talking for the rest of the night. Why should I bother talking when he doesnt listen anyway. I cant show any emotion lately or he gets mad. Thats just going to make me even sadder. Its like he wont even try to understand bipolar disorder. I tried to tell him he should read one of the bipolar books we have. H e just got mad again. O some book isnt going to help him understand his own wife. Thats it- I give up. I should just never talk ever again. He;ll just take whatever I say the wrong way and twist it all around anyways. I feel like nobody understands me and nobody likes me. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
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When will I have a good day??
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you say he twists everything you say
but you did the same with him
folks comment to each other like this all the time, it's banter
it wasn't pleasant and wasn't the more appropriate thing to say at the moment
he was way insensitive and you became too sensitive because your moods/emotions are on heightened alert
you just came out of the hospital, under a supposed suicide attempt
just a short while back you went in the hospital for a suicide attempt
so... you've had 2 pretty close back to back
you are in a transitional phase and you are jumpy, extra sensitive, and things will hit you moreso than usual
he isn't interested in reading books, then don't force books on him
I learned that this will surely agitate someone if you try and force them to understand when they aren't in a cooperative mood to do so
He too, is going through a transitional phase, in that his wife has been hospitalized twice in a relatively short period of time for suicide attempts
and he probably feels a bit out of sorts and well... helpless but doesn't want someone telling him or showing him cause then that just points it out
I'm just guessing all this, by the way. However, it does offer perhaps a different perspective on the situation.
You had 1 good day, you went to church and to a bbq and for the most part - the day was great and you felt good.
Maybe trying to look past the snoring comment and focus on what made the day - overall - great and good and patting yourself on the back for having that might help ease some of the discomfort you are now having.
By acknowledging, taking, and holding those moments that are good and healthy will help you in those times that aren't so.
I've had the same exchanges with my husband. He's more of a "deal with it himself" kind of person and a "depression is kind of a cop out." I let his thoughts -- dare I say ignorance about mood disorders -- guide my ability to hide my feelings, my craziness, my despair, until one day in August I couldn't hide from it anymore. I has outwardly fearful for my safety, my worklife was in shambles, my memory shot, and there were more days of crying than not. I really thought I would never know what happiness was again. I got to the point that was upset that God allowed me to wake up and experience life, or rather in my mind, hell.
When I finally had the talk with my husband he was half asleep, but I knew that if I didn't do it at that moment -- I would never utter the words "I am sinking here" again. At that moment in time EVERY emotion I had was amplified by 10. When I turned to my husband and said -- I will die if I don't leave this job -- it was loud and clear to him. When I finally got in to see a psychiatrist, I felt hopeful, and I knew that he knew I was hopeful. Once the meds kicked in -- seperating my depressive state to what was a real emotion of sadness and loss. There was a point in my recovery that I had to say to my husband "Screw you -- I'm taking care of myself." Once he embraced that this isn't about me being weak, it was about me being sick.
Once I started going to therapy and acknowledging that I needed help in endeavors that affected us as a couple (i.e. outrageous shopping and spending, no memory, the need for a routine), he was supportive. He even asks about my sessions. I tell him as much or as little as I want to.
This may or may not work for you and your husband but I will tell you this -- once I started focusing on the baby steps, the small victories like going to a store and just windowshopping, or remembering that key household chore that just antagonizes my husband when I forget, the more you will see your treatment working for you and in turn your loved ones.
I am the farthest thing from an eternal optimist, but I am challenging myself to find the good in everyday. I am celebrating when I feel a mood swing come along and enact my solutions to combat it. Sometimes acknowleding that it could be a rough day is a win because I sensed it and put the extra effort to combat the triggers. You will find brighter days ahead and your husband will too.