Confused feelings

I have been with my husband for 9 years, 6 of which he was a drug addict,he is clean now and is cycling out of control.  I too am sick to my stomach so I know that feeling.  He comes and goes and when he comes back he says how much he loves me and etc. ... it brings back the feelings I used to have.  You are on your own now and I suspect mentally have been for a long time.  You should continue on with your life, because your health and happiness means everything.  You cannot control nor are you responsible for his behaviour, or health.  You must move forward with your life without him.  I am preparing to leave my husband, when he is here the emotion is too strong and I back out.  I know that I can't be sick everyday wondering "what if" , "what will be" and "if only", those days are way too far and few between.  Stay strong and stay happy, don't go backwards keep moving forward.  I hope this helps.

You are making some good decisions regarding your marriage.  A legal separation sounds like the best thing to do at this time.  This is a very difficult time for all women that face separation and divorce.  You must be devastated.   It's hard to imagine what you must be going thru.

Your husband may turn his life around with time, but you should not have to go thru all the turmoil waiting for that to happen.  Hold on to your strengths and keep a good support system around you.  God bless you.

Judy

Hi honey, we've posted back and forth in the past and I see that you are still struggling with your feelings for your husband.   I'm sorry for your frustrations.  As for your husband, if there is one thing that I have learned since being diagnosed with BP last year....the one thing my Mom tells me over and over again:  I am responsible for my own actions and behavior ... the good, the bad AND the ugly.  In spite of (or maybe just to spite) my disorder, I am able to function as an adult in the "big people's world" and so is your husband.  Just because he has a mental disorder does not absolve him of his responsibilities to do the right thing for himself and his family.  He knows right from wrong. His impulsive, irresponsible behavior would not be tolerated any more or less if he had diabetes, right?  I mean, that's a disorder too.  He needs to man up and you are wise to put distance between you and him by filing for a legal separation.  As for your heart, well it will just have to follow along with your brains in this decision because you have to put up your guard and protect yourself and your children from what he might do to you financially.  So, you're not a great place right now but day by day and step by step you will get a to a better place.  Like my Mom tells me, "There is light at the end of your tunnel, and it is not a freight train coming to run you over."  In the meantime, we'll all be out here cheering for you from cyberspace.