I am on my way to the lawyers office, about to sign separation papers. I have to protect my finances from the man i love, the husband i shared 22 years of my life with. I go with a broken heart...i pray that the pain will go away one day.
mom2twins, if you could do it all over again would you? I have been needing someone to talk to. I am in love with a man who has bipolar. I broke off the relationship before I knew he was bipolar. All I knew I was falling in love with this most amazing man. I was afraid of what I was feeling. He kept telling me not to get attached and that I wasn't the one. I askled him then why he would pour so much into me. He told me not to argue and it was a gift. When I broke it off I saw the look in his face, I hurt him. But I fell in love with him and didn't know what to do since I crossed his boundary. A few months after I broke it off I relaized he was the gift, not all the things he would do for me. I want him back and I dont know what to do. A few months ago I had a chance to let him know I fell in love with him. What are the chances of us getting back together? How do I handle this? He has always said we are not logical, he's right were not, but that is the beauty of it all. I will keep yoru marraige in my prayers. lovleyrebornrose
Actually I have 5 children from a previous marriage, they are all grown except my 10 yr daughter, she is the only one at home. My profession is in the medical field, it just so happens I work in neurology. I have talked with our neurophyscs and have studied a great deal about bipolar, not only that I was a care giver of teenagers with multiple personality disorder. With all of the people in my life and the patients and professionals I have spoke to have felt that I could handle this type of situation. Of course only 2 have direct marriages with bipoalr spouses. One said I could do but it would be hard the other like you has said no way. I to have a disorder called premenstrul disforic disorder. PMDD is a bipolar disorder found only in women because of hormone imbalance. PMDD is not as severve as Bipolar but is PMS on steroids. I too have to be on medication to control my moods. Many of my symptoms are the same as bipolar. Since I fell in love with this man, it happened much to my surprise, It was not the plan, he is 10 yrs younger than I am. I feel like we all have issues and we are all crazy just differnt degrees of crazy. The problem is all though I understand what he is going through I can't force or make him stay medicated. I know each of us has different personalites. When I seperate him from the disorder he is an amazing man. It's really neat to see the marriages for bipolar that make it. I have patients in my office that have been married for 57 years and she is bipolar. I have a good friend who is married to a man with bipolar. I had known them for 4 years before I found out. I never would have known if she hadn't told me, he is medicated it took her about 12 years to finally convince him of this idea. She is the one that told me I would be fine. I feel like even though he has his illness he derserves to have what he most desires in life just like everyone else. We all derserve to be happy. I have no expectations of him, my own happiness comes from within myself and I cannot depend on others for that. I know people of the disorder basically aren't happy at all and don't know how to be happy.
Please know I am not upset with your answer. I am just trying to make a desicion for my life. I do beleive in the power of prayer and miracle healing as well as medication. I do beleive someday he will be healed. I believe God is in control and if we decide to marry then it was ordained by God. This is just where I am in all of this. I guess everyone has there own perpective. My friend who is married to her husband with the disorder said she wouldn't trade him for anything.
Thank you for your perspective. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I feel your story speaks to my heart. My partner, I love her very much, is unmedicated and has not much insight to her irratic behavior, it is tearing us apart and hurting our 3 year old. I am so devistated but feel that taking custody and divorcing her is the only way to ensure his survival. IT IS JUST PAINFUL
Featuring Content From:
By using this service, you accept our Terms of Use. Please read them. The consumer health information on is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. You should promptly seek professional medical care if you have any concern about your health, and you should always consult your physician before starting a fitness regimen. Copyright © 2012 Remedy Health Media, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
You have more courage that I do. My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have 4 kids and out of those 23 years there may have been 5 good years. His manic depression Bipolar illness have taken friends and family away. For the last year he has done nothing but lay in the bed except when he has to see his doctors and once a month like clock work he will have one of his manic episodes as I call them and be very anger and verbal abusive except now the abuse has become physical towards our 21 year old son. I work 2 jobs and in my heart I know that I should leave but there is still part of me that prays and has faith that things will get better and i'm scared. How do you leave someone after 22 years of marriage.
Hi MOM of 4
If you read my other posts you will see that my bipolar husband left me 10 months ago....in a manic state of course. He was just diagnosed bipolar 2, two months ago. I uncovered many lies (no other woman) but poor business decisions and excessive spending. He is the one that does not want to be married..I loved him and supported him for all these months, i realised there is nothing i can do now but move on.... I love him with all my heart but he was killing me.....
HI,
Thanks for your reply. I know that he has left you but just think about the calmness around you that you have now. No more worrying what kind of mood that he will be in and no more worries about what you say or what you do and if it is going to send him on one of his maniac episodes. I know about excessive spending my husband has done it for years. I would just like to able wake every morning and not worry about maniac episodes.
Hi Whiteair, the calmness is really numbness. The pain he has caused me is so great, so permeating to my soul that i feel i have shut off some of my emotions inorder not to fall into a debilitating depression. I can not afford to...i have two boys at home.
I have also read tons of books so i know quite alot about bipolar, how he can not control the emotions etc. He knows I love him and always will but I have no control over his life...only he does
joanne
joanne,
I know that you feel numbness, I have been numb for many years now. I have learned in all my years with my husband that my feelings always came last and over the years I have learned to shut off my emotions. I know I have the books and the information on the internet I have sat in Dr's offices and held his hand and listened to Dr's say that none of this is your fault but you know what they are not the ones that have sleepness nights wondering where there spouse is going to come home at all or when you get the phone call that he has been arrested again for public intoxication or DUI. They are not the ones that during their mania episode are verbally abusive with. I don't know how severe your husband's bipolar is my mine's is level 3. He has tried to kill himself with is car. I have gotten phone calls from stangers thnking him for his wonderful donations of cash. Whenever he has a episode if there is any cash in the bank he decideds to give the money to people or he will spend it on items that we do not need. So yes I do love my husband but I wonder sometimes if calmness numbness whatever you might want to call it would be better that what I have to struggle with through the years.
I'm tired and numb and I have 4 kids that I want to see grow up.
Whiteair, does your husband take his medication? Is he in therapy?
I want to recommend the book I am now reading, it is called Women who Love too Much. Whiteair it is a real eyeopener. It tells you why some women are attracted to emotionally unavailable men and why they stay in these unhealthy relationships.
Jonanne,
YES he takes his medication he is on 3 different meds. He does see 2 doctors his therapist and his regular doctor. But unless he helps himself the meds and doctors can only do so much.
Thanks for the reading selection. I will find the book One quote that someone told me yers ago "We are certain that if we show someone how much we love him, no matter how he treats us, he will change. What a crock because I have found that not to be true I can love my husband with everything in my being and unless he changes I have no hope I just have to find the courage.
Thanks Are you still headed to the lawyer's office?
Hi whitair, my heart goes out to you. It is very sad if your husand is doing all he can but it can not be managed. It is even more heartbreaking for you.
Someimes I think my husband did me a favor by leaving me. At this point he still says and does awful things but I can be more detached now. Bryan says he loves me and I believe him but he also does not want to come home...I believe that too.
Whitair, I did go to the lawyers, the paper work will be complete next week. My husband is being generous so i am lucky. This whole ordeal has made me a FAR stronger person.....Whitair I hope that you will find some relief soon ..... have you thought of joining a support group for families members of those suffering from mental illness?
I have been married for only 4 years, but it seems like an eternity. My husband has months of mania, and then months of severe depression. He will not take medication, and believes he is fine. We have 2 boys under the age of 3, and I am so torn on what to do. He has caused so much finacial rampage, I now owe 30,000 for an uninsured vehicle he took in my name, and hit someone. We have buisnesses go up and down so fast. He is in jail frequently, and is now possibly going to be deported for his chaos, (he only has landed immigrant status, even though he has been here for 20 years). And to top it off, with everything I have stood by him for, even though I know it is wrong, he seems to desperatly try to look for affairs via internet dating sites, and womanizing at the buisness. I am desperatley broken hearted too because I am the only one who realizes he has this illness, but there is nothing I can do. He is currently surfing the dating sites inviting anyone to meet him. Now I thought I was sure that this was the extent of his affairs, nothing actually sexual, but now Im not so sure. I have moved myself and my children into a safe stable home for us, but I just cant seem to stop going back. What can I hold him accountable for, and what do I hold the illness accountable for? I think you are so brave for getting to the point of divorce even though you are still so in love. I am heading that way, and that is not the way I want to go, but it seems to be going that way anyways no matter what I do. Most importantly, if he is deported, my 3 year old will be devestaded completely. He loves his daddy so much, even though he doesnt see him everyday. How are you now?