I hope some of you can help me. My ex-husband was diagnosed as having BP2 almost 2 years ago ( he had had a major breakdown at that time)...he never went on the medication because he said he was not sick.
My ex was a mild mannered guy, never yelled and rarely raised his voice to me. He was however extremely neglectful and had an unnatural obsession with paintball (this has gotten much worse).
The problem is that he is now a screaming bully. I still have to deal with him because of our children but i can not take his rapid mood swings (he tries to be sweet but if i say something he does no agree with he flies into a rage)
He is seeing a new therapist and she has said that he may have been misdiagnosed ...that really he exhibits all the signs of borderline personality disorder.
I don't think he has mentioned to her that he is not on his meds. I do not understand how a person can be so "sweet" for 45 years and then suddenly be has BPD. He never self harmed and he sure did not have abandonment issues.
Can someone please tell me, ...what is the difference between BPD and bipolar disorder. How can you tell the differnce between the 2??
Hi, mom2twins. I share your skepticism, but do keep in mind I haven't met your husband, nor have I talked to his doctor. What stands out is that after 45 years your husband seems to have experienced a complete change in personality, from Jekyll to Hyde.
On the surface, bipolar and borderline are hard to distinguish, including depressions and mood swings. But compared to bipolar, borderline is wildly unpredictable. Emotionally labile is the operative term. For no reason, someone with borderline can explode, meltdown, go postal. Just like that. One minute, all love and light, the next Satan incarnated.
Those with borderline are very sensitive to stress and tend to perceive the world as threatening. As a defense, they will unrealistically fashion their world and the people in it as wonderful, with no faults. Then when the bubble is pricked on their reality, they go nuts. Unfortunately, their brains take way too long to reset to normal, so they can hold personal grudges for seemingly forever. And, until they come back down, they are likely to rationalize their outrageous behavior forever, as well, which makes them appear totally selfish and lacking in empathy.
Thus, it is easy to think of those with borderline as having major personality defects, which is not the case. So here's the distinction, as I see it. From the perspective of outsiders, it certainly appears that someone with borderline has major personality defects. It isn't called a personality disorder for nothing.
By contrast, bipolar is far more predictable. Our behavior conforms to clear cycling patterns. We know where "normal" is, and so do the people around us. Our behavior when manic may be outrageous, but we settle down fairly quickly, and when we do - unless we have major personality problems - we display remorse for our actions. Outsiders may see us as crazy, but generally they don't attribute personality defects to us.
Trust me, if your husband had borderline, you would not have put up with him for 45 years. Being in a loving relationship poses major challenges for bipolars and their loved ones, but a cardinal feature of borderline is their inability to stay in relationships (noting that this can change dramatically once someone with borderline acknowledges their illness and gets treatment).
It's far easier to believe that your husband had some kind of under the radar bipolar, which became more obvious with some life changes and adjustments.
Also, don't discount "grumpy old man syndrome," caused by cumulative testosterone depletion over the years. This may be or may not be resolved by a testosterone patch. The testosterone depletion in turn may have been one of the life changes that kicked off the bipolar. We need a lot more research into this, but it is a possibility worth exploring.
To sum up: I share your skepticism about the borderline diagnosis. There are more credible reasons to account for your husband's change in behavior. And these other reasons need to be definitively ruled out before going with a borderline diagnosis. But again, I have not met your husband, nor do I have access to the same info as his doctor. Your husband is entitled to give his doctor the third degree and to settle for nothing less than a satisfactory answers. Also, a second opinion would be advisable.
Hope this helps ...
Thank you John, I have viewed countlless websites re: bipolar vs borderline. Your answer is by far the most comprehendible. Thank you again for taking the time to answer my question.