Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I started this post somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but ended up writing it seriously. These really are serious concerns for me, and maybe for you also. Please don’t take this as an intent to deceive or mislead anyone. They are merely thoughts I deal with every day.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder it was a huge relief. Some people say they were shocked, or scared, or upset with their diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Not me. I finally found out why I was the way I was. Rather than feel like a failure, I tried to stop blaming myself for what I couldn’t accomplish and tried to feel good about what I had. It’s a difficult frame-of-mind to achieve, it’s hard to accept that even when hypomanic I still can’t do everything I want to do.
When originally coming to terms with, and learning to deal with this disorder, some things became painfully obvious. Things I wish I knew before “coming out”, accepting my diagnosis, beginning treatment, and making known my disorder. A way of getting my affairs in order in preparation for a life diagnosed. Not that it would have made any difference, or that I had any choice, but they are still things I wistfully think back on.
I wish I had taken out a whole-life insurance policy before my diagnosis. Life insurance can be difficult, if not impossible, to get post-diagnosis. Some say it’s because those with bipolar disorder are at a higher risk of suicide, others say we live a higher risk lifestyle. But either way, if you can get some insurance purchased before your initial diagnosis, and before going on medication, you’ll be preserving a level of insurability. In my case I suspected I might have bipolar disorder, but I hadn’t been to the pDoc for him to write it in his chart and take out his prescription pad. Looking back, before that happened I wish I’d had the foresight to call an insurance agent and take out a whole life policy. I’d feel a whole lot better about my family’s future.
Even though they’re not supposed to, and even though they claim they don’t, I have a feeling my disorder is known to the HR department of my employer. I have no evidence of this, and they say HIPAA provides a lot of protection where this is concerned. But when you start working, have you ever been asked to sign a background check authorization? I have on every job. Drug test? Same thing. Have you looked to see if you are authorizing a medical record release? You may be. All it takes is one person chatting with another in the company smoke shack to get the information circulating throughout an organization. I wish I’d been able to afford treatment that wasn’t through my company health insurance.
When diagnosed many want to go out and tell their friends and family. Maybe even their employers, neighbors, and hair stylist. Well here’s a hint: Think twice. Once that news is out of the bag, it’s not going back in. This isn’t to say people shouldn’t be told, but only tell those with a reason to know. It can so often come back to bite you. I’ve been in situations where I’ve mentioned that I have bipolar disorder and conversation stops. I don’t know if people just don’t know what to say, or they’re uncomfortable, or something else. But it does happen. I was taking a class one time sponsored by NAMI called “Family to Family”. A great class, I recommend it highly. My wife and I took it together mainly to get some tips on dealing with our son who has bipolar disorder. In the first few weeks of the course we had some great discussion. Then I made the mistake of admitting that I also had bipolar disorder. It was like I let the air out of everyone’s tires. I think it was that they didn’t want to offend me by telling the class of their challenges with their family members who were suffering. But things immediately changed. I didn’t go back for the final few class sessions, not because I was upset, but because I didn’t want to impact their classroom experience.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder it was a huge relief. Some people say they were shocked, or scared, or upset with their diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Not me. I finally found out why I was the way I was. Rather than feel like a failure, I tried to stop blaming myself for what I couldn’t accomplish and tried to feel good about what I had. It’s a difficult frame-of-mind to achieve, it’s hard to accept that even when hypomanic I still can’t do everything I want to do.
When originally coming to terms with, and learning to deal with this disorder, some things became painfully obvious. Things I wish I knew before “coming out”, accepting my diagnosis, beginning treatment, and making known my disorder. A way of getting my affairs in order in preparation for a life diagnosed. Not that it would have made any difference, or that I had any choice, but they are still things I wistfully think back on.
I wish I had taken out a whole-life insurance policy before my diagnosis. Life insurance can be difficult, if not impossible, to get post-diagnosis. Some say it’s because those with bipolar disorder are at a higher risk of suicide, others say we live a higher risk lifestyle. But either way, if you can get some insurance purchased before your initial diagnosis, and before going on medication, you’ll be preserving a level of insurability. In my case I suspected I might have bipolar disorder, but I hadn’t been to the pDoc for him to write it in his chart and take out his prescription pad. Looking back, before that happened I wish I’d had the foresight to call an insurance agent and take out a whole life policy. I’d feel a whole lot better about my family’s future.
Even though they’re not supposed to, and even though they claim they don’t, I have a feeling my disorder is known to the HR department of my employer. I have no evidence of this, and they say HIPAA provides a lot of protection where this is concerned. But when you start working, have you ever been asked to sign a background check authorization? I have on every job. Drug test? Same thing. Have you looked to see if you are authorizing a medical record release? You may be. All it takes is one person chatting with another in the company smoke shack to get the information circulating throughout an organization. I wish I’d been able to afford treatment that wasn’t through my company health insurance.
When diagnosed many want to go out and tell their friends and family. Maybe even their employers, neighbors, and hair stylist. Well here’s a hint: Think twice. Once that news is out of the bag, it’s not going back in. This isn’t to say people shouldn’t be told, but only tell those with a reason to know. It can so often come back to bite you. I’ve been in situations where I’ve mentioned that I have bipolar disorder and conversation stops. I don’t know if people just don’t know what to say, or they’re uncomfortable, or something else. But it does happen. I was taking a class one time sponsored by NAMI called “Family to Family”. A great class, I recommend it highly. My wife and I took it together mainly to get some tips on dealing with our son who has bipolar disorder. In the first few weeks of the course we had some great discussion. Then I made the mistake of admitting that I also had bipolar disorder. It was like I let the air out of everyone’s tires. I think it was that they didn’t want to offend me by telling the class of their challenges with their family members who were suffering. But things immediately changed. I didn’t go back for the final few class sessions, not because I was upset, but because I didn’t want to impact their classroom experience.
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That is too bad about your experience with the other parents. I find that quite hypercritical, considering they are trying to learn about their child's illness - they should extend the same goodwill towards you. If anything, they could gain valuable insight from you since you can see it from the inside (with your own experience) & the outside (watching your son's experience of it).
The majority of people I have met at support groups say they try not to tell anyone about their illness. This is really too bad. I venture out & tell quite a few people, and there are definitely times I regret it, but being that 1 in 5 people are affected by mental illness, it continues to encourage me how many people are willing to share their own experience or that of their family member (my mom has found the same support this way). Overall, it's worth being open for me, though I admit I should be a bit more selective in the future.
I am lucky to have had disability insurance through my work for years before my diagnosis & treatment. When I first went off work, I was just going to take a personal (unpaid) leave so that I could deal with my problem & not make it anyone else's problem. But my husband urged me to go through doctors and insurance since it really is an illness & should be recognized as such. I'm so glad I listened to him, since my time off stretched much longer than I would've expected, and applying for insurance helped me to get more prompt medical service & proper treatment. At my work (Cdn Fed gov't), employees even have the chance to 'self-identify' their disabilities, including mental disabilities. I will ask around a bit & see how it worked out for others, and then probably do it myself. I do wonder at being 'stuck' at my job & their insurance coverage, now that I have been sick. I wouldn't mind changing to another federal dept, but would obviously have to check that my insurance coverage doesn't change.
Sharon - I didn't take offense, or consider them rude. I did feel uncomfortable about the way I made them feel.
I write and blog because it's a way I can purge without jeopardizing my privacy. Support groups are the same way, although a support group isn't available 24/7. I would like to be able to just make it known, but there's no way I can. There is way too much at stake.
Just today I filled out forms at work, I'm in the process of transitioning from a consultant to a full time employee of the company I've been consulting for. I had a form that asked if I had any physical or mental handicaps that I wanted to make known, and if they would interfere with the performance of my job. I hesitated, thought, then answered no. There's just too much to lose.
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.