De,
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
I do have a wife and family, 27 years married, 5 kids. I am very proud of of that, my family and the length of time we've been married. My wife is a saint. She reads me like a book, and knows when to give me room. On my side, I try to remember that no matter how I feel right now, in an hour, or a day, or a week, I'll feel differently. So I try to keep from doing anything rash until things have a chance to change.
I'll try to put together a post about this in the near future.
you said in this how you had a family, not to make assumptions but i'm going to assume you're married or have a partner of some sort. If this is the case (which if not sorry to bug ya) how do you go about your life with your partner? when you have one of you episodes, is there any thing she/he can do to help? I'm asking cause im with someone with this disorder and trying to find out as much as possible so any advice would be wonderful :)
D
Dear GJ,
I was diagnosed in 1979. Back then they used the phrase "manic-depressive." I struggled back to sanity after an agonizing manic attack, but, not long after, my husband left me with two young boys to raise. It was imperative that I work, and I ended up in a well known law firm. I learned in spades that allowing my illness to become known would be a lethal blow to my "career." Some of our clients were bipolar----the jokes and serious bias toward them was enough. No one ever knew because I was careful to take my drug (lithium.) I was also careful to take judicious "mental health days" to defuse some of my stress.
I would never expose the illness to anyone in business. As far as others are concerned, I find it is best to ascertain a person's character and personal biases before confiding such very personal information.
We can certainly promote education about our "problem" by letting people know what a geat "read" are the books by John McManamy and Kay Redford Jamison. "Depression" is a subject that often comes up in conversation and is a springboard to some real down to earth education.
I'm new to this website, and I am thrilled to see so many contributions!
Mary,
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I have met a lot of amazing people this way, and you're obviously another one. I have the ultimate respect for anyone who can raise a family alone, and to do it with bipolar disorder - well it requires amazing strength. My hat's off to you, and all the others like you in the world.
Good tips, to recommend books with a bipolar theme. In my case I often say "we have a family history of bipolar disorder." Quite often the barriers come down, and I hear about a child, or sibling, or friend who has bipolar disorder. In fact, it's rare to bring up the subject without finding a connection to bipolar disorder.
Thanks again for taking the time to leave a comment.
Hi,
I guess it varies from person to person on how much they want others to know about their illness. Personally, I have a very small group that I am comfortable enough with now to discuss my health with. These include my immediate family and a couple of very close friends. I told other people who I thought were friends and would understand and I lost them because they couldn't "handle" it. I thought by bringing it out in the open I would get the support from all of those people I trusted. I was wrong in automatically assuming that. I have personally seen the cruelty that is out there towards people with bipolar or any illness that makes people "stick out". I work with a group of very closed minded people who take great pleasure in labeling people and making fun of them for whatever reason they can think of. I chalk it up to immaturity, lack of education, and lack of consideration of others feelings. Because of this I have chosen not to let anyone I work with, including human resources know I have bipolar. I am fortunate to have insurance through my husband's company so I did not have to disclose any of my medical history to my employer. People at work do know I have Fibromyalgia because I had to go on a brief unpaid leave of absence for it and believe me I got a lot of bad comments and grief because of it. To this day I still get poked fun at because the pain can be very severe and the workers there say "it's all in my head". Once again, immaturity, lack of education, and lack of consideration of other's feelings. I did not ask for either illness and I am not ashamed of them either. I do not have these illness because of something I did. I do hate the way I get at times, especially if I hurt others because of the mood shifts.The people who love me for who I am stick by me and support me as hard as it may be for them at times and I am very grateful for having them. I, like so many others, are like this because of whatever reasons there are for it. However, chosing to not disclose the bipolar part is what I feel is best for me at this stage of my life. I don't have disability insurance or anything that would help me if I had to stop working so I have to take it one day at at time and hope that I do not get bad enough to have to stop working. I also have to have faith that the people who do not suffer from these will become more educated and learn to treat others with the respect we all deserve. It's sad to think that in today's world there are many of us who fear to disclose our illness because of the way we can be looked upon and treated. Like I said, I am not ashamed or embarrassed by what I have, I just don't need anymore aggrevation from people who don't understand or care to understand. This is a personal choice for me and I respect those individuals who feel otherwise. We all share something in common because of our illnesses but we are all individuals as well. Thanks for allowing me to give my take on this. It feels good to be able to do this. Take care.
--Mary Lou--
Mary Lou,
Thanks for taking the time to read and share your experiences. I am like you, outside of family or support groups there are only a few people who know of my disorder. This is best for me, at this point in my life.
Like so many others who have contributed to this thread, you have a story to tell. Why not register, and start creating your own shareposts? Same with everyone who has left comments - share your stories with us!
Thanks again for taking the time to read and leave a comment.
Hi,
Thanks for the reply. I did do an initial sharepost (shows up in my profile) and really overdid it on the details...nothing I would do on the "outside" world but this is a "safe" place for me to state what I am feeling and give feedback to others while receiving it also. I never had this feeling of freedom to express myself before. Living with this illness takes a toll on us all and it really helps to hear how others are dealing. Thanks again.
--Mary Lou--
Hi G.J.,
When I left my job of 19 years in a small town, it was inevitable that I would cross paths from people I knew and worked with. I was an RN in a maternity ward and had helped deliver so many babies, so over the years I saw many familliar faces. And they recognized mine as well. I always get asked "Do you still work up at the hospital?". I just can't lie about it. I take a deep breath, look them in the eye, and say "no", "I got sick and had to guit for awhile". Then---if they are still wanting to know more, or just being polite, they'll pat me on the back and say "you take care,now", or "oh no, what happened?" This is usually people I know a little better.
So I often creep around corners if I'm not feeling well. I've had to change pharmacies because the one was in a crowded grocery near the check out line. Talk about bonkers! I wanted to rip open the bags before I got to the parking lot.
Family is a toss-up. My children know more about bipolar and understand more about how to live with it than the adults do! I am so proud of them. One daughter even wrote a reprt on it for Health class. She interviewed me. My father still can't remember the name of the disease.
As of 2005, AFLAC short term disability insurance did not cover depression or any other psychiatric illness. I certainly waisted a lot of money on that "broken leg" policy.
My friends from work have stopped calling. I call them and leave unreturned messages.
I am waiting on a hearing with a Social Security Administrative Law Judge. It has been 25 months since I first filed.
Angie - I've lost several jobs over the years, and I usually tried to jump right into something else so I could say I chose to do something different. I've also developed answers that allow me to cover scenarios I don't want to answer directly, such as "we have a family history of bipolar disorder".
I'm not in a real large city myself, and I know exactly what you mean. I was at the store last night, I get my prescriptions filled at a large retailer. I dropped off two prescriptions, and was planning on shopping while they were being refilled. They paged me over the intercom to the pharmacy. I got there, and they told me in a loud voice from behind the counter that my Seroquel couldn't be refilled. I looked around to see who else heard that, and of course other customers at the counter heard it. Very frustrating.
On your disability, if you're in the US, absolutely get an attorney. You don't pay them anything directly, and this is one time they're worth their weight in gold.
Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment!
Sophie - I understand very well. That's too bad your friend betrayed your confidence. But so often our friends and family don't know how to handle the information. Try to educate them in a non-intimidating way. You may be surprised that they really do care, and just didn't know how to approach the topic.
Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.
Its funny, sometimes the meds work so well that my husband and daughter, who both understand it the most, they forget I have it. Hell, even sometimes I forget I have it. I am close to my 3 step-sons and they know I have it but they don't really understand it--and they have never seen me manic or depressed. I mention it to people I talk to if it appropriate to the conversation, but I'm casual about it and usually it never comes up.
My husband notices changes in my mood and behavior when that occurs (fairly often), and especially when I'm changing meds. (Zyprexa has been my life-saver but I'm trying to get off of it so I can lose some weight--right now trying Lamictal).
I wish more than anything in the world that I could go back to the time before I had bipolar. I did not get diagnosed until I was 40, and although I think I was depressed before, I was so busy I just brushed it aside, never saw a doc. Now I can't function in any way whatsoever without my meds.
I know I know, I'm supposed to feel lucky that there are meds to treat it. I still hate having this stupid illness. While I have normal days, I'm usually anxious or depressed or paranoid or compulsive about something. Ack, I'm just whining. But it feels good. Whoever reads this sorry for being a downer. Kathleen
Kathleen, I don't think that you're being a downer. I always check out your responses for a nugget of relevance. And I was 39 when diagnosed; it shocked so many people. Now I can manage with meds, a tightly controlled environment, and my new mantra from here: "mindfulness". Sometimes we can be so good at appearing to be under control to everyone, but still feeling quite anxious, depressed, or paranoid inside. And we just can't blurt these things out the way a diabetic can an insulin reaction or cardiac patient who needs a nitroglycerine tablet.
It is a Catch 22. We need to de-stigmatize and we need dignity and respect and privacy. I'm not optimistic that any affective-mood disorder involving behavior and emotions is going to understood and respected on a widespread basis until it stops being called "Mental Health" . We need a name like Behavoural Health or something. Maybe I should post my own gripe on this.
For G.J.--I got your response. I do have an attorney representing me. The state of Ohio is approximately 2+ years backlogged.
Angie
Kathleen - that was a great comment, and you're not a downer at all. You do a great job of expressing what many of us feel.
Lamictal has been a great med for me, I think it's a wonder drug.
I was diagnosed after 40, but I think I've had it forever. For me, it's not something I just caught, I'm sure I was born with it.
Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.
Angie - I love these lines you wrote:
"Sometimes we can be so good at appearing to be under control to everyone, but still feeling quite anxious, depressed, or paranoid inside. And we just can't blurt these things out the way a diabetic can an insulin reaction or cardiac patient who needs a nitroglycerine tablet."
Angie - What do you do to achieve "mindfulness"? I'm a pretty cynical person about meditation and other forms of spiritual connection to reach a calm state. But I would like to shut up my anxiety-riddenmind. Exercise helps, so do nightly klonopin meds, but what do YOU do? I keep thinking its just my personality but if there is an activity or train of thought that you use I would love to hear it. You sound like you have a pretty good grip on things right now.
I also agree totally about the "mental illness" stigma. When I can go so low that I can't get out of bed, and a pill makes it better, that means I have a real illness, a treatable one, but still a valid illness, no less than diabetes. I hope people (especially insurance companies), will change over time as more people are becoming educated.
I'm glad the lamictal is working for you, I am at 50 mg now and have been able to cut my zyprexa down to 5 mg. And I feel pretty good, I think its working.
I've rambled enough. You take care. Kathleen
Kathleen,
To me, the term "mindfulness" wasn't familiar until I read John McManamy's book, and then started discussing it here. However, I was doing it already and I'm guessing you are as well. I, too, am a cynical person and have no use for the "New Age-Enlightenment-Spiritual Destiny" camp. I think Mindfulness is a variation on "minding one's manners", only in our case it's "minding one's emotions".
You know how it goes: Lose a night's sleep, miss an important appointment, come down with a bad cold, have to travel, have a death in the family, a fight with a loved one, ALL the things that everybody goes through. But *we* have to give extra-special attention to our own personal schedules of sleeping, meds, eating, exercise, and for me this is really important, quiet time.
So we are minding these things all the time, usually unaware until that little extra irritability creeps in. Or wanting to stay up past bedtime to do something. Or spending money impulsively. We have to know what those little first warnings are so we can adjust before the crisis occurs. That's mindfulness.
I don't meditate, pray, chant, light candles, or do yoga. I do enjoy deep breathing and stretching several times a day.
I hope this helps clear things up a bit. It's my version of mindfulness and I'm sure everyone has their own, but the key is to just be in the habit knowing yourself and I think you do given the fact you've managed yourself while working. Give yourself a good pat on the back for having done such a great job. ---Angie
Angie - I really really enjoyed your explanation. Such good insite. And it is so true - I have to plan in quiet time, exercise time, mini-meals so I don't get headaches, taking meds, all those things you listed, no matter what else is going on in my life. I have to be extra careful about what I blurt out (although I usually don't accomplish this one), and shopping has been an issue for a while now. In other words, everything we do has to do be done with our "handicap" in mind, so we don't upset the balance.
I visited my daughter in Ft. Lauderdale a couple of months ago. We went down to Ocean Drive in Miami, which, if you have ever been, faces the ocean and is just lined down the street forever with cafe after cafe. Its such a cool place. I rarely drink, if I do, I have half a glass of wine. But we were so excited to be in the midst of it all that I had 2 pina coladas. I did not get drunk at all, but of course it did not mix with my meds and I was so sick, not a hangover, just sick and shaky the whole next day. A fine example of not being mindful.
You would make a good friend. Kathleen
I know exactly how uou feel about the initial diagnosis. For years I wondered what was wrong with me. Did I not get the Life instruction book everyone else got? Was my brain wired wrong? Finally "it" had a name.
I agree completely about "coming out", I have told NO ONE! I have seen too many people treated as if they're a nut, or worse shunned by old friends & family. A friend of mine who had suffered years of abuse by her Father was told by her Mother that "see it really was your fault".
I have begun to use meditation, turn the TV off - especially things that make emotional, I also to end some relationships that caused emotional turmoil. All of these things seem to have a positive impact. Thank you for your article.
Thanks, Joann.
Your statement:
"A friend of mine who had suffered years of abuse by her Father was told by her Mother that 'see it really was your fault'"
makes me so angry I can't see straight. And they think we're crazy.
Great advice about turning the TV off and meditating. I need to slow down my sensory stimulation, it sometimes feeds my moods.
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
Hey Emma,
It is a relief to know what's happening to us or our loved ones, isn't it? Some day we'll all be able to disclose our diagnosis without fear.
I take Lamictal, and while I'm losing weight, I'm trying hard to lose weight. It's supposed to be weight-neutral, but everyone's different. It's nice to take a med that doesn't cause weight gain like so many of them.
Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment!
I enjoyed your topic and the advice. I 'm always at a quandary about who to tell and who not to inform. Now, I'm not. I just wish that people realized that being Bipolar isn't that rare and we're not all dangerous people, like so many of the TV programs depict us. Thank you again. Genny Lee
Geny Lee - I hate to give the impression that we shouldn't tell anyone. I just feel that in my individual case, it would hurt me much more than it would help me. But some can "come out" and do a lot of good for the world, like John McManamy who writes on this site and commented above.
Like you said, we're not dangerous, or people to be afraid of. I've even been known to have fun from time to time ;-)
Hello
My brother-in-law was just diagnosed with bipolar. I would like to know what us as a family can do to help him realize that he has this problem. He thinks he is fine and he sees god and the devil. He is in a ward right now because he is very likely to harm someone or himself. The stories he tells everyone is that he owns a busness and that he is rich. I want to know what I can tell him to help him and not anger him. Were you the same. A lot of the signs he had for bipolar. Even before the doctor said it, I searched on the internet and had a feeling that he had bipolar. 
DJNA - I am so sorry I let the comments on this post slip through the cracks.
There are several things that may be at play with your brother-in-law, one may be bipolar disorder. It may also be another mood or mental disorder, or possibly even something physical. No matter what, though, it sounds like he's in the right place given the frame-of-mind. I wish him, and the rest of your family, nothing but the best in dealing with this.
I had a unique experience where I think the people at work now know I have bipolar & that I may not be doing very well with it. I had an overdose awhile ago. My husband, luckily, found me & took me to the ER. I don't remember much that happened there, but when I was released I looked a mess & was holding onto my husband's arm for support.
Guess who was coming into the ER just as we were leaving? A lady from my work who also works as a nurse in the ER. She looked me over & said "hi." I could barely respond. I tried to act like I was just out for a stroll with my husband & we ended up in the ER.
When I next saw her at work, she asked if I was doing better. I think she probably looked at my file to see why I was there. I don't know if she has told anyone else. I think that would be a violation of HIPPA, but you know how people talk at work.
I tried to get long-term care (in case I end up in a nursing home) insurance & was turned down by 6 companies. One finally told me that my taking Abilify was a "red flag" & automatically disqualified me.
You mentioned NAMI Family-to-Family class. I could see how revealing you were bipolar would put a damper on the discussion. I think the relatives need somewhere to vent all their anger & frustration. You have to admit we put them through a lot.
But NAMI also has a great class called Peer-to-Peer for the consumer that I took. It helps you understand your illness better, how to get a better quality of life, how to be your own advocate as far as treatment, & how to avoid or recover from relapses. There is no charge & it runs for 9 weeks.
SG - I apologize for allowing some of the comments on this thread to fall through the cracks. I like to respond to all comments, and I missed this thread.
You would hope that an ER nurse would have the ethics to keep your visit confidential. But I understand your concern, and to ask her about it would be a difficult conversation to start.
I have heard great things about the Peer-to-Peer course, that is something I'd like to do sometime.
Thanks for your comment!
As I have to other commenters, I apologize for allowing this comment to fall through the cracks.
I don't disagree with your statement that I would have gotten a lot out of the course. I did attend most of it, and read all the class materials. I still think that my presence was an inhibitor to other's experience, be that right or wrong.
Thanks for weighing in with your comment.
Daisy - your frustation comes through loud and clear. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a way around it other than disclosure. If a person has been officially diagnosed and doesn't tell the truth on the medical questions on the app, it will probably be discovered when it comes time to pay a claim. I can't imagine anything worse than paying for insurance, but my family not being able to collect when I'm gone.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
Thank you for writing that. It means a lot to know what people go through and especially what can happen by being too open with people. I'm one of those people, who if I feel the 'right' connection with someone, I think it's okay to talk about what happened to my daughter (who was admitted Dec. 1/07) now at home on meds for what the doctors believe could be bipolar but not sure at this stage. So, thank you for sharing that.
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How much do you know about bipolar disorder? 
That is too bad about your experience with the other parents. I find that quite hypercritical, considering they are trying to learn about their child's illness - they should extend the same goodwill towards you. If anything, they could gain valuable insight from you since you can see it from the inside (with your own experience) & the outside (watching your son's experience of it).
The majority of people I have met at support groups say they try not to tell anyone about their illness. This is really too bad. I venture out & tell quite a few people, and there are definitely times I regret it, but being that 1 in 5 people are affected by mental illness, it continues to encourage me how many people are willing to share their own experience or that of their family member (my mom has found the same support this way). Overall, it's worth being open for me, though I admit I should be a bit more selective in the future.
I am lucky to have had disability insurance through my work for years before my diagnosis & treatment. When I first went off work, I was just going to take a personal (unpaid) leave so that I could deal with my problem & not make it anyone else's problem. But my husband urged me to go through doctors and insurance since it really is an illness & should be recognized as such. I'm so glad I listened to him, since my time off stretched much longer than I would've expected, and applying for insurance helped me to get more prompt medical service & proper treatment. At my work (Cdn Fed gov't), employees even have the chance to 'self-identify' their disabilities, including mental disabilities. I will ask around a bit & see how it worked out for others, and then probably do it myself. I do wonder at being 'stuck' at my job & their insurance coverage, now that I have been sick. I wouldn't mind changing to another federal dept, but would obviously have to check that my insurance coverage doesn't change.
Sharon - I didn't take offense, or consider them rude. I did feel uncomfortable about the way I made them feel.
I write and blog because it's a way I can purge without jeopardizing my privacy. Support groups are the same way, although a support group isn't available 24/7. I would like to be able to just make it known, but there's no way I can. There is way too much at stake.
Just today I filled out forms at work, I'm in the process of transitioning from a consultant to a full time employee of the company I've been consulting for. I had a form that asked if I had any physical or mental handicaps that I wanted to make known, and if they would interfere with the performance of my job. I hesitated, thought, then answered no. There's just too much to lose.
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.