I am nothing without my wife and family. My wife is the person that can take my bipolar hypomanic phases and help me to stay grounded. She can take my depressions and help me to see light. She does the same for our bipolar son. She is the best wife, mother, and the wisest person I’ve ever known. We have been married for 26 years, and for her that’s 26 years of ups, downs and all the other typical (and not-so-typical) stuff that goes along with bipolar disorder. I asked her once if she was sorry she married someone like me. She gets this amazed look on her face and says, “This has been a ride I wouldn’t trade for anything.” Because my wife is such an important part of who I am, I draw on her regularly for guidance, inspiration and wisdom. This is one of those times.
I sat her down the other night, and we talked about parenting tips. Not that we’re experts, but we have 5 kids and that at least qualifies us as “experienced”. I have to be truthful, she is the real expert on this. While these are not specific to bipolar children, the entire family dynamic is critical when raising a bipolar child. The family has to work together, your children are equal, and they need to know this. Not just give it lip service, but really know this. They have to love and respect each other over all else. In this way, the effects of bipolar disorder on the family are minimized – or as much as is possible.
1. Treat each child individually. Whether it's a report card, accomplishments or goals, look at them individually. Praise publicly, scold privately. Don't compare achievements, but celebrate them. Embrace uniqueness, but don't label one child as your bipolar child, one as your scholar, one as your athlete...
2. Expose them to, and encourage, diverse interests. Your bipolar child will tend to obsess on certain activities, so try to make them healthy ones. Open the door to sports, music, reading, scouting, etc. Some activities stick, and some fall away. Don’t force activities on them. Their activities will be an effort financially and time-wise to you, but try to make it work.
3. Encourage spirituality. Spirituality is a common outlet for bipolar disorder. Our family prays daily, for each other and for others needing prayers.
4. Encourage giving. For several years we have had “Goodwill Christmas” where the kids have a 5 dollar limit and buy each other second hand gifts. This forces a lot of thought into a gift, and these have been some of our most memorable exchanges.
5. Jobs give purpose and self esteem. The responsibility of a job can be overwhelming for a child with bipolar disorder, so an outside job might not work. But they should have jobs around your house, and they can help in the care of each other. When making a job list for a bipolar child, keep in mind that getting from point A to point B can be overwhelming. So on your list, make small individual tasks that lead from A to B.
6. In our house, we never tolerated our kids being unkind to anyone or each other. We told them we could excuse many behaviors, but never being cruel to someone else.
I sat her down the other night, and we talked about parenting tips. Not that we’re experts, but we have 5 kids and that at least qualifies us as “experienced”. I have to be truthful, she is the real expert on this. While these are not specific to bipolar children, the entire family dynamic is critical when raising a bipolar child. The family has to work together, your children are equal, and they need to know this. Not just give it lip service, but really know this. They have to love and respect each other over all else. In this way, the effects of bipolar disorder on the family are minimized – or as much as is possible.
1. Treat each child individually. Whether it's a report card, accomplishments or goals, look at them individually. Praise publicly, scold privately. Don't compare achievements, but celebrate them. Embrace uniqueness, but don't label one child as your bipolar child, one as your scholar, one as your athlete...
2. Expose them to, and encourage, diverse interests. Your bipolar child will tend to obsess on certain activities, so try to make them healthy ones. Open the door to sports, music, reading, scouting, etc. Some activities stick, and some fall away. Don’t force activities on them. Their activities will be an effort financially and time-wise to you, but try to make it work.
3. Encourage spirituality. Spirituality is a common outlet for bipolar disorder. Our family prays daily, for each other and for others needing prayers.
4. Encourage giving. For several years we have had “Goodwill Christmas” where the kids have a 5 dollar limit and buy each other second hand gifts. This forces a lot of thought into a gift, and these have been some of our most memorable exchanges.
5. Jobs give purpose and self esteem. The responsibility of a job can be overwhelming for a child with bipolar disorder, so an outside job might not work. But they should have jobs around your house, and they can help in the care of each other. When making a job list for a bipolar child, keep in mind that getting from point A to point B can be overwhelming. So on your list, make small individual tasks that lead from A to B.
6. In our house, we never tolerated our kids being unkind to anyone or each other. We told them we could excuse many behaviors, but never being cruel to someone else.
