Over the course of the last few months, it seems like all I've done is whined with each entry. Granted, it was a difficult time, but I knew things would eventually break, and that the promise of a hypomanic tomorrow was on the horizon. Well, tomorrow is here, as is the hypomania.
I’m an outdoors fanatic – it can’t be too remote or rough for me. For anyone who has taken a wilderness camping trip or spent any time outdoors in extreme conditions, it can be a lot of fun, but it can also be punishing. A lot of work, at the mercy of the elements, and so forth. During one memorable trip we decided early on that no matter how bad the food, how cold it got, how hard it rained, or how tired we were, we would not complain. Each complaint would cost you a dollar. One night as we were preparing dinner in a cold rain, cooking old-school dehydrated food (which was just a step above dog food), someone made a derogatory comment about the conditions. We all stopped, looked at him, and before we could demand he put a dollar in the hat and said... "But it's just the way I like it!" We all burst out laughing, and after that we could complain as much as we wanted, as long as we added "but it's just the way I like it!" Even though it might be the experience of a lifetime we can always find something to complain about, can't we?
I found myself complaining about my hypomania the other day, and after my struggles of the last two months the thought of complaining about hypomania started me laughing. I thought to myself "but it's just the way I like it!" While there's a lot to like about hypomania, there's also a lot to fear. Many stereotypical bipolar disorder behaviors come out of hypomania such as hypersexuality, out of control spending, and more. In fact, when I tell my pdoc about a hypomania, he gets concerned. He rarely seems concerned about a depression, but mention hypomania and watch his brow furrow and pencil fly across his notebook. I suppose it's right to be concerned, but it's just the way I like it...
As much as this seems like common sense, and as ridiculous as it seems to many of us, there really are some precautions I take when hypomania rolls around.
First, and foremost, avoid substance abuse. Laugh all you want, but as obvious as that statement is on it's face, it's so easy to forget. We feel so good, we're ready to party, and we end up trying to enhance our mood. Years ago I got caught up in the cocaine boom of the late seventies / early eighties, and that was exactly my frame of mind. When you felt great, when you wanted to party, the cocaine made you party even harder. It's no wonder it's so dangerous, on it's face the effects aren't that strong, but what it does to you is so sneaky it can ruin your health and your life before you know what's going on. They say the crystal meth you get today is even worse. I've seen the effects of that first-hand on some acquaintances, and you couldn't get me to touch either of them with a ten foot pole these days.
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Coping With, And Enjoying, Hypomania
11/11/07 2:01pm
GJ
I for one certainly didn't see your posts as "whining" as you put it, I mean it was EXPRESSION and a sort of therapy if you ask me...sometimes we just need to get it out you know and share it with others that possibly could understand otherwise i think we'd inflate and burst sometimes!!!! tehee...
I AM SO GLAD you are feeling better, have missed you on here lately.....
I am so with you on the mania stages and how much we all want that instead of the dragging, deep downness of depression and all the things that go with that for sure!!
BUT I find myself searching sometimes for solutions to sleep problems...
I am on medications for sleep and on medications that should make me sleepy and boy they do but uhm only stay asleep for about 3 hours MAX!!! and that don't matter depressed or not.....
i don't get it, but i DO know how very very vitally important sleep is, i've tried relaxation exercises before hand, i've tried coping skills, i've tried reading, i've tried stopping nearly all stimulation couple of hour before hand, i've tried keeping a schedule on bedtime..on and on and on.....NOTHING has seemed to help me...i can FALL asleep sometimes (a LOT of the times i can't even do that!!my MIND won't let me, although my meds DO control and help with everything else and have tried over 5 kinds of sleep meds...) any suggestions....since we both know how important it is...however, in hypomania how do you SLEEP????
perhaps i'm weird in the sense that my mind is never ever ever still...now i know our minds don't "move" tehee but uh sometimes mine has its OWN agenda......
But i'm with you on the I LIKE IT THAT WAY tehee...that was classic!!!
I too love the outdoors so much....almost too much for if i don't get out there regardless the weather at least for a bit it is like cabin fever....just the crispness of the air, the clouds or the sun, the trees bare of their leaves, the crunch the leaves make as i walk....oh my just soooooo a coping skill for me too..uplifting even when in depression just to stand there and look at all the wonder, all the perfection, all the symbiotic relationships we often overlook!!..glad to see others enjoy that too!!!
Glad you're back, glad your family is doing well, and HAPPY VETERANS DAY !!!
sincerely
ctrygirl
11/12/07 12:50pm
As well as something to get you to sleep - try Quetiapine (Seroquel) to keep you asleep. I am doing exactly that in a very very active and creative state .. I no longer call it hypomania .. everything is relative .. and I guess relative to most people it is a dramatically elevated mood. But eat well and drink plenty (of water) and with sleep you can maintain the state ! As GJ says, avoid stimulants .. you do not need them .. you are high enough without them.
11/13/07 11:48pm
CtryGrl,
Thanks for your comments, they're always welcome. I struggle with sleep from time to time, and I do have Ambien to help when that happens. But like someone told me, insomnia is insomnia, you can throw all kinds of things at it, and it goes away when it goes away. Mine doesn't usually last too long, but I do get concerned as it can trigger other bad mood swings. But notice I'm not too concerned about it right now. A testament to my current frame of mind. But it's just the way I like it...
Thanks for the comment, and keep those emails coming!
11/14/07 12:15pm
I have heard from a couple people that Seroquel was the only drug that helped them to sleep through the night... might be worth a try if you haven't tried it already. One thing I forgot to mention in my sharepost today is that I find it helps to turn down the lights when I feel hypomanic, to help calm me down.
11/11/07 5:33pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. I wanted to say that I think it is very positive that you recognize what phase you are in personally and have learned to cope on your own. I commend you for that. I lived with a BP mother for a lot of years and she never "embraced" her phases at all.
11/13/07 11:55pm
Liz,
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
It took me a few years to begin to get a handle on my moods. I mood chart, and taking a few minutes a day to actually record those moods does wonders for our ability to recognize them. We begin to learn about, and pay attention to, the triggers and signs that alert us to changes. I think it can help anyone with a mood disorder.
Thanks again for reading, and taking the time to comment.
11/13/07 9:15pm
G. J., I know that I be vigilant when I'm hypomanic, and I do follow your "rules," especially the one about sleep. I also love it that I accomplish so much more and become so creative: my IQ literally improves, plus I develop a wicked sense of humour during hypomania.
After months of depression, hypomania is such a joy... . I like myself. Others enjoy my company. I don't second-guess and over-analyze every move. I'm energetic.
The key is to become aware of what's happening in the bipolar cycle, and, then, to try and use the 'talents' in each swing.
During depression, at my best, I am introspective and slow but try to plug along from simple task to simple task. I also do my darnest to try to be more active when I become more motivated.
I think mastering this illness is a life-long experience. True, I need to be careful and take all my meds; I must watch my diet and and make myself exercise--just like anyone else who wants to stay healthy... But the awareness of how bipolar can ruin your life must also be counter-balanced with the knowledge of the sensitivity and luminosity it can also convey.
11/13/07 11:58pm
Magic - very well said. I will add one thing, we don't always see ourselves for what we are when we're hypomanic. I had a guy at a support group meeting bring me down to earth with a sarcastic comment when he said he could always tell when the bipolars were hypomanic.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
11/14/07 1:26pm
Dear C.J.,
If someone told me sarcastically,"I can always tell when you bipolars are hypomanic," I'd reply: "Why? You jealous?!"
**E
PS Great supportive guy for a "support group"!
11/14/07 1:55pm
Magic - I try to keep in mind that the people in support group meetings might need help as much as I do, and I try not to be judgemental. I've been "bruised" a few times at meetings, but it's the nature of the beast. For me, it's still a more positive than negative experience.
But I'm right with you, it's sometimes hard to bite my tongue.
11/15/07 11:19am
Thanks C.J.,
I admire your patience... Perhaps I'm just at the point in my life where my tongue's bled a bit too much from biting it.
I've also been in support groups, but sometimes people don't realize that they've been hurtful(even when it's their illness speaking). However, I've always believed that it's better to politely say, "That was below-the-belt and it hurt me. And this why I'm hurting... ."
If the "victim" doesn't speak up, how can the "perpetrator" know that s/he's is bruising me? Maybe that's not necessary the first time someone zings me, but I figure someone who also needs help should be told how they're affecting others (and that's a way to help him too.) Next time they might try to be more aware of others' feelings and attempt to be more "diplomatic."
Even if my honest reaction doesn't lead anywhere, it allows me to express and validate my own emotions. And manic-depression is about, if nothing else, one's feelings and learning to express and thus control them.
C.J., I can't imagine you ever being hostile about someone hearing voices, for example. However, if a paranoid group-member pointed to me and blamed me as the person responsible for his psychosis, I certainly would have the right to say quietly, "Your accusations are making me feel very uncomfortable. I am not your enemy." It's true, s/he is "sicker" than me and needs more help just then, but, as a sensitive bipolar--someone who has trouble emotionally shielding myself, I have the right (and the duty) to take care of myself... .
During severe depression I tend to tiptoe around and believe that--because I'm a worthless slug--others' negative treatment of me is okay. Acceptance of my illness has always been my bugaboo. However, I'm beginning to realize that-- just as I accept my personality, intelligence and body-- I also need to accept my manic-depression. For me to like myself, I need to reach out, shake hands with, and hug that part of me, too. And to truly integrate my bipolar illness as part of me, I must love and take care of that too. Protecting myself psychologically is also part of that personal pact.
Thank you so much , C.J. for expressing yourself and for being so willing to "listen." We bipolars can be among the most generous and most insightful.
Be content.
**E
11/16/07 8:43am
Magic,
An excellent comment, so many true and insightful things in that comment. You're 100% correct. I don't often let people know how I feel in a face-to-face setting. In so doing, it would help educate not only the other person, but the entire group. And I agree with you completely that we have to embrace the way we are, and take care of ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves, who will?
Thanks again for your educational comment.
11/17/07 9:54am
I can't sleep more than 3 hours. Doc says I'm in a mixed phase right now & wanted to put me on Seroquel to get me to sleep, but I refused because I was afraid it would cause me to gain weight & I've already gained weight on other meds.
I slept 1 hour last night. I do enjoy the hypomania but about a year and a half ago I was hypomanic (& loving it--didn't report it to my doc) for about 5 mos. With not sleeping for that long, my brain "misfired" when I got triggered by some criticism & I went down fast & overdosed.
I guess that is my fear--that I will go down really fast again & not have control over my suicidal impulses.
11/17/07 9:31pm
SG - your post is an excellent example of why hypomania can be so dangerous. I've gone months on end getting 4 hours of sleep a night, at best, and many nights much less. After a while my brain started doing strange things, I started hallucinating, my personality changed, and so forth.
While I don't take Seroquel regularly, I always have it within reach. It can cause weight gain (what doesn't?), but when I need it, I need it. For me, a mania or bad episode can set in quickly, and I need to deal with it when it does. Seroquel works wonders for me in this scenario.
Take care of yourself, and I hope this passes quickly and safely for you.
11/18/07 5:00am
There are so many medications now at our psychiatrist’s disposal to help with sleep that by voicing your concern about weight gains (a reasonable concern) that he or she can prescribe something else.
Most people in a mixed state usually don’t describe it an s a good time as in hypomanic state. If you don’t get into too see you doctor soon…it’s going to blossom into paranoid delusions, outbreaks of rage, hearing voices…and on and on.
Sleep patters are a good indicator with us of where were at usually. Too much is usually a sign of running low, and of course too little swings the other way. Get in now and ask for something.
I hate talking about any medication in that they affect each and everyone of us different. One can work for me whereas have a totally opposite effect on you.
I would talk with your doctor about trazadone as a possibility and let him make the call from seeing you on a regular bases…he or she want you to get enough sleep.
11/18/07 6:29am
Thanks for your suggestions & concerns. I am already taking trazodone & klonopin to help me sleep, but they just knock me out for 1-3 hours & then I wake up with the feelings of adrenaline coursing through my veins.
I think the reason this mixed episode feels good is that I am mostly hypomanic, but can have a breakthrough depression where I have crying spells, the suicidal thoughts, etc. come over me quickly.
Doc was seeing me every week, but my ins. coverage ran out so I'm going to have to limit my visits until 2008. I do see her in a couple weeks, though.
A couple weeks ago I did call suicide prevention when a depression suddenly overtook me & I felt like I did when I ODed. I think that was a good step. I don't want to OD again. (My mother had bipolar & committed suicide so I don't want to do that to my kids). I'm trying to remind myself of that & that the depression will pass when I'm going down.
11/18/07 12:18pm
Dear S.G.,
I can really feel for you: mixed states are dreadful! The breakthrough crying is the pits.
I do want to comment though on your thinking a bit. You say you're afraid of taking the med., Seroquel, to help you sleep and, thus, return to stability, but then state you're afraid you might gain weight... .
And part of what's happening is you're petrified that you might commit suicide.
S.G., if you die, no-one will care what you weigh. (And yes, your children will be traumatized.) You won't be able to resurrect yourself either.
I don't mean to be black or white, but, honestly, if you do decide to take a drug your doctor thinks might help, you may gain 5-lbs. (in a month), but, then, as you get better, you can taper off the Seroquel and gradually drop the weight.
Which is more important--your life and your future, or some weight gain?
Please take care of yourself. Much love, **E
12/10/07 2:45pm
Hello my name is Sue. I enjoyed reading your blog. I see your well informed and obviously have been aware of your disease for some time now. You said something that shocked me. I am BiPlor w/Manic Depression. Im 42 and was diagnosed in 97. I have learned throughout the years that meds are manditory as well as therapy.
There was a time when I felt out of control and I got through that and realized that I had to fight for control of the disease. I did this by finding out as much as I could about how BiPolor works. For me I wanted to understand the disease to help me to deal with this in my life. It kept me aware of the importance of medications and now I have a very good relationship with my phychatrist and I ask alot of questions.
Anyway, my thoughts of the fact that you like the hypomania. I do understand what your saying, it is a state that yes you laugh alot, euforia is very active and thats when I was always the scariest time for me. I was shown a pattern right away with BiPolor Manic Depression..Once you go up you have to come down. The higher and the longer you are up, the harder the low can come down. I bring this up only because It was the hardest time I think I have ever been through. I concern myself more about the hypomania because yes we may say were aware of it and yes we learn to put things into play to direct us differently. These are all positive things but for me Im aware that sometimes even in the hypomania state I do things out of the blue, thoughts sometimes run togeather where you forget little things.
I will look for you in future blogs please stay online so I can veiw your insight and progress
Thank You Again
Sue
12/11/07 12:15pm
Sue,
A great comment.
You make the point that therapy along with meds is important, and I agree. I really think that one without the other is only a partial treatment. And I'll take it another step. I hope that at some point in the future I'll be so cognizant of the disorder and how it impacts me that I can either cut back on my meds, or eliminate them altogether. I'm to the point now that I know a mood is coming before it hits. I've mood-charted for a while, and I've worked very hard to be self-aware of my disorder and what it's doing to me. Next is finding the coping techniques necessary to make it through a bad spot. Maybe it's a pipedream and not possible, but we all need those dreams to work towards. That's one thing that keeps me reaching for the answers.
Thanks for reading, and taking the time to comment. I hope to hear from you again.
12/11/07 8:02pm
GJ...Thanks so much for responding so quickly. Im so glad for finding this website, there is so that I have to learn and recognize in wellness from this disease. I took the tour on the site you sent my e-mail. I never even knew this was a possibility. Obviously Im getting hypomania and mania mixed up in my vocabulary. I will look into this new Method that you have brought to my attention. Still a little scarey though but all Ive got is time and I rather be doing something productive. Is there any other websites I could go to further explain this new method. God I wish I could sit down and have coffee with you..lololo
I give you kudos to you for holding on to your dreams and not letting go.
Sue
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Hi GJ,
Thanks for the reference to my sleep advice. I too, have just experienced a hypomania that was both welcome and bittersweet. The third week of November found me in a long-awaited Social Security hearing, (2years, 4 mos). Fortunately there was enough information from my doctor and my personal testimony that I was fully approved at the conclusion of the hearing. And although I had to keep telling myself this ordeal was over, it has taken me all these past weeks to gracefully accept it. Until I see official paperwork, I continue to microscopically keep record of moods and meds and daily activity.
Now the day after my hearing, and parallel to the let-down adjustment, my 8th grade daughter got a 10-day suspension from school:
"For threatening that she could 'take a knife, stab a girl in the heart, and kill her'."
My A student child, recently suffering verbal abuse from another student, on is on the brink of expulsion. We've been in counseling since last spring due to issues with her father, and depression. Just prior to school starting, she was kicked out of her father's for fighting and calling 911 because he was drinking.
I have always wanted her with me, and now I am fixing the broken parts. Her counselor and I are being very vigilent for any signs of an affective-mood disorder. So far it seems easily corrected with cognitive therapy and some firm, loving limits. I put us in the little boat together. She hated the close contact for awhile. She didn't want to sink or swim.
Yesterday we were driving to Wal-Mart and playing Redneck Car Bingo. It got to be so funny; I was actually making her laugh so hard she was crying and sliding out of her seat. And I just kept it up, all day, I was loud, and fast with words, and creative with problems, and able to drive with comfort. I wasn't at all tired and I wanted to drink and smoke in a bar (impulse). My daughter was having trouble staying awake after 9pm doing her homework and I volunteered to do it for her. She just looked at me weird and said "Why aren't you tired yet,Mom?
"It's just too nice and warm out, I guess. I like this unseasonably warm weather; it won't last long.
I identify with the struggles you are having with your daughter. We had a rough time with one of my boys. He's a great kid, but was a real handful growing up.
Congratulations on your social security! You got through in less than 3 years, which I hear is the average. We're helping my son down that path right now, and it's a brutal process. When I get to be King, that's going to change...
OK, you HAVE to tell me about Redneck Car Bingo. You have my curiosity up.
Thanks for your comment, and may your productive and pleasant hypomania last indefinitely.