Bipolar Disorder and Hallucinations

By G.J. Gregory Saturday, January 19, 2008

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I’m not surprised that mixed episodes have twice the instances of hallucinations. You’re bouncing around so much it has to lend itself to extreme symptoms.

I recognize that the presence of these hallucinations is most likely signaling an extreme mood change. I’m hoping to avoid a mania or mixed episode. Knowing what might be coming helps me to take steps to avoid it, and also to make plans to work through it.

Does anyone else experience hallucinations as a precursor to a mood change? Auditory, visual, or other? I’d be interested in your experiences. Leave a comment and tell us about it.

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Tambrey

1/22/08 12:56pm

hhmmm...MY son used to have hallucinations, before he was stable, but they always preceeded a manic episode...

I think the worst one he had was when he went to the basement and the big black blob kept him from going further, stood right in front of him at the bottom of the basement stairs...scared him to death, but then he came back upstairs, got the cats and let them go down first, because he figured if they went down, then nothing was really there and it was safe...I thought that was a pretty smart move to outsmart his hallucination...however, at the time, though, he did think it was real...and some sort of evil shadow...

However, since he has been stabalized and on 200mg Lamictal in the evening, he has not had any (thatI know of)...

G.J. Gregory

1/22/08 11:15pm

Tambrey - that was very smart of him. I'm glad he's not experiencing it any more. But it describes what I was experiencing - not being psychotic, or high, or crazy, just seeing things.

So far I've escaped a true mania, but I'm in a mixed episode that's not much fun.

Thanks as always for your comment.

tls

1/24/08 10:48am

G.J. - I'm sorry you are in a mixed episode. I know how unfun they are since that's when I usually get out of control and end up in the hospital. I am typically stable on the same meds I've been on since 2004 but about once a year I go bonkers. Since it usually occurs late fall I'm looking into how light therapy and Circardian rhythms plays a part in it. I also recognized this year that for about a month I started watching TV until early morning hours when it started getting dark around 6 or 7. It's like the darkness in early evenings doesn't give the proper time to say goodnight.

Anyways - I hope you get to feeling yourself soon.

BiPoPastor

1/23/08 3:45pm

Thank God I am not alone. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have been experiencing this for about a year (diagnosed in '94) and my meds haven't changed significantly. Sometimes these visions catch me4 off-guard, and they about scare me to death.

I think some of the things I have been seeing are referred to as "peripheral spirits", or spirits that appear out of the side of your field of vision . You sense they are there, you turn and, voila, nothing.

I am the pastor of a church built in the 1860's, and I guess these things I see don't bother me. It has happened so often that I rather expect it from time to time. (If you are interested, I'll let you know about the footsteps, door opening and closing and the floors creaking. Maybe it's the meds or the MI, but whatever it is, I like it. So I say enjoy! Enjoy your glimpse into the "other side".

G.J. Gregory

1/23/08 3:59pm

Winston - to be honest, I've considered the ghost or spirit angle, and there may be some of that at play. But it can't explain all of it. I have a few stories about my house, but NOTHING would top an old church. I think it would be interesting to experience that.

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

BiPoPastor

1/24/08 9:13am

Let me give an example of something that happens all toofrequently:

I have a beautiful, bookcase-lined office, with a stained glass window that overlooks one of the entrances. I hear people come and go all day long, so I know what the door sounds like when it opens and closes. On more than one occasion, I have heard the door open and close, voices, walking up the steps, opening the interior door, and walk across the floor outside my office.

I have actually stepped outside of my office to greet people, to find that there is nobody there. I have then gone throughout the entire church; all of the doors are locked, and nobody is there.

Again, I don't know if my senses are heightened due to the meds, or the MI, if the MI makes me more aware, or if these experiences would happen regardless. The reason doesn't matter, but I must say that I enjoy the experience.

NOTE:(Maybe those of us who are thought to "be crazy" and "hear voices" really do hear these voices. Maybe they are just closer to the "other world" than any one else. Who knows.

Nice chatting with you, and I will watch for your future writtings.

Peace and Blessings,

Winston

G.J. Gregory

1/24/08 10:28am

Great story. I can completely understand that people would want to visit a place that brought them so much comfort at another place and time. And my wife completely believes that some people can see, and some people can't. I'm changing, and maybe that has something to do with it.

Thanks for an interesting discussion.

tls

1/24/08 10:57am

I agree with both of you that when dealing with a mental illness a person may be more intune with other senses besides the basic 5. I am a firm believer that children are more intune with spirits among us but most lose the ability over time to total disbelief in adulthood.

I have experienced to many strange phenomina to have disbelief about spirits among us. One particular time is a comfort to me - I was cleaning out my garden (pulling weeds and picking veggies) when I knew for sure that my father was leaning on the garage watching me. We had started the garden together in the spring and he died unexpectantly in late July. I had neglected the garden for about a month and then sometime in late August or early September I was out there again and there was my dad. It was almost like he was either waiting for me or was scolding me for neglecting it. I just told him yeah, yeah, I'll do a better job now and then he was gone.

I've have enjoyed these posts and sharing of ideas. I apologize for misspellings - I'm a creative writing major in college and yet I can't spell worth beans. I wish there was a spell check on the message board:)

BiPoPastor

1/24/08 2:17pm

I believe there are more places on this earth than in our "dimension". Sometimes things get out of bounds, or come into our field of view for a time, and we can see them. Maybe we do the same thing; move into other spaces (dimensions) occasionally, unaware, and are see by others.

Watch the movie "The Others". It is along the same thing that I am talking about.

Oh oh, I just peeked around the corner, and I saw Mr. Mania comin' to get me. Sure hope he's got somethnig good this time.

ciao,

sherri bercier

1/26/08 12:09pm

in other countries, these things are considered gifts--to be conected to another world where you see things and hear things--they were called visions, visions of things happening or going to happen(prophecies) and like the indians on paotie, they could tell of their visions and be praised for it.

thanks,

sherri bercier

3/25/10 10:56pm

I totally understand what every one is talking about I recently got diagnosed as bipolar, but have struggled with it all my life. I constantly see things out of the corner of my eye and when I look its gone. It personally scares the shit out of me. But I can also feel when something is around. I've been told by more then one person that their is a connection between people who are bipolar and being able to see the other side. I don't know how to take that and I'm currently struggling to stay sane. I feel like I'm losing my mind completly

Allegra01

4/19/11 11:28am

To help with your frustration of feeling crazy, i feel the same exact way. I brought it up to my psychologist and she mentioned that the optic nerves don't run straight to the back of your brain (the ocipital lobes) where vision is comprehended. Ill try to restate what she said. its a little hard to follow but they actually run all about making pit stops in wierd areas and transfering over to others. So when your bipolar and your neurotransmitters are sending shock waves all over you brain when your manic things run into each other. Your eyes deal with it all in your perifial vision so your centered vision can stay normal. She said its often fleating and involves movement. So when you turn and look with your centered vision...nothing is there. I hope this helps. It made me feel a whole lot less crazy to know there is a biological chemical reason for me seeing things run around corners and just missing it everytime. Its creepy and scary and makes me feel like i should be admitted somewhere lol.

Good Luck!

nurz

10/16/11 4:53am

I find a great deal of peace and sollace in spending time before my Lord.This is my strength when I am at my Bipolar weakness. I keep trying, plugging on and praying even when I am ready to throw in the towel. It is a day to existance for me and soame days are far worse than other. I do however get my abundence of hugs when I need then most. Thank God!

tls

1/24/08 10:43am

During my most recent mental health hospitalization (November) I told the intake nurse that I kept seeing someone or something moving in my peripheral vision on my right side. I've also (in the past) thought I saw something moving across or on the side of the road while I was driving. Even more interesting is in mid November (after I was home from the hospital but still pretty shaky) I called my regular md and told him I had black areas across my vision in my right eye. It started during a very severe headache and progressively got worse over three days. After a few too many visits to opthomologists in different speacialties they all agree there are two spots of mylenated optical nerves that are obstructing my vision and I have two small blind spots in my right eye peripheial vision but not one knew why. I go see an opthoneurologist in two weeks to see if he has any say on it.

What I'm getting at during this ramble is the peripherial vision extra movement started within days of cycling into a severe mixed state that required hospitalization but then within weeks I had permenent (semi-perment maybe since no one knows) vision loss in the same eye.

I would image the two are unrelated but your essay certainly raised some questions for me. I will bring them up with my RN mental health counselor but he usually doesn't have much to say about anything.

G.J. Gregory

1/26/08 12:36am

TLS - unrelated or not, that's a scary thought. I hope your vision loss is not permanent.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

cynthia

1/25/08 9:13am

Yes, G.J.Gregory, I experience hallucinations. My Dr. says they are trauma based, meaning they are actually caused from my PTSD. I have been having auditory and visual hallucinations for about 15 years, even befor any dx was made. I only have them during a mixed or manic episode. It is interesting about the effect that they found meds to play into this. I have Bipolar 1 with psycosis. I can't take Lamictal and still have them. They are a warning sign to me that I need to seek help, usually in the sleep area. I am interested to see how many people have them. Thanks for the information. :-)Cynthia

G.J. Gregory

1/26/08 12:47am

Cynthia - I'm impressed that you are able to recognize your warning signs. It's so easy to say, and so difficult to do.

You've had these longer than I, have they gotten better or worse over the years?

Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.

cynthia arceneaux

1/26/08 8:26am

G.J.Gregory, the hallucinations that I experience have gotton better with time. Some of that is due to recognizing why they come, strees, lack of sleep. I currently went two weeks with about 10 hours of sleep and yes, I had hallucinations. They didn't get hold of me though, if you know what I mean. I talk to them to make them go away. No, I don't go around talking in public to them, but when I am at home, when they are most troublesome, I just explain to them that they are not going to get the best of me and to please leave me alone. This works sometimes. It took many years of thearpy to get to this point. Yes, it is difficult. I hope you can learn, as in "A Beautiful Mind", that they can be there without controlling you. Good luck. :-)Cynthia

luis

12/ 6/09 12:19am

i pray before i go to bed.

sherri bercier

1/25/08 2:45pm

i experience them as part of my mania and depression, not as a precursor to change of moods. I hear things, mainly voices and see things sometimes, and sometimes this makes me paranoid. i wounder what people think when i know it is not negative. i don't know why i worry but i do. so this anxiety leads to more hallucinations and delusions--delusions of believing people don't like me.--so with me it is mainly voices all the time and they get bad at night--my therapist says my emotions cause the flair up and when i regulate my emotions, they get better. so there's some peice of info.

thanks for listening

sherri bercier

G.J. Gregory

1/26/08 12:58am

Sherri,

Instability feeds on itself, doesn't it?

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Penny

1/25/08 11:38pm

For the life of me, when I was asked about what I was talking about when I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye, I could not put a name with it. I am convinced that I see things that no one else does but "us" obviously. When I was a little girl I saw a creature being of some sort push my mother out of the window. I was not dreaming. She is o.k. but I know what I saw. She said that she slipped from trying to put curtain rods up...whatever. I do think that us "mentally illed folk" are more sensitive to spirits, which unfortunately, seems more evil or demonic than anything. Our mind's eye is totally different than others'. If that makes any sense. We are just subceptible to spirits or something like them. It is totally crazy...I know...but it cannot just be due to the meds...it can't be. When I have these sensations...I already know that I need to pay close attention to my behavior or at least try to pay attention...easier said than done. When you think that you can recognize when you are about to go manic or do something bad, it always changes...at least for me anyway. So, sometimes I'm caught off-guard. Anyway, I'm glad to know that what I do see is not me going into psychosis per se but just possibly hallucinating and/or actually having an experience from time-to-time.

G.J. Gregory

1/26/08 1:07am

Penny,

That had to be a traumatic thing to live with through the years.

You mentioned thinking you can recognize an upcoming mania - personally I'm pretty good at knowing they're coming, but when I start losing the ability to recognize it, it's usually right on top of me. The psychosis that's part of mania prevents me from seeing the mania.

I agree completely, we see the world entirely differently than others. Doesn't it make you think our minds are tuned to a slightly different wavelength that makes it possible?

Thanks for your comment.

sherri bercier

1/26/08 12:26pm

its hard to notice when you are right on top of it and it is hard to deal with when it sweeps you away. but with the meds and therapy i can now see it comming and i know how to deal with it. when the anxiety surmounts i know it is comming and there it is. so, i experience anxiety first. i hate these manic episodes of hallucinations and dellusions and paranoia; they happen every night between 5-9P.M. and it is awful. i don't feel right or like myself and it keeps trying to get a hold of me and i don't let it, which makes it feel like the hallucination is in a delusion by itsself and by what these voices are saying makes me paranoid. even though i know what they are saying is bogus, i still am taken by it. they seem to want me to change, but i won't do that; its impossable to become someone new. my soul is my soul and that doesn't change, so to be myself is how i deal with these voices and doing what they say doesn't help or make me feel any better. I like what i like and that is not going to change; i think the way i think and that not going to change. so these voices can go pound tar because i don't need to listen to them, i know how and what i am doing and i don't need help. so these hallucinations and delusions can take a back seat because i don't need them

thanks for listening

sherri bercier

3/25/10 11:08pm

I totally know what you mean. I feel very much like I am able to see the dead, but the more I try to except it the more I feel like I'm going "CRAZY" But I just can't shake it I'm so scared of the ability that I don't know what to do. My husband thinks I'm gifted, but personally I don't want anything to do with it. Does any one have suggestions on staying sane. I don't know how to cope with it. I talk to them and ask them to leave that I'm uncomfortable with it and some times it works other times it doesn't

lynn

1/27/08 5:21am

see lots esp at moment. cut my hair to get rid of things at corners of my eyes.see shadowy figures too, they make me jump.way too hi at pres. but unusually self aware. have handed over car keys, avoiding public places should hand over wallet....... bad, evil, extremley agressive thoughts for some weeks, spilling to mouth, worried what comes next. have taken on strangers in public in past. emergancy home treat is to add short term use of zyprexa to lithium. after 3 daysof zyprexa, not working. will contact pdoc on tues. public hol in australia. give me up give me down but no "normal" thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stormfuries

1/27/08 8:24am

Greetings G.J.,

My first and only question is do these "hallucinations" either scare you or tell you aka speak to you about harm of some sort? If not, are they in truth hallucinations?

I have all these lovely little letters that preceed and end at my full given name thanks to Higher Education; and for throughout my entire life I have seen, spoken (held indepth conversations) with what my psychiatrist so off-handedly calls hallucinations.

I take no meds. that would cause this to occur, have never been disgnosed with sychiozophrenia; I am BiPolar I & II, DID, PTSD, D.D., etc... I know names of several who never leave me (I believe them to be Angels). I have never had 1 tell me to harm myself or others, in point of fact they've intervened at times. I see them periphelly, straight forward, feel them, and I'm not ever in a constant state of mania.

I am also always aware of spirits that should not be earth-bound, those I allow only if they come to me to ask for help, I do have power over them.

Now my "shrink" used to humor me on this subject, until he asked specific questions I'd have no way of knowing...and he was answered by me from their answers. Funny he still refers to them as hallucinations but there's always a quick look around the room. :)

We suffer so much, why wouldn't a Higher Power whatever you name God give us gifts to offset the pain?

Blessings Be with you!

3/25/10 11:13pm

I have a question for you, I've had this type of experiance and I to scared to let them in. I have been trying to locate someone to help me embrace my gift. If you are able to help I would greatly appriciated it. Thanks

24hbipolar2

1/28/08 8:08am

Hi, G.J., Just got around to this post. I am on Lamictal and see things all the time in my peripheral vision..usually I think it's a bug or fly, sometimes a person. I often hear the TV when it's not on..but rarely hear voices inside my head, except when i get an annoying song in my head and can't get it out...this happens frequently. As usual, you can ask the question that we all fear to answer and help us get relief by knowing we are not alone. I thank you again for that.

luis

12/ 6/09 12:32am

The voices may not all be bad. some of them might be coming from god.everybody has a purpose on earth.

Michelle

3/15/08 2:12am

Until reading your post I had assumed that hallucinations were extreme in nature and simply disregarded them from my experience with the illness. I had assumed seeing things would translate into seeing full out images, almost like dreaming while awake. The fact that many individuals here report seeing peripheral movement as a hallucination is interesting and is something that I can relate to with my mild manic symptoms.

The more I read about other's personal accounts with the illness, the more I realize that I'm undereducated about the first-hand experience of bipolar symptoms. I've read the DSM diagnostic criteria and have created my own preconceived notions about what each symptom would look like - I need to seriously revisit them.

Thank you for the post!

5/12/08 11:20pm

I am not bipolar - I don't think, but my father and son are. My father has never been diagnosed, but it is clear to me now that he is. My son is 17, diagnosis bipolar NOS, and he is not ready or willing to educate himself in depth about his illness yet. So... I am trying to wrap my mind around what is happening now.

My child (young adult) sees creatures - think the nasty creatures from the 1981 movie The Thing. He sees them 24/7, and has drawn some, so they are not in his peripheral field. He sees them, hears them (noises), and feels them. One bit him today, and his leg hurt though there were no marks. He knows these things are not real, and he talks openly about them and has tried a variety of ways to get rid of them without adding new meds yet. We'll discuss that tomorrow with pdoc.

So, he's been fairly functional after a brief hospitalization, but he is afraid to go out after dark. He sleeps a lot more than ususal. His social life is nearly non-existent, and he is exhausted from daily dealing with and trying to ignore these hallucinations while at school - and everywhere else. Any suggestions for coping? for getting rid of them? for learning how to deal with the dark? Any ideas would be appreciated.

Thanks.

sadscaredMom

BPDI-pf

1/ 4/10 7:02pm

I've been seeing things reminiscent of watching air move. They are like looking at something move through silver and black-lined smoke. I can see the eddies and swirls of the movement and the 'backwash' is a trail of beautiful green-blue sparks. At first it really scared me but with time, I have come to love it. I see it every night when I turn out the lights and move my fingers through the air. It's been going on for 1.5 years regardless of my mood state. I've been hearing my cell phone and tv narrations for a few months off and on. With time comes familiarity. I now see these things as a gift from nature, much as a very few people can see a little bit of the ultraviolet spectrum. It's no biggie.

Dest

4/23/10 9:25am

I get the same wispy air movement and things appear to move off walls and towards me. Posters shift so that character seem real.

Can stuff like this get us out of working? :O

lorien

6/17/08 7:45pm

I read your article, and I thought I'd share my experiences with you. My hallucinations started about five years ago when I was in an extreme manic state. The medications for psychosis, like Geodon, Abilify, Lamictal, got rid of the hallucinations by simply making me unable to function or think. Since that time, I have begun having hallucinatory experiences while in-between depression and mania, though not as frequent or defined. The research I have done on the subject has leaned more toward finding an answer regarding the link between Bipolar disorder and Schitzophrenia. There seems to be some evidence that the two diseases are closely related, so I believe those of us who have Bipolar disorder and who also experience hallucinations as the disorder progresses may have a different type of Bipolar disorder which has not been defined or noted due to the linear thinking of psychiatrists.

natasha

3/29/09 8:07pm

i have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia, and disassociative identity disorder. i have been getting these "hallucinations for a year now. firstly, they started when i was first but on an antidepressent , for what my doctor thought was depression. it turned me manic, so he realized i was bipolar and switched me to lamictal 100mg. i now take lamictal 100mg daily, invega( like seroquel) and klonopin. i get these hallucinations after i became manic for the first time. usually at night ill feel "funny", like im drugged or something ,,,and ill sleep, it comes before a manic phase i believe. i will wake up seeing swirling movement when i close my eyes or a bright light that pulses in my head only with eyes closed though . it makes me panic and i cant sleep . im terrified of these i mentioned them to my dr he just says its from the bipolar. i have no clue what causes this. sometimes ill see two spirals of movement when i close my eyes with a bright light in the middle. it very odd but after i am
"awake" for a while it seems to go away and when i close my eyes all i see is blackness. other times i get these racing images in my mind when i close my eyes at any time of tthe day my mind is filled with visuals of people, places, just a lot of weird things , like flash cards being shown to me , they gave me anti schizophrenia meds for this but still say its from the bipolar , i have no idea what it is but wish someone could tell me .

Anonymous

4/ 4/09 1:00pm

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder when I was 21 years of age, I am now 25 and see shadows. It freaks me out and the fact that I might be schizo freaks me out. I am soothed to know that I am not alone.

Cooper

5/28/09 2:48am

I have been searching the net for answers, sadly this didn't give me any either. I'm going crazy! I can't sit alone anymore. I am so restless because I try to stop myself from looking through my peripheral vision. I'm scared that I am psychotic because I don't want to go on anti-psychotics again. I am on Lithium and ah! what the hell. I am really freaking out.

sockmate

6/ 4/09 2:24pm

i have been on lamictal off and on (my choice) . but before lamictal i had extremely vivid hullucinations- and even experienced times in which i could shake hands with people and see things about them. One time i met a boy and girl. With the boy i saw a hot air balloon, and with the girl i saw her standing covered in paint, holding a paint brush. I asked the boy if he had ever been in a hot air balloon and he replied it was number one on his list to do before he died. i asked the girl if she was a painter and she said it was her passion but had to give it up because her family felt it wasn't a respectable career choice. it was incredible.

Another time a woman was standing next to me on a bus. I looked at her purse and sort of went through it. as if i had x-ray vision. her i.d said her name was Maria. when her and her friend left the bus her friend turned to her and said come on Maria.

i also had terrible visions. that made me scared. one was of creatures trying to steal people's thoughts but in all honesty i miss the visions... i miss seeing and truly feeling life.

Anonymous

7/ 3/09 8:32pm

I recently had hallucinations for the first time, and I have BPD. It lasted for about 2 or 3 days. I'm not really sure because I was so out there that it was like I was on another planet. It scared me to death, and even though I know it wasn't actually real... I do know that it was a very real problem. I was seeing people and hearing noises everywhere. Like foot-steps, voices on 2 occations, the door knob shaking, the toilet flushing...etc. The list goes on and on. I am taking Lamictal now, but I'm not sure if that was the reason for this episode. This might have happened anyways.

herself the elf

7/ 6/09 7:19am

It's refreshing for me to read stories about people who experience hallucinations who have bipolar disorder. I do, at the same time, regret that you have to suffer in general. I just often feel like an absurd person trying to describe my own experiences to my friends and family.

I go through phases where I will have hallucinations regularly or a stint of a year or so without. I have seen my kitchen floor melt, heard harsh indecipherable male whispers, a female voice whispering my name as if to summon me to some secret place; I see shadows in my peripheral vision that are entirely out of sync with the lights and movements in my surroundings (but have a presence all their own), or I will hear the front door of my house slamming shut repeatedly at 2 in the morning over the course of an hour, etc.

My most recent episode was the first I had in a while. At least I think I can call it an episode. A friend of mine committed suicide in May and I kept seeing him in the corner of my vision whenever I was at work. He had a mocking smile on his face and I felt like he was judging me for mourning him as if I didn't have a right to mourn him. I was convinced that my coworkers were judging me also, even the ones who didn't know what had happened. It took a lot of willpower for me not to run out of the building and hightail it home. I slipped into a depression over this, but sprung out of it almost randomly about a week later, allowing myself to have the feelings I was having about his death and find resolve through being present with the living. Although, I will admit that I'm paranoid about him reading what I am writing now and judging me for it.

I am on lamictal and have been for over a year now. It seems to help tremendously. Friends and family alike have noticed a difference since I started taking it. And it's a two for one deal in my case, as I have been having seizures since 2002. The seizures have not ceased, but they have been greatly reduced in number.

Anyway, I thank you all for sharing your stories and I thank you for 'listening' to mine. I certainly hope this post finds you well.

whats ging on?

7/ 9/09 2:42am

so i think i may be bipolar. i have all the symptoms but mabey 2 or 3 and the whole hallucinations thing ive had it but not to strongly

it happens at night and i will look at a poster and it will change into something completly diffrent its only happend twice the first time i was looking at spongebob and it turned into a sea horse bucking and laughing! it would change to some scary pix of creepy faces and then mabey a month later i was trying to go to bed and was looking at a poster of a skeliton with mt.s in the back ground and the skeliton was crying i watched his rib cage move up and down is jaw grind and his hand flicker while he nodded his had as if something he did was wrond and in the back ground of the mt.s i saw a girl walking inplace picking things up and puttiong them back down and laughing at the skelition......is this a part of being bipolar or is it to miled??

pls i need to know whats going on

Barb

8/30/09 9:19am

OMG OMG I take Lamictal and I think I have recently had hallucinations. How can you tell what is real or not, when it seems so real to you.....I feel things on my body that are no there...see bugs...hear scratching sounds...but they are so real to me that I was convinced I was sane and everyone else is crazy. I'm calling my doc on monday

Heather

9/24/09 1:43am

I hear hallucinations rather than see them. At times. It is so weird. It seems SO real and RIGHT THERE! I just recently had one Monday night and I am now in a mania. How weird about what you said about that.

dylt4490

10/13/09 4:20pm

Hi, im a 22/female. I was diagnosed bipolar a little less than a year ago. I have had a few manic episodes since I was 18. I have been rapid cycling for the last couple of months, since I went off my lithium. I have also been having hallucinations since the age of 18- most were auditory at first, but then they became visual. In the beginning, it was just shadows and lights- now i see vivid demonic like beings. I feel a sense of evil all around me. I am headed back to the hospital in 2 days, as long as a bed opens up. Im glad to know I am not the only one. In the last 3 days, these beings, whether they are hallucinations or not, have gotten the ability to touch me. They are terrifying, and I want them gone. I don't know if I am seeing into another realm, but that is what it feels like. I don't know what to do. Im sure they will throw me on a bunch of meds, that won't work... as always. Well- wish me luck

Miss Raina

10/29/09 2:41pm

I was diagnosed Bipolar I, 4 years ago (age 16) but have been symptomatic since middle school. I never thought I hallucinated--But I know now that I was. Actually, I though I was special because I sensed things and saw things other people didn't see. Kind of schizo, I know, but my mother raised me in a new age religion that taught me all sorts of things about demons, spirits and entities and whatnot. And I believed it for a long time so I never had any reason to believe that I hallucinated. (if that makes any sense.) I was on meds for the first couple years and then stopped when I got married because things seemed to improve and I hadn't been manic for a long time. Then recently I hit a huge bout of bipolar depression and was hospitalized. The hallucinations changed then from sensations and glimses to random voices and clear illusions of people who couldn't possibly have been in that hospital. . I didn't tell anyone though, because I didn't think that was "normal" for bipolar. The put me back on meds, and after I got out I had a full blown psychotic episode that lasted for one day, where I sat at work all day talking to my computer (out loud) because I thought it was talking back and having conversations with people that weren't there. It was really rather frightening once I came down and I realized what had happened. Now it is back to the scattered glimpses and hearing whispers and such. For me I think it happens most often when I am depressed and get super tired or when I am manic and have insomnia. So yeah, that's my experience. I am glad I am not the only one out there.

Naughty

1/ 8/10 12:09am

I was diagnosed with bipolar in the late 1970's. I generally do not have hallucinations but have often had delusions. However, I experienced my first hallucination when I was in my 20's. I was developing mononucleosis and was under extreme emotional stress caused by manic behavior. They were visual hallucinations of people that occured twice. In 2008 my husband passed away. Where most people become extremely depressed for some reason I become manic. I also became anorexic, and could not sleep either. I was put under a great deal of stress by my employer who expected me to return to work after 3 days and function as if nothing had happened. (This was a state hospital I was working for by the way!) Before the end of the first week I started having visual hallucinations. It started with a man stretched out across my bed, propped up on one arm, smiling and watching what I was doing. That first time it lasted only seconds. As time wore on the number of people increased from one to three, and the period of time lasted for several minutes. I would try to look away, but when I focused again on what ever I was doing they would be there. Even though I was put on an antipsychotic the mania did not let go for a number of months and turned into a mixed episode when the "cocktail," of meds I take was changed. It has been a year and a half. The antipsychotic has helped me to sleep and the hallucinations have left. However, I am still somewhat manic and sleep does not come easily. I am concerned about the return of my "friends." This time they were benign. Will they be so next time? I could distinguish that they were not really there, but as time went on my mind seemed to create pseudo memories. I could see an ocurance happen and know it didn't but recall it just as percisely as a fresh memory. My stress level has change, I left my job and have move across country to try to geet some needed recovery time. But the recovery is slow in the coming. I can remember the hallucinations more accurately than some of my fondest memories. I really don't want them to return and if they do I hope they won't be menacing.

Pamela

1/29/10 8:22am

Has anyone ever had a hallucination that was like a bad LSD trip? I had my first one and I'm still thinking about it aweek later. I was so scared.

Melessa

4/ 6/11 9:01am

I have the whole world looked like a big scary cartoon that was about fourteen years ago

Kelly

1/30/10 12:39pm

i had my first real hallucination last sunday.

i was riding in a car, and i saw something move in my peripherary vision. i looked on the side of the interstate, and there was a gray horse running along side it, plain as day. but then it vanished. i never knew this could be part of my bipolar disorder...so this article has been very educational for me.

i never considered that the huge black shadows i sometimes see move in the corner of my eye could also be caused by it. i've this occur for a long time on occasion. it would scare me to death...

i am currently on 200 mg of lamictal

Openfire19

5/21/10 10:57am

I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder when I was 13 years old, the hallucinations started when I was about 12 or so. Also all peripheral vision. Mostly shadow figures. Scared the living daylights out of me back then. They went away for a while, had mostly auditory hallucinations (people calling my name) for years.

When I was pregnant with my second child, just a few months ago, the visuals started again. I had been off medication for a very long time. Peripherals again, mostly cats, people, blurs.. I would hear people talking like I was listening in on a third party line phone conversation but could never hear what they were really saying.

After having my daughter, I was diagnosed Bipolar I Disorder with psychosis. I have other diagnoses, don't know if they'll help.. OCD, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD.

I had my daughter 3 months ago and the hallucinations have not stopped regardless of the meds they've put me of so I don't think it's med related. They put me on Lamictal and I developed Stevens Johnson Syndrome, so I was taken off it - I'm on Topamax and trust ol' Lithium right now with Xanax for my anxiety.

Last night and this morning my hallucinations are out of control and I'm wondering if I have impending mania, or if I'm in the middle of a major depressive episode as self-harm has been in the picture the past few days... I can't tell if my hallucinations are caused by the swing of the moods or the moods themselves.

Anyway, that's how I came across this article, nice to read other people going through the same thing. I was starting to think after this long I was going truly crazy. My husband has never been depressed in his life and doesn't understand anything i'm going through at all which makes it a little harder....

Luck to you all, I hope we all find our answers soon.

9/24/10 11:17am

I am Bipolar I with a series of addons (it always brings new surprises) like OCD, agoraphobia, social and general phobias and others. Last year, when driving home from work, I began to note shadows just out of line of sight. At first, I thought they were animals or something. It was late at night, so I would swerve to not hit them. It didn't take long for me to realize they weren't real. This summer, I started seeing insects. Fruitflies out of the corner of my eye or baby roaches, and again, I thought they were real so I was spraying down the house with Raid. When I realized there were no insect bodies, I realized they weren't there either. Things seem to be getting worse though. My husband works third shift, and while he is gone, the shadows look like people who are in my house. It can be frigtening. At this point, I always know it's not real. Even last night when it seemed to be raining on my tv, I know its a hallucination. That doesn't make it less scary though, does it? It's like a visual reminder that you are losing your mind

groovinmama

2/10/11 5:33pm

I am bipolar too, and have been since early childhood. My first halucination was a boy that I thought lived in our house. As an adult, I see insects, shadow demons, and people. I also get auditory halucinations. Depending on where I am mentally, I can sometimes do better at distinquishing what is real. I'm pretty lucid right now.

Donna-1

2/10/11 7:16pm

How did they distinguish between whether you had bipolar disorder rather than schizophrenia, since those hallucinations are hallmark signs of sz? Do you know? Did your bipolar symptoms simply outweigh the sz symptoms? I'm just curious.

2/12/11 2:09pm

I'm really not sure. My official diagnosis is bp1. I am on meds for sz though, along with my bp meds.

guest2011

3/19/11 3:37pm

I am a 38 year old female who has been diagnosed with depressive bipolar and approximately 4 weeks ago have begun experiencing hallucinations in my right field of vision. While my other medican issues are not relevant, this next one is: recently I've been seeing a pain management doctor who prescribed a medicine called TIZANIDINE. While I do take lamictal. I also take Fluvox. and if Tiz... and flovox are mixed, they can cause hallucinations.

have you guys done your own due diligence on your own meds? when i stopped taking the fluvox, my hallucinations stopped

take care

4/ 6/11 9:53am

I am bipolar I and II have MPD or whatever you call it and have been diagnosed three times. I have always ignored the diagnose of it and am now taking it seriously. I have never taken the meds and have seen things for fourteen years have held down jobs only to lose them through my anger and have always been ashamed to say anything about the hallucinations because I didn't realize people with bipolar could hallucinate I am now realizing some do some don't. Some from Meds some not on meds. It's a mental disease that affects everyone different just like you can have the same experiences in life but people handle them in different ways

4/ 6/11 9:17am

I have seen things for a long time too. I have seen full blown where everything I knew couldn't be real that hindered me speechless. Now fifteen years later I see out of my peripheal I pray a lot they don't scare me as much anymore. Fifteen years ago I thought the world was going to end. I know it sounds crazy I knew it myself so I never repeated that I saw things. It's now just flashes of light and dark shadows some days more annoying than others. I have lived with this for a long time and even my family doesn't know that I see things. I used to turn to drugs for a way out of my episodes as I call them but am now trying to turn my life around for the two very handsome boys in my life. I just told the Dr the other day (in a fit of ashamed tears) so I will see where it goes from here. I don't know if the hallucinations will stop but God helps with that..I just need help with the anger and depression. This was real helpful I didn't know so many people suffered with the same symptoms as me. I am trying not to be ashamed and get the help I need so have been researching it so far this is the only page I have found to be helpful. Melessa

RICK

9/ 5/11 8:19pm

My current psychiatrist has put me on lamictal recently and at first it knocked me out for about 15 hours....i stopped taking it for a couple days then started again, this time I felt nothing unusual that is until the 3rd day on, I was so sick and shaken I missed a very important appointment, thinking since the worst had probably already happened I continued the meds. today is 3-4 days since the sickness and although I'm no longer sick, now I'm hallucinating. That's all I need. I'm already extremely depressed because of the missed appointment. I'm stopping the lamictal until I get a reply after labor-day. The other meds I'm on are paxil-prozac, remeron, clonidine and kolonopin.

Bipolar Disorder and Hallucinations

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