Support Groups

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Fri, July 21, 2006

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We’ve all written about bipolar support groups from time to time here on BipolarConnect. John McManamy has some great blogs and insight from his experiences in support groups, and has written a great column on this. It’s my personal opinion that everyone suffering from bipolar disorder should be attending a support group of one sort or another. If you’re doing well, you will function as a model to others who are not doing so well. If you’re slipping, you’ll get support from others. One way or the other it can be incredibly helpful.

There are many places you can begin researching support groups that may meet in your area, at least in the US. For those outside the US, perhaps you can contribute to the Community Connection portion of our message board and tell us of resources in your area. But for those in the US, I would start with the Support Group section of the DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) web site. Another good resource is the State and Local page of the NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill website. Often local NAMI chapters offer support groups.

So you’ve located a meeting in your vicinity. What next? The most difficult thing for me was walking into a room of strangers with the intent of declaring myself “not normal”. This was incredibly hard. With a little luck you’ll have a chapter where you’re made to feel welcome. My DBSA chapter, for all their strong points, does nothing to make people feel welcome. So a new person can walk in, and nobody greets them or tells them they’re in the right place. But remember the people there have mood disorders just like us, and it’s as difficult for them to approach you as it is for you to approach them. So come in, take a seat, and sit the meeting through. By the end of the meeting, you’ll feel MUCH more comfortable, I guarantee.

There may be a short business meeting, perhaps a speaker, presentation, or video. Then the important part, the support groups. If it’s like most chapters, you’ll have a group for caregivers or loved ones, and one for “consumers”, or those suffering from a mood disorder. Follow the crowd into the support group room, and get comfortable. They will go around the room and everyone can introduce themselves. First names are all that is required, and no personal information need be revealed. This brings us to the cardinal rule of support groups, “What is said there and who you see there stays there.” This is not, under ANY circumstance, to be broken. This isn’t to say if you see someone from your group at the grocery store you can’t shake their hand and ask, in general terms, how they are doing. But keep it very general.

Next, your facilitator will begin the discussion. A skilled facilitator will be able to make everyone comfortable in speaking, but with a minimal amount of personal input. They may ask a question or two to draw you out, but they are not there to give advice, and are not there to ask questions. If you want advice, specifically ask the group a question. An experienced facilitator will know how much time to allow to each person so that everyone gets a chance to speak, and that the last people to speak aren’t rushed. Please respect your facilitator’s instructions and their attempts to keep the discussion flowing in an orderly manner.

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maggs

7/21/06 9:24pm

abs no desire to be face-2-face w/ others...online works best 4 me--im more open ****************************************************************************** I understand Maggs, I thought the same thing. And it was an incredibly hard thing to walk into those meetings for the first time. But now it's a support link that is more helpful than I ever imagined it could be. But your mileage may vary... Thanks reading and taking the time to leave a comment.

Debrinconcita

4/29/10 3:00pm

Thank goodness If you ask they will start you out with one on one therapy appts with a counselor. There is no way I could be talking about anything around a bunch of other people. Especially if they would make comment's and say something I didn't like. OH boy there would be trouble. So who said you have to talk in front of others? You mean you can't even speak to a counselor F2F also? I couldn't either for many many years. It has taken me many years to get to this point. I wouldn't even get on a bus, I would make appts and cancel them over and over again. This happened for many years. Now I forced myself to go and slowly started getting used to the counselor, so now I can share my life story with her and not be judged or afraid. Plus I have been on so many med's I am so tired of that? I am not on any kind now, that's why I felt I could go now MAYBE???

cindy

7/28/06 6:42am

GJ, Thanks for this blog. The last time I posted I had intended to find a support group in my area but I have found it hard to ask about them face to face with someone. I was also afraid that my local groups would be mixed with people who had mental illnesses unlike mine and I would still feel alone. The web address you provided for NAMI was a big help to this "borderline hermit". I know where to start and can find out more by calling someone. It would be very nice to be able to share triumphs and difficulties with others. Side Note: I didn't know that about people with bipolar being notorius smokers. I have smoked for quite a while, mainly because of the few minutes it affords me to escape people and situations. Your blogs have been a great source of encouragement. Cindy

Mr.NeedHealing

7/ 7/08 7:19pm

It's been a difficult challenge as I was diagnosed bipolar a little less than four years ago. I tell myself that I'm going to be able to function 100% again, but I hope if God hears one thing from me, He'll hear that prayer.

Suzanne

7/ 9/08 6:52am

Great tips on support groups. I attend one at the local library run by the head of the local MHA (Mental Health America--formerly Mental Health Assoc.) who is also a licensed therapist & consumer so we get all sorts of great feedback & warm compassion from her. She's a great friend.

A couple tips I think are helpful: Don't dominate the conversation. If you have a pressing issue, by all means, speak about it, but a support group is not intended to be a therapy session & the other members will probably comment on your situation but should be given time to voice their own concerns, problems & triumphs as well. Sharing our successes is an important part of our group. We are all given a boost from the person who did a difficult thing & was successful (from getting a job to expressing a boundary to a contrary relative or just driving to the grocery store when one has a driving phobia).

DO NOT COME UNDER THE INFLUENCE of illegal drugs or alcohol. You may think you can "hold" your liquor & no one will be able to tell you're drunk or a little pot just relaxes you. Believe me, we can tell & we can't in good conscience let you drive under that condition (or disrupt the group) so the police will be called if you cannot provide a phone # of someone to pick you up or call a cab.

Our leader has designated certain people who are regulars & are "bubbly" personalities & comfortable greeting new people to introduce themselves & make new people feel comfortable as they enter the room. We also have a person stationed close to the door of the library so if someone enters looking a bit lost he/she is asked if the support group is what he is looking for & can be directed to the room.

Our support group meets officially at the library once a month, but we also meet informally once a month at a local coffee shop on a Sat. morning. We usually spend up to 2 1/2 hours there! We stake out a quiet corner & catch up on how our lives are going. We can get quite animated (& not just from the coffee; I drink water). Sometimes we have had to "sush" people a couple times so that the other patrons do not hear the subject matter.

I have 3 good female friends & they are all from this support group. Two male friends are very dear to me, also.

Our support group leader has found grants/scholarships for us "regulars" to attend all-day conferences the MHA puts on, as well as ones pertaining exclusively to bipolar (one is coming up next week). She knows how to get these grants through MHA, the governor's office & many other entities & she supplies the transportation!

Getting involved in a support group can have so many side benefits besides just that 1 1/2 or 2 hour meeting time. I've been able to get trained to co-lead a support group in the women's jail with the leader of this support group & that is very rewarding. From this opportunity I am included in a monthy "training" session with other support group leaders & mental health professionals to hear speakers & problem solve & share info. & resources. All because I dared to step into that room at the library for a depression/bipolar support group listed in a little blurb in the local paper! You will find consumers are valued there, treated with respect, like (dare I say it) as an equal to the "normals."

Steve

2/ 6/09 12:00am

My DBSA chapter has 10 support groups that meet weekly. Lately, the numbers have been rising.as more people are seeking help, education, and friendship. We have seen people break through their isolation, fear, and anger...and take their first steps toward recovery. At times, suicides have been prevented. Yes, there is crying...but also laughter, and honesty. Group is a place to be yourself, and many people tell me that the group and the chapter...is like a second family. It's cool to watch someone go from being two days out of the in-patient ward after a suicide attempt...to a year later becoming a DBSA volunteer as a facilitator or part of our community outreach team. And more than once I have heard people say...the support group saved my life. BTW...lots of people with serious mh are smokers. People with BP don't have a lock on it...few of my local peers are smokers.

Anonymous

6/24/09 12:55pm

I would very much like to join this group, it sounds like it's where i need to be right now in the stage of biplor i'm in. The depression the feeling of isolation and crying spells out of nowhere. And no one who understands.

Kelti

8/11/09 1:31am

I am a Trained Facilitator for DBSA and a Chapter Leader. We have a greeter to help make newcomers feel welcome and comfortable. We take them around the room and introduce them to the Facilitators and let them pick out a chair. Then one of us sits by them thru the meeting. We explain things so they will understand the format and flow of the meeting. We give them literature and exchange phone #s if they want to. Chapter Leader keeps sign in sheet and can call to check on us if they see reason. Sometimes we discuss a topic sometimes we just share where we are at with our illnesses. Rude, embarassing, insulting comments are considered means for considering that person take a 2 week break from group. Leader calls person during 2 wk. to check on them. This is just a small sample of a DBSA meeting. DBSAlliance.org

Kelti

mayocath

8/18/09 7:14am

Hello. I was diagnosed 10 days ago and began lithium the same day. 19 yrs ago I was misdiagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and had been taking trazodone and prozac regularly as directed.

I'm feeling a bit alone with my diagnosis and would like to meet and talk with others who are bipolar. Thank you.

mayocath

8/18/09 7:18am

Hi Kelti,

Where and when do you meet?

Crazy Mermaid

8/20/09 10:23pm

Know that you're not alone. Last May, I was a professional 49 year old woman with no history of mental illness who was involuntarily committed to a mental hospital for three weeks (delusions and hallucinations). I was put on lithium along with other drugs while at the hospital. When I left the hospital and met with my new psychiatrist, he wanted to eventually get me off the lithium and replace it with Geodon, which we did over a period of months. The Geodon has far fewer side effects than the lithium. When I started the lithium (900 mg at the hospital, then 300 after I left), I had severe side effects. It slowed down my speed of thinking, made it hard for me to walk (my husband called it the "lithium shuffle"), etc. But I persevered with it and it got rid of the voices in my head and the other delusions. That was a good trade-off for me personally. I'm now writing a memoir about the experience. One of my delusions was that I was a mermaid. So I'm calling my book "I Thought I Was A Mermaid". Try to see the humor. I know it's tough. And stay on your meds. Even when the going gets tough. You'll feel so much better when your brain chemistry stabilizes. It's worth it, and there's a rainbow on the other side. A differen rainbow than you expected, but a rainbow just the same. Good luck. My blog's crazymer1.wordpress.com if you want more insight.

Crazy Mermaid

8/20/09 10:13pm

When I was released from the mental hospital, they recommended that I attend a NAMI peer group. I've been to these, but the people there are depressed and unkept. I left feeling worse than I did when I came in, because the meeting sapped my positive energy. Almost everyone was on permanent disability, many hadn't bathed or combed their hair. Most were overweight from the meds. The facilitator did the best she could with what she had. The straw that broke the camel's back was when one of the attendees turned out to be a paranoid schizophrenic who, in one of his delusions, shot and killed his wife and unborn baby. He was just being released from our major mental hospital (Western State in Washington) after spending 5 years there and discussed the challenges he was facing. That depressed me so much I've not been back.

Anonymous

11/21/09 7:54pm

My husband has bi-polar. I knew about it before we married, but now our marriage is in tatters. It hurts when he runs away when we try to communicate, its always as if he has to be right, never in the middle. Its frustrating... I dont want our marriage to end... I feel as I am going insane myself. I just need help...to understand better... or why I say one thing and two days later he said I stated something totally different. I love him...need help in Phoenix, AZ

Crazy Mermaid

11/22/09 12:43pm

First of all, I'm praying for you. Secondly, a therapist would be a tremendous help. ASAP. Thirdly, there are some links to other websites on my websites. Fourth, DON'T TRY TO HANDLE THIS YOURSELF.

notcrazyafterall

3/ 2/10 7:42pm

Whoa! I should get your autograph! I've never met someone perfect before. I'm surprised that you can breathe way up there on your high horse. Hope you're wearing a helmet, because when you fall off of that high horse; and you will; it's going to leave one hell of a mark!

How DARE you make such horrible, judgmental and demoralizing comments as to people's appearance and apparent disheveled nature at such a painful, seemingly hopeless, fearful, potentially life ending time in their lives? "Unbathed", "unkept", "schizophrenic", potential murderer...? Are you kidding me? First of all, you have no right, knowledge or accurate information to make those claims and judgements. None whatsoever! In addition, there is such a reality as "Criminal Insanity" in the eys of the Law. Furthermore, depending upon your spiritual/religious/moral/ethical belief system; there is also "God's law" which is none of OUR business. He will assess and judge what he deems acceptable. Let me think, oh yeah, I am in the midst of utter, horrifying sadness; I wonder, how does my hair look today? Maybe I'll take a shower today so I look good and smell good so as not to offend some self righteous, self consumed, entitled, unempathetic Bitch that will wander into the support group I am attending today. Hmmmm, maybe people have accepted, without facts, the RUMOR that I may killed my wife and baby in a schizophrenic rage. I am so glad I showed up today to take that beating...I have BiPolar disorder. having experienced it to the point of suicide I have come to treat the person as a person and not a diagnosis. Perhaps you should try the same. More than likely though, you will never change and only CONTRIBUTE to the steryotypical, mind altering, unaccepting behavior that fuels pain and suffering in this world...th eonly we world we have and the only world that we must co-exist in. I am utterly ashamed that I am sentenced to havce to co-exist with a demoralizing JERK like you!

notcrazyafterall

3/ 2/10 7:56pm

Happily, I will tell you that the state of your marriage and your husband's behavior can not ALL, if any, be blamed on BiPolar disorder. The events you are describing can and oftentimes do happen to all of us who are not in the "perfect" marriage, independent of any mental illness. Yes, it may seem as though he is particulary ornary during times of low or eratic cycling. Please do yourself, your husband and your marriage a huge favor and begin to chart daily, hourly if necessary his mood, reaction to stimuli; including you, reaction to sleep, diet, excercise, lack of excercise, etc. Once you determine cycling patterns or lack there of, you can properly treat the everchanging design of BiPolar disorder. You may thankfully discover that it is in fact you and he as people and as a couple are changing, independent of mental illness on either of your parts...No matter how old we get, we change, and hopefully grow. If we remain stagnant, we repeat behavior good and bad. If you embrace your marriage as an adventure to change and nurture that change; you'll be just fine. I know that you are exhausted, but a marriage is two people and rather than being so quick to blame him and his "diagnosis"; look inside of yourself and determine how badly you want him and your marriage without losing yourself. BiPolar disorder is just a circumstance...

Debrinconcita

4/29/10 3:07pm

I cannot attend support groups, sometimes I tried but there's too many people and they get too loud and it bothers me alot? So, I go to smaller groups that have a few people that I got to know for the past 3 yrs now. That is the only way I could get comfortable to talk and share my life with them. It has been alot better now, but I still go to therapy alone. It's the best way for some of us. It's the only way that we can get things done. I can't stand other's disrupting me either, and some people are sicker than other's and I can't handle that in a closed area either? Try and ask if there are smaller groups somewhere, and wait and just go and sit and don't speak for the first year or how ever long it takes to get right with the rest of the group okay! THAT'S WHAT WORKED FOR ME AND STILL WORKS FOR ME HERE IN PORTLAND OREGON LIFEWORKS NW.

jseguin

9/ 7/10 4:04pm

I am a facilitator of support groups for people that have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, major depression, etc. I can understand how a person might feel their first attempt at support groups. I dont think we can jump to conclusions here. Just walking right in to something new is scary enough, many times i feel like turning right around and getting the heck out of there myself! Its scary to look around at people who are diagnosed and experience the same symptoms I do....jeezus, am i gonna turn out to be THIS!!!!!!. I see a mix, of people doing pretty well, doing fantastic, struggling with recovery, and on the verge of relapse....all stages of recovery by the way. I challenge all: Go to support groups, get to know the members of the groups, let judgements stay outside the door when you come in, get a friend to go with you if you need to, listen...listen...listen, share your recovery with them. Some of these folks just might need you more than you need them right now....

Negative vibrations.......speak up, because negativity makes symptoms worse and support groups need to be hopeful and empowering for its members, recovery is based on information, hope, strengths of the person in recovery and SUPPORT!

getnby

9/ 7/10 5:14pm

hey man thanks for speaking up because her, me, you nobody but oneself knows what they are going thru...Not that I'm proud of it but it has happened to me and not because I wanted it to or laziness or poor hygiene habits but cause I did not feel like it, did not care ,shaving my legs and washing my hair were some of the least of my worries and yep guess I got a little stinky and greasy headed and support helped me want to clean up and look better...so instead of shewing and whispering about us when we are down and out we should encourage each other to hold our heads up high, when possible, try to be happy, when possible, I have found out laughing really does feel good..lets all have a laugh c'mon theres gotta be a funny memory in our heads somewhere...please laugh...about ????????something....c'mon lets laugh

Anna

9/28/09 10:59am

How can I FIND A SUPPORT GROUP? Anna

GregM

12/ 7/09 8:23am

I had bipolar disorder several years ago and I cured it with light therapy and a high salt diet (isotonic). The light therapy has an obvious connection to the circadian clock - it lengthens daylight. But it took me a while to find how salt was connected. I discovered that in the evening my urine sodium level rose dramatically. This implies that my sodium blood level falls at this time, probably in preparation for sleep. When my sodium level goes below a certain level it causes a condition called hyponatremia which includes mental symptoms. The high salt diet prevents me from going below that critical level and the extra evening light therapy slows down the loss of sodium during the evening hours. Incidentally, this is also a better explanation than polydipsia for the high frequency (10x) of hyponatremia among psychiatric hospital admissions when compared to all other admissions. From my experience, I believe that if sodium levels could be tested in a 24 hour period prior to admission, the frequency would be even higher.

Debrinconcita

1/14/10 6:51pm

I am not sure if I am doing the right thing's, I was on so many different anti deppressant's I just got so tired of them, I stopped them altogether. I have been feeling pretty darn good, I joined a church and have been attending for the past 7 or more month's. I have given Family Practioner's a break from my life for the last 7-8 months too. The last script's I had been on were Seroquel, and Vicodin for my painful Arthritis in my knee's. Then they stopped giving me this and I stopped going. I will make an appointment very soon. I don't want to but, I need to. Just to make sure that everything's is fine with me now. I am giving all med's a break in my life right now! I told my therapist, I still see her every 2 week's or so. So it's not like I'm not under any care? I am also on Methadone for my addiction problem's for the past 2 years now. I just am trying to see what the future hold's for me. I am so tired of med's and appt's and everything? I don't know what's next for me, I have been feeling so better with Spiritual help from the church for the past 4 months. I will see what my life has next for me in the future. I don't know if it's going to include more med's? I hope not, but I don't know or can't say it will be more med's or just counseling or both. I have hope!

Mongo

1/26/10 10:51pm

[Disclaimer: I run one of the online support organizations mentioned in John McManamy's articles, so I hope you will not mind me making mention of our group here. Some may benefit from it.]

I have been involved with online support since the early 90's and have run an organization that offers various kinds of peer-to-peer support online since 1997. My experience has been that online can be very useful for many people, but it is not for everyone. Ideally, one would want to have a combination of professional support (Pdoc and Tdoc) with out-of-the-house in person activities, whether they be a support group or just a family or work environment, along with the online support to fill in those times when the in person types of support are unavailable.

Our organization, Walkers in Darkness (www.walkers.org) offers discussion mailing lists; online forums and live chat rooms so that each member of the community can choose the combination that works best for them.

The nice thing about online is that it is always there. While you probably cannot call your Tdoc or attend an in person support group at 3 AM on a Tuesday, you will likely find chatters in our chat rooms and of course the forums are always available to post your thoughts and feelings.

Unfortunately, there has not been too much published research about online support, but what little there is points to very high effectiveness for those who use it regularly and in conjunction with the kinds of in person supports I mentioned earlier.

So, if you have yet to explore this type of support, I woould encourage you to visit our site and stop in for a chat sometime.

'Mongo'

[I see you ask people not to identify themselves, so this is the name I am known by online]

President

Walkers in Darkness, Inc.

http://WWW.WALKERS.ORG

lady behind the mask

9/ 1/10 7:06am

I find the issues of the disabled consumers who attend our local support groups (finding housing, Vocational Rehab, dealing w/state bureaucracy, etc) quite different than the issues I face as an employed consumer at risk of being "found out." And apparently, so do other employed consumers, because only self-employed or those employed by govt agencies (that tend to apply ADA) ever attend. So how is it that some support groups seem to draw a mix and to be able to support those of us who live "in the closet" as well as those who don't have to? And please don't suggest that we don't really have to closet ourselves ... almost all of us have lost a job when we were "found out" by a boss, even when the boss is BP themselves.

lady behind the mask

9/ 1/10 7:07am

Dan D

2/10/11 1:14am

My wife and I have been married now for 7 year we have been raising my son that I was awarded custody of from my ex since he was 6 months old because she attempted to kill him 2 times. My son was diagnosed by the Denver Children hospital of having a Bi-Polar dis order and ADHD. He has been recieving medication now for 3 years because he would not sleep for days and is so active we could not even dream of attempting to keep up with him. The doctors have not been able to get the medicines balanced so he is somewhat normal. We need help this is emotionally stressing us out we are on the verge of breakdown our selves. My other children are feeling neglected because he takes 85% of our time just dealing with his behaviors. Our family is in a turmoil. My wife and I are about to divorce because of the stress. We dont know where to go for help!!! I work as Police Officer and own my own business as well. My wife has her own business as well. Where can we get help?

~Christi~

5/29/11 5:16pm

My name is Christi and I am a writer for Ask A Bipolar. Our website not only is a support for those with bipolar, but friends and family as well. We have a Facebook group also that provides support, especially if you have a difficult time getting out of the house. Our website is www.askabipolar.com and you can check us out on Facebook. Support comes in all different forms, and being bipolar, I absolutely know what it is like to not be able to get out of the house or be face to face. Sometimes you just need a first step. :)

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