Hypomania returns. We sometimes don’t realize it until it smacks us upside the head. In this case, it didn’t exactly do that, and my mood chart didn’t catch it. This is likely due to newer meds, which is causing hypomania to take a slightly different form.
My mood chart shows no elevation, although last week there was a day that ranged from significantly elevated to significantly depressed with high irritation and anxiety. It failed to turn into a full-blown mania, luckily. But the classic symptoms that historically indicate hypomania were not there. Normally the higher mood elevation level in my mood chart tips me off. In this case, however, the meds are taking care of the elevation. But what is handled, and what is not, is really pretty interesting.
First, my friends are being completely ignored. Blogs aren’t being read, and those that are being read I’m not able to leave comments. E-mails are unanswered, friends aren’t being called or contacted, nothing is being done to foster relationships of any sort right now. This isn’t to say that isolation is taking over, the ability to work and greet the public hasn’t been impacted. For some reason I’m just not capable of relationship building or maintenance right now. Sitting at the computer, I look at my blog list, look at my email list, then do other things. And of course, it feeds on itself. The longer it goes, the more difficult it is to return.
Next, irritation level is very high. Certain things get to me, yet it’s like I’m unable to get worked up about it. It’s pretty bizarre. A few days ago while working the part-time job the irritation level was quite high. Opening my locker in the break room a hard plastic coffee mug fell out. That set me off, and I tried to smash the mug with my foot, stamping as hard as possible on it. That really hurt my foot, and sent the mug skittering and spinning across the room scuffed but undamaged. The mug was calmly picked up, put back in place, and I mildly limped back to work. The irritation was acknowledged, it still existed, but it didn’t carry over to any other situation. Never, EVER, has my irritation been confined to specific scenarios. It’s not going away, it’s still strong, but isn’t impacting my normal day to day life. This is good, albeit disconcerting.
The stereotypical hypomanic behaviors are strong. Racing thoughts, grandeur, superman attitude. I started writing a new novel yesterday. It’s a great idea, and is sure to be snatched up by Hollywood as it will make a pretty incredible movie. Now this isn’t just the hypomania talking, it really will. How’s that for grandeur? I’m actually serious… But the mind that won’t stop, the endless energy that put the idea into my head, and the “do it all” attitude that gave me the energy and motivation to begin writing it are absolutely hypomanic related. Of course, that same mind also put a lot more ideas there, including a computer program that will be invaluable to anyone in business, especially project managers. Of course this idea came about AFTER the novel was started. It looks like the next year’s projects are mapped out.
My mood chart shows no elevation, although last week there was a day that ranged from significantly elevated to significantly depressed with high irritation and anxiety. It failed to turn into a full-blown mania, luckily. But the classic symptoms that historically indicate hypomania were not there. Normally the higher mood elevation level in my mood chart tips me off. In this case, however, the meds are taking care of the elevation. But what is handled, and what is not, is really pretty interesting.
First, my friends are being completely ignored. Blogs aren’t being read, and those that are being read I’m not able to leave comments. E-mails are unanswered, friends aren’t being called or contacted, nothing is being done to foster relationships of any sort right now. This isn’t to say that isolation is taking over, the ability to work and greet the public hasn’t been impacted. For some reason I’m just not capable of relationship building or maintenance right now. Sitting at the computer, I look at my blog list, look at my email list, then do other things. And of course, it feeds on itself. The longer it goes, the more difficult it is to return.
Next, irritation level is very high. Certain things get to me, yet it’s like I’m unable to get worked up about it. It’s pretty bizarre. A few days ago while working the part-time job the irritation level was quite high. Opening my locker in the break room a hard plastic coffee mug fell out. That set me off, and I tried to smash the mug with my foot, stamping as hard as possible on it. That really hurt my foot, and sent the mug skittering and spinning across the room scuffed but undamaged. The mug was calmly picked up, put back in place, and I mildly limped back to work. The irritation was acknowledged, it still existed, but it didn’t carry over to any other situation. Never, EVER, has my irritation been confined to specific scenarios. It’s not going away, it’s still strong, but isn’t impacting my normal day to day life. This is good, albeit disconcerting.
The stereotypical hypomanic behaviors are strong. Racing thoughts, grandeur, superman attitude. I started writing a new novel yesterday. It’s a great idea, and is sure to be snatched up by Hollywood as it will make a pretty incredible movie. Now this isn’t just the hypomania talking, it really will. How’s that for grandeur? I’m actually serious… But the mind that won’t stop, the endless energy that put the idea into my head, and the “do it all” attitude that gave me the energy and motivation to begin writing it are absolutely hypomanic related. Of course, that same mind also put a lot more ideas there, including a computer program that will be invaluable to anyone in business, especially project managers. Of course this idea came about AFTER the novel was started. It looks like the next year’s projects are mapped out.
