Jon, one of the things I know is that I am a curious person. If I don't stimulate the brain, I get bored and overthink everything. In my life I have done many things and studied many things. I do not believe the way we are wired is due to bipolar alone. Each nerve cell has at least 15,000 receptors. The fact that we function is amazing. Life is a roller coaster. As much as we like to believe, it is not all in our hands how we thrive. We are dealt a hand of cards and we are stuck to playing it best as possible. All the stuff we do is a journey. Some beneficial, some neutral. If we have someone by our side who loves us, we are lucky. Freud spelled everything out in blaming sex. What the ****, his main clients were prostitutes! The his students branched out and changed things. Each school of psychology has their own adamant directives. People who don't have bipolar overspend. Sex addict oversex without being bipolar. We need to remember our U>S> morals are rooted in the Puritan code. Many countries are not fixated over sex. It is considered normal and natural. Couples can make out in public and no one points a finger. Naked magazines are out on the newstand and children are educated rather than left in the dark to think wrongly. Bipolar should not be isolated to be a label. Just insight into why we do what we do. The practice is to learn and do no harm to us or others. Yet, we are human and we make mistakes but hopefully we learn. I got PTSD as a young child. Not diagnosed until the 1990s. The disorder was not tagged until 1984. Yes, all the wars had shell shock and whatever but it wasn't until Vietnam and the fact that nurses came back with PTSD that medical profession started looking into it. Now factor in the drugs used, our hostile environment, the shunning and judgement, our daily patterns, the weather, the moon, the food... I try to be aware but I can't always know when the trigger hits and boom I am stuck with the flashbacks. Not pretty. Very scary. So when it happens I shut down and withdraw. I don't lash out cause I eventually recognize it is happening in my head and if I have the guts to see it through, I will see different results. Personally, I gave up on asking why when after my adult children turned against me during my cancer surgery. I did not raise them cruel, mean, and belligerent. I was a good mom and took good care of them and taught them and guided them and let them grow wings but stayed available when they needed support. And it does not matter why we are what we are, at least we have people we can share with and not be ostracized. We are all valuable. Cherish the being we are, warts and all. You are somebody special so just be yourself cause somebody loves you, somebody loves your life. (words from Santana. ***************************************************** Connie, An interesting comment. First, I'll bet your kids turned against you as a defensive mechanism. Cancer is a scary thing, and they probably couldn't handle it. I've seen it happen many times, when my wife gets sick, I get very irritable with her. Yes, I'm a jerk in that respect, but it's nothing I try to do. It just happens. I think that's a defensive mechanism that kicks in for some of us. I hope you're OK now, and that those relationships have healed. On the sex, it's just one of many potential obsessions, just like so many others. And while you don't have to be bipolar to have these obsessions, it seems to be one of the defining characteristics. As always, thanks so much for your insightful comments. GJ

I always did downers, ie...reds, heroin. I've never understood how someone could do speed or coke when manic. It wasn't til a few years ago when I found out I was bipolar that I learned I'd been self medicating all those years. But looking back now, it makes all the sense in the world. When I got high, I just felt 'normal'. *************************************************** Jane - for me it didn't much matter what it was, when I was manic I craved "enhancement". That's why I reached for stimulants as well as alcohol or marijuana. I'm forever thankful I never took a trip down a harder road, I'd most likely never have returned. But you're 100% correct, it was self medication. We're all lucky to have made it to the point where we have an understanding of what we're facing, aren't we? So many didn't... GJ

Let me know when you find the answer to this and the meaning of life too. ***************************************************** LOL - Maggs, you mean you don't know the meaning of life? Maybe it's to serve as a warning to others... GJ

Yes, I get obsessed with different things during my manic stages, and one of them is Jesus, this happens to me about once or twice a year. Then I will become obsessed with something else after that stage has passed. I don't understand why this happens, but I just decided to start googling it this morning to find out, because I am in my manic stage again and am becoming overly obsessed with stuff, and it's beginning to irritate me.