Just a quick post today to say I'm still kicking.
Recovering from a nasty episode of mania. I've never been hospitalized for bipolar disorder, but I probably should have gone on this one. I was in pretty bad shape.
For me, as I've written before, the criteria for true mania (as opposed to hypomania) is psychosis, or loss of touch with reality. I know the perceptions of the word "psychosis", it has very negative connotations. And "loss of touch with reality" sounds so scary. It's not the Hollywood perception of an escaped criminal, and it's not wandering the streets in a bathrobe. The escalation into mania is subtly, but unmistakably, signaled. It's not recognizable when you're in it, that's the psychosis.
This mania started back in December. Looking at my mood charts I showed as a slight escalation over "baseline". One step over normal. I would venture into the next step on my mood chart for a day or two, then slide back to the moderate escalation level. This went on for a couple of months, gradually. Gradual enough that I didn't notice the longer term differences. Even though I was sliding in and out of true mania over the last couple weeks (easy to see looking back), last weekend I broke through a ceiling into territory I'd not previously entered. At one point I told my wife "something's seriously wrong here". It was that statement that made all the difference.
Back to the psychosis mentioned earlier. Over the weekend I started researching my "symptoms". If you've ever researced symptoms on the internet you'll come away thinking you have AIDS, or MS, or any number of initialed diseases. Everything but the one you have. In my case, I'd finally settled on hyperthyroidism. I'm not saying it's not possible I have it, the symptoms are partially right. But bipolar disorder wasn't even on the radar screen. In fact, I DIDN'T have bipolar disorder. The doc was wrong, and the meds were probably making me sick. I was planning my withdrawal from my medication, starting Sunday night. My wife made me promise to talk to the doctor first. I didn't want to, he was the cause of my problems, not a solution. But I agreed to call him Monday.
Monday comes, after another night with less than 4 hours of sleep. Over the last several weeks I'd been averaging probably 30 hours of sleep a week. Most nights maybe 4 hours, then one or two nights a week with more. I called the doc, I wanted him to order a blood test to confirm my internet diagnosis of hyperthyroidism. No? Well then, lower my Lithium dosage, as this problem started when I started taking Lithium. What's that? You prescibed Lithium to handle the escalating mood? Say what? INCREASE the Lithium dosage as it's not working well enough? Classic mania you say? And you also want me to start taking Seroquel again? I can't do that! Flippin' doctor!
Recovering from a nasty episode of mania. I've never been hospitalized for bipolar disorder, but I probably should have gone on this one. I was in pretty bad shape.
For me, as I've written before, the criteria for true mania (as opposed to hypomania) is psychosis, or loss of touch with reality. I know the perceptions of the word "psychosis", it has very negative connotations. And "loss of touch with reality" sounds so scary. It's not the Hollywood perception of an escaped criminal, and it's not wandering the streets in a bathrobe. The escalation into mania is subtly, but unmistakably, signaled. It's not recognizable when you're in it, that's the psychosis.
This mania started back in December. Looking at my mood charts I showed as a slight escalation over "baseline". One step over normal. I would venture into the next step on my mood chart for a day or two, then slide back to the moderate escalation level. This went on for a couple of months, gradually. Gradual enough that I didn't notice the longer term differences. Even though I was sliding in and out of true mania over the last couple weeks (easy to see looking back), last weekend I broke through a ceiling into territory I'd not previously entered. At one point I told my wife "something's seriously wrong here". It was that statement that made all the difference.
Back to the psychosis mentioned earlier. Over the weekend I started researching my "symptoms". If you've ever researced symptoms on the internet you'll come away thinking you have AIDS, or MS, or any number of initialed diseases. Everything but the one you have. In my case, I'd finally settled on hyperthyroidism. I'm not saying it's not possible I have it, the symptoms are partially right. But bipolar disorder wasn't even on the radar screen. In fact, I DIDN'T have bipolar disorder. The doc was wrong, and the meds were probably making me sick. I was planning my withdrawal from my medication, starting Sunday night. My wife made me promise to talk to the doctor first. I didn't want to, he was the cause of my problems, not a solution. But I agreed to call him Monday.
Monday comes, after another night with less than 4 hours of sleep. Over the last several weeks I'd been averaging probably 30 hours of sleep a week. Most nights maybe 4 hours, then one or two nights a week with more. I called the doc, I wanted him to order a blood test to confirm my internet diagnosis of hyperthyroidism. No? Well then, lower my Lithium dosage, as this problem started when I started taking Lithium. What's that? You prescibed Lithium to handle the escalating mood? Say what? INCREASE the Lithium dosage as it's not working well enough? Classic mania you say? And you also want me to start taking Seroquel again? I can't do that! Flippin' doctor!
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