Wanted To Say Hello

This goes back to what I've said a few times

You can take the medication exactly as prescribed, attend all the support groups, go to the pdoc faithfully as soon as the door cracks open, talk to your therapist at every session scheduled.  You can exercise, eat right, and do what you know you need to do AND still get derailed at points in the illness's life which coincides with ours.

 

Even if you don't do "exactly" but make do for a period of time, something can cause the trolley car to derail.  Sometimes it doesn't even take a something, the illness just turns when we don't expect it.

 

You do what you need to do to get yourself better GJ and don't worry too much about us.  You haven't said anything inappropriate towards me, and though I haven't seen any new posts or replies from you, I figured you were still trying to get "sorted out".  Even if you had replied something inappropriately - I'd let it go because it isn't "you".

 

When you are better and back to your ole self, I for one will be happy to hear from you again.

 

Take care & peace I wish for you.

Tabby

Hi GJ,

When you describe what is happening to you I really relate to your symptoms. I have had that kind of experience with Post Natal Depression....almost exactly as you describe. I would not have described it as Mania......it came out over the top of an underlying depression.....I felt really keyed up and charged but in an awful way. Once the underlying depression was treated the other symptoms started to subside. I remember the first day I could actually read an article in the newspaper and string some thoughts together. You have done extremely well to keep working ( I did too, although I can't say it was easy....it was just better than being at home with my racing thoughts. I had to focus on other things as hard as that was) and you are doing extremely well to post for us. Don't worry about not being able to post. You will be able to again soon. The one thing is that we all know is that this will go away.  I have never again had a bout of depression, anxiety agitation ( whatever it was..)as I did then, I have mild symptoms occasionally but nothing like that. My medication works really well. Take very good care....hold fast..the storm won't last forever. R

G.J. I know exactly how you are feeling. I went through a similar experience recently. It started with no sleep and just escalated from there. I spent three weeks in hospital off and on and finally got put on haldol rot yhr phchosis. I also was doing everything right and it happened anyway. Some people, even people with bp, think it can be controled without any help as long as you do everything "right". I just want to remind you that this illness is "of the mind not in the mind" I hope you start to feel better. I will keep you in my prayers. :-)Cynthia

Dearest GJ<

I know everyone has said this but i too must say so

....I know EXACTLY what you speak of, Mania is so enthralling at times and we all seem to prefer it over the depression but oh boy just as I myself have demonstrated the mind is so whirling, the insides so twirling, and the outside shaking, nervous, irritated, anxious,and move move move no matter if even TRYING to sit still it just don't get it

......our neurotransmitters are way too wired for us to be able to even stop long enough and utilize coping skills.....as I so have posted so many times kept saying i KNOW WHAT to do can feel it coming but darn if it STOPS IT from getting intense(due to being rapid and mixed mood cycler I experience INTENSE and i mean INTENSE mania at times that all i can do is go through basic functions and those with trembling hands and an overactive mind/body etc....)

I asked so many times my therapists, OKAY so if i know its coming, i can feel it, and the coping skills DON"T work what then??????well, no clear cut answer there so uhm i deal like you are....go about doing the important things like family, self survival, functioning on what others would call a level of the brink of insanity for the mind and body are so wound tight that it is just not easy to descirbe to ANYONE who hasn't been there done that...

I know that even my mood stablizers, my other p meds, and all the coping skills in theworld won't stop it...it will return to me,.....it will affect me as it is you for no doubt about that....it is like a relative you LOVE but can't tolerate for long...and keeps coming back to visit....

You please don't worry about posting, don't worry about offending, i think you are one of the most tactful people on here and you offer such hope, honesty and clear cut "this is how it is" answers for those of us so needing at the time

...GJ WE ONLY WANT YOU TO GET THROUGH THIS AND GET BETTER>>>.everyone here has said/written/felt/discussed/or expressed in one form or another something that others would find offensive or came across in a whole other light than is our regular personality or sounda little gruff or whatever, but in ALL HONESTY i have never felt that way about you, you are a kind hearted, caring, empathetic, and very knowledgeable person

....never loose site of all your wonderful qualities no matter how switchboard rapid your mind is running....remember the HEART my friend, that is the core of our being anyway....the heart and yours is a wonderfully large and caring one.

.....you take care of yourself that is what we ALL want on here....this will pass my friend, this will not be a fun easy ride yet oh how we love the energy but not not not to the intensity that we experience it at times.....others think mania and just think active/movement/uplifted spirit/etc and well, sometimes it ain't so glamorous and not so conducive to what we want to be, as you know I need not tell you my friend, you are the expert on all this and have helped ME through times that you just described about yourself.

....i so feel for you for i am there of which you speak for sometimes a week at  a time with depression thrown in throughout it all.....and never level off....i literally can't remember the last time i've leveled off to "normal feelings" per say seriously can't and have sat here trying to recall the last time i was "level".....either up or down on the the slide to one or the ladder to the other, never a moments rest for me in the mood stages.

......know that is one of the most taxing things on the PHYSICAL BODY too....

I so get frustrated when others say things like "use your coping skills, talk to your pdoc and get meds adjusted, or mania is better than the alternative of depression"

WELL for me i beleive that each of us have our demons and sometimes mine comes in the form of mania....but i sometimes LOVE it when not so intense....and the coping skills great to know but uhm they DON"T STOP THEM>

>>read my post where i said so and asked how one is supposed to utilize their coping skills when their mind won't stop for one second whirling from one subject to another and the body is actually demonstrating symptoms itself that INHIBIT us from doing what our mind is racing to do,

 for instance one of my coping skills is journaling, and drawing, and photography....there are times that i couldn't write a sentence that would be legible, drawing comes out jagged, unlike what i pictured and NEVER gets finished....and photography the pics are blurred from the shaking hands and trembling and I personally get tics when that intense manic.....so know where your coming from on that area too.

Just know this my friend, we all love you here, if there is ANYTHING at all that I can personally do or others could do on here to help ya out, please let me know....if youwant to email me personally and vent that would be good too....

perhaps there is something i could help you with on your position here with bpconnect....could i collect a mirage of questions, bp interesting facts, anything what so ever to help ease your load a little??? If you need a shoulder, well i have TWO and always one available for a friend....so take this time and accept any help from us who love you that you can

....let me know if there is anything i can do for you on this forum to help ease the pressure and burden of deadlines etc...(don't even know if they have them for ya....but if do i can help you if you need or at least will try)

and remember this too my friend, your family is the most important thing, we are second in line i hope  thee...but seriously they are with you, they are there for you and they will bring you to realize what a great guy you really are, for we all can say it and know it but those that LIVE with you and LOVE you so are the true champions of the uplifters...

so hang tough my friend PLEASE and remember we are all sending positive energy, i am sending prayers and hope and faith that you'll pullt hrough this and then go WHEW what a hurdle i have jumped this time!!

In great concern and loving friendship, and remember my email is there if need...

your a great guy GJ no need to apologize for anything, we all have "those moments" and therefore we all understand although i can't imagine you offending anyone....

you hold tight, tight tight tight untilt he fingernails turn blue my friend...for we need you, you are loved, you are supported here for sure.....

please if nothing else post one sentence and let us know how you are doing.....please we care about ya

love and shoulders and friendship and optimism being sent your way!! FEEL THAT?????IT is a hug from all of us here ...a hand reaching out... a friend expressing their understanding!!
love and take care please...be very careful mania can be uhm less than beneficial at times..(i know DUH!! you already know that way before i did!! but some seem to only see it as the GOOD side of the mask, well sometimes it is the opposite it is the unidentifiable mirage of chaos)

ctry girl

Hope you feel better soon.  We miss you.

Mr. Gregory-

I am sorry you are still having a hard time. I wish there was something more that I can say or do to help you. I know that for everyone it is a battle sometimes that only we can do alone. I do hope you get better soon. You sound (I know this is repetitive) like me when I bottom out. I can never seem to get my therapist to understand what the bottom is. To her it is just all one big thing that doesn't have valleys and lows in the low. I understand the mental fatigue you have got to be feeling. If you just want to vent I am here.

Leslie

 GJ.

 

I feel your pain and have been there many times.  At least the meds are keeping you out of the hospital.  But hang in there because this too shall pass.  I thank you so much for all of your sharing in the past and wished I could help more.  My son seems to think that if you "take your meds and get enough sleep" everything will be o.k.  But that is not always true--obviously.  I use to be able to predict my cycles because they happened in the latter Aug and February of each year.  Now they are mixed so I definitely can't predict.  I've tried everything I can think of to help myself.  Some of the things that seem to be helping are Group Therapy, Omega-3 fish oil, A reading lamp that is like the sunlight and gratitude for all of the good in my life.  Best wishes for the future.

 

Ankshus

Dear GJ:

 

The "G" in your name must stand for "Gutsy Guy!"  It's been 35 years since I went where you are..........there is life after mania.

 

Keep faith, keep hope.  A single word can be a prayer that will be heard.

 

We all love you and wish you every good thing.

 

Mary

Dear G.J.  You are being way to hard on yourself. After I had my first(of 6) manic eppisode. I remember crying at my doctors' office about how I had made such a fool of myself.  She was so kind to me she made me realize how it really was worse in my head thinking about it then it really was. I entered DBSAs' contest  about my first manic episode. It is at the facing us clubhouse under personal stories in the media room  I am Sue A from Oak Ridge Tn.  I didn't have another one for 6 years Then I had 2 bad ones within 6 weeks. I probably wasn't over the 1st one.  I was hospitalized all 3 times for 2 weeks each. It took me at least 3 months before I felt almost normal.You will feel better trust me. I was hospitalized 13 times in 15 years and then I had my vagus nerve implant.  I am a different person since then.Like I told you in my other comment it was for depression but thankfully I haven't had a Manic episode since then.  This illness is terrible but treatable.  You are in my prayers   Sue

Hi G.J.,

 

I guess the thing I do not understand is how in tune you are in the real world and events as if you were a bystander looking in. Normally in mania even agitated state, there is little recall of what is taking place and your writing would show the stage…it does not. I hate giving medication advice but I would run it by your psychiatrist of trying geoden to quell the voices and settle you down.

 

With apologizing to everyone here, normally anyone is mania would never do shows more of a depressant state than mania. You own no one here an apology; most of us have thick skins. Just get yourself back and continue to do the best you can…that is all anyone can ask.

 

I hope that you are not self-medicating with the Seroquel and sleep medication

I started a book that records my life from childhood to adulthood, and how bipolar became recognised as I grew up.  I havn't been able to touch it, and have spent the last few weeks as a recluse, hardly leaving my bed, and having no will power to do anything, I tried socialising with my family over Easter, but stayed confined to a corner, I made little effort to integrate, and drank rather to much wine.  My uncle eventually took me home, where I collapsed into a heap on the floor, I thought, I can't get out of this, what do I do, I felt so alone and isolated, but at the same time, would not have wanted to be around people either.  The book will be a great read, and I would love to hear from anyone who would like to read it, or even publish it, as I will make this a charitable excersize and give any proceeds to help bipolar sufferers.  I live in England, and we do have bipolar sites here, however, I am very comfortable with this one, and the US expresses itself and seems to work with bipolar far more proactively than GB.  I find, that it is far better to embrace the lows and go with it, rather than fight it.

No need to apologize - we have all been there & I suppose it's just part of the package.  I have never found you to be tactless or anything else bad.  I still can't believe the Lithium add-on cause mania of all things, when it is supposedly a mood stabilizer that especially helps the manic side.  Just goes to show, every med change is a risk & it's hard taking that risk, knowing what could happen.  I recently read something about how mental illness is one of the few illnesses where the treatment can at times cause more problems than the illness itself.  How is THAT fair?  I see my pdoc on Thur & we are tweaking here & there, and I am even more concerned about doing any bigger chgs, now.  What is your pdoc doing to help the situation?  If all else fails, in my worst psychotic manias, I have found Zyprexa to be the biggest help.

My Dear G.J., 

 

Terri Cheney wrote a book entitled, "Manic." Have you read it?  You may not think you're able to read right now - I didn't think I was, either, until I picked up her book.

 

Try it. It's the most honest representation of our lives I have seen. You may find comfort in her life. I did, and I'm fighting the most "out-loud" mania I've ever had, waiting for a pdoc appointment and beginning to ramp off Effexor.

 

I am here for you. We all are. Please be here for me. I am scared.

 

Cindy

 

 

i just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you (even though i don't know you!!)

and hoping you return to "normal" soon...whatever that means.

i TOTALLY understand what you're going through--

and while it does sound sexy to some..

i know it can totally SUCK

you know you'll muscle through.

do your best!

 

stay as strong as possible..

or eat chocolate..

best

laurin 

As a near life-long BPer I now have at last realised that a major factor can be simply water. 

 

On a number of occasions in recent months when my head has started feeling bad, I have simply drunk large quantities .. one occasion when feeling awful and agitated I drank 4 pints of very very weak salty water  and took a couple of sleeping pills, slept for a few hours .. woke up with a blissfully clear head.

 

Four weeks ago I was at a conference in Washington DC .. went into a number of sessions and the afternoon wandering around the exhibition.  Back to the (warm dry) hotel, good meal , drink or two and bed.  Woke up with an awful feeling - head buzzing .. needed Haloperidol to stop the buzz .. then got into "Mindful Mode" .. and asked why .. realised I had drunk very very little the day before.  Due to go to George Bush's session that morning .. but instead lay on my bed and rested and drank glass after glass of warm water .. AND guess what, by 11.30am my head had come round and I was ready to go to that prestigiuos lunch I had been invited to ...  agitation had all but disappeared !

 

All I can say to others is that even short term dehydration provides a "chemical stressor" which for us results in a 'head issue' .. when in fact it is a bodily physiological issue.

 

To everyone who reads this, TRY IT, does it work for you ?  Does it bring your head back ?  Does it make you more relaxed ?  You will not feel thirsty .. drink regardless.

 

IF you have a high blood pressure, do not add any salt, if you do not have high blood pressure, the salt helps the gut to absorb the water more easily and quickly .. just as runners drink isotonic solutions with sugar .. fruit juice with the water helps .. but take it tepid so it does not chill the tum .. drink it in pints if you can !

 

An answer without drugs ?

 

Nick

G.J.-You have been such a support to us all.  Responding personally to all our posts (even the rambling ones!).

 

So let us be a support to you.  We understand fully where you are & that you need to make the proper decisions to take care of yourself (even if that means we have to miss your great company).

 

We will be here for you if you feel up to posting & we will be here if you do not (with you in our thoughts & prayers). 

 

I know you will be able to get stabilized as you have lots of insight into your own symptoms & thoughts & behaviors.  So you do what you need to do to take care of yourself as you so often (rightly so) have advised us.

 

I'll  be here awaiting your return when you feel better.  With you in spirit as you go through these tough times.--S.G. 

The more I learn about the negative affects on the body of aspertame in diet drinks and products the more I want to get everyone off anything that contains aspertame.  Also look into taking Juice Plus+ - 17 fruits and veggies in a capsule to help detox your body.  It might be something this simple that is causing these neurological symptoms.  See

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-566922170441334340&q=aspartame+duration%3Along&total=23&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

I think that I read that you were once on effexor xr or maybe ur on it now. This is my first time reaching out really in any way about my bipolar but i really need some advice or some experiences with someone or someone u know to help me. I feel like it is making my depression worse but I just started it a few days ago so I am trying to hang on but I may lose my job in the process but for once in my life I know that I have to put this first & stop being in denial even though I am a single mom & do need the money. IF ANYONE HAS ANY HELPFUL ADVICE PLEASE RESPOND BACK!!! I would truly appreciate it. Thanks so much....Jenn J.

First and foremost, I am sorry you are in this 'place'.  The last time I felt a mania setting in, I called the psychiatrist.  He had me stop Effexor immediately.  This was my daytime med.  The side-effects of withdrawal were absolutely devastating.  It took maybe a month, to feel relief from the withdrawal symptons. However, the mania did stop very soon after stopping Effexor.  I too take Seroquil.  Later, Oxezepam was added for the first time, at night.  This helped nightmares instantly.

As we know, every person is  so unique in there response to meds.  I totally get the 'I can't read' thing.  That is hard to deal with, and we don't understand why it happens.

I hope you feel better soon.  Good luck.  Try to be proactive, medically for yourself, when you can.