I’m still around, even though I’ve only been able to manage one post in the last 2 months. BipolarConnect has published a few of my older posts, so I appreciate them not allowing me to fade completely away. It's been 2 months, and I continue to experience a debilitating mania. But debilitating in ways I can’t understand. I can (more or less) work, I can interact with others, I can attend support group meetings. But I cannot read. I cannot concentrate. I cannot workout. I cannot write. I am seeing and hearing things. I am not sleeping, my body is coursing with nervous energy, and my hands are trembling. As attractive as some of these symptoms sound, it’s absolutely NOT pleasurable.
I’ve learned a lot through this mania. I’ve learned that no matter how prepared I am, it may not be enough to stop the mania. I don't think there’s anything I could have done to prevent this. Perhaps had I been able to medicate myself into 10 hours of sleep a night I might have avoided it, but who knows. I was prepared, I had enough Seroquel and sleep medication. I let my family know what to expect. There's not much else I could do.
Well, I've been several days trying to write this sharepost and this is as far as I've gotten. I had plans on writing this about the high cost of mania in terms of relationship damage, but that will have to wait for a different frame of mind. My apologies to those people I've offended, to whom I've written inappropriate things, to those I've ignored. The "normal" me will be back eventually - I hope.
