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Thanks To All

By G.J. Gregory Saturday, May 03, 2008

Seven years ago I began blogging.  First to document my son’s struggles, then to help me deal with mine.

 

Blogging for me has filled many needs.  I started off looking for answers, hoping others could share insight on what my son, and then I, was experiencing.  While looking for answers, I discovered the therapeutic powers of blogging.  Then, while reaping those benefits I discovered an incredible community of people.  People who are not giving advice, but rather sharing experiences.  There’s a huge difference there.  Our common experiences bind us together, give us strength, and greater knowledge of our disorders.  Finally, I’ve made great progress on my path to become more self-aware.  Not only of my bipolar disorder, but of myself as a whole.  Blogging gave me a reason for self-examination, and I anticipate even greater rewards as I continue to pursue self-awareness. 

 

At this point, I’ve shared as much as I feel I can share.  I started a new job, and love it.  I’m serving on the board of a local DBSA chapter.  Time is at a premium.  There are other things to accomplish in the few hours a day that I have outside of work and family.  But most importantly, it’s time for me to move on and re-establish an identity outside of bipolar disorder. 

 

I’ve decided it’s time for me to give up this gig on BipolarConnect.  I will no longer be posting under the title of a BipolarConnect "Expert".  After this post, my posting and contributions will be minimal, if at all.  I’ll still be around, and plan on posting to my personal blog from time to time.  But even my personal blog will be changing direction and will no longer be a “Bipolar Blog”.  It will be a blog by a person who just happens to have bipolar disorder.  If you want to reach me (and I’d love to hear from you all) send me an email.  But don’t stop posting, I’ll be by to read and comment from time to time.

 

Thanks to all for your support.  It has meant more to me than you’ll ever know.

We'll Miss You Kyle
Anonymous
Lauren WB Vermette
5/ 7/08 3:25pm

My best of luck and warmest wishes for you in your new career, committed family time, and general enjoyment of life in all its beautiful absurdity.

I only just stumbled upon your wonderful wealth of knowledge and experience both here and on your blog in the past week while gathering research to understand my own bipolar disorder which I was diagnosed with this winter.

Some background, if you'd like:

As the daughter of a bipolar father(though undiagnosed and unmedicated) and a clinically depressed mother, both of whom suffer from severe PTSD, we knew I wasn't going to escape the genetic gamble on this one. *chuckles*

However, in spite of the fact that my mother is a Professor of Pysch. Nursing, I still turned out to be your classically mis-diagnosed bipolar patient: I was diagnosed with depression at 16, went through the carousel of ineffective-antidepressants for the next 10 years, and only in the last two did I finally find a combo that seemed to work: Lexapro with a kick of Wellbutrin.

But even this combination, taken religiously, could not keep my mood swings at bay, and because depression had been my focus for so many years, I hardly noticed the times I was hypo/manic because I thought they were what "normal" feelings of happiness were like, until....this past summer, where I went into emotional hyperdrive trying to cope with a friend's traumatic suicide(he chose to exit this world by self-immolation), and my mother being diagnosed with a brain tumor(thankfully benign, and safely removed in November).

It was at this point that my husband and the girlfriend of my comrade who committed suicide urged me to seek a PDoc(I hadn't had one in many, many years), and get re-diagnosed, because the anti-depressant cocktail I had had such success with were just not cutting it. What really drove the point home was when I became suicidal while on the meds. I'm not sure who was more frightened; myself or my loved ones, but if there was ever a wake-up call that I needed help, it was definitely then.

Long story short, without actually saying "bipolar", my PDoc diagnosed me with a neuropathway issue, and titrated me up to 200mg of Lamictal in addition to the Lexapro and Wellbutrin, with the hope that I may be able to go off the other two meds and stick to the Lamictal in the coming years, depending on how I react.

My response to Lamictal has been astonishing; for the first time, I am understanding what it feels like to have a regulated mood. As a result, I've begun research to gain a better understanding of my disorder; for years I had been focusing on the depression and its triggers, but now I have the mania side of the coin to get acquainted with, which led me to this site, your column, and your blog.

I've only just begun reading through the archives of "Living With a Purple Dog", but the information and experiences you share about your own struggles and learning how to nurture your son Kyle has given me immense comfort and encouragement.

Through your posts, I've come to know I'm not alone in my symptoms, and through the support you've given your son, I have hope that I will be able to do the same when I have children of my own.

I think one of the most poignant quotes I've read so far is one from your earliest blog postings:
"When it came out in me, we knew what to expect, having suspected it for years. But people interacting with those suffering from mental issues need to research enough to understand, and open their hearts enough to accept."

Regardless of what mental illness one has, stigma is definitely our greatest enemy. Thank you for so eloquently, and succinctly stating the antidote to it. When I finally get to good a place with processing and managing my disorder, I plan to engage more fully in battling the stigma by enlightening the masses.

The end of one journey is the beginning of the next; my heartfelt congratulations to you as you lay new trails in your life, and my unending gratitude to your for paving the way.

Bless, bless, bless, and Namaste,

-Lauren WB Vermette

 

 

5/ 7/08 9:25pm

Thank you so much for that incredible comment. 

 

You've endured a lot, losing a friend in that manner would be unthinkable. 

 

For me, working up to a therapeutic dosage of Lamictal took a couple of months.  Then I didn't realize how much it was doing until my wife started smiling again, and the kids started asking warily "what's up with dad?"

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it means a lot.

Anonymous
Ken
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5/ 7/08 8:58pm

Only diagnosed this winter, your postings have been helpful to me. I'm sure we will 'see' you around eventually - and I'll be keeping an eye out for your book some day in the future. Glad you're working with DBSA - best of luck, and thank you for sharing so much of your story here.

5/ 7/08 11:38pm

Thanks TMarie, your comment is appreciated.

John McManamy, Health Guide
5/ 7/08 10:19pm

Hey, GJ. It's sad to see you go, but at the same time I'm glad for you. I think that final phase of recovery happens when you are able to shed your old identity and move forward. Like a snake shedding its skin. In the bipolar context, the people who get well tend to stop coming to support groups and go back to their "normal" lives and identities. So while we will miss your great wisdom and insight and compassion, I am delighted that you are entering this part of your healing.

 

I very much valued our association here. You've moved up a grade. Keep checking in, and keep in mind I will need you as a mentor when it's my turn to shed my skin and move forward.

 

All the best -

5/ 7/08 11:37pm

John,

 

I'm honored and flattered.  The greatest thing about this place are the people I've gotten to know, and you're at the top of the list.

 

Thanks for your support over the last 2 years.

Anonymous
Anonymous
5/ 8/08 1:19am

 I have enjoyed reading everything you have written, and I've learned alot from you. I loved the line you wrote, that said you happened to be a guy who has bipolar. I'm so proud of you and to see you take a new direction. I think there is a huge difference in being someone that happens to be bipolar and being someone that does lead a bipolar life. To me that means the bipolar leads you through life. Don't let it. Of course what do I know, I am the one that's crazy from the outside in. Have a wonderful life.                    Love, Emma

5/ 8/08 7:07am

I can't tell you how much your story has encouraged me that people can make it, can have strong marriages, and can have strong families despite bipolar disorder.  I and many others have looked up to you as the strong person we would like to be when we "grow up".

Congrats on your new job.  You deserve it.

Take care.

5/ 8/08 7:18am

I can't tell you how much your story has encouraged me that people can make it, can have strong marriages, and can have strong families despite bipolar disorder.  I and many others have looked up to you as the strong person we would like to be when we "grow up".

Congrats on your new job.  You deserve it.

Take care.

5/15/08 7:19am

Dearest GJ<
I so understand and admire your proactive stance in going for what you feel you need to do in order to move on with your needs.Smile

  HOwever I can't feign being happy about itEmbarassed...I will miss you so much on here I am unable to find the words to express how much.

 YOur kindness, empathy, understanding of others and unconditional acceptance of all who came/come with open hand searching for answers has so helped me through so many ordeals that i can't help but be kind of well,Undecided deeply sorry that I will not be in contact with such a caring soul

.......if you recall you were the first person to comment on my introduction to this site and welcome me into the community of expression and knowledge that is so vast on here......

you are the one that kept me here to learn and expand my "community" of friends, you are the one that welcomed me with open arms to the community here

 

....and therefore i am sadCry to be losing you as a resource and YET i am also SO PROUD OF YOU for starting your own site to begin with and now turning it into a site of RECOVERY and COPING not seeking answers, just sharing the moment.....kinda a MINDFULNESS type of approach that I so hope is very successful for you. Cool

I want you to know that I wil greatly and intensly miss you and your inspiring, educational, and caring posts....

But my dear friend, it is good that you have come to terms with what will make you better able to cope, better able to go about your life in a new approach that will hopefully bring you nothing but success and ability to live with the "lightning" in a positive and I can DO IT light.....for you are a very special person GJ< not sure you even recognize how much so.....

but want you to know i feel my life has been enriched and my understanding and acceptance of this condition greatly improved due to meeting you .....

i will miss you my friend.

please email me if you could your new site location i'd love to read and be a part of the positive direction and always looking for new ways to cope myself.....

please take care, and God bless you and your family......my greatest thanks for all you have done for ALL of us GJ.....Wink

take care my friend, take care

"so shines a good deed in a weary weary world" Dahl, and that is YOU of which i speak!
ctrygirl

Anonymous
Anonymous
7/11/08 9:25pm

Hello GJ!

 

I haven't been around for the past several months, as I was hospitalized at the Montana State Hospital (for people with mental illnesses) from December 6th to July 1st.  It is awesome to finally be at home, with my son, and to try to pick up the pieces of my life, after such a long hospitalization.

 

I must tell you that I am VERY SAD that you will no longer be posting here as an expert.  Of all the experts on this site, you have been my favorite.  Your posts were always heartfelt, honest and informative.  I really enjoyed hearing about how you and your son are doing.  I wish you and your family the very best.

 

GJ, I can totally understand that you want to get on with your life as a person who happens to have bipolar disorder, and not as a bipolar person.  There is a huge difference between the two.  I think it is awesome that  you are going to go to this next phase of your life, not identifying yourself as a bipolar person (expert).  I, too, long to be identified by my many other qualities and attributes, that are separate from my bipolar diagnosis.  Oh, to be a regular person, with all the trials and tribulations that come with it.  How many of us have longed to do what you are doing?

 

At this point in my life, I am okay with identifying myself as a bipolar minded person.  I am hoping to get a job as a part-time peer advocate with the local mental health center.  Eventually, I want to go back to graduate school to get my master's in addiction counseling or social work.  I have had the great fortune to have worked at many jobs - some were "regular" jobs (having nothing to do with mental illness) and some were jobs related to or having to do with "mental illness".  It doesn't matter what type of job I have;  I always give it my best effort.  My experience, training and personal experiences have  helped me to excel in both worlds.  I would go so far as to say that, because of my diagnosis of bipolar, I have been a more sensitive and caring person - able to empathize with a wide variety of people.

 

Enough about me!!  I will sorely miss you and  your posts on this site!  As I said, you were the best expert the BipolarConnect had.  I can only hope that they will find someone as open, honest and humble as you, to carry on where  you are leaving off.  You have a real flair for connecting with people through your writings.  I know that will serve you well - no matter what kind of work you decide to do.  Perhaps your experiences with being labeled Bi-Polar, will be of benefit to you in your future career.  I am confident that you will excel at whatever you do. 

 

You shall be missed, GJ!  You have been a breath of fresh air to this site.  Your ability to tell it like it is and to give hope to others are phenomenal.

 

Here is a big, warm hug and lots of positive energy going to you!  Smile

 

Kay

7/13/08 1:05am

Thanks so much to all for your kind comments.

 

Kay - I'm so sorry to hear of your recent hospitalization.  I hope things are looking up for you.

 

GJ

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By G.J. Gregory— Last Modified: 03/05/12, First Published: 05/03/08