Leveling out

Health Interests

anxiety,  depression,  mania,  thoughts of suicide

Drugs I am Taking

Klonapin,  Depakote,  Synthroid,  B12 injections weekly,  lamictal, 

About Me

I believe I had had this lurking all my life. I once saw a questionnaire of BP in children and I answered yes to all but one. I have had minor phychotic or hallucination episodes. I can be a bit delusional. I was a spender. But of course they just called me moody, PMS, Menopausal, a witch. I used to pray I would get sick and die then it would all be over then I wouldn't have to suffer any longer. Then I suddenly started having full blown anxiety attacks that landed me in ER 3 times. I was convinced it way my heart. REFUSED to believe mental. Took a long time to accept GAD anb BI-polar. After 2 yrs of treatment i thought I was better and went off meds. Then I started having severe mood swings. I have "understood" suicide for about 10 years now. It's only lately I have "considered" it and wanted a way out of the pain. I even have a plan. There were episodes where I wanted to be hospitalized and I still don't understand the episodes of weakness and shortness of breath. But lately, after I got over the extreme side effects of Seroquel, have been through several meds and Depakote has worked well for several months, I can see some light at the end of that tunnel. My family doc finally picked up on the fact it was more than GAD. It was a one month wait in my area for a Psyche appt. I have been seeing him for about 9 months. I did quite well on Depakote for almost a year now it has stopped working and I am slowing changing to Lamictal. He did have to increase that dosage after a week. I am still taking Kolonapin as I have for 5 years. I am now at 100 morning and night.