My son won't have anything to do with me

By Katie S Friday, March 07, 2008

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My son has had problems all of his life, and his dr. recently told me that he was 100% certain that he is bipolar. My son is now 32 years old, and doesn't accept this diagnosis. He has had special needs that I have spent most of my adult life trying to get to the bottom of. I have supported him emotionally and financially. Nearly six months ago he sent me a horribly cruel email, saying that I disgusted him and he didn't want anything more to do with me. I don't know where he his or how he is supporting himself. His email really hurt, and I have been to a support group, but I continue to feel as if I have lost the son I spent my entire life trying to help. If anyone has a similar situation I would be so grateful to hear from you. Thanks- Katie

Comments (6) | Add comment

Rusty

3/ 8/08 1:41am

Hi Katie,

My partner has BP. All I know is that they don't mean to hurt you, it is just part of the illness. He must however learn to take responsibility for his illness and his behaviour. Maybe at the moment he needs for you to NOT be there to rescue him. I know its hard. Eventually he will accept the diagnosis. This will be a step in the right direction for him. Until then, sit tight. Tell him you will always love him and be there for him if he needs you, but I wouldn't put pressure on him to come home at the moment. He will eventually and hopefully by then he will accept the diagnosis and get some help and medical intervention for his BP. Best wishes, I am thinking of you and your son. Look after yourself. It is a rollercoaster ride, so while he is away pay special attention to strengthening and looking after yourself so you will be better equipped to deal with his issues when he needs you.R

Katie S

3/ 8/08 2:37am

I can't thank you enough. You hit the nail on the head completely, and I'm so grateful. -Katie

Hopeful mom

3/ 8/08 4:45am

My 16 year old son was recently diagnosed. He was in a horrible depression for the last 2 years and we didn't know how low he was. He said awful things to me and seemed to blame me for everything that was wrong in his life. He honestly seemed to hate me. It hurt really badly because I've always taken care of him. I have always loved him more than anything. Once the diagnosis was made and meds were started, our relationship got better. I no longer feel he hates me. We talk and occasionally he even hugs me now.

My dad (who I strongly suspect has bipolar as well), recently threw a fit about something small. I'm not saying he didn't have a reason to be mad, but he always takes his anger to a level most people won't go. When I suggested he be medicated, he said I was possessed by Satan.

What I would suggest to you is to just back off him. He's grown up now. It's going to be his choice whether he's medicated or not. If you're talking about meds and he doesn't want to go there, that could be why he's said what he's said. Chances are, in two weeks he will forget why he was so mad. My dad has always been like that. He's 65 years old and has followed this same pattern for as long as I've known him. He gets mad, says things to you that are so horrible you can't believe it, then thinks you're awful because you're mad at him and wonders why you won't forgive him.

Katie S

3/ 8/08 5:36am

I truly feel that I'm no longer alone in all of this. I've never spoken to people who have shared this, and have been more alone in raising my son than I realized. Thank you so very much. I can rest a bit in finally letting go at this deeper level. What a lovely person you are to have emailed. xo Katie

Hopeful mom

3/ 8/08 5:46am

I am sorry and I can't really relate to how you must feel. All I can say is maybe he's separating himself from you and maybe this is what he needs to do. I've always done everything for my son and I've gotten the feeling lately he's resented it. I have finally decided to back off him and try to treat him as more of an adult. I am here for him but I can't continue doing everything for him. He's more pleasant since I made this decision. If you treat your son like he can handle his own life, maybe he will let you in again soon.

Katie S

3/ 8/08 10:04pm

Again, thank you for your input. I have been in the long process of letting go of my son since he was in his teens. I just never expected him to lash out verbally in such an ugly way. It's made it difficult to know who he is right now. I haven't seen him or heard from him in months. Time will tell. I appreciate your email. Take care.

My son won't have anything to do with me

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