my story is this....seems I'm not alone

2 years ago my 16 year old son was hospitalized 3 times in rapid succession.  In the state of Virginia a 14 year old can refuse medical treatment so 2 of the hospitalizations started out as TDO (Temporary Detention Order).  My wife and I were all alone in unfamiliar territory.  The system wasn't set up to help us.  Our HMO had 40 Psychiatrists in the book in 2003.  When we needed one in 2006 there were less than a dozen and none were accepting new patients.  We had to fight and argue to get service out of the plan.  I had to quit my job because my wife had the benefits.  We lost a huge chunk of income there.  My company was too small to be required to give me Family Medical Leave so they replaced me in 1 hour and said good luck.  They later told the unemployment office that I was on unpaid leave and that kept me from drawing unemployment benefits.  We refinanced our house and used the equity to get by.  He was diagnosed with Bipolar NOS and intermittent explosive disorder co-morbid with severe anxiety.  I spent a lot of time getting him to school, finding him when he left school, getting him to twice a week therapy, and to his psychiatrist.  The good news is he is graduating from High School this week.  He has a job and has made tremendous strides.  He also has significant legal issues from his risky behavior.  Stupid little things that add up - trespassing, graffitti, caught with a pill (not his prescription) early on in the treatment while he was mis-medicated and self medicating.  It is all catching up and coming to a head.

He is an amazing artist. He is a good kid trying very hard to become a good man.  I see him maturing everyday, and I like the man I see him becoming.  It was a hard path.

Then in Jan my wife left us.  We had our 20th anniversary in Feb and had been together for 22 years.  I thought the accumulated stress was just too much.  I knew we had things to work out together.  I was blindsided by the anger and vehemence and suddenness of her departure.  I truly did not see it coming.  She told everyone it was because things got physical.

We have financial pressures now in addition to the medical issues and school issues, and everything else life throws at us.  In the past year I had watched her move farther and farther from me and become heartless and cruel as she shut down and withdrew.  You can’t force a 14 year old into treatment so how do you help a 40 year old?  She told me she didn't love me anymore and made a weak attempt at suicide (not her first) because she "heard my sobbing" as I dealt with her announcement.  In the past 5 months she has been cruel, vindictive, calculating, and plain mean to me and our sons.

2 weeks ago I drove her to the hospital so she could admit herself.  She has been diagnosed with bi-polar co-morbid with anxiety. .  She has been in outpatient treatment for the last 2 weeks.  She is in the process of moving from her apt (1/4 mile from our house because she wanted to be close) to a new home a few miles distant and in another town.  She left me with the kids, the debt, the pets, and the hurt.  She has been cruel and unpredictable.  She had me arrested for assault and then refused to cooperate with the detectives or the court. ( nolle prose verdict - not innocent- not guilty- but I've been charged with a violent crime).  I love her and for the last year she has tried to make me hate her as much as she hates herself.  Her parents are here now to rescue her.  They have never contacted me or the grandchildren to find out what was going on.  They blocked their phone number to us so we couldn’t contact them.  They choose to believe everything that she has said about us and more specifically about me.  I had actually begun to believe what she was saying to me and about me.  I had a sense of worthlessness because I wasn’t working, I was told I was an abusive man, a liar, a conniving bastard, a thief, and so much worse.  I had ruined her life and broken her heart.  I will own my part of all that failed, I deeply regret things that occurred; but, I am not the man she portrayed me as.