First, thank you all for responding so quickly, so warmly.  I feel good with all of you and value your ideas.  Second, fear must have foreshadowed my weekend.  The day after my posting, the pollen count shot through the roof and I was miserable for the last few days.  I had to take all kinds of meds to beat the beastly thing... meds which would not have been allowed with lithium.  (I recalled Doc saying no pain meds while on Big L.) 

To hautbois:

I still feel scared of lithium, but your explanation is valid.  I'm not necessarily afraid of weight gain, but weight is a touchy subject with me.  Embarrassingly, I am morbidly obese.  The few pounds I gained with inhaling eateries during risperdal has added notable stress.  I plan to give up and see my physician for nutrition and physical therapy.  I'll have to ask my mom to take me.  If I don't have someone standing behind me, I know I'll weasel out of it.

To Chris:

You're in luck!  I actually do keep a diary and explain my days.  And I enjoy habitually boring everyone with my updates.  >wink<  In all seriousness, I am glad that I have you guys here.  It seems lately I am arguing a lot more with my husband about my meds and my moods.  Apparently, we don't agree on several key notes... for example, I feel fidgety, but "no, you are finally active and interested."  And yet, if I was interested, would I still be bored?

To Shelly:

(btw- thanks for the compliment on my writing; the acknowledgement is confidence-boosting!)  I felt better to see that I'm not alone in the hesitation to turn to lithium.  Oh!  I guess What I found out just yesterday?  My great grandma was taken into a state hospital/state home for elderly stuff, and they treated her with lithium.  Of course, it wasn't going to work bcuz she wasn't crazy: my great grandma had Huntington's Disease.   In fact, my grandma has Huntington's as well.  Seems to be spreading.... hmm.

To Tabby and HeyJude:

My doc has an interesting medical practice.  Since 2003 or 04, I have been on the same dosage of Wellbutrin and Lamictal as per Doc's orders.  It was only in the past few months that I decided to change the scene.  And it would have been nice to know that I wasn't cooperating with Life a little sooner.  But then I wouldn't have known about bpConnect; so then, it all works out this way. 

     I went to the doc and said, Doc, I don't think this is working anymore.  How can we change it?  Doc says, well, here's a list of meds I normally prescribe.  Pick one or two and we'll see what happens.  Did the doc ask for symptoms?  Ask why I thought this wasn't working?  Nope.  I had told doc to fix the sad.  At the original time of my appt, I was just starting a manic (not too bad, I thought) and so Doc was set to fix it...but nothing for my sad.  Maybe Doc is waiting for the sad to come and will fix it at that time.  Doc pretty much has let me play russian roulette with the pharmacy.  I don't know if I should be disconcerted about it or not.  It just seems odd.  Or maybe this is the only way to do it: pick a pill, any pill, call me up if it makes you ill.  A chemical carnival- fun for all stages.  Come see the Blatantly Blind Bipolar who can't see the manic from the misery.