My first post EVER!

By Mandy27 Sunday, December 16, 2007

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My name is Mandy. I love my husband with all of my heart. He is bipolar and has decided he wants a divorce no matter what. He says he is tired of hurting me and everyone around him. He is on Lithium and says it helps him. I can't say for sure, because we have been seperated (for the 3rd time now) for over 3 months. We have been married for almost 3 years. It is very difficult to be with him because his cycles are soo rapid and often. He is usually in the high manic side, so he would be very aggravated at me for not keeping up with him. He also has real trouble showing any affection to me. I don't want the divorce, but he doesn't want to keep huting me.

Soo Hurt and Confused!

Comments (6) | Add comment

Hopeful mom

12/16/07 8:38pm

The vows say you take someone for better or worse. If you want to ride this roller coaster with him and you're determined to do it, he is a very lucky man indeed. If you really do want to work it out, tell him how you feel and get into counseling. Family counseling has been a godsend to us. It's helped our son to understand more about himself and it's helped us learn how to help him.

If he is manic you might be better off separated until this passes but it doesn't mean you can't have contact or do the counseling thing if he'll do it.

Good luck to you.

Eric

12/17/07 7:53am

Hey Mandy,

I agree with mom with wedding vows being important but up and too a point. Marriage is not suppose to be a life of misery but more of a joining with both pulling together and in the same directions, someone that you can confide and be truthful with, someone that will support you in making you a better person…it’s called growth, and someone that you actually enjoy being around.

The mere fact you have been separated three times in three years says a lot of what the home life is like. You and only you can make that decision of whether to try and continue this relationship or finally put it too rest knowing you tried your best. It’s not easy being around or let alone living with us when we are in a manic or depressive state and everyone that does put up with it deserves a medal.

I would be willing to bet that your life has basically been put on hold dealing with his illness. You really have to think of yourself first and what’s best for you and where you want to be in lets say a year, 5 years and 10. Do you really see a future where there would be growth by both of you? Do you feel he can support you in what you would like to get out of life?

I really think a lot of people jump into marriage thinking that they can change the other person when the real reality is that the only person you can change is yourself.

My feelings are this…it’s a no go if; there is abuse- mental, physical or verbal. No one should have to tolerate any abuse of any kind especially from the one we call our better half.

Kyne

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mary

12/17/07 12:28pm

Mandy, I am going through the same thing. He doesn't want to hurt me and he thinks he's a burden. I have compassion for you and will keep you in my prayers. Please do the same. Mary

Mandy27

12/17/07 4:08pm

I thank all of you for your comments. They really help me to know there are others going through or know similar situations. I don't have anyone to talk with about this that can help me.

We have tried counseling and he was only in it for him, not us. It turned out to be a disaster for me, because the therapist told him he has the personality that should be alone. Maybe she is right, but it is still hard.

Yes, my life has been on hold for him and has been constant chaos. I have moved 14 times in the last 3 years. My credit is horrible now, when it was excellent. My self-esteem (which never was great) is in the toilet. I am stuck holding the bag, (bills and all). He is moving on like nothing ever happened. Like I never existed. It has been a complete rollercoaster rided. I love hearing from you all. Keep'm coming.

P.S. U 2 Mary!

TaraO

12/17/07 6:50pm

Hi Mandy,

Sometimes I feel like divorce is the only solution. My husband and I are separated right now and are getting divorced next year. I love him as well, but he has put me through a lot. He has been unfaithful. He goes out all the time and basically ignores me. I have tried so hard to keep our marriage together, but he gradually got worse. The sad thing is that he was just diagnosed recently. Everything happened at once for us and now it's just too late.

I finally realized that there's nothing more that I can do to help him. He's going to have to do it on his own.

I hope your situation works out for you. You didn't say how he was hurting you. Just be aware.

My first post EVER!

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