Soo Hurt and Confused!

By Mandy27 Tuesday, January 08, 2008

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I have written before about my bipolar soon-to-be ex-husband. I am trying soo hard to get over all of this. I am trying to put it behind me, trying to restore my credit that has been ruined since we get together, and trying to get my depression under control. It is slowly taking shape. Until, WHAM, I hear what he up to now since he is on his own.

He is usually on the manic side. When we got together he never said a cuss word, would've never considered smoking cigarettes, drank (but not to excess), and wasn't sexually permiscuous.(sp?) Well, that is all changed now! We have been split for not quite 4 months, and he is doing all of that and I don't even want to know how many girls he has slept. He is in a new relationship with a much younger girl, who says she has bipolar.

My point to all of this is... I wish I could help him, but everytime I talk to him I am completey devastated. I take everything soo personal. I can't believe he would be with women and move on like we were never anything. All of his knew friends are such bad influences. All of his friends that were also friends with me have told him how he has screwed up with me. How I was a good wife and why is he doing what he doing? His family is at their whits end with him. I don't know if he is taking his meds anymore or not. I feel like I'm watching a ticking timebomb. I am soo scared but my hatered is growing soo deep.

I gave him all my love. I truly loved him adn I don't know what you would call it? I know I shouldn't take everything soo personal. But it is very difficult. I guess I just need to move on with my life like he doesn't exist, but I'm not wired like that. I have him in my thoughts 24/7, about what he could possibly be doing now. How is he hurting himself now? Thanks for listening.

Finall feel like I have some closure!

Comments (6) | Add comment

Hopeful mom

1/ 8/08 8:53pm

Gosh I wish there was a pill that made us turn off our emotions like a faucet.

You did what you could and I hope none of your thoughts are of guilt or responsibility.

Take care of yourself. His family can deal with him.

God Bless you.

Eric

1/ 9/08 3:29am

Time to move on Mandy…you’re not going to be able to aka fix him and he is not even close to having a mature relationship with anyone. Take the blinders off and see him for what he really is…a crazed person off meds not taking responsibility for anything.

Rusty

1/ 9/08 7:10am

Hi Mandy,

Its really hard to get a relationship back on the tracks once that deep hatred and resentment kicks in. I admire anyone who can do it. I divorced my husband ( who was fooling around but not bipolar). There was too much resentment built up over the years to go back. That isn't to say that I still don't care for him or about what happens to him but I agree with Eric, maybe its time to move on and make a "Mandy" chapter in the book of life, instead of every chapter being about him. He is not taking responsibility for his illness and you can't do it for him. Try to stop worrying about him and focus on yourself for a while. Best wishes Rusty

tabby

1/ 9/08 3:42pm

You think about him 24/7 because you are co-dependant (?sp). You need him to be in your life. Apparently, as painful as it is to read, he doesn't need you at this moment.

He is self-destructing on one hand and enjoying his new found freedom on the other. You say he is to be your ex - so, let him be the ex.

You can't save him even if he wanted you to. He can't save you neither though in truth that is what you are looking for.

Try and figure out why you are so dependant on him being in your life. Why you must obsess over this. Once you figure that out perhaps you'll find that you don't need to be so dependant on anyone else to fulfill something you are lacking.

Let him go for Pete's sake. If he hurts himself then he is the only sole person to blame. It would be his choice.

Let him go & move on and get on with your life and stop focusing solely on why he has done what he has done. It will only bring you more sorrow, anger, resentment, and heartache.

He who angers and causes sorrow, controls you!

bwolf

8/ 2/09 3:20am

I can completely understand how you feel. I have been permanently split from my bipolar diagnosed wife for a little over 2 months and she has already begun seeing someone new. Actually she may have been seeing him before we split I am not entirely sure. My wife did admit to one infidelity while we were married so there may have been more and her latest flavor of the week may be one of them. It is very tough when you know you put everything you have and everything you are into a marriage thinking the one you love will put in the same only to find out in the end that you were the only one who believed the only one who cared and the only one who kept promises. I dont have much advice to give since I am going through this now myself, but your ex husband like my ex wife will just keep repeating their patterns of bipolar induced abuse on other people until they finally get the help they need or until they destroy everything and everyone around them and then self destruct. Those are the only 2 eventual outcomes. But no matter which one it ends up being, we cant let those people continue to control our thinking or continue to abuse us. We have a choice, we can move on and form healthy relationships with healthy people who will love and support us and treat us right. Surrounding yourself with people who do love and understand you is without a doubt the best medicine, they can help reenforce your positive self image and worth as well as being able to remind you that you were never the problem and you were not at fault for your ex husbands disorder and behavior. Thats how I am dealing with my ex and my situation. I guess its like any addiction in a sense. We get stuck in the role of victim and emotional punching bag for them and their bipolar disorder for so long that we end up having a great deal of dificulty being able to adjust to living normally without being subject to the old abusive situation. So once the relationship or marriage is over we have to try and learn how to really live again and it is a slow process. We have to take baby steps and each day as it comes. I will take each emotional pain I will feel at the loss of my marriage one ache at a time and I am sure in time it will hurt less and less until it finally heals. Thats all any of us can do but in the mean time keep people around you who really care they can help remind you of the fact that you are better than he will ever be.

mandy27

8/ 3/09 9:53pm

It has been several months since I posted anything on this website. It was very nice to hear from you bwolf. I wish you the best of luck with your situation. I have been-there-done-that.

My life is going soo much better now. I have a wonderful job that I love and a wonderful man in my life now. He is soo stable. I almost ruined it because I broke up with him twice. I kept waiting on the shoe-to-drop and his craziness to pop out. But.... it didnt' because he isn't bipolar. We have been together now for over a year. I am soo calm now. He is calm and there isn't the constant caos and mood changes. I have grown soo much from all of this. I am definitley more independent and strong. I don't put up with crap like I used to either.

I still talk to my ex every great once and a while. I will always love him and I will always be there for him if he ever needs me. He just got married again. I don't know if he really wanted to or not but he got the woman he was with pregnant. He had only known her for 2 weeks before he had put a transfer into work and moved to another state. Honestly, I know he loves her,but, as much as he is capable. I hear she is a nice girl. I hope he can keep it together for the baby that they are going to have. But if the past is any kind of clue... she will be raising this baby on her own. That makes me sad for all of them.

Soo Hurt and Confused!

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