Yesterday afternoon my husband was officially diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. It galled me to no end when he called me and told me his boss had just threatened to fire him (which is apparently worse than my filing for divorce) if he didn't get his "hyper self" under control. Fortunately, our family physician is also a family friend, so he had a heads up that we needed to get in for this particularlly touchy subject, so we managed to get in within the hour. It wasn't until the doctor started asking me what I was seeing at home that I realized just how pissed I was at my husband. I was so mad that I burst into tears and blubbered my way through everything and all the while G looked at me and kept saying "I didn't do that, did I?". You know, he doesn't even remember telling my kids that there were lazy little pieces of s*** and he actually thought it was his idea that I stay the night at a hotel! In the end I was so upset that the doctor actually offered me an anti-depressent to get me through this whole mess (and mess is about the only word to describe it!). Between tax season (I'm an accountant) and him bouncing off the walls, I supposed I don't blame the doctor for questioning my sanity.
Suddenly at the end of the appointment my husband admits something to the doctor he's NEVER had the cajones to admit before...he has and extensive past of methamphetamine manufacturing and use. Fortunately, those days are years behind him, but he has apparently never felt as grounded as he did while he was using (sounds completely oxymoronic to me, but then I've never tried it so I could be off base here). We left the doctors office armed with a sample pack of Lamictal and a referral to a really good pdoc.
I spent the night hiding from him with our kids locked in our bedroom. To his credit, and despite his incredible manic episode, he managed to recognize how much we needed that break from his behavior and took some time to ponder everything we'd heard at the doctors office.
This morning he woke up with a migraine. This usually signals the end of the episode (is it horible that I pray for migraines continually from the moment the episodes start?), but for some reason not today. I have a nasty case of pnemonia and selfishly looked forward to snuggling down and spending the day recovering (or dying) as best I could before diving back into tax returns tomorrow.
About the time I'm wishing the migraine meds hadn't worked he comes in and says he needs to talk. I love to listen to the sound of my husbands voice even at the worst of times so despite my desire to curl up and die for the day I rolled over and listened. For the first time since the day we met he didn't try and convince me that Meth isn't as bad as it sounds. He used to spend hours telling me it didn't do the damage the experts claim and that one could fully function while high as a kite (you'll note I roll my eyes each time he starts in). He's always maintained he only quit because he got caught and sent to prison and didn't feel much like going back. He met me shortly after coming off of probation and never started using again because I was so adamantly opposed to the whole thing.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST READ. SO YOU JUST SAID THAT SINCE I 'M BIPOLAR AND HAVE MS AND ALL THE HEALTH ISSUES THAT GO WITH THIS ILLNESS I SHOULD NOT EXIST??? HOW DARE YOU! YOUR NOT GOD! WE ARE MADE IN HIS IMAGE. JESUS DOES NOT GIVE US NOTHING WE CANNOT HANDLE.. I KNOW,I KNOW YOUR SAYING ANOTHER BIBLE THUMPER. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. THIS BIBLE THUMPER WITH BI-POLAR,MS TOOK CARE OF HER MOTHER WITH LIFE ENDING CANCER....EVERYDAY I BATHED HER WITH LOVE,I GAVE HER PAIN MEDS UNDER HER TONGUE. I POSITIONED HER FROM SIDE TO SIDE TO MAKE HER AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE. I SLEPT IN HER ROOM ,IN A CHAIR BESIDE HER BED. SHE WOULD ASK ME IN THE BEGINNING,"HOW ARE YOU GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS, YOUR SICK YOURSELF?". I TOLD HER"MOM I'M BEING CARRIED NOW,THEIR IS ONLY ONE SET OF FOOT PRINTS IN THE SAND". MY MOM WAS AT PEACE. AND SHE IS AT PEACE NOW. JESUS DIED FOR ALL OF US. INCLUDING THE ADDICTS,THE LOSERS,THIEFS,MURDERS. HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR ALL. ARE WE BETTER THAN HE?
Just my personal thoughts upon reading your post.
Bipolar is a bio-chemical inbalance in the brain. Folks who have had intensive/extensive Substance Abuse and/or in the midst of such can bring on and produce Bipolar symptoms as well as other forms of mental illness due to the drugs (including alcohol) screwing with the bio-chemicals.
That was his excuse from yesterday afternoon and previous to. For yourself, if no one else, you need to try to find a way to forgive him. I'm not saying forget, I'm saying forgive him for thing previous to yesterday. That's totally up to you however to decide.
This being said now that he has been diagnosed, yet still hasn't seen an actual psychiatrist, there is no excuse from this day forward. He has a start up initial treatment plan in place - psychiatric evaluation by a psychiatrist and medication. He likely will need to seek some type of therapy as well and if you and he, at some point along the way, want to explore marriage counseling.. then that therapy may be warranted as well.
You having the anti-depressant may not have been a bad idea neither. There are typically collateral "injuries" so to speak. You may even want to consider individual therapy for yourself if the depression worsens or your anxiety increases.
He doesn't have an excuse from this day forward for any inappropriate behavior. He has to own up to whatever disorder he finally gets diagnosed with and then stay on whatever track he needs to stay on, make whatever lifestyle changes he needs to, to keep his moods and behavior in check. He'll know now what is going on and what needs to be done to keep it in check whether you are with him or not. He has to manage this, not you.
You can help, if you wish and it will not be easy and there will be more "messes" to contend with down the road for I won't lie to you but he has to stay on it and he has to manage his own illness and there is no excuse from this day forward for he'll learn, if he sticks with treatment, what will and won't work for him.
Do not allow him to excuse himself with this new situation and you'll need to draw some lines in the sand and prepare to stand firm with him if he crosses them. If you're not prepared to do so, then you will need to really think about what you truly want out of all of this and what's best for the children. It's lifelong, it can be better for longer and longer periods of time but, it takes a considerable amount of time and effort on his part, it won't be cured or fixed.
Good Luck!