hard times

First of all, you sound like a great husband to stick with your wife through all of this.  My husband and I are in a similar situation as you and your wife.  I am compliant with my medicine, but still have the occasional manic episode, and when I do, all hell breaks lose.  I can become violent, say the most vicious, hurtful things I can to my husband, and threaten to leave him.  Afterwards, I always feel so incredibly horrible that I have said and done these things to the man who loves me more than anything and is only trying to help me.  Hopefully your wife will realize that you are there for her no matter what and the two of you can work things out.  Best wishes!   

I know you don't want to hear this, but from another spouse of a bipolar loved one you have to start with making yourself happy and realize that there is nothing you can do to make her OK. It is not her, but the illness. Just as an alcoholic the first step is admitting and acceptance of her disease. You sound like a very strong person to continue to put your heart on the line for her. I have recently given my husband of 12 years an ultimatum. Seek treatment or I'm gone. It is harsh, but I have become distant and disconnected in our relationship due to the many years I have had to endure his behavior. I can't say that his case is as extreme as your wife's, but still hurtful nonetheless. When I have spoken to counselors in the past the one piece of advice they give is to be willing to walk away. You have no control over her, you never will. Find the happiness in yourself, pray that she will do the righ thing and refuse to have anything to do with her until she seeks medication and therapy treatment. If she loves you she will. My husband can say some pretty horrible things and has long threatened to leave me when things don't go his way. Now that I've said GO, or get help his eyes have opened a bit. He has still not accepted the illness, but has agreed to see a psychiatrist and family counselor with me. He has also been warned that if he does not show 100% committment to whatever is recommended I will also be gone. You would never believe I could be so firm if you knew me. There is a time when enough is enough. I don't want to die young from a heart attack because of the level of stress that I have control over. Not control over him, but control over what I expose myself to. It will be the hardest thing you will probably ever do, I know. I think you would heal much faster from the pain of leaving for good than the pain of continuing where you are now. I am sure you have thought about this, but just to be blatantly honest...do you really want to suffer from some sexually transmitted disease because of her promiscuity? I'll pray for you to be strong and make yourself happy. That should come first. Take care and good luck to you.

Jen

I agree with Jen.  I know it's really hard but she is right in saying that if this woman loves you like you deserve, she will do what it takes to keep you around.  In addition to her bipolar, it sounds like she's developed a drug problem.  That will only make the mood disorder worse, not better.  There is no reason for you to do all the suffering and compromising in this relationship.  It takes two to make it work.

I read your post, and so much of what your wife has put u through is almost identitical to what I have put my boyfriend through, and I'm here to tell u, being there for her and waiting this out, standing by her until this is all under control, is something that she will spend the rest of her life knowing how strong u are and what unconditional love really is. When she gets past this, when she is taking her meds (the right meds), and she can look back on what she has done and can see that u were always there and never gave up on her, she will know that u are her hero. That no one else in this world will ever amount to u and will never be strong enough to give the kind of love to her that u do.

I am not saying that when it gets there that it will all magically go away, it is a pain in the ass to deal with good or bad, but doing what I did to my boyfriend repeatedly, and having him show me that loving me is what is in his heart and will do that through thick and thin, I owe him my life, I can never imagine being anywhere else, with anyone else, because I know in my heart of hearts, that this is it, he is mine, I am his, good or bad days/months/years, we are in this together. That makes me want to punch this bi-polar in the teeth more than anything now. I have bad days, I have good days, but now I know that I can talk to him about how I am feeling, what is going on in my head, and not have him judge me or be scared of me. He knows how it is, and he has shown me that he wants to be there for me and always will be there for me. No matter what.