Hi,
I am going to explain a little bit about my marriage. About 3 years ago I married my beautiful wife. Even before we got married, our relationship was a total roller coaster. Only the first few months were completely stable. After about one year of complete instability, my wife chose to see a doctor, knowing that something was not right. There had to be a reason her moods changed so quickly and dramatically. The doctor quickly diagnosed her with bipolar dissorder, which finally brought some sense into why things had been this way.
She tried taking all kinds of medications, usually incorrectly. She has a very addictive personality and usually would cancel out the medications that were *build up* and would find ways of getting zanax or something like that to make herself feel better. This became catastrophic, the moods were ten times worse, you could forget about any trust in our relationship, and physical violence was happening all the time. She then chose not to take medication completely.
We then moved to Europe. She started in the school and I was at work. This was great for a few months until she droppped out. Everything pretty much went to hell. This has been such a nightmare I can not even explain. The one thing I know is that I love her more than anything in this world, I just don't know what to do when she isn't feeling well. She makes me feel like I don't help when I try to talk to her. She usually goes and finds somebody else to talk to, but almost always is other guys who I know just want to take advantage of her because it has happened so many times now in the past. There has been almost no faithfulness because every time there are these episodes she runs to somebody else, but still I stay.
I recently moved back to the US and we considered divorce. I even filled out the papers but could not file them, I simply could not go through with it. I became depressed back in the US and she had met this other guy in Europe which made me crazy. He was living in my house and being with her. I wanted to come back so bad, but she would not even talk to me. Then after about three months, she called me and told me she wanted me to come back, so I got on the next plane and flew back.
When I got back, I came to find how terrible things were for her, of course things were not good for me either. She resorted to taking strong pain killing medications and of course zanax again. This other guy was claiming he was helping her but Im sure she was being taken advantage of. But she said to me she loved me and had no idea how all of this had happened. We had about 24 hours of peace. The whole last week has been even more of a roller coaster than I am used to. She has dissappeared now for about 4 days and I know where, back with the guy. Even though all of this is going on, I won't leave her because I love her so much. She seems like she wants nothing to do with me, but I know in less than a week she will be home. Since I have commited myself into this, I have become an emotional wreck myself. I am trying to stay physically healthy by working out, running, and eating well. It helps a little bit but I still feel depressed that I just got back after three months and she has already ran out on me. She claims its for personal reasons, that its none of my business, but that she loves me. It is so damn hard I can't explain, but I am sticking through this.
