A good decision I hope...

I'm back to Valproic Acid, I couldn't wait for my appointment with a new doctor.

I'm having trouble sleeping and because my depression and anxiety are a constant presence I decided to begin taking this again but in small doses just to stop feeling so ill.

I am feeling so ill for the last month, since I asked my former doctor if I could stop taking it, that I decided to take them anyway. I'm afraid about all those side effects and the possibility of making some of other health problems worse than they are. But I have no alternative these three pills combo makes me feel in balance despite the fact they all have ugly side effects. I have had only one bad side effect when I started taking my antipsychotic pill, I thought I was going to die, same symptoms on the 2nd time I took it, I talked to my doctor who didn't like it when I said I refused to take it again. We agree to lower the doses and so far so good. No suicidal tendencies, no death thoughts, no nothing I even have my emotions so in control with this meds I don't feel anything most of the time which I find a blessing after a lifetime of being in a rollercoaster of emotions and losing my sanity without knowing what hit me.

So hopefully I'm in for better sleep and for more easy days. Still I can't get over the fact that without these pills I'm doomed and lost in such deep hells makes me wonder, until when my body will handle this drugs without getting sick. God help us all this is so hard to deal with and so many worries all the time that can consume most of our thoughts leaving no space for much more.