I am a 49 year old married female mom to 3 boys ages 26, 24, 17. I have lately been in a deep depression and overwhelmed with work, home, relationships etc. But my heart stopped when I heard through my sister that my 17 year old does not feel like he has a mom - I wanted to slit my wrists right there. I was also a little upset that my sister did not tell me this right away. Maybe this is just me but I am not always aware of how much I am withdrawing. How to I talk to my sons about this? Their father and I are living together yet but that is all we share an address but not much else. He has run out of patience and felt I should have been "cured" by now. actually I guess that is the consensus of my family. they suggest getting a second opinion, etc but never to me. If I am withdrawing, not calling, not going out is it too much to ask that they try to get in contact with me. I feel like I am too high maintenance and that it is OK that I have bipolar as long as noone has to do anything for me. I am sorry for the rambling, I am just really low right now and feeling like my disappearance would have no consequence to anyone other than relief. Dolle 

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you'll get there! have faith!
Hey Dolls,
Your kids do have a mom and love you dearly. We do with our illness make the home life different that what would be called the norm of the Cleavers as seen on TV years ago. Your sister didn’t tell you because she too didn’t want to upset you more than you are. Sounds like you are still running a bit low and some of this is being caused from environmental issues of real life problems.
OK…maybe you really weren’t the greatest mom, but we all know that you did your best and all three kids turned out ok…right? Seventeen year olds are at that point of knowing everything, revolting and running their mouths before thinking. We all went through it and survived. The 17 year old might just be scared for you if you just went through a depression…it does have its effects on family members, and I truly feel that most of the time it is worst for the family member than us that are dealing with it.
My best advice is to get into your therapist and psychiatrist to find the right medication combo that will work best for you. Your kids really need you and want to know you will be ok….especially the seventeen year old. Have a sit down and let your 17 year old son know you are back and there for him. Sometimes we really need to know the effects it’s having on our family to prod us in the backside to make sure we do whatever is necessary to keep ourselves well.
Your kids want the best for you and wouldn’t know what to do without you. I know what you’re thinking and its totally irrational and just plain crazy. You really need to focus on the positive. You survived a depression and are back ready to kick some butt. If you really feel that you are getting nowhere, maybe a second opinion from another psychiatrist maybe in order if this one is not getting you stabilized.
Your hubby feels like a failure because he can’t make you well. It maybe hard for you to understand but most of us guys feel like we are the protectors and if you have been sick for awhile, it takes its toll. Let him know how much you appreciate everything he has done. You and I both know when you are sick; he is doing the raising of the kids and the household duties as well to keep everything on an even keel. If you want this relationship to continue communication is so very important. Communicate to him how much you love and want him.
I have written a book that might help him a bit more understand the illness. I am not going to post it here, but of you are interested send me a private message and I will send you a link to the online version. Keep your chin up.