bipolar and marriage (oil and water?)

By dolle Thursday, September 04, 2008

- A
- A
- A

My husband of 28 years has decided to move out of our house. He says it is too hard to live with a bipolar but he has also sought out companionship with another woman. This woman's husband has bipolar so they are like two kindred souls that have to live with terrible spouses. I am so scared and I think fear made me stupid to believe that he could love me enough to stay around. He is the major money provider of our household. I work but do not make enough to support myself. We have 3 sons our youngest is a senior in high school this year. The odd thing is that my bipolar is becoming stable and all of a sudden he cannot take anymore. My bipolar episodes consist mainly of deep, dark depressions and suicidality. He does not want me to get a lawyer and says we can save a lot of money if we don't involve lawyers, but how do I protect myself? I don't want to end up on food stamps. I have my insurance, etc through my husband's job. Anyway I would appreciate any and all suggestions regarding divorce, finding a good lawyer, etc. It is just so odd that when I finally start getting better this disease has stolen EVERYTHING from me - my confidence, my self-esteem, my friends, and now my family. It makes me wonder why I fought so hard over the last 8 years to get stable just to lose everything. I am sinking fast. Dolle

marriage

Comments (7) | Add comment

lewielew3

9/ 4/08 12:25pm

he is saying not to because he wants to save his ass..you should also look into social s disability and child support--youll also be entitled to large alimony and most likely half of everything.

dont feel sorry for a man who doesnt care about you and your kids.

i am a man and i went thru this 6 yrs ago--i got taken to the cleaners with her atty..

youll regret it if not--also find one on contigency--paid if he gets results--

dolle

9/ 4/08 1:03pm

Thank you for the advice. I am very ignorant when it comes to legal affairs. I feel so guilty about getting sick and "ruining" his life. And I think I have been so scared that he will leave me that it made me stupid. It is easier to blame myself for the marriage failing than to think someone I trusted and loved can be so mean. Thanks again for the advice. Dolle

lewielew3

9/ 4/08 1:10pm

dont sound like a fool? You guilty for what? you were faithful--He's the d&ck..sorry to be so harsh but us BP must stick together when one is taking advantage of

contact an attorney immediately and

1. dont tell the a-hole

2. stop feeling your responsible

remember when our vows meant something: for better or worse in sickness and health

take him to the cleaners, and youll have the last laugh when his current ho kicks him out and he comes crying to you

once a cheater always a cheater

luvmybabies

9/ 4/08 12:36pm

Your husband is leaving you because he has found another woman, not because you are bipolar, I guarantee that he would not be leaving you if the other woman was not in the picture. He is just being a jerk and using your bipolar as an excuse to leave you for another woman and by having an affair on you, to make him NOT feel as guilty. What a freaking a-hole! Get a lawyer! my dad did the same thing to my mother, he left her for another woman and my mom now gets $1700 a month in alimony for the rest of her life from my dad, because the judge was angry that he cheated on my mom while they were married and my mom was 59 years old when my dad left her for another woman, but you need to take care of you and get you a good lawyer, my mom's lawyer made my dad pay all the lawyer fees through the judge, because he cheated! he got screwed literally!! Don't let this man get away with this!

Mia

dolle

9/ 4/08 12:59pm

Thank you. My therapist has been telling me for years that if he was that unhappy in the marriage he could leave me so I questioned him too about why now? Why when Vickie is in the picture all of a sudden. He says that I have blown his relationship with her out of proportion but it hurts so badly. even my oldest son said that his dad uses my illness against me. It is so hard to think that someone you have lived with for so long can be so cold and calculating. I will be getting a lawyer as I have to protect myself somehow - thanks for caring Dolle

kimmyscave

9/ 9/08 2:43pm

dolle, I am soooo with you right now. I am awaiting a sort of pre-trial in divorcing my husband. This is my 3rd attempt at leaving him. This one is precipitated by our 9 year ol son's battle with bipolar, (son and I both have it). This time I took out a credit card secretly, filed for disability, and had the locks changed on the house while having him served with a no-contact (ex parte?) order. I feel so much less CRAZY now. Having to take care of our son is difficult enough with my depressions, but working at being married too kept me in a mess!

Being bipolar makes everything so draining, but each step is a much larger accomplishment because of it. I agree with the other posts that you need to be protected financially. I've never been able to maintain employment. I don't want to be on food stamps or without insurance either, but I believe this relationship is more harmful to my illness.

It stinks that he's got someone else, but I believe this needs to be about you, not him. Take care of yourself as best you can, stay in contact with supportive people. Face the stress that is worthwhile and remember "this too shall pass."

Much love hon, God bless,
Kim

dolle

10/ 8/08 6:49pm

Thanks for your reply. I am jealous of your strength. Your son is very lucky to have you. I am so tired of taking the blame for our failed relationship. I am so tired of him using bipolar to rationalize behaving badly. It is like he feels entitled because living with a bipolar spouse has been SOOOO hard on him. I will be thinking of you and your struggle -

bipolar and marriage (oil and water?)

Ask a Question