Bipolar, AA, and a mad psychiatrist.....

By BeadGoddess Friday, February 05, 2010

- A
- A
- A

About two years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2. I denied the diagnosis as long as I could. With this I often self medicated at times when things were bad with alcohol and pain pills. Realizing this was NOT the answer I started to get help and cut those out of my life. I know only take the meds that are prescribed to me.

I started seeing my new psychiatrist. One of his specialties is in addiction treatment.

Ive also started going to AA. Had a falling out with my previous sponsor - got frustrated - all or nothing attitude - and dropped out for a bit...but did not fall off the wagon.

My therapist and I are working on a balanced approach to life...two AA meetings a week, taking me time, getting into a routine, etc.

I shared this with my psychiatrist this week (I see him every month to monitor my meds) and he FLIPPED. He gave me a rant about how I was an addict and I was going to fall off the wagon and in a sense went on and on about how I was not to leave the rooms of AA and in fact I was to go everyday. He then proceeded to tell me that he doesnt know if I even am Bipolar - and when I told him that I was diagnosed by three other doctors in the past plus the new therapist....he said - but not yet by me....

I tried to explain that I believe that Bipolar is my main issue and that I was self medicating and at the time I would like to focus on the Bipolar and continue to not drink. I tried to explain that for me, right now, working the AA Program to its fullest, working full time, trying to find ways to reduce stress, and working with my therapist on managing Bipolar is overwhelming. I know it is something I should be able to handle, but I cant right now....

He disagreed and told me again that I was an addict making excuses and that we didnt know if I was bipolar. That I was to go to AA everyday, take my meds, and we would meet in a month.

I pretty much shut down - which I know isnt what I shouldve done, but I didnt know what else to do.

I left feeling a vareity of emotions....anger, sadnes, and confusion.

Ive been seeing this Psychiatrist and Therapist since December because of my past therapist moving....and this is my first experience with a psychiatrist (In the past my family doctor and my therapist worked together to monitor my medications). He and my therapist are not on the same page....and he said, "not to pull rank, but I am going to, I out rank her" her being my therapist.

Im at a loss I have NO idea what to do....

Has anyone had any of these experiences that you can shed some light or help for me? Thank you so much.

Learning to enjoy the good days....

Comments (17) | Add comment

Skully

2/ 6/10 1:26am

Get a different psychiatrist! They're an arrogant lot, aren't they? I've had bad experiences with a few. If you believe bipolar is the main issue, I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in bipolar, not addiction. A bipolar specialist will understand that the drinking is bipolar related and s/he should have experience treating this in relation to bipolar. It's a pain to have to find another doctor, but it's best to work with someone who takes you seriously and doesn;t have a "whollier than thou" attitude.

BeadGoddess

2/ 6/10 12:41pm

Thank you! Thats a good point - I guessed I assumed since he knew both that I would be ok. Thats a great point though - its what he knows.

Thank you so much for your comment. I will look for a new one.

Thank you!

Thom

2/ 6/10 10:24am

One thing to remember is that a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction will view the world through an addiction lens. Everything will be related to addiction in some way. Granted, your psychiatrist is privy to information that I am not. That said, If he thinks your addiction is serious enough to require you to go to an AA meeting every day, then he should schedule you more often than once a month.

I think that if you believe Bipolar is the main issue, then it very likely may be. But don't underestimate the power of addiction to deceive. I would recommend tackling both issues aggressively. Finding a doctor who specializes in Bipolar treatment may be the way to go, given the circumstances. I wish you the best of luck.

Hope to see you on these Health Central pages often.

BeadGoddess

2/ 6/10 12:44pm

Thank you!
Good points!

I have recently found a great sponsor in AA who is kind and is understanding of mental illnesses. Im also finding new meetings and meeting new people that are much more kind.....

I love the concepts of AA and I think I just need to find others that tend to have more of an understanding approach.

Thank you so much for your help and I plan on being here! Thank you!

Purple Flamingo

2/ 6/10 12:39pm

In the immortal words of Donald Trump.... "You're fired."

Finding a doc is sooo time consuming and frustrating. I'm so sorry you are burdened with this nonsense. Good luck to you.

BeadGoddess

2/ 6/10 12:44pm

Thank you!

Melicoo

2/ 7/10 1:11am

Just try doing 90 in 90....you may then see why he is asking you to do so! I am glad you are willing.

BeadGoddess

2/ 7/10 10:00am

Thank you...I did a 90 in 90 the first 90 days (I have just over 5months sober) and Ive decided to recommit myself to the program. I found a very caring and nice sponsor that has bp as well - so she can relate....and I found some more traditional and "open" meetings (open being just more open minded).
Also from talking with others this is common around this length of time - and it fits into my cycles of I can do this by myself I dont need anyone....so I pushed past it and did not drink or use - thank god - and Im back on track.....Giving it a shot - why not....

Thank you so much for your support.

Melicoo

2/ 8/10 12:04am

Sounds like you are on the right track!!! I will have 11 years in June. I got sober at 25. I have been with my BP husband for 7 years and he is also in the program!!! If he doesn't treat his BP he will relapse. If he doesn't treat his addict...he will relapse which causes a cycle in BP anyway! I have been through years of him in and out of the psyche ward....and you really have to treat both!

BeadGoddess

2/ 8/10 9:10pm

Thank you so much!

Congratulations on your sobriety - that is so inspiring!

I met with my new sponsor tonight and she is wonderful! SO KIND and so nice and just real.....I love it!

Im finding new meetings and being more open. Im also eliminating and not getting involved in the drama - there is ALLOT of it and I have a choice - be in it or not - Ive decided not....I dont need it....

Thank you so much for your inspiration - and congrats again! WOW 11 years that just seems amazing and untouchable to me!

chris

2/13/10 3:11pm

hi bead, EVERYONE in AA talks a good talk, then their themselves the other 23 hrs. of the day. have you EVER heard, when you ask somebody how they doing, say, i feel like shit man. because if you`re honest in saying how you feel, people will blast you for NOT WORKING THE PROGRAM!!! so, everyone says "GOOD", "GOOD", how you doing? "good" "good". so, before you get to the AA meeting, put on your happy face. you wouldnt want anyone to know you`re human, with human emotions, ups n downs. im treated as the ANTI-CHRIST of AA when i go, because i speak my mind, good, bad, or indifferent. so, be yourself, im sure you`re a wonderful person, with your own ideas, dreams, clothes preference, etc. its ok to be you, and its ok to feel bad or sad, you`ll feel good again, i promise.

BeadGoddess

2/14/10 11:08pm

Thank you.

I think my own progress and my own being "ok" has to start with managing and learning to live with my bipolar.

I can completely see what you mean with the being ok thing and not wanting to hear the bad stuff.....thank you!

tabby

2/ 7/10 10:09am

you really do need to go through a box of psychiatrists to find the right one

if your pdoc is not offering you any assistance as you feel the need, fire him or her

they come by the dozens

by differing degrees and specialities

by differing ways of thinking and treating

some are ego driven self imaged Gods that know all and you are to agree and do as told

some are so new that they squeak when they breath and are just so shiny

and

some are so old, and have been in it so long (longer than they should), that don't agree or believe in "the new ways" - are so jaded and are indifferent to patients - or are as confused as the patients

then you get the ones that truly listen, truly want to help, know something about something but not about all things, yet - are sharper and more accurate like a well placed lazer - and just works with you as long as you work with them and don't mess with them (like not trying, offering up excuse after excuse, etc...)

BeadGoddess

2/ 7/10 11:04am

OH Tabby its like youve been in my sessions......until a few months ago - I would always make excuses, hold things from my past therapist - it was awful. Then when I finally came all clean and told her everything - I overwhelmed her and she discharged me to another doc - the psych and therapist Im seeing now. That scared the life out of me and I was like OMG IM insane and no one can help me. Its taking me MONTHS but I realize that she was truly doing what was best for me cause she couldnt help me the way I needed help so she was getting me the help.
I have learned a valuable lesson from that and really I need to be honest with everyone that is willing to help me in my road to recovery and wellness.

My thought was to meet with him in a few weeks and be honest about this visit and how he made me feel and see how it goes....if it doesnt go well Im going to find another psych....I liked him at our first meeting - but who knows.....

Thank you for your insights! They are so right on with me!

tabby

2/ 7/10 9:22pm

Reminds me of a therapist I had a few years ago.

I truly got a lot out of our sessions and they were so intense.

I told her everything and it was a bad period for me.

She too, had me leave and when I questioned her she told me straight up that I was only the 2nd most severe case she had ever had in her nearly 23 year experience as a therapist

and she simply could not assist me as things were at that time

I sat there dazed and dumbfounded, actually. Yet, better to know then to continue therapy with someone who knew they could not assist me.

I greatly respected her honesty and I appreciated her being straight up with me. I told her so at our last meeting.

BeadGoddess

2/ 7/10 9:48pm

Hi Tabby -

Sounds like we have had similiar situations. I did not handle it as well as you did though. I took it very personally and was very hurt by it and went into victim mode.....not a pretty picture. It was later on that I realized that it was a great thing for me.

Thank you so much for your words and for sharing your experience. It helps more than you know.

Thank you

Mae

2/24/10 4:28pm

Dear Friend,

This is a very concerning situation. I am also a Bipolar Alcoholic. I became sober thru AA beginning Oct. '08. I also majorly self medicated my anxiety, depression, trauma flashbacks, etc. with alcohol. My therapist and doctor pointed that out, so I didn't really believe I was Bipolar II. Well, I am, and balance is exactly what I need. I can't seem to find that balance thru therapy, medication and church alone. If I want my life to change, then I need to get to the core of why I became an alcoholic. Going to meetings, working with a sponsor and working the 12 steps has been vital to my overall recovery since then. Actually, AA was the very lifeline that got me to take my bipolar and the unmanagability of my life seriously. (Step One.) Since I made a decision to get honest; my therapist and I can really work thru stuff. I had to do steps 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 to get to this point. My life is worth it. You will get out of the AA program what you put into it. Anyone in the program will tell you that. Not sure what the deal is with your doctor; maybe it's his way of trying to get your attention. Starting out in AA going to a meeting twice a week with no sponsor will get you drunk at some point; if your an alcoholic. That is a halfway approach. I had to get honest about my pain and decide if my life was worth it. The Big Book says that half measures availed us nothing. Give the program a chance and by doing that you are giving yourself a chance.

Bipolar, AA, and a mad psychiatrist.....

Ask a Question