Hello!
I posted before the argument my psychiatrist and I had - and how he wants to treat me for addiction vs. bipolar and I want him to do the reverse.
He is pushing me to go to AA everyday which the very thought overwhelms me. My therapist is working with me on balance and wants me to cut back on meetings - and focus on therapy.
Conflicting much?????
I like the concepts of AA - and I had a horrible sponsor for awhile (took tough love to the limit) and then I found a new one...and Ive been doing it for about 6 months.
The problem is I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty if I dont go enough...I feel guilty if things arent working....I feel guilty cause I still want to have a drink from time to time....
I feel like Im not a good member of AA.
Which is hard cause I already beat myself up about not being a better employee, a healthier person, a better wife, a good friend, the list goes on and on....
So what are your experiences and thoughts on AA? Do you find it helpful in your overally recovery? Do you find it helpful with your BP?
Thanks!
i have had alot of experience with AA, there are way to many HARDLINERS in AA that just dont have a life outside of the rooms. and they push the, if you dont accept EVERYTHING we say as gospel, you`re gonna get drunk. i had a problem with them for A LONG TIME, stopped going even, stayed sober. now i go when i can, if i want to, and if i dont go, i dont feel guilty. the whole idea is, making your life better. with or without AA. its still your choice to drink, whether you participate in their club or not. the AA nazi`s will drive you crazy if you let them, now i find them kinda humurous. take staying sober, if thats what you want to do, serious, not particularly what some bozo at a meeting says. if that guy cant stay sober without hiding in an AA room, thats his problem. take care.
Thank you so much. Your insights are really helpful. I love the BB and the insights and suggestions in there. So I found a few people in the program that do not take it as literally as others and have learned to love and live life....Ive also found some meetings that also share this view....You are right - its what you make of it.
I hope to get to the point you are at with confidence.
Thanks!!!!!
With all due respect, Chris, aren't you being a little harsh on the oldtimers? Most of them are there to give back more than they are there to get. At least, that has been my experience in the last 13 years. Yes, there are times when the oldtimers share from their present, but mostly, at least those with a good quality of sobriety to my observations, they share the principles and what helped them to get and to stay sober.
Beads, kudos to you for posting the question. I will briefly share my experience, strength, and hope with you.
For my first 10 months I did 3-4 meetings a day. My therapist called that addicitve behavior. I just about had a successful suicide attempt at 10 months. As a result, I underwent a major internal shift from blaming my husband to looking at me. When I did that, things began to change. In my first year I went through 3 sponsors before finding -- and having the courage to ask -- my current sponsor. It was suggested that a good way to find a sponsor was to look for someone who had something you wanted for yourself. I did that and grew through it until I found a woman who had serenity and an excellent foundation in the Big Book.
After just a few years in the program, I found AA had done more for me in that time than 25 years of psychiatry and psychology prior to my entrance. AA will teach you the tools you need to live a healthier life, but it does not replace therapy.
Many old timers go to 3 meetings a week, not every day. I would suggest that you do what YOU need to do for YOU. Is not drinking a constant battle? Go to more meetings. Of course you are going to experience moments of wanting to drink -- like me, you're an alcoholic! --but what do you do when these urges hit you? Do you pick up the phone, call your sponsor, call another woman, call upon your Higher Power, go to the next meeting you can find? Your sponsor will no doubt help you in this regard. I'd suggest you talk to her about it ASAP.
Have you ever heard the statement to newcomers, that, if you were to write down on a piece of paper now what you want for your life in the future, that you would shortchange yourself? BELIEVE IT!!!
My meeting attendance varies at this time to sometimes not even for several months. I don't have a car so it is difficult for me to get to the meetings that I find the most helpful, but I go whenever the opportunity presents itself. I have also just found out about a new dual dx meeting in town that I can walk to and plan to check it out tomorrow night. I would like to add, however, that, with AA being the granddaddy of the 12 step movement, it has -- despite its imperfections -- the clearest recovery message. Perhaps I can help to guide this new meeting towards that, perhjaps not, but it would be one more way for me to give back just by attending.
Thank you so much!! I agree.....my new sponsor makes a huge difference. Im also being more open to meeting people which has opened my eyes to allot of things I had missed the first time around....Thank you!
I really enjoy it now and I think its my attitude about everything...
I appreciate your honesty and htank you so much!
Glad to have been of service, BeadGoddess.