I know he is right and I know everyone is right.....I just told him the same thing I told everyone - I hate having this disease - I didnt chose to have it - I hate it and I want it to go away.
His answer - get over it, its not going anywhere and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move towards managing it.
People with cancer do not chose to get cancer, but they chose to manage it, and fight it.
If you had diabetes would you be resisting help and eating cupcakes? No you would take care of yourself.
He told me, you have to start viewing this as a disease you have and that you are going to take on and manage.
So I agreed. He also sent a note to my therapist asking her to keep him more informed and should I miss a session please let him know so he can call me and if he has to - he will pick me up himself.
To understand his harshness, you have to realize he was my husbands family doctor and has been my doctor for over 8 years. He is a friend to me and he is brutally honest.
He switched up my meds and I start the new doses immediately - so this should level me out. Lets hope.
So today Im trying to stick to a routine. I have the day off - but I got up at my normal time. Went to bed at the same time Ive gone to bed all week.
I made a list of things to do this weekend - then went back through it cut half of it off. I realize Im NOT superwoman and I dont want to feel guilty cause I didnt finish everything on my list. I want to have a manageable list and feel proud on Sunday night because it is all done.
So this morning I got up. I went for an early walk since I plan on working on my "Zen" room (I'll talk more about that later). My fab friend from lunch (mentioned above) is coming over and we are going to try painting. Ive never painted before - so this should be interesting! LOL! But Im looking forward to it. I dont drink - havent for 6 months - so she never drinks around me - the only person in my life that respects this decision and does that for me. She choses not to and when asked why - she says - I dont need to, so why drink in front of you? I love that answer.
So Im looking forward to working on my Zen room and my night with my girls...so more later.....thanks for listening!
I like what you doc said to you about the fact that it is an illness that you have to manage.
When I was first diagnosed, I heard and read so many discouraging stories about folks with Bipolar. The prognosis of a future with it seemed so daunting and well.. miserable. Yet, I chose to look at it as just what it is - a illness to be managed.
Cause sug, if you don't... it will manage you and you probably have experienced some of it's management techniques. Not enjoyable, I gather.
The illness affects and effects each one individually. It's custom designed for the one it affects. Your symptoms, reactions, and responses will be different than someone sitting next to you. So, yeah... you may think another nuts while they may think you are completely "out of touch" and vice a versa.
I didn't like what you posted before of how your therapist had you repeat "I'm Bipolar". I was going to reply to that but chose not to. I will note it here though.
It is paramount that you accept what you have is what you have, for you to look it in the eye and know it for what it is, and yet... you are not it. You are a person who has a illness and it's name is Bipolar. You are not Bipolar.
Bipolar has this conatation (?sp) and a image that most have in their minds. As such, when someone hears that someone has Bipolar they generally picture that image. While some with the illness do mimic that image, most if not the majority of do not.
Sadly, even a good majority of mental health providers have this issue of putting someone into a "mental image" of a textbook description.
To me anyway
- It is limitating and restricting and if one gives into that mentality that "I'm Bipolar" with all it's sterotypical junk associated with it... one will be only what the box describes one as and not ever who one truly is or can be. Goals may have to be modified and adjusted to compensate for the illness but shouldn't be just scratched because of the illness.
So, learning how to live your life in full with Bipolar running along in it and managing it so that it doesn't overtake your life.. is the key. Same as with Diabetes or any other illness and/or disorder. It can be done with diligence, effort, tenacity, and working with a good doc AND a therapist.
There is no promise that you'll never slip up or de-rail cause you will. I assure you that you will and perhaps over and over throughout your life - it's the illness. Yet, the ability to have longer periods of stability in betwixt and between is there.. you just got to keep managing it and working on it.
good luck
and keep letting us know how you are getting along
Thank you Tabby.
I like your way of putting it. Rather than the disease being who I am, I am me with this disease. Thank you for that. I really needed to hear that.
I will keep posting - as it seems to help me to put it down in words. Some things I write are difficult, but it just seems to help to get it out there.
It also helps me to know Im not alone.
Thank you!