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This is your illness
Eric
Saturday, July 04, 2009 at 06:41 AMre: This is your illness
BeadGoddess
Saturday, July 04, 2009 at 09:54 AMThank you Eric.....
I guess being inthe state I was I figured well he needs to do this and that, and so on....but you are right its my disease and I need to figure it out...and work with my therapy and support groups.....
Im sorry to hear about your past experience with it. It saddens me, because I have dated others in the past who were bipolar and not knowing that I was bipolar became the caretaker.
Im also learning to not be my mothers caretaker who is also bipolar yet choses to do nothing about it. So it is a tough spot to be in.
Thank you. you gave me a new perspective to think about....
re: re: This is your illness
Fed Up
Thursday, July 09, 2009 at 09:49 AMI have a real issue with the fact that you are the one with a life threatening illness and you think that you are doing things wrong. You are not "doing things wrong" would anyone out there say that a person with cancer is "doing things wrong" when they are having a bad day? Give yourself a break. Sounds to me that your "logical" husband is a bit of a cad. Sorry if I sound harsh but I don't believe in sugar coating reality. He sounds a lot like my soon-to-be-ex husband, getting mad at you for being ill or yourself for that matter. Not telling you that his parents are coming for dinner and expecting you to pull off dinner? Find a wife with a backbone that would put up with that more than once, that is not bipolar accomodations it is simple everyday kindness. Google emotional abuse. You may find some interesting reading. To address the self righteous post above-get real. Do you really think that you are some super human who can cope alone? Or that anyone can cope alone with something as major as bipolar? Your thinking is impaired. Sounds like you have more issues than bipolar to discuss with your therapist. Best of luck to you both.
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First of all...this is your illness not his to deal with. In saying that, his job is to be the husband and my guess he is still being the man you married.
Why is it so important for you that he understands our illness? Of course he is not going to have any understanding nor would anyone else that has yet to experience it first hand. The last thing you want or need right now is to make the illness the pivotal point in everything going on by asking him to change the way he is doing things because you are bipolar.
The illness is yours, you own it, you are the one that has to get treatment and do what ever it takes to get yourself well...not him. I have been on both sides of the coin in that my wife is also bipolar. I did all the wrong things to the point of enabling her to have do nothing. I became the caregiver, therapist, maid, cook and it drove me to the point of resentment of where I was in life and had ended up.
I lost the role of husband somewhere because the illness had become the pivotal point in our lives. A good husband would go to the end of the earth for their wife...right?? Well thats what I though I was doing. Looking back, my advice to anyone is that you need to keep the role of husband, wife, friend or family member and keep doing your normal routine and leave the therapy and getting oneself well again to the person with the illness.
Don't make excuses for us or start taking over jobs and tasks that cause enabling. Be supportive of anything this person is doing to get well again (therapy & medications)and stay clear of things that cause you to change your daily activities.