Diagnoised with  Bipolar II this year, clinical depression, December 2008 almost died from a MRSA infection and again in February 2009.  May 2009 I admissted my self to psych ward.  Right before admission discovered that I have a lesion on my Left Pons section of the brain, which is part of the brain stem.  Take and see attitude with my Neurologist.  MRI last month reveals that this is actually something major.  Neurologist informs me last week that the Neurosurgeon needs to see me this week to explain everything to me, all my options, which is surgery or radiation.  Can't do radiation as I am HIV positive.  Side effects of brain stem surgery are mild to severe.  You do not come out of sugery on the brain stem 100% clean.  So, as you can imagine I am FREAKING, FREAKING, FREAKING out.  My friends are trying to help.  I spoke with my Psychiatrist and he is there every day if I need him.  He is a good doctor.  Just really can't sleep or do anything.  Keep forgetting things right now.  I am going to take 2 mg of Klonepen (with Dr.'s orders) to see if I can sleep a little tonight.  Can't wait until Wednesday is over.  I am 50 years old and life is not suppose to be like this.  At least the one I planned when I was 20.  Just hed to get this off my chest.  Thanks for listening.