I have often heard that being alone can make the illness worse. I wasn't really sure about this. Now i spend most of my days on my own i am starting to see that it is making my illness worse. I am living with my boyfriend but he works 6 days a week which i understand that he has to work to earn money. What gets me is i moved in with him, he lives 200 miles away from where i was living. I left all my friends and my mum behind. I gusse i am now realising how lonely i am getting. His friends don't think me because they think i am mental and hate thathe is with a crazy bipolar nutter chick which is what they have called me. Don't really care about that. I truely do love him and have never felt like this about anyone before.

But it is so hard being on my own all the time. His friends invite him out but not me. Like tommorow is his friends 40th birthday they are having a do, my boyfriend is invited but not me and he is going. Which really annoys me i think he should stick up for me more. So when he finishes work he is heading over there so that means i am on my own again.

Another thing is he lives in a village in the middle of nowhere and i don't drive so it makes it really hard for me to go out. Ok i have mayed 2 friends here but of course they work as well so i can't see them that much either. I did apply to go on a collage course here but i didn't get in. So it's not like i am not trying to go out and make my own friends.

I am 27 and the youngest in the village which dosen't help me much. They are all in their late 30's early 40's and don't really want much to do with me.

Everyday is the same. I have tryed to talk to him about it but he will just say that in time they will come round and get to know me and will like me. And that given time i will meet new people and make my own friends.

If i go back to my mum i will feel guilty and i miss him so much. But here i am so alone.

I try so hard. I am so annoyed that he can't come home from work and spend some time with me. I get to go out twice a week if i am lucky. If not then i don't get to go out at all. 

Maybe i am being selfish wanting him to come home and spend time with me or for us to go out together as a couple like we used to.

Sorry it's turned into a rant.