I have nothing have nothing, not now i misscarried my twins.

Yesterday my whole world was destroyed and i am not sure how i am ever going to get over it. I just had this feeling that something wasn't right 2 weeks ago but when i went to the hospital they told me that i was fine, they gave me an ultrasound and there on the screen was not 1 but 2 babys. I was so relived and happy that all was well although a little shocked that there was 2. Wasn't sure how i was going to mange seen's their father dumped me when i was 2 weeks gone, all because he had got back with his ex. 2 weeks after me leaving he moved her in. Then he messed me about with yes he wanted to be there for what we thought at the time was just a baby, but then he change his mind and so on.

Yesterday i knew something was wrong so rushed to my see the doctor after 10 minuets my worst fears where confirmed my twins had gone at that point i just felt like i couldn't breath, my hands where shaking and i felt like my whole life had gone.

I went and told my ex and he wasn't very helpful, just said that it just wasn't ment to be. I lost it at that point and shouted at him, i blamed him for it as he had put me under so much presure. I had his father verbaly abuse me and his friend when this come out. He wanted to be friends with me but i cant help but blame him and myself for this. I let him get in my head and i shouldn't have and now it's to late to change anything because they are no longer here and never will be. Just not sure i can live with this, my ex just walks off and dosen't feel anything.

I was so happy the happyest i had ever been, it was real happyness as well not just mania. Seems like everytime i am truely happy it never lasts long. I try getting over it and i normally do. But i couldn't get over my ex dumping me to get back with his ex then moving her in 2 weeks after i had gone. It hurt so much,. But not as much as losing my babys. Now he isn't even going to be there for me. Just told me to take care of myself. I mean they where his twins as well, am i being unreasable to ask him to talk to me about it??. I don't know.

Everywhere i look there is babys or talk of babys. It hurts to know that that i am never going to see them or hold them. Thats where i just want to end my life. Can't cry any more.