Yesterday my whole world was destroyed and i am not sure how i am ever going to get over it. I just had this feeling that something wasn't right 2 weeks ago but when i went to the hospital they told me that i was fine, they gave me an ultrasound and there on the screen was not 1 but 2 babys. I was so relived and happy that all was well although a little shocked that there was 2. Wasn't sure how i was going to mange seen's their father dumped me when i was 2 weeks gone, all because he had got back with his ex. 2 weeks after me leaving he moved her in. Then he messed me about with yes he wanted to be there for what we thought at the time was just a baby, but then he change his mind and so on.
Yesterday i knew something was wrong so rushed to my see the doctor after 10 minuets my worst fears where confirmed my twins had gone at that point i just felt like i couldn't breath, my hands where shaking and i felt like my whole life had gone.
I went and told my ex and he wasn't very helpful, just said that it just wasn't ment to be. I lost it at that point and shouted at him, i blamed him for it as he had put me under so much presure. I had his father verbaly abuse me and his friend when this come out. He wanted to be friends with me but i cant help but blame him and myself for this. I let him get in my head and i shouldn't have and now it's to late to change anything because they are no longer here and never will be. Just not sure i can live with this, my ex just walks off and dosen't feel anything.
I was so happy the happyest i had ever been, it was real happyness as well not just mania. Seems like everytime i am truely happy it never lasts long. I try getting over it and i normally do. But i couldn't get over my ex dumping me to get back with his ex then moving her in 2 weeks after i had gone. It hurt so much,. But not as much as losing my babys. Now he isn't even going to be there for me. Just told me to take care of myself. I mean they where his twins as well, am i being unreasable to ask him to talk to me about it??. I don't know.
Everywhere i look there is babys or talk of babys. It hurts to know that that i am never going to see them or hold them. Thats where i just want to end my life. Can't cry any more.
I am very sorry for the loss of your babies Ice Queen. I am very sorry for the miscarriage.
YOU had absolutely nothing to do with their loss, not one thing to do with their loss. As much as it hurts, and I completely understand the pain - I sincerely do, your ex had not one thing to do with their loss neither. You are in pain, you are angry, and you want to lash out and your ex is suitable for this for the pain he had already caused you... but, he had not one thing to do with their loss neither.
It is insensitive to tell someone, who has miscarried, that it "must be meant to be". IT IS insensitive and cold. It means that somewhere in the universe, someone meant for the babies not to be and for you to not be their mom... this is what it means to the mom who has miscarried. It neither helps nor comforts and yet many many women hear this from people who know not one other thing to say.
In the case of your ex... take this as what it is, a snapshot of his treatment of you in a very fragile moment and in some way - try to find the relief in knowing that he is gone from your life.. cause you do not need someone who would treat you so coldly, as you've reported him to be here for that is all anyone here has to go on - what you've typed.
It is also insensitive to hear from other women, and you will likely hear it if not already, that "you are young and you can try again". To those who have miscarried, that says that the baby or babies were dispensable or exchangeable and the baby or babies are not. Yet, the folks are well meaning and care... they just are insensitive and don't know what is being said or received.
I also get what it feels like to look around and see pregnant women, babies, or to even be expected to attend baby showers. I lost my first baby fairly far along in the pregnancy... the months afterward were cruel and excruiating.
I became suicidal and ended up a month in a psych ward... to come home and spend another 4 months at home in a daze of heavy drugs. It wasn't until nearly a year and a half later that the grief started to subside... it is quite painful.
To this day, nearly 15 years later.. I still grieve and think of my first child. It is not as devastating, the grief but, it lingers... it will always linger and I'll always remember and I do know that one day... I will be reunited with my little one and will be her momma again.
I am very very sorry Ice Queen. I am very very sorry.