Everything is just falling apart no matter what i do and now i feel like the end has come. It's been 6 weeks since i misscarried my twins and although i thought i was getting there a little i am not. Now i have started to rapid cycle one min i am laughing and not sure what at the next i am crying and in a real state. Even my mum has started to notice as it's so bad and so have my friends.  I went to see my pdoc last week but he wouldn't change my meds,  because he feels that i don't need them changed. I take them every night like i am surpose to but there not working. I have been on them for a year and half now. Then he has told me that he can no longer see me as a pationte as i have fallen behind in my payments and he can't see me untill i have cleared the payments. So now i am left with no pdoc. Because i am going to have to wait till the new year for a pdoc that isn't private.  I don't know what to do, first i am angary and waht to fight the next i am talking non stop and laughing out loud at anything. To compleate depression where i am crying and screaming that i want my babies back. But then i do have spell of normal and dueing that time i still miss my son and daughter. Which is the normal griving i know.

But it's affecting me when i am out and see women with babies or children or are pregnant.  

Other times it doesn't bother me. I know some is normal but some is not. I am confussed

I feel like my brain is about to explode and i that i am going crazy don't know who i am anymore. I dunno what to do. I can't bring my self to go out some days yet other days i am out all day not wanting to go home. If i am honest i am scared of myself.

I went to see my docor who sent me to see a breavement councilar but they told me no one was avalible till the new year but i was top of the list. I dunno if i should go back and see my doctor again. I do feel like the meds need uping or changing. Because they used to work but not now.

Can't handle this much more. Any advice would be greatly recived.