I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2004 after I sought treatment for my increasing irritability and was prescribed prozac. I don't remember too many details, only that I became more sad, angry, driven, irratic, after I started taking it and I felt extremely out of control. I've always had trouble sleeping regularly, but during this time I hardly slept at all. But I never needed to be hospitalized, I still went to work every day, and maintained my role as a mother and wife. I just was very unpleasant to be around. My doctor (whom I trust completely) gave me the diagnosis after I filled out a questionaire in his office, and also based on the fact that my sister was diagnosed with it. The first few medications I took made me a zombie. My depression intensified. I started seeing a therapist, and eventually stopped all medications. I had felt so bad on the meds, that I thought I was back to normal, until I tried taking college courses and all the irritability,anxiety and sleeplessness came back. Finally a psychiatrist prescribed Lamictal, and Risperdol to help me sleep and control irritability. It took several months, but slowly I became more like my normal self. I've taken self-induced "medication holidays" because I forgot what I was like before and I guess partly to see if I still had it. It would always lead to an increase in symptoms. I have also since been diagnosed with ADHD, but while that seemed to make a lot of sence, it also created more difficulty accepting my bipolar diagnosis. My ADHD symptoms fit the classic profile, while my bipolar ones don't, or I don't think they do anyway. I was told by a phychiatrist that it was bipolar typeI with some rapid cycling, but I've never had a classic manic episode (euphoria, grandiousity, calling friends in the middle of the night etc.) and almost always my "elevated moods" were (are) unpleasant. When I was charting my moods I couldn't decide if I was up or down because I knew I definately didn't feel good! I finally learned about dysphoric mania. And the only severe episodes of depression I can remember were when I was already taking antipsychotics, so I thought if I have bipolar it seemed to be more like bipolar typeII. A lot of my symptoms could be related to ADHD and bipolar,so I don't know which are which anymore! I guess I should talk more with my therapist but I'm seeing a different one now due to insurance, and it hasn't come up yet. When I went to my first one we mostly delt with damage control. I'm struggeling with anxiety depression (low feelings of self-worth), and guilt. Is there anyone else out there who is also having a hard time figuring out what they are going through too, or who can offer insight to my experiences?