Just stopped all meds... good idea???

Written by

Wed, September 03, 2008

i decided to stop all my meds. i was on lithium, trileptal and zoloft. i have been on meds for the last 8 years (since diagnosis). since then i've gotten my degree, started and then stopped a career, had 2 children (now 3 and 16 months) and gotten married (thus inheriting a stepdaughter full time). i feel that i don't know myself anymore or my symptoms. i weened myself off per my doc's instructions, i am only on 1/2 dose of zoloft until next week and then i'm done. i naturally turned to alcohol almost immediately (i know that is not the best decision so don't write back berating me for that), but i can't stop crying either.

does anyone have any advice on what i can expect next and what if anything i should document or take into consideration to tell my doc. i know i will probably be back on something eventually. i guess i wanted to be free and normal for a little while and i wanted to reset myself since i've had so many life changes and i feel like a lab rat w/ all the med changes. i want to stop eveytihng, clean out my system and start over.

Logical or dangerous?

Comments (14) | Add comment

Notify me when there are new comments

mrbump

9/ 3/08 3:42pm

Hey Kris, hope yr good :o)

Well i just might be yr ideal person. I recently did exactly what you've done - a 4 month stint of no medication. To be honest i go through that phase of being very clued up on Bipolar yet just don't want to be fake an plastic. I need to be me, the real me, -(i'm sure Kurt Cobain put it as 'i miss the comfort in being sad'! Oddly true though), and i don't want to fit into this one size fits all society we have. At the end of the day a good way to judge it is if the majority of people in the world were bipolar we'd be the normal ones. Does that mean they would then have to take medication to fit in because they're not normal? I'm deliberatly being provokative with the statement, but it's to open peoples eyes - we all are who we are we just experience life in different ways. I felt massively better when i stopped taking medication (sodium valproate and lamotragine), however i recently went back on meds due to a down turn in mood this is to ease me through that - but my decision is a work in progress - i don't know whether i'll take medication long term. I do however feel a lot better taking it in this down phase than i would if i wasn't taking anything. The science is there for taking the meds, it just depends on yr lifes perspective. Read my profile, i only joined the other day and put my views much more succintly on there! lol! Hope this helps. Stay well, much love and have a top evening, Brendan x - always here to offload to by the way :o)

Hopeful mom

9/ 4/08 6:58am

Kurt Cobain killed himself :(. Talented musician, tortured soul. Maybe meds would've helped him.

tabby

9/ 4/08 1:49pm

yes maybe and then again, maybe not Hopeful Mom

a lot of folks with this illness, or any form of MI, commit suicide everyday even while taking their meds

sometimes there just isn't enough meds when one has made up the mind to do it.

Narelle

9/19/08 3:37am

Alcohol abuse can lead to suicide too...but, let's put this in perspective, Kris has said she's turned straight to drinking. That's not good whichever way you want to look at this...its an insidious drug that is "normalised" because it's legal. I think that's been overlooked here, off meds, well OK, but turning to alcohol is self-medicating and that needs to be addressed.

nolongerhere

9/ 3/08 4:42pm

Dear Kris,

I stopped my heavy (seroquel) medications nearly one year ago. I remained on a very mild anti depressant by the name of prothiaden taking 25 mg until three months ago. Now I am on no medication. It is not at all easy dear Kris and I certainly understand why you want to clean your body. I suffer from panic attacks, anxiety and OCD as well as depression and elevated moods. In order to make it I have had to make sure that I have access to someone I can tell my problems and that my life is reasonably under controll such as no debts, no major hassles and no drugs or alcohol what so ever! If your life is reasonably stable and secure you can then confront your illness which is an enemy. I have learned, with almost super human effort, to control the terrible periods of depression and elevated moods and this requires much practice (and much failure) over long periods of time. For example every Spring I get depressed in the initial stages and then a great energy takes over full of ideas. I have to do something continuously to go with the elevated moods so I try to put this energy to good use making sure that I sleep. If I cannot sleep then I have to take something. Prothiaden usually helps me to sleep but I do not rely on it. Only when it is necessary and then I stop when things are under control. Some sort of medication, however mild, may always be necessary even if taken in an uneven fashion starting when needed and stopping when possible. The heavy and nusty medication can be avoided but this takes much effort, the help of a professional psychologist or psychiatrist specially in the initial stages of a life with no heavy medication and the ability to live a stress free life. I am sure you get the picture by now but it can be done. Not easy though.

tabby

9/ 3/08 8:54pm

If you have a 16 month old then it may be post-partum depression, or a bit of, that you are struggling with now. PPD can come immediately after the birth or upwards of a year or so afterwards (though not as often as within a few months of).

It could also be a downturn in mood due to coming off the medication. Your body has been living on and off of meds for quite sometime. It will take it a while to adjust not having them coursing through your system and so... things may be topsy turvy for a while.

Congrats on the degree, by the way and I won't berate you for the alcohol. We all make our own decisions, good or bad, reckless or impulsive, or even sound. The jest is to accept the decision and account for it, good or bad, and manage yourself through whatever consequences may come from it. Plus, you are probably berating yourself enough for doing so.

Quite a few folks, after a long length of time on the meds, do take a sabbatical of sorts from them. It does re-adjust the system and gives the docs a clearer view of how you truly are, illness wise, without the meds. You know - give them a "new" baseline to then analysis.

You said you've done so with the doc's instructions so... you had their permission, I take it. This also shows responsibility to a degree because you consulted them first and followed their recommendations.

Let us know how you are doing from time to time, ok?

Eric

9/ 4/08 3:56am

Here is the skivvy...the majority of people living with bipolarism do NOT need any for of medications and the symptoms are of a lesser degree that they have not been captured yet.

The other thing to think about is that in the past 10 years there came a wave of doctors that even a twitch in your eye classified you as bipolar. I call it the flavor of the moth illness. So many people were misdiagnosed and tossed onto medications instead of just dealing with the issues through therapy.

If you are bipolar...giving a antidepressant without a mood stabilizer will send you well on your way to outright bliss (mania). If your not, it will just give some relief of some of the symptoms of depression.

It's funny how you mentioned running to alcohol right off the bat. I used to be a heavy drinker until medications...I was able to just walk away from it with no issues and in fact was trying to control the symptoms with booze. People around me were much happier without the booze even though I was a happy drunk.

I'm glad your doing through the psychiatrist...that is the only way and if it starts to become out of control...get your butt back in there. You may be just that person that was misdiagnosed early on or are able to keep it together withou the use of medications.

Good luck and as Tabby already stated...check back in with us to let us know how your doing.

Hopeful mom

9/ 4/08 6:56am

As long as you have someone to go to in a crisis, you do what you have to do. The alcohol can be a depressant though so you might want to really pay attention to how it makes you feel. Good luck to you.

hobie

9/ 5/08 12:12am

...But you gotta keep us informed and be honest!

IMO hitting the bottle on first day is not a good sign.

but hey I know the desire to cleanse. Their are different meds and Docs also, I dont trust zoloft. seraquol has huge side affects to like not good for the heart,cholesterol,weight gain,ect.. If you really want the full affect go to your local health store and do a body cleanse, but you gotta change your diet for a while.

GoodLuck

ROBIN R

9/14/08 11:18pm

Well, you sound a lot like me. I have been fighting with myself about taking "medication vacation".You don't how to feel when what you taking isn't that great. If you're like me you have been on many different med- cocktails. You have to wonder what it's doing to your body.I heard from many different people about the pros & cons of all this. I know that a least for now I'm not strong enough. Please continue going to see your Dr.

Take of yourself. I know it has been done before ,but if doesn't work for you remember you are as strong as you ever were.

Narelle

9/19/08 3:32am

Hi Kris,

I did exactly that about 3 years ago (prioir to diagnosis - they thought I was depressed - unipolar) and I thought "right, that's it, don't know who I am any more" and came off all the meds.

Didn't "turn" to alcohol, more like alcohol turned to me - and I had some pretty craxy times being manic and pissed - put myself in all sorts of situations I am glad I didn't get hurt in - lucky to meet nice people I guess and have a very supportive husband.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, alcohol also a depressant and very soon found myslef v v depressed. So my psychiatrist said "stop drinking for 6 months and take your meds again" - antidepressants at that point though now I know they were the opposite of what I needed. Well by that point I was convinced I was a raging alcoholic so I thought i'd get the DTs etc etc. Well, not to be. I just stopped, no withdrawal, no dependence and now I have the occasional careful drink (but never on an upper or downer if i'm thinking straight enough to avoid the stuff - hubby usually points it out if i'm too far gone!).

So, word from the wary - meds might be your best bet, but before that just stop drinking (if you can) or seek help (if you can't).

You may have what the delightful Drs label a co-morbidity - ie a substance abuse problem and a mental health problem. For the sake of your kids and yourself, get treated asap. And don't ever be ashamed re alcohol abuse - so many do it and it's a DRUG, and it's addictive and you can get better.

Love and good luck

becca

10/21/08 11:29am

If the doctor weaned you off all medicines, please seek out another doctor. Have you ever sought help from a counselor? You are crying all the time becauce of the depression, you will eventually have highs and lows(sounds like you are at the lows right now), with the new family and additional kids, you need to be back on the meds. You will be screaming at them for the least little thing, and you may even harm them without your meds. Your chemical embalance needs treatment. You say that you want to feel normal is why you went off them? In this day and time that we live in, what is really normal? You will never be normal without your meds. Chemical embalance is a serious thing.

Bipolar has been passed down to my family for many years I believe(Before there was a name for it). I know it is a terrible thing to have to deal with, but some people are born without legs, arms, a kidney, some are blind, deaf, some develope cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. Then there are those born with a chemical embalace, feel blessed that there is help for it.

Sucide is another problem that you may have thoughts of if you don't get back on the meds. It will play on your mind because the chemical embalance makes you feel so useless, insecure, guilty, etc.

Seek a new doctor, a doctor that takes out the time to listen to you, then have him to refer you to a Therapist to have some counseling. Take care of yourself for "yourself and your children." You and your family deserves it!

Trey Gibbs

11/25/08 8:32pm

It can be a difficult path. My mother was bipolar til she took her life in 1980. She was rebellious about taking her Meds,and probably in Denial that she had the disease. Plus the only meds (to my knowledge) that they used to treat Bipolar back then was Lithium. I'm diagnosed Bipolar as well, and have a long history of substance abuse. I have 37 days Sober now, and have been on the meds for the same amount of time. I think a lot of people with Bipolar are in Denial because we are too smart for our own good sometimes. I know i was. I have FINALLY accepted that i need to take medication and that i can't outthink the disease. Congratulations for staying stable for 8 years and getting your degree. I know for me, and certain members of my family, Denial is a huge problem. I still fluctuate between Denial and Acceptance that i have Bipolar. Yet, all i have to do is look at my History to KNOW that I have it. I feel pretty good on the meds, and have decided NOT to question it. I've just decided to Take the Medication and quit trying to figure out the Universe. I have Bipolar. I have to take medication!Anyway, I hope this helps!

brian

12/ 3/08 10:52pm

I think you'd be able to look at the direct results of going off meds and tell for yourself if you're any better off, if things are any clearer. But that would only be at first. I've been diagnosd bipolar for three years, undiagnosed 2 before that, and the feel of being lost without a reference point has been the single most frightening experience I've had with BP. I would worry for you that it may be only a matter of time until neither you or your family can control your actions or perceptions. Once you've reached that point, what would you do? My thought is that you may need to accept that being bipolar simply removes some options from the table. Once I decided I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me, I immediately thought "how reliable can I be to this woman? Because now if I make some misstep with my disorder, it affects another person than it used to."

I don't know you and I don't know exactly what it's been like for you to be on meds for 8 years. I've had mine for 3 and I've gone from almost quite happy with them to ragingly frustrated with them. So that's my perspective.

Just stopped all meds... good idea???

Ask a Question