My husband screamed in my face that I am a bitch and I slapped him. He then bunched up his fist (he has never hit me) and pretended to punch me and I spit in his face. He then ripped a bunch of hair out of my head and spit right back into mine. He said that I am crazy and can't wait to find a woman more beautiful than me who doesn't have bipolar....he said that he can't stand to look at my face. I scratched the side of his face and slapped him on the other side. He made my finger bleed. We physically fought for 30 mins and I kicked him out. He stole a set of my keys and my wedding bands. I pretty much attacked him the most while he verbally gashed out my heart repeatedly. I feel so broken. I am not dealing well on my medication. I feel so out of control....I don't manage anger well at all. I have not been sleeping and I feel myself spiral out of control. He doesn't work and has turned into a verbally abusive lazy ass who sleeps half the day. I can't deal with life anymore....I just don't know what to do.
You answered your own question
1) aren't dealing well while on your meds
2) have a anger management issue
3) feeling a sense of control loss
In regards to the fighting:
1) husband verbally abuses - you in turn physically abuse
2) abuse for abuse and you both abuse each other
3) he commits assault with the verbal - you commit battery with the physical
& spitting is both assault & battery in a lot of jurisdictions
pdoc & tdoc... perhaps really need to be contacted
you admit meds aren't working - so pdoc deals with meds that don't work
you admit anger & control issues - so tdoc deals with anger & control issues
the mutual abuse between you & husband... you & husband are, at the moment, separated...