Family Education passed us by. The results have been devastating. Can anyone relate?

            I called the ambulance in 1983 believing I was having a nervous breakdown.  After the birth of my son, I spent 15 years of suffering through hell with no diagnosis.  My hospitalization was the miracle I relentlessly prayed for.  I know that my husband and 15 yr. old son met with some hospital representative for what I thought was education about my illness, bipolar disorder.  After my release from the hospital 3 weeks later, armed with powerful medications and education, I learned that my family knew only a tiny bit about the disorder. Their actions toward me lacked empathy, compassion, and willingness to adapt.  That was 24 years ago. All of us are still paying the price.  My son blames me for not being there for him at a time when he was considering colleges.  His father made that choice.  After marriage, divorce, and now a new relationship, the two women in his life have listened to his pain and have been extremely rude to me through emails and to my face.  Over the past 1 1/2 years there has been a meager bit of contact with them.  I have requested face to face discussions with me to resolve what I believe to be a slew of misunderstandings.  They weren't there when our family faced my terrible illness.  They have made assumptions about my personality from 3,000 miles away and only yearly visits.  Now that I have moved to be near them, especially my 11 yr. old granddaughter, my son has backed off from including me in their family.  He led me to believe that it would be OK to live near them.  Instead, his fiancee', who was raised in a home with domestic violence, has been abusive to me.  At first, when I visited them a few times, she welcomed me with open arms.  After my son told her that I was definitely moving here, she expressed fury to my son that she is jealous of me in that she believes that I want my son to show her that he loves me more than he loves her.  That is one of the most ABSURD assumptions, so far.  As a result of my standing up for myself, I am not allowed to have a relationship with my granddaughter as well as my son and his fiancee'.  

              I believe that my son has not healed from the trauma of my hospitalization, diagnosis, ensuing divorce from his alcoholic father, and his resentment that I helped others as a social worker since he was 12 yrs. old.  I have requested that he and I go into therapy now in order to work on healing these old wounds.  I commented that it would very helpful that he learn what bipolar disorder is all about.  He refuses.

          My question is: Do any of you have experience with this kind of family alienation?  How have you handled it?

          Thank you so much.

M