hey everybody.  so again i have relapsed.  i'm currently on abilify 15 mg and again i have made another LEGAL error and could land myself in jail again.  you know what is so frustrating is that when i'm completely lucid and step aback I realize how dumb my choices are.  this is with a couple of bad checks.  i had a bad feeling about them but yet i wrote them out anyway.  so friday i spent the day with investigators reminding me again how dumb i am.  the thing about this is that i am a mother of 3 beautiful perfect little girls.  I have a husband that is so good and honest and doesn't deserve this.  I sometimes expect him to throw up his hands and say "i am done" because in all honesty he deserves so much better.  there's got to be so much more to life than this.  I don't know what is going to happen now because I"m already on probation. maybe jail is the best place for me because i am so stupid.  i don't know.  i'm so lost everybody.  i feel worthless on a daily basis and i can't stop spending money or feelling like money is going to solve everything.  and all it does is get me into trouble!  tell me pleaes if anybody else has gone through anything like this.  i feel like the core of me is a good person.  i love my family and friends.  i liove my kids and husband.  i generally care about a lot of people. i'm responsible when taking my meds but somehow i just can't make it better.  anyway please e-mail me if you'd like. 

love,

jen