I just want to share my story. I believe I was bipolar since 18 yrs old. I was not diagnosed until 2009. I was put on the wrong meds at first. My family through frustration, gave up really. They just didn't know what to do. I tried telling them get educated. Try to understand what triggers a manic or angry episode. For me it was isolation, being in my head and by their actions unwanted. Yes I tried to end my life in July 2010. I was not successful due to the Lord.

I came back from Lebanon and started to recover slowly. I was put in crisis and my meds were changed. From November 10th until March this year, I just existed, coming out of my pain. I did lose my family. They thought and still do think I left with intentions of bettering myself and not returning. Who was going to do it? I needed help. I was not getting that there. It was follow the leader with meds from three psychiatrists. Then one added the zombie drug for me Invega. I was weaned off it and then was toxic on lithium from no adjusting of the med due to weight loss.

Well let me tell you things can change. You have to stay on your meds once you have the right combination. If you quit, what worked before may not. You will have to go through it all again finding new ones. If you keep going off, finally nothing may work. You need to admit you need them, not for yourself but, for your loved ones. You have to work hard in therapy. You have to know when it's time to move on, if you have to. If things can't be worked out... That was the hardest choice, not going back. I wanted too. I just knew things wouldn't change. I would end up the same, drowning in my disorders. All I knew at the time was I needed a chance to get better. I was popping 8 klonapin a day to stay out of the hospital b-4 I left. I made the trip back here with my rock carrying me.

Just recently after a year the Lord is working to restore my ties with my family. I heard from my daughter last Sunday. It's a start. My husband reads my emails. I do love him still. I know he was frustrated. I forgive him and them and myself. I had very little contact since then. So they are forgiving me slowly.

I remember before my suicide attempt saying Oh Lord, please no I don't want to be sick. I don't want to be trouble for my family. I just want to be happy and live. I came here to get help and it worked. I am stronger than I could ever  have imagined that year ago when I returned here to the U.S. I know they couldn't accept me bipolar 1 with P.T.S.D., uncontrolled. So my point with you out there with bipolar and being a family member of one, is you need to be educated. You need your own help. You need to realize we cannot, until stability with meds, control ourselves completely. We still will have moments, but I realize them. I avoid my triggers, because I can. Don't give us more heat to the fire. If you do, you have to know what will happen. Yes, It takes a lot of love and care and support. For the bipolar as much as yourself. You must be their rock along with peace with the Lord. If you don't show anyone, even a non-bipolar love and kindness you would get the same thing. They get, angry and upset also and fight back...