Feeling helpless with a biploar wife and a young child..

We have been married for over 9 years now and I am getting to the realization that my wife has a mental health problem most likely has bipolar disorder.

After being married to my wife, I found out that this beautiful angel of a person had actually had a bad childhood. Her father, I found out was actually an alcoholic and had been abusive to the mother and their constant fights impacted the two kids: my wife and her brother. They grew up outwardly normal, my wife for the most part was a model student and when the father's business folded and the family went into dire finances, my wife stepped up and supported them financially.

Important to note is that she is actually trained to help people with special needs, and is considered to be exceptional at her job, so she is very familiar with mental illness.

At every juncture of our lives together, i.e. our honey moon, first few days of being married, moving together to another city, several major holidays, etc I can name the instances where she has gone into a major episode. It ranges from claiming to have major fatigue, not enough rest, to a major verbal argument which then can even get physical. I am obviously stronger than her and so she cannot really hurt me, but it gets too physical. Important to note though she never does this in front of every one, its only in front of her immediate family does this stuff happen. Every other person thinks that she is an angel, perfect wife/daughter/teacher etc.

Her mother is her closest person, and some one I have tried on multiple times to involve in her going for counseling or meeting some one, but that has really not worked. Given her own bad marriage, she has never done much to change her situation and so I am trying my best to not get her involved in what I do from this point on.

At times when my wife is focused on work or has some major project these episodes go away, for example as soon as she enters her work area she is a different person. She has a deadline she is working towards, the episodes will stop. Her work is more important than any thing and while she might have had the worst day before, she is always able to switch things off and focus on her work.

At times I have felt guilty and buy-in to her claims of not being good enough, but this past weekend I became more resolute that I cannot take blame for this: I did some really nice thing for her which most people thought was more than they had seen a spouse do, it was a major surprise event and she seemed over the moon, praising me publicly etc, and was totally elated, the next day it felt like we were in hell and she was in the worst state, abusive and the rest until she got tired and she went to sleep.

I am more worried about my son, he is young and needs me probably more so than other kids his age, but he also does love his mom - I dont want to loose him if we end up getting a divorce, also I worry how she would cope with being divorced and my son might be affected. Just observing her high and then low the very next day, I am getting convinced she has bipolar disorder, but do I just call her doctor and tell her? We have tried to take her to counseling before and it never ends up happening. She claims she knows what counselors etc do. By the time we talk through this, the mood might have settled and the episode is done and so the compulsion to try therapy reduces.