Feeling helpless with a biploar wife and a young child..

By helpseeker1 Monday, November 02, 2009

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It is quite complex, but the nine years have been hard. There are periods where things stay normal for weeks, but then it might be some thing that restarts. She claims some times interestingly that our early days were beautiful, our honey moon etc, however I remember distinctly all the episodes that I saw as a newly married person, mostly she denies or tries to ignore every thing she has done during these episodes.

In essence, I feel that most people would have left her, my son is seeing this and deserves a super childhood like I had, but I cannot give it to him, as I said I dont want to loose him if we get divorced and dont know what she would do if she were divorced, thoughts, input, suggestions are very welcome....

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1whocares

11/ 2/09 5:10pm

Hello

It sounds like there are definitely some psychological issues going on

here and you should really find some support wherever you can.

Understand this , I am not a doctor and am not trying to diagnose ,

however what you are describing , in my opinion , and it's just that ,

( an opinion ) what you describe does not " SEEM " like bipolar.

My reason for saying this it that in most bipolar cases the sufferer is not

able to just turn their moods on and off at will. When a depression is in full swing

there are symptoms and they like to stick around. You can't get out of bed , you over eat , or you don't eat enough , sleeping too much or too little , feeling helpless ,

etc. This does not just appear for a time and then later in the day all is well.

When you are in one of these you are IN IT and ther is no wondering if it is depression or not. Back to your situation , it doesn't appear that she has continuing symptoms on either extreme . The other extreme being mania . With high energy , euphoria , spending sprees , bad judgement , needing little sleep , etc. And again , these types of things are ongoing for a certain length of time. The trouble occurs because once a mania is in full swing one cannot just turn it off at will.

It is true that there are those who can function in a state of " hypo mania " kind of a mild version of mania , however it can easily escalate to a full blown mania.

Once again all of this is opinion concerning whether or not you are dealing with bipolar.

There may be another disorder involved such as Borderline Personality Disorder

that can co-occur or have cross over symptoms of bipolar.

If you can't get her to doctor perhaps go to one yourself and describe her symptoms etc. Also learn what you can online or from books concerning bipolar and other mood disorders.

Wishing you well

vsantos

11/ 2/09 6:38pm

Dear friend,

I feel your pain and I don't know how you have endured this for 9 years.

My wonderful husband of 12 years was just diagnosed 3 months ago after trying to commit suicide ---before then he showed no apparent signs of the illness (just some depressive moods-very mild-and he has always been a bit eccentric) but overall we've had 12 wonderful years of marriage.

I'm saying this because I'm only 3 months into this Hell you have been in for 9 years along with our beautiful 2 year old, and though I Love-Adore my husband and I feel bad that the illness took him away (he is a monster now and has been for 3 months into a Major Manic Episode w psychotic features!---and I'm his worst enemy) .

But my point is, there comes a time we need to 'draw the line'...Yes they are ill, yes we feel bad/sorry for what they are going through and in most cases it's not their fault they behave they way they do (it's those 'chemicals' in their brains not doing their job!). However, while they choose or not to get treatment, we also need to protect ourselves and family from NOT getting ill with them. Specially our children. I have been working really hard these 3 months to 'shield' my daughter from all of his 'anger', bad behavior...in way the fact that he moved out of the house 4 weeks ago made it easier.

In addition, we need to take care of ourselves so we can take care of our children. I try to work out most days, I go to my wonderful psychologist every week and I tried to wake up everyday with a smile and a warm Good Morning to my daughter (very hard when you feel like 'crap' and you feel so sad you sometimes don't want to get out of bed---but our children gives us strength to get up and move on with life).

I'm not telling you should live your wife. Nobody can tell you this, you are the only one that can make this decision. But it's you Obligation to keep your son's life safe, stable so he can grow up to be a strong, healthy young adult ---that you can totally control (you can't control your wives illness, only she can if she wants!).

Take care of yourself first, your physical and mental health and take care of your son's !!!!

Best of luck!

Vanessa

tabby

11/ 2/09 9:53pm

No one can diagnose her with Bipolar, Personality Disorder, or any other form of mental illness except for a psychiatrist or a medical doctor trained to diagnose medical illness. The pdoc or doc, can't properly diagnose her sight and sound unseen... they have to actually talk with her, question her, and see her to diagnose her.

She, per your sharepost here, appears unwilling to go and be evaluated.

If she should become a danger to herself or anyone else - the responsible thing to do is call 911.

Feeling helpless with a biploar wife and a young child..

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