relationships

Why do the spouses of bipolar take all the abuse?

Vicki Community Member August 17, 2008
  • Hi-I've been with my husband for 7 years.  October 2007 he was diagnosed with Bipolar.,  I have studied this illness.  Can someone help me understand why they are so abusive and degrading to their spouses but outside of the home everyone just loves them?  I read the article...Along for the rollercoaster ride.  It mentioned that if one more person told me how wonderful my husband was...I would vommit.  My husband is at work more than at home and I don't know why I'm so verbally abused when he doesn't see me that much.  Do they save it up and then open the can of Woop Ass on the spouse?  Prior to October 2007 I thought it was just his personality but after the diagnose it all makes sense.  He was on meds but went off and things got hecka BAD.  The rage before I compromised but after the meds - I should have headed for the hills!  No one deserves to be treated like this!  Well, he left in the travel trailer on July 31st!  My heart mourn because the person I so fell in love with died!  The one who left July 31st is a  stranger that is not welcomed back unless  proper medication and counseling is in  the works with  me & the familyCry

119 Comments
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Apr. 19, 2014

    I would like to add that he is in denial about needing therapy, doctor so what am I to do? Its heart wrenching. 

     

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Apr. 19, 2014

    I completely understand. I left my boyfriend because he was emotionally abusing me and taking his rage out on me. It is very upsetting as he treats others like gold. He even turned it around and said that as he has no problems with anyone else that it must be me and that I am the one with bipolar. I have tried to be understanding and caring but he acuses me...

    RHMLucky777

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    I completely understand. I left my boyfriend because he was emotionally abusing me and taking his rage out on me. It is very upsetting as he treats others like gold. He even turned it around and said that as he has no problems with anyone else that it must be me and that I am the one with bipolar. I have tried to be understanding and caring but he acuses me of having bad intentions. I bought him a self help book as he no longer visits a doctor and he got so angry at me acusing me of having bad intentions. I feel absolutely devestated but I know I dont deserve this. Impossib,e to have a rational conversation, throws it back in my face. 

    • rebelpixel08
      Jul. 11, 2014
      Omg! My ex did the same it's you blame game but honestly that was the best gift he gave me, I have a new life now, not half the stress and I feel better each day
    • Firefly
      Jul. 11, 2014

      @Rebelpix - Honestly, it sounds like it was the best gift you gave to each other. Just so you know, not everyone is put on the earth specifically to make you happy.

  • confusedxatrillion
    Apr. 13, 2014

    Paying for the 2nd Ex: I knew all along he was comparing me, playing me and in the end trapping me to destroy me. Or was it her. I hear he's feeling much better now that he got the ending he always wanted with her. And my worst fear is he was priming me to take the fall for her. He knew I was nothing like her in that I won't come after him. So it's been on,...

    RHMLucky777

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    Paying for the 2nd Ex: I knew all along he was comparing me, playing me and in the end trapping me to destroy me. Or was it her. I hear he's feeling much better now that he got the ending he always wanted with her. And my worst fear is he was priming me to take the fall for her. He knew I was nothing like her in that I won't come after him. So it's been on, and subtly getting bigger and bigger over 3 years. A veritable snowball of histrionics hit my life coloring it red and brown. The best I can do today is realize if only superficially:

    1: I DIDN'T CAUSE IT!!!

    2: I CAN'T CONTROL IT!!!

    3: I CAN'T CURE IT!!!

    I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BIPOLAR'S BEHAVIOR AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER GET TO SPEAK SO --- HERE I GO>>>>

    RECIPE:

    I'm single 5 years, recovering from alcohlism and drug addiction, PTSD (Childhood sexual abuse, and Domestic violence survivor, he's separated from then pre-Ex#2, BPII opiate addict/alcoholic and PTSD. Both of us have stessful lifestyles, a blended family with my 21 year old, and his 10 year old part time Aspbergers pre-teen; trying to act cool; yes we can do this. We're in love... right? We understand what each other's been through and it's going to be different now.... right? Throughout there was tension building-to-the-honeymoon cycles but sometimes months between. Mostly because I'm seeking support in couples 12step, therapy, more programs it seems managable. No realationship is ideal... right?. He's unable to somehow find the time to do his own work. But he only gigs on the weekends. And traveling is exhausting. Boundaries are laid but not adherred. I'm frustrated and angry and he's punishing me. He's still contacting crazy ex for financial reasons (long and drawn out divorce and settlement). My boundaries aren't heard. He's a frequently traveling impoverished musician, I'm a starving grad student. Within the last 3 months we had death of both animals, financial problems, major intimacy issues, hyper sensitivity and blame. A familiar subject of blow up (intimacy needs) & the BP blames me and reads my journal. Blows up more breaks up in email threatens me and tells me I've wasted his life, time money, etc and hate him and his son. His friends side with him and I'm homeless. This whole time he was playing the good guy and why is she so upset? Yay!! T-Boned by a Bipolar who travels to Europe monthly, who's off meds for a year and replaced them with only a handful of aminos and no Psych supervising, and no sleep or regular eating habits. I'm angry and afraid. Major spidey sense going off. Those I confide in (non professional AA's) blame me and tell me to back off and stop feeling what I do. I try harder and it never stops. I'm not getting love I'm getting a report card with a huge F. I consider this a hellish committment. He continues to gaslight me more and more. Fast forward to 2 months ago: The BPII justifies pulls up on his well organized a shame and guilt with threats accusations, FB smears and demonizing me to be a carbon of his psycho ex. Anyone see a pattern? Mine is to believe the "to good to be true"; charming and charasmatic lead singer that everyone loves and down to earth good guy. Says he wants to change, that he wants to be differnet...(doesn't this one really mean it...?) Except for the alarm in my mind that says if nothing changes then NOTHING CHANGES!!! I knew I should have run for the hills as he's wooing the 2nd Ex who put a restraining order on him a year into my relationship, only FB constantly and not getting work. (Laid off form the stable job I thought he had withing 6 months of getting together. I thought I set boundaries he said that's what he wanted to be responsible for: his recovery to be a working partner of a team. To be intimate and supportive. Turns out I wanted what there was no supply of and dipping into the well of spite and hatred for wanting a present partner, pissed him off and quite possibly scared him by requesting loudly more than I want to admit that he was slipping deeper into anger, irritability and isolation and needed to check himself before he wrecked himself. i really needed to be listening to myself becaus I got the full result of a BPII rage. Withing the next 24 hours I was reliving nightmares from my childhood. In reading the Betrayal Bond by Patrick Cairns the Stockholm Syndrome describes the trap perfectly. If only he would see the importance in doing his own inner work... From what I'm learning I was never the one who caused this. Contrary to his vehement belief I had 0% to do with his actions. He's cycling and I'm the closest one to him. We're trauma bonded partners. It's kill or be killed in his raging manic cycling mind. After a few months of painful tears and hopes he'd awaken to realize the destruction of such an amazingly safe place to recover, I am refocusing on my road to wellness. EMDR to calm and focus me and get me off this crazy train and back to my goals dreams and visions of a life of safety and support. A place I don't want to keep recreating. This is an uneccesary nightmare. Please!!!! I'm still riding the train angrily dreading, anticipating, knowing he's arrogantly buildng the next victim trap to placate and "rescue" him from is last crazy ex. (me?!) In my opinion which is well educated NAMI, PTSD Therapy groups and recovery from codependancy, We're both PTSD and activated each other. I fantasize about us reuniting, really seeking out work and getting stronger to create an indellible bond. The statistics largely disaggree. But I've always been a rule breaker. And look where I am AGAIN! Repeating my family scenario of unchecked, unmedicated and undiagnosed ML. Not alot of difference except for the fact I gullibly bought my own lie that it's not as bad as my previous relationships. Well I'm singing a way different tune as my splattered remains dry on the hot pavement. The difference is my alcoholic and opiate addict BPII who is inadequately medicated and on a HUGE ego trip sees his "career" of impersonating a rock star and guilty neglectful dad fueling this episode of blaming me. How can 5000 FB, rock club and YouTube fans be wrong about him? At first I was fearful I had lost a partner, now I realize the narcissist took him and may never let go. I'm concerned but in all reality I was more of a 3 year rest stop. Activated early on I needed more help than I understood. This is more than my issue. I am not responsible for his diagnosis but I am responsible for my own. I was activated by A bipolar and I'm getting help. I wish my insurance covered full labotomy though. It would be so much easier. Thank you for listening even if you didn't I just need to get out of the way of this tragically typical story.

  • Firefly
    Feb. 15, 2014

    Bipolar illness can be an incredibly difficult illness to manage and survive. Statistically many bipolars are at high risk for suicide due to their impulses. Having family members not adeqautely educated puts them at even greater risk. I got a first-rate education about Bipolar disorder 10 years ago after a friend, in denial about her BPII diagnosis, threatened...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Bipolar illness can be an incredibly difficult illness to manage and survive. Statistically many bipolars are at high risk for suicide due to their impulses. Having family members not adeqautely educated puts them at even greater risk. I got a first-rate education about Bipolar disorder 10 years ago after a friend, in denial about her BPII diagnosis, threatened me with physical violence. It was so out of left field that I had a hard time recovering from her irrational rage.

     

    I began researching, attending groups with bipolar patients to discover their side of it, and went back to school in medical science to discover how I could work with the mentally ill effectively. What I learned is that oftentimes bipolars are triggered the most by their closest intimate relatives/friends. Furthermore, their medication may not be working, or even make them worse if not properly managed/monitored. Much the same as a diabetic having to adjust insulin intake to adapt to blood sugar levels, the bipolar individual needs 'tweaking' to their meds every once in awhile.

     

    A close family member/ spouse is so beneficial to this stability process. However, if ALL that family member does is blame, and not become an integral part of management, it seriously adds to their stress and instability. Bipolar individuals cope with a great degree of stress anyway, living in a world that by and large excludes the mentally ill and doesn't understand. Think about it, every other disease and illness gets some degree of sympathy. However, the mentally ill are generally castigated for behavior, oftentimes, completely beyond their control. Once they get home, feel 'safe', the pressures of their outside enviroment come out, and sadly, on the ones they love the most.  

     

    Looking back, I realize that my friend who threathened me was being triggered BY ME. I didn't MEAN to trigger her, but my lack of understanding was actually CONTRIBUTING to her behavior. I unwittingly was keeping it going and elevating her rage. I took it personally. I blamed her. It was NOT a personal thing. Thankfully today she is happy and well and stable.

     

    She has people around her that understand she is ILL and value her enough to gently reassure her they want her around and to let her know they are on her side. This has built her TRUST so that when they go to her and say, "you're ill right now, we need to call your doc, just hang on"- she listens. I truly hope something I have said will resonate with someone and they will listen and seek help for THEMSELVES.

     

    YOU CANNOT help someone else, until you help yourself. Furthermore, I have noticed that bipolar individuals often tend to marry people who have their own psyche issues. Healthy marries healthy, unhealthy marries unhealthy. I've noted a high degree of codependent spouses married to bipolars. Again, you can't help or be there for someone else you say you love, until you love yourself enough to get help for your own pathology and deal with your own tendencies. Perhaps living with a bipolar individual is simply beyond your scope or willingness. In that case, it is better to leave than to make someone already ill, much sicker.

     

    My friend really opened my eyes to a world I was truly in the dark about, I am forever grateful because I learned that bipolar individuals are some of the funniest,

    talented amazing people you will ever meet. Considering the lack of support they get from the world around them, many do amazing jobs of keeping it all together. They can also be living in a high degree of pain with no one around them to help or understand.

     

    Having said that, you can't help someone who is denial and refuses stability because they enjoy elements of their illness. If that is the case, protect yourself and seek intervention on the individual's behalf if they are out of control. 

     

    I find it difficult to read many of these comments because it is obvious to me, that people are venting and not looking at the real issues and being a positive proactive source of support to the bipolars in their life. Life doesn't need to be this difficult. At the end of the day, look in the mirror and get honest about your OWN motives/ tendencies and strive for healthiness for your own sake and those around you. QUIT blaming someone who is evidently very ill and do something positive for yourself and them. It's ultimately extremely unhelpful to both you and your loved one. 

     

    In the years since I first uncovered the facts and myths of bipolar illness, I have worked with many family members of those suffering the disorder. It has been amazing to me the difference in those who are proactive vs. those who blame and personalize. Those who are proactive tend to see the bigger picture and have a lot of peace in their relationships with their bipolar relative, and those who blame often end up discontinuing the relationship but remain extremely unhappy despite the discontinuance. To me, that is very telling in and of itself.

    • the trailing spouse
      May. 25, 2014

      I need to know how to adequately explain to others that my bipolar spouse cannot just 'buck up and handle it' or 'just get off the pills and you'll be fine.'  They do not see the person hiding in bed, avoiding almost everything outside of a very routine schedule/regimen.  They do not understand the person cannot be relied upon to do what others believe...

      RHMLucky777

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      I need to know how to adequately explain to others that my bipolar spouse cannot just 'buck up and handle it' or 'just get off the pills and you'll be fine.'  They do not see the person hiding in bed, avoiding almost everything outside of a very routine schedule/regimen.  They do not understand the person cannot be relied upon to do what others believe to be simple task.  They don't know how many days of preparation go into a short trip/vacation.  Did her pride in not sharing the gory details help their ignorance?  How do you now make them understand??

       

    • rebelpixel08
      Jul. 11, 2014
      Although I understand your perspective I do identify with the spouses that are undergoing abuse. I feel that your response assumes many things as you say healthy Mary's healthy and unhealthy Mary's unhealthy as in my case I was lied to and manipulated from day one and therefore had no idea as the person had made a habit of seeking out good-natured people in...
      RHMLucky777
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      Although I understand your perspective I do identify with the spouses that are undergoing abuse. I feel that your response assumes many things as you say healthy Mary's healthy and unhealthy Mary's unhealthy as in my case I was lied to and manipulated from day one and therefore had no idea as the person had made a habit of seeking out good-natured people in order to manipulate and abuse that is how the person enjoyed their bipolar. I think everything is on a case-by-case basis as any person who deals with someone that is mentally ill chronically ill increases their level of stress as well and they need support. However I don't think walking on a shells and trying to discern on a daily basis whether you are the trigger is the best course of action. The ill individual or the code dependent individual must seek the necessary help they need to balance out most relationships have some element of codependents within them as interdependence is often something that has to be learned overtime most relationships in the United States are not interdependent but I do feel that that is an ideal goal.
    • Firefly
      Jul. 11, 2014

      @Rebelpixel - Did you miss the part where I specifically stated you can't help someone if they're in denial and don't want to accept help in their illness? Reading your comment, I see you feel/identify with being abused. You've missed the point entirely of what I was getting at. Of course relationships are interdependant and in no way do I mean one should walk...

      RHMLucky777

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      @Rebelpixel - Did you miss the part where I specifically stated you can't help someone if they're in denial and don't want to accept help in their illness? Reading your comment, I see you feel/identify with being abused. You've missed the point entirely of what I was getting at. Of course relationships are interdependant and in no way do I mean one should walk on eggshells, if that is what you got from what I said, it was clear you misunderstood. Compassion, forgiveness, not personalizing irritable/angry or even raging comments are going to be key in recognizing when a loved one is experiencing symptoms. If all you ever feel is abused, and you can't separate it from the disease, it's best to step away until you can, or move on if you can't- because the person won't recognize they're sick if you're just angry back at them. I've met so so many family members that truly believe the worst about their loved one, and leave them specifically when they're in crisis. It takes a patient person, to be able to cope with someone who is raging, but I've seen some amazing things happen when the 'well' individual reaches out in love and gentleness - and no, it doesn't work with some that experience anosognosia. If this is not your calling, then it is what it is. I would say as well, that there are bipolars reading this, and some feel a tremendous amount of guilt for what they put family members through. Some struggle with suicidal ideation and mixed states. They are at risk already. It does not help these to be told they are the bane of their loved one's existence. I truly believe we should NOT push people already on the brink lacking the benefit of sanity down a slippery slope. You wouldn't kick the crutches out from under a person with a broken leg. Try not to do it here.

  • Anonymous
    Snowbell
    Jan. 19, 2014
    I'm just surprised to hear that he goes to work. My bipolar husband has gotten out of going to a very good job that keeps him and I have no idea why since 2002. As my husband and I got engaged in Spring Texas where I'm from. He comes home a few months after we moved into the home we just purchased. Then he tells me he might be loosing his job. He lost his job...
    RHMLucky777
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    I'm just surprised to hear that he goes to work. My bipolar husband has gotten out of going to a very good job that keeps him and I have no idea why since 2002. As my husband and I got engaged in Spring Texas where I'm from. He comes home a few months after we moved into the home we just purchased. Then he tells me he might be loosing his job. He lost his job and the railroad said he can come back to the railroad as an engineer. So I had to move 1200 miles away from my family to Missouri and have been here since. My husband has been verbally abusive to me and my two children everyday. I don't have the money to move us back to Texas and don't know how to leave him. I go to his Psychiatrists appointments every month with him. He takes his pills everyday Lithium and lamictal. He just treats us like garbage. The rude comments and hateful talking. Everything he talks about is negative. He always gets out of working. There is always something he says gets in the way. I have been a nervous wreck living with him. I have even lost my colon because of a rare condition. My nervous system is messed up. The doctor told me I have severe anxiety depression and cfs fibro mono Epstein Barr virus neuropathy and lupus. I don't need all of this stress. I can't believe my husband is a Army Col. Everyone thinks he is the best thing in the Army. If only they knew the truth. I get the best of him at home. My husband is also a hoarder. So our house is a crazy mess. Anyone's spouse a hoarder with Bipolar?
    • rebelpixel08
      Jul. 11, 2014
      I'm not surprised to hear that someone goes to work as my ex had a great job that provided him an excellent amount of flexibility he worked overnights and would simply lie about being at work and utilize sick time when his impulses and mania kicked in.
  • Anonymous
    earl17
    Aug. 14, 2013

    HI, I live with my girlfriend wno is diagnosed bipolar disorder. I just want to know why she treats me and tne kids so poorly and total strangers and coworkers like gold. To me mood swings should affect their treatment of everyone, not just the ones close to them. I love her very much but I am having a hard time with this. Please any ideas could help me understand....

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    HI, I live with my girlfriend wno is diagnosed bipolar disorder. I just want to know why she treats me and tne kids so poorly and total strangers and coworkers like gold. To me mood swings should affect their treatment of everyone, not just the ones close to them. I love her very much but I am having a hard time with this. Please any ideas could help me understand.

    • Crystal
      Aug. 14, 2013
      I can't explain her behavior with strangers and co workers other than maybe she is able to keep her pent up anger inside until she is at home or around you and the kids because she feels safe. This is no excuse however. Her Bipolar most definelely does not sound under control. Is she taking her meds as prescribed? Perhaps she needs a new one or new combination....
      RHMLucky777
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      I can't explain her behavior with strangers and co workers other than maybe she is able to keep her pent up anger inside until she is at home or around you and the kids because she feels safe. This is no excuse however. Her Bipolar most definelely does not sound under control. Is she taking her meds as prescribed? Perhaps she needs a new one or new combination. Is she in Therapy which is vital. Things won't change unless she tries to get help and help herself along the way. This is a lifetime illness. She needs to see her psychiatrist now before she does more damage to you and the kids. It may be helpful to go to the dr with her to help you better understand her Bipolar and ways you may be able to help. Read as much about this illness as you can. When someone has Bipolar it affects everyone in the household. The kids need to be in the loop on their level as well. Hope this helps. I wish you the best!
    • Anonymous
      Wayne Upfold
      Aug. 30, 2013

      My experience from seeing numerous psychologists and Psychiatrists is that it is very common for a spouse, mother father or brother to be abused, in almost all cases the abused is a soft target who doesnt fight back and funny enough it is also the person the sufferer loves the most.

    • Anonymous
      YO
      Jan. 16, 2014

      Hi I completely feel you..I say this all the time...

      I am currently living with my boyfriend who is bipolar and I am treated the same way and outsiders get the good side never even seeing the bipolar episodes. I tend to think it is selective at times. Like he may go off on a maniac tangent then someone will show up and he is the cool guy again. I try to understand...

      RHMLucky777

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      Hi I completely feel you..I say this all the time...

      I am currently living with my boyfriend who is bipolar and I am treated the same way and outsiders get the good side never even seeing the bipolar episodes. I tend to think it is selective at times. Like he may go off on a maniac tangent then someone will show up and he is the cool guy again. I try to understand the illness and give it the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I feel used and abused and like a codependent enabler. It is very sad and my heart goes out to him but one day I know I will be saying goodbye. I dont have any intentions on marrying this person because this is not what GOD has in store for me and I do not deserve to be treated unfairly. So I will pray for you as well as myself and good luck to you! Seek God first!

    • Meech1982
      Jul. 25, 2014
      My partner has bi polar too came of medication himself and won't return to The doctors for anymore he is in denied says it's all my fault he is not happy at home and I get the blame for everything . The way I see it is that they are kidding themselves that they are ok so life is one big show to prove they are , yet when at home they are more comfortable and...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      My partner has bi polar too came of medication himself and won't return to The doctors for anymore he is in denied says it's all my fault he is not happy at home and I get the blame for everything . The way I see it is that they are kidding themselves that they are ok so life is one big show to prove they are , yet when at home they are more comfortable and act themselves without realising it anyway I'm at my witts end put up with mood swings for over a week now very intense yet won't go to doctors argh ! Anyone with advice ? M
  • Anonymous
    cindy
    Jul. 14, 2013

    I never believed that this divorce would be canceled just exactly the way Dr sanjay told me that was how it happened.When joe called me that he his no longer interested that he needs a divorce i was so shocking and wondering what made him to ask for a divorce it was just like a joke he filed the divorce and i got a letter from the court,i was just so shocking...

    RHMLucky777

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    I never believed that this divorce would be canceled just exactly the way Dr sanjay told me that was how it happened.When joe called me that he his no longer interested that he needs a divorce i was so shocking and wondering what made him to ask for a divorce it was just like a joke he filed the divorce and i got a letter from the court,i was just so shocking and having deep pain that why would joe do me such a thing and we where suppose to come to the court to sign the divorce on the 20th of june,and it was getting late because i never wanted this divorce to take place there was no time i was just thinking and hoping for a miracle to come my way and make joe forget about getting a divorce,But all my heart desire was granted with the help of Dr sanjay,After i read some interesting reviews about Dr sanjay helping a woman who are husband needed a divorce and it was almost late like mine.So then i contacted Dr sanjay and told him my problem he just told me not to worry that he assure's me that everything would be okay and that joe would cancel the divorce and beg me to forgive him,Dr sanjay told me that all this will come to past within 24 hours,i was like if this really happens i will testify his name to the whole world and i hoped on Dr sanjay to hear a good news,This was more than a good news the first call i heard was from the lawyer saying joe came to his office and said he does not need a divorce any longer that he loves me and need me around,i was so happy in hearing that so as i was dropping the call joe's call came in and he told me in tears that i should forgive him and listen to him,Then i told him to come over he came over and we are together he loves me and said he does not need any divorce all he need is me he told the lawyer to come and change his will and every asset he owns to my name,Am so happy today and grateful for this wonderful thing Dr sanjay has done for me.You can contact Dr sanjay for help and get instant solution on sanjaylandofsolution60@gmail. com or cell number +2348176363653

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Jun. 12, 2013

    There are abusive people and there are people who are bipolar. They are seperate but not mutually exclusive. I have bipolar but I am on the other end of the spectrum. I avoid contact with a lot of people because I do not want to "subject" them to my swings etc.... I tend to get walked on in relationships becuause I try to compensate for the emotional and often...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    There are abusive people and there are people who are bipolar. They are seperate but not mutually exclusive. I have bipolar but I am on the other end of the spectrum. I avoid contact with a lot of people because I do not want to "subject" them to my swings etc.... I tend to get walked on in relationships becuause I try to compensate for the emotional and often angry outbursts I was prone to when I was younger and still ocassionally have. Abusive people are abusive because they get some satisfaction out of making others feel small. When they have this disposition and also have bipolar symptoms the rage is worse. My grandfather was one of those types. Worked in a professional field which was very demanding, everyone thought he was the greatest and then came home and terrorized his wife and family until he went to bed every day.

     

    I do sympathize with you but I hope that you learn to distinguish that bipolar does not make people mean or abusive. It also doesn't make people calculating. These "qualities" are seperate from bipolar.

     

    I hope things improve for you.

     

    -J 

    • Vicki
      Jun. 12, 2013

      Hi J.........Thank you for your words. I am firm when I say that I am not misunderstanding of bipolar or abusive people.  They go hand and hand with the mood swings. I lived with a spouse who was bipolar & was on the front line of the mood swings, etc..My ex-husband did not know he had bipolar and I didn't even know what it was until...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hi J.........Thank you for your words. I am firm when I say that I am not misunderstanding of bipolar or abusive people.  They go hand and hand with the mood swings. I lived with a spouse who was bipolar & was on the front line of the mood swings, etc..My ex-husband did not know he had bipolar and I didn't even know what it was until he was diagnosed with it. All I know is what my 2 sons and I experienced no one should ever have  to experience in a lifetime.  You are aware that you are bipolar but he was not until he was diagnosed at age 51.  This is my opinion and what I went thru.  I'm not sugar coating it for anyone I lived it!  I feel great when non-bipolar people write on the blog as they have experienced similiar

      behaviors as I did.  We don't know each other but how we feel dovetails.  We love our  spouses but are subject to such alarming behavior by them.  We speak out, we cry, we love and yet when they are emotional in another world with the highs and lows we grieve as the person we love is physically there but so gone.  I am so at peace now without the daily drama that revolved around the elephant in the room!   Amen! 

    • Vicki
      Jun. 12, 2013

      Hi J.........Thank you for your words. I am firm when I say that I am not misunderstanding of bipolar or abusive people.  They go hand and hand with the mood swings. I lived with a spouse who was bipolar & was on the front line of the mood swings, etc..My ex-husband did not know he had bipolar and I didn't even know what it was until...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hi J.........Thank you for your words. I am firm when I say that I am not misunderstanding of bipolar or abusive people.  They go hand and hand with the mood swings. I lived with a spouse who was bipolar & was on the front line of the mood swings, etc..My ex-husband did not know he had bipolar and I didn't even know what it was until he was diagnosed with it. All I know is what my 2 sons and I experienced no one should ever have  to experience in a lifetime.  You are aware that you are bipolar but he was not until he was diagnosed at age 51.  This is my opinion and what I went thru.  I'm not sugar coating it for anyone I lived it!  I feel great when non-bipolar people write on the blog as they have experienced similiar

      behaviors as I did.  We don't know each other but how we feel dovetails.  We love our  spouses but are subject to such alarming behavior by them.  We speak out, we cry, we love and yet when they are emotional in another world with the highs and lows we grieve as the person we love is physically there but so gone.  I am so at peace now without the daily drama that revolved around the elephant in the room!   Amen! 

  • Anonymous
    Jenpo
    May. 17, 2013
    Vicki, So glad things turned out better for you. My life turned around too after my divorce from bipolar spouse of 20 years. We don't leave these relationships happily, most of us wanted to find a way to make things better and move on. We loved and fought only to watch this person become a ghost of who they were. Only to hear we were the problem, unloving,...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    Vicki, So glad things turned out better for you. My life turned around too after my divorce from bipolar spouse of 20 years. We don't leave these relationships happily, most of us wanted to find a way to make things better and move on. We loved and fought only to watch this person become a ghost of who they were. Only to hear we were the problem, unloving, selfish and boring. I am sad things did not work out but so relieved to be off the crazy train. To those bipolar people saying they are not abusive- I say maybe not yet but it is coming, or you are and have the amnesia that comes with mania and don't remember your words and actions. And the spouse who stays with you is suffering, they may be able to handle it silently for now but they are suffering. if you want to continue a relationship ask your spouse frequently how things are going, ask if those expensive hobbies you have are productful, if the frequent job changes and numerous credit cards cause no financial stress, if she or he are lonely when you leave to spend hours somewhere outside of the home to clear your head, hide in your bedroom or den leaving them to run the house and kids. They are suffering working so hard to keep you sane because they remember who you used to be like holding on to a pitiful ember trying to blow some spark back into an old flame. So sad.
  • Anonymous
    Monique Carstens
    Feb. 12, 2013
    My husband is extremely abusive and horrible all the time there is not many days I see the man I fell in love with and married, we are in the process of getting an answer whether he has bipolar or depression and that day can't come some enough I am at my wits end. We have 2 daughters and I am not wanting them to grow up thinking that this is the way a father...
    RHMLucky777
    Read More
    My husband is extremely abusive and horrible all the time there is not many days I see the man I fell in love with and married, we are in the process of getting an answer whether he has bipolar or depression and that day can't come some enough I am at my wits end. We have 2 daughters and I am not wanting them to grow up thinking that this is the way a father and husband should treat there family... Tears everyday wondering whether to stay for meds to kick in or leave and cut tyes for a while....
    • Anonymous
      muscle girl
      Apr. 29, 2013

      I was reading all these comments , becuase i want to help my children in identifying these sympthoms , to ensure my kieds are not screwed up , it seems to be the exuse bipolar people i have come across , that they blame it on child hood and all the things they didnt get as kieds . I want my daughter and son to stay as far away from these people , I have a husband...

      RHMLucky777

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      I was reading all these comments , becuase i want to help my children in identifying these sympthoms , to ensure my kieds are not screwed up , it seems to be the exuse bipolar people i have come across , that they blame it on child hood and all the things they didnt get as kieds . I want my daughter and son to stay as far away from these people , I have a husband who has never abused or even made one abusive joke at me ...... I am very happy married , but would like to know what to lookout for before my child turns out a abusive drug juncky self absorbe lying cheating Person and blame the ill choises on BP , I believe there are choises and if you choose to be a monster there is no cure for you and no support what so ever will change or help you .. My friend is married to one for one year now , and he is using drugs , abusing her infront of friends he is not taking his meds , and he looks at porn phodies of his ex all the time she finds it on his tab he lies all the time , he is selfish and not making a effort ,the only time he kiss her is when she gives him money which he spends on drugs and he messed up there annaversary, her birthday , he is like 6 year old he  throughs tantrums if ye does not get his way all the time ..... We are at the piont i dont want my kieds to see that type of behaviour becuase he is a monster ..... I feel so sorry for my friend she does not deserve this in her life she has been through to many bad stuff I thought with this guy she has finally found tru love and happienes now it turns to be a nightmare .....

    • Vicki
      May. 20, 2013

      Monique-I read your post & this is how I lived :(   I had no idea that my ex had bipolar until October 2007 . He was given meds but didn't like the numbness that he felt as he was accustom to being wreckless in his years.  This was who he was but was given a title October 2007, he left end of July 2008.  A blessing for me &...

      RHMLucky777

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      Monique-I read your post & this is how I lived :(   I had no idea that my ex had bipolar until October 2007 . He was given meds but didn't like the numbness that he felt as he was accustom to being wreckless in his years.  This was who he was but was given a title October 2007, he left end of July 2008.  A blessing for me & repeated the same behavior with another lady. Lives in Oregon now to get away from all his Exes... I had a burial for him the month he left because the man I married never returned.  He died and I was left with a horrible monster......living everyday on a nightmare roller coaster.  Love Yourself More please and get your power back.  I googled so much , read, talked to low income counselor. It's amazing how none of us non-bipolar spouses know each other but our stories make us family!  Blessings & love & light to you :)  Vicki    

  • Anonymous
    E.L.
    Jan. 13, 2013
    My wife has bipolar and a borderline personality disorder. She has Brocken my nose given me black eyes fractured my eye socket and has torn my face open with her nails many times. She is also mentally abusive on almost a daily basis. I feel your pain and understand what you are going through. I am now 36 years old if I knew my life would end up this miserable...
    RHMLucky777
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    My wife has bipolar and a borderline personality disorder. She has Brocken my nose given me black eyes fractured my eye socket and has torn my face open with her nails many times. She is also mentally abusive on almost a daily basis. I feel your pain and understand what you are going through. I am now 36 years old if I knew my life would end up this miserable because of my wife I would have blown my head off when I was in highschool, when I was depressed. Because I'm a man I can't react to my wife being abusive because I would go to jail so I have take this abuse on a daily basis. Good times, I really wish I was dead.
    • Vicki
      May. 20, 2013

      E.L.-I read your post and almost started to cry!  I was there in 2008, with my obituary written & so ready for death.  I was so in fear of my bipolar (ex) husband killing me & no body finding me.  Talk to someone as a counselor about how you are feeling.  I kept a journal & constantly wrote in it.  What made...

      RHMLucky777

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      E.L.-I read your post and almost started to cry!  I was there in 2008, with my obituary written & so ready for death.  I was so in fear of my bipolar (ex) husband killing me & no body finding me.  Talk to someone as a counselor about how you are feeling.  I kept a journal & constantly wrote in it.  What made me happy?  Did I love myself? It's going to be 5 years of freedom now & I feel fabulous!  Law of attraction all new friends & it is all healthy.  There are so many low cost counselors and I gathered so much info on the computer just by googling it.  Take your power back & love you more!  It's time for some EL time.  Write down your affirmation>>>>>>>>>>>I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!!   love, blessings & prayers to you as you start the journey of loving yourself more!  Vicki  

    • Vicki
      May. 20, 2013

      E.L.-I read your post and almost started to cry!  I was there in 2008, with my obituary written & so ready for death.  I was so in fear of my bipolar (ex) husband killing me & no body finding me.  Talk to someone as a counselor about how you are feeling.  I kept a journal & constantly wrote in it.  What made...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      E.L.-I read your post and almost started to cry!  I was there in 2008, with my obituary written & so ready for death.  I was so in fear of my bipolar (ex) husband killing me & no body finding me.  Talk to someone as a counselor about how you are feeling.  I kept a journal & constantly wrote in it.  What made me happy?  Did I love myself? It's going to be 5 years of freedom now & I feel fabulous!  Law of attraction all new friends & it is all healthy.  There are so many low cost counselors and I gathered so much info on the computer just by googling it.  Take your power back & love you more!  It's time for some EL time.  Write down your affirmation>>>>>>>>>>>I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!!   love, blessings & prayers to you as you start the journey of loving yourself more!  Vicki  

    • JESSE
      Jan. 21, 2014

      I have to comment on this because i understand totally i experince almost the same level of crap everyday and i do feel as if i would have known this to come i would have off'ed my self the same week i met her. you give your life up so a bipolar pos can live

  • unsure
    May. 11, 2012

    Man I never knew there were so many women out here going through the same thing as I am.  I was just saying today why is it my husband can be nice to everyone but me?  Does Bipolar only work on spouses?  Everyone says what a handsome man he is and how beautiful our family is!  The truth about our family is  one rollercoaster ride and...

    RHMLucky777

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    Man I never knew there were so many women out here going through the same thing as I am.  I was just saying today why is it my husband can be nice to everyone but me?  Does Bipolar only work on spouses?  Everyone says what a handsome man he is and how beautiful our family is!  The truth about our family is  one rollercoaster ride and he can be mean as hell, on his medicine and off of it.

    I dont know if Im capable of taking the abuse anymore.  I think they learn how to be manipulators, and cons.  They are shelfish,prideful,and full of anger!  Wrap it all up and call it bipolar give them a pill and everything is supposed to be fixed, to them, but the problem is the mess they have made in the home with the spouse and the children, what do we call that mess and what kind of pill can you throw them and call it fixed?  I just dont know if it's worth it.  my world gets shot down often, right when I would think things were getting better he tears everything apart.  My husband is awesome when he's on the right track but a monster when he's not.

     

     

    • Vicki
      Jun. 17, 2012
      Hello-It's going to be 4 years without the mental abuse I went thru.It is definitely a crime of passion.I was financially ruined when my bipolar husband left on July 31,2008 but realized I had been so mentally beat down by the anger & abuse.It is a mental illness & I'm not going to go into that definition.Getting myself back after the 6 year roller coaster...
      RHMLucky777
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      Hello-It's going to be 4 years without the mental abuse I went thru.It is definitely a crime of passion.I was financially ruined when my bipolar husband left on July 31,2008 but realized I had been so mentally beat down by the anger & abuse.It is a mental illness & I'm not going to go into that definition.Getting myself back after the 6 year roller coaster has been a journey & connecting with my sons awesome.We were able to talk about the tornado - storm we had gone thru.I owned that at times I put blinders on because the mental abuse sustained was painful because he would be so wonderful. & then turn into the worse thing I had ever been around.I enjoy & love it all now!Life has no guarantees so enjoy every moment with self or someone healthy!!!!
    • Anonymous
      Sam
      Sep. 09, 2012

      I am convinced my husband is bipolar, though he's never been diagnosed.  Right now he is the most wonderful husband, makes me breakfast in bed, takes long walks with me, but I know it is just a matter of time until he has an "episode".  I think it is mania.  He'll be so full of energy and want to change everything in the house or some project...

      RHMLucky777

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      I am convinced my husband is bipolar, though he's never been diagnosed.  Right now he is the most wonderful husband, makes me breakfast in bed, takes long walks with me, but I know it is just a matter of time until he has an "episode".  I think it is mania.  He'll be so full of energy and want to change everything in the house or some project and then it starts.  I am to blame for everything bad in his life.  He will be verbally and emotionally abusive and refuses to believe there is anything wrong with him.  Everyone loves him.  It's just me that suffers.  We have been married for 30 years and fortunately the kids have married and moved out.  I am fully convinced that bipolars should NEVER marry.  And they are oblivious to the pain they cause.  I believe that when bipolars say they aren't abusive, they really believe it.  But that just proves they're bipolar.  I would NEVER advise anyone to marry a bipolar. 

    • Vicki
      May. 20, 2013

      Hi Sam-I read your comment & it bought me back into so many things I had experienced with my relationship.  As I have healed from the emotional beating from my ex-husband who was diagnosed with bipolar there are times or situations that arise that I am so blessed that I am out of that negative environment and my life is not revolving around someone...

      RHMLucky777

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      Hi Sam-I read your comment & it bought me back into so many things I had experienced with my relationship.  As I have healed from the emotional beating from my ex-husband who was diagnosed with bipolar there are times or situations that arise that I am so blessed that I am out of that negative environment and my life is not revolving around someone elses ups & downs.  I do realize that so many people are not aware of the illness but when you are a spouse living with it day and night it is truly quite the nightmare.  My blessings, love and support to you now and always.  It is most difficult to love yourself more & to start all over.  Life is so beautiful now and I live each day to the fullest without any degrading or emotional beating.  I got my power back & wish you the same!  Vicki 

  • Anonymous
    Nicola
    Apr. 06, 2012

    Dear Vicki,

     I know exactly your pain. Yes everyone is different with this manic depression but I like you have been in an abusive relationship with a man who has it, for 12 years of Hell.

     I have loved him dearly for all this time and have given him literally hundreds of chances, he only is nice when it suits him but that is only his way to draw...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Dear Vicki,

     I know exactly your pain. Yes everyone is different with this manic depression but I like you have been in an abusive relationship with a man who has it, for 12 years of Hell.

     I have loved him dearly for all this time and have given him literally hundreds of chances, he only is nice when it suits him but that is only his way to draw me back in. Its blame, excuses, blags, lies and fakery. He gives me happiness after the blags of what he'll do so hes not evil to me anymore then makes me pay for it and more.

     The blags are usually that he wont be cruel to me anymore and be 'normal' to me and I think were going in the right direction then he'll suddenly explode and be shockingly abusive and nothing or noone can stop him. The things he shouts and says to me are disgusting. He takes it all out on me and as much as he sometimes wants to love me respectfully and keep me happy, he subcontiously sees me me as a vunerable puppy with unconditional love for him that he somehow has the full right to do this to as he knows I love him. Its an endless circle of limbo. He has made me disabled and mentally ill myself from his abuse which pleases him as I am reliant on him for many things. I have been so forgiving,loving and kind but I want more than anything else on this planet for him to not be horrible and abusive to me but after 12 years of it, I have to (if I can) stand back and say he will never change into a man who isnt abusive and I am nothing but a complete idiot if I allow him to draw me back in and see him anymore. I have to leave him and moarn the man I love that has been taken over by his struggle to be himself and I suggest you do the same. Remember this is YOUR life and you was not born for him to govern you with his suffering and abuse.

    • Vicki
      Jun. 17, 2012
      Nicola-My husband was amazing.my knight without the horse but that guy never returned.We travelled ,bought me the finest but what he turned into was a fine of passion.I was so in love but realized the wonderful guy I fell in love with died & I was living with a monster who worked on my emotions.Mental illness I'm not going to touch on that-So nice to be in...
      RHMLucky777
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      Nicola-My husband was amazing.my knight without the horse but that guy never returned.We travelled ,bought me the finest but what he turned into was a fine of passion.I was so in love but realized the wonderful guy I fell in love with died & I was living with a monster who worked on my emotions.Mental illness I'm not going to touch on that-So nice to be in a healthy space now.I revisit situations from my past & don't even know how I made it out alive but I did.Im given a great opportunity to live a healthy life!!!!Love yourself & be good to you!Always- hugs!!!!
  • Skeptic
    Apr. 03, 2012
    Except that we have been married for 26 yrs, have two children and she has NEVER worked. I have stood by her all these yrs to no avail. Now my life is in ruins - I truly think I married an EVIL person.
  • Anonymous
    LYNN
    Apr. 02, 2012

    I TOO WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION. HE WOULD NOT TAKE HIS MEDS, ABUSED ME EVERY WAY HE COULD. AND IT WAS ALWAYS MY FAULT TO HEAR HIM TELL IT. BEST THING I EVER DID FOR ME AND  THE CHILDREN WAS THE DIVORCE.

    • e
      e
      Feb. 06, 2014

      and this is why bipolar and bipolar ll have the highest suicide rates. because no one stays by them and truely cares.

  • Vicki
    Aug. 25, 2011

    Today is August 25, 2011 & I felt moved to write and comment on what I had posted prior!  When my bipolar husband left my world was sad because I couldn't help him and I was in denial of being an abusive spouse.  It was a blessing that he left on July 31, 2008!  It gave me the opportunity to heal and adjust to the hurricane me...

    RHMLucky777

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    Today is August 25, 2011 & I felt moved to write and comment on what I had posted prior!  When my bipolar husband left my world was sad because I couldn't help him and I was in denial of being an abusive spouse.  It was a blessing that he left on July 31, 2008!  It gave me the opportunity to heal and adjust to the hurricane me and my sons had been thru. My ex remarried for the 6th time and I thought I was 2 but honestly what was the truth. The lady has 2 young boys and my sons immediately felt sorry for the boys because of the daily fear that they had encountered.  But I can only send them blessings of happiness!  I was able to become a Reiki Healer and get involved in groups in our town regarding where I had encountered with bipolar. I felt that the universe had introduced me to bipolar for a reason and I need to be there for the spouses who were like me and didn't have a clue what was happening to the person that they fell in love with. My two sons and me just had our 3 year anniversay of a new life without the elephant in the room and/or the roller coaster ride or the ride home.  I realize everyone's experience is different and no two stories are the same but it's how we feel that bring us all together.  My circle of friends is incredible and there's even a new man in my life.   Yes, I was looking for an incredible healthy relationship. The absolute right man to create the relationship that makes you feel grateful for every breath you take...Universe did good!!!!Namaste my friends and remember just to believe in you!  Give it to the Universe and it will work!!!!       

  • Anonymous
    jd3112
    Jan. 14, 2010

    Vicky,

     

    I am not going to hide anything which I am going to write now. I do agree with you, we (bipolars) can become extremely irritable, but that is part of a mania. I hope you apply tough love then. He doesn't hate you, nor does he want to hurt you. I am a full blown BP1 and I know how difficult it must be and is for you. Now imagine how difficult it...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Vicky,

     

    I am not going to hide anything which I am going to write now. I do agree with you, we (bipolars) can become extremely irritable, but that is part of a mania. I hope you apply tough love then. He doesn't hate you, nor does he want to hurt you. I am a full blown BP1 and I know how difficult it must be and is for you. Now imagine how difficult it is for us. You sound like a wonderful spouse and I do feel for you.

     

    Look at when he is normal, when he is himself. And that should be 80% of the time. I am extremely creative when I am depressed and extremely dumb in a mania. If you look at the two scenarios they balance out. But you want your man back as he was. Support plays a major, if not infinite role in this.

     

    Yes, we are different, yes, we swing from one mood to the next. As for why he doesn't show the world; who does?

     

    Pray my darling, and hope... for love, faith and hope are the biggest

     

    JD

    • Vicki
      Jan. 19, 2010

      JD-You couldn't find someone on the face of the earth more loving and caring than me.  Unfortunately, my husband didn't know he had bipolar.  I thought it was just stress or even perhaps OCD.He drove big rig so when he got his physical he was perfect!  In one of the rare good moods, I gave him an OCD article...along for the roller...

      RHMLucky777

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      JD-You couldn't find someone on the face of the earth more loving and caring than me.  Unfortunately, my husband didn't know he had bipolar.  I thought it was just stress or even perhaps OCD.He drove big rig so when he got his physical he was perfect!  In one of the rare good moods, I gave him an OCD article...along for the roller coaster ride!  He went to the doctors, came home told me he had a mental illness...BIPOLAR. I said...We Have Bipolar not knowing what it was.  He was given the prescription lamitical.  His own self looked relaxed, he slept better but he liked the chaos and rage without the prescription so he chose not to take it.  He became worst that before.  Pinning me against a wall with a fire log and wanting to beat my F  ing head in.  I kept a journal from day one and I know what I'm talking about.  No one can sugar coat the experience and nightmare that me and my two sons went thru.  Yes, it was a rollercoaster ride from HELL.  I'm taking my Hell and enhancing others because I had no idea what I got myself into.  The man I so fell in love with never returned and when he left I was beyond sad because I couldn't help him but I was loosing me and that is not love.  I mourned the lost of the man I so loved and hated the monster that I ended up with but I realize that God gives challenges to the strong people.  This is my opinion and what I lived.  People who read my Blog might not agree but this is my life and my feelings and they belong to me.  I know I have touched others who have gone thru similiar experiences and not everyone will agree with me but this is my life!  God does take care of all and I'm in truly a wonderful relationship now.  Unfortunately, because I was so badly verbally and mentally beat down I'm like a beaten dog but I'm processing my experiences and healing everyday.  My best to you now and always!           

    • Jenna
      Apr. 11, 2010

      Because this "illness" leaves them with the emotional capacity of an animal.  Always out for themselves.  They think as their spouse that it doesn't matter what they do to you.  People outside of your circle, however, need to be treated well for them to "get anything" out of knowing them.

       

      If you treat your bipolar spouse as you wold an...

      RHMLucky777

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      Because this "illness" leaves them with the emotional capacity of an animal.  Always out for themselves.  They think as their spouse that it doesn't matter what they do to you.  People outside of your circle, however, need to be treated well for them to "get anything" out of knowing them.

       

      If you treat your bipolar spouse as you wold an animal - the response is AWESOME!  I have five friends in real life that all have bipolar husbands.  We conspire to think of new ways to get them to act right.  We even let them know that we do this and tell each other everything that they do behind closed doors.  There are a few tricks that have worked to an extent:

       

      1.  When they start their circular arguments - VIDEOTAPE THEM!  They will end it at once or not.  If they don't, make them watch the video after they're done.  The WHOLE video.  The next time they start an argument they will relent when they see you pull out the videocamera (like a dog that gets smacked with a newspaper).

       

      2.  NO QUICK FIXES - if they want your affection they MUST CONTINUE to act right.  ALWAYS remind them that because of the way that they treat you that your love is ENTIRELY conditional.  If the dog pees on the floor - do you give him a treat?  No.

       

      3.  FaceBook is AWESOME!  Invite all of your friends to join you on FaceBook.  Whenever he acts up, make his actions PUBLIC!  Shout them from the digital rooftops.  There is no reason you should suffer in silence.  Let people know that you're sharing his/her insipid behavior because it's funny (because some will ask you why you don't just leave them).  Humiliation goes a long way.

       

      4.  If he/she whines and threatens to hide from the world/kill themselves/etc get your kids and your car keys.  Leave them a cell phone and tell them that they can call 911 if they get halfway through and then change their minds - but that you and the kids don't really feel like watching them do something stupid today.

       

      Above all else - if you're physically threatened do NOT do any of the above.  GET OUT AND CALL 911 FROM A NEIGHBORS!  There is NO going back from someone that threatens to murder you!!!!

    • Anonymous
      Betty Luck
      Jun. 11, 2010

      Good advice. Thanks so much. I am goiing to pick up my boyfriend from the psych hospital tomorrow. I must say, on Geodon he was a nasty, possessed, ranting lunatic. I videotaped him and it blew his mind. He had no idea, honestly. Verbally abusive one minute, lovey dovey the next.

       

      On Seroquel, he is a sweet, nice guy. Geodon, for some people, is a demon...

      RHMLucky777

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      Good advice. Thanks so much. I am goiing to pick up my boyfriend from the psych hospital tomorrow. I must say, on Geodon he was a nasty, possessed, ranting lunatic. I videotaped him and it blew his mind. He had no idea, honestly. Verbally abusive one minute, lovey dovey the next.

       

      On Seroquel, he is a sweet, nice guy. Geodon, for some people, is a demon drug. Be careful.

    • Anonymous
      Betty Luck
      Jun. 11, 2010

      Good advice. Thanks so much. I am goiing to pick up my boyfriend from the psych hospital tomorrow. I must say, on Geodon he was a nasty, possessed, ranting lunatic. I videotaped him and it blew his mind. He had no idea, honestly. Verbally abusive one minute, lovey dovey the next.


      On Seroquel, he is a sweet, nice guy. Geodon, for some people, is a demon drug....

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Good advice. Thanks so much. I am goiing to pick up my boyfriend from the psych hospital tomorrow. I must say, on Geodon he was a nasty, possessed, ranting lunatic. I videotaped him and it blew his mind. He had no idea, honestly. Verbally abusive one minute, lovey dovey the next.


      On Seroquel, he is a sweet, nice guy. Geodon, for some people, is a demon drug. Be careful.

  • Anonymous
    sunfire
    Aug. 15, 2009

    HE may not have respect for you, My ex was a paranoid schiz he did not have any respect for me and controlled every aspect of my life I couldn't even go see my family cause he would accuse me of something everyday(that did not happen). His family told me he was better without me I was scared he'd kill himself if I left but thank God he was in the hospital when...

    RHMLucky777

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    HE may not have respect for you, My ex was a paranoid schiz he did not have any respect for me and controlled every aspect of my life I couldn't even go see my family cause he would accuse me of something everyday(that did not happen). His family told me he was better without me I was scared he'd kill himself if I left but thank God he was in the hospital when he got the news cause I had to go to counseling myself I finally was able to get away. YOu may need to let him know you will leave him that may make him give you more respect when he sees what he is loosing.

  • Anonymous
    sharon24
    Nov. 08, 2008

    I have been living with my bipolar I boyfriend for about a year.  In addition to that I lived with two bipolar family memebers for about 20 years of my life.  I know that if you attempt do take your medicine, eat right, exercise and attend therapy that it is possible for someone to be a normal happy functioning person.  In my family one person was...

    RHMLucky777

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    I have been living with my bipolar I boyfriend for about a year.  In addition to that I lived with two bipolar family memebers for about 20 years of my life.  I know that if you attempt do take your medicine, eat right, exercise and attend therapy that it is possible for someone to be a normal happy functioning person.  In my family one person was able to get their act together and the other member is no longer part of my families life.  My boyfriend was diganosed while we were dating and knowing that he would need support till he could can get into a routine I agreed too moved in with him too help him get on track.  With that said, 6 months later and he does not take his medicine, he does not eat right and he does not treat me like a human being.  He is verbally abusive and now is starting to become physically abusive.  Yesterday he threw a heavy glass at my head, missed, and then struck me in the head with a bottle of olive oil from across the room.  I moved out the same day and I am going to move on with my life.  If you are being verbally or physically abused by someone who is not even trying to be a better bipolar then they are not worth your time.  Everyone who is ever been a victim of a bipolar person knows that many of them are fully capable of functioning in a relationship and in society.  If they don't try to function then they most likely never will.

    • Vicki
      Nov. 20, 2008

      Hey Sharon-Hope you're doing better.  Did you move out?  I went thru almost a physical episode on 2/24/08 when I didn't agree with bp husband,  He took a log and was going to beat my head.  I'm so glad my sons and myself are on our own.  All the love I could give couldn't make him better and he was selfish because he was in...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hey Sharon-Hope you're doing better.  Did you move out?  I went thru almost a physical episode on 2/24/08 when I didn't agree with bp husband,  He took a log and was going to beat my head.  I'm so glad my sons and myself are on our own.  All the love I could give couldn't make him better and he was selfish because he was in denial and wouldn't listen to anything.  Take Care!  Vicki 

  • Anonymous
    anonymous
    Oct. 16, 2008

    I've been married to a man who was first diagnosed with PTSD (Post traumatic Stress Disorder) was diagnosed to be bi-polar 2, but now his doctors are calling it a mood disorder. He's been on medication for over a year now and doesn't seem to be stabeling out any. He  calls me bad names around my son, and I try to defend myself and he just gets more angry. ...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I've been married to a man who was first diagnosed with PTSD (Post traumatic Stress Disorder) was diagnosed to be bi-polar 2, but now his doctors are calling it a mood disorder. He's been on medication for over a year now and doesn't seem to be stabeling out any. He  calls me bad names around my son, and I try to defend myself and he just gets more angry.  He is very controlling and bossy to me.  I feel like I live with a drill sargent or boss than a spouse. I can't talk on the phone to my own brother without him getting upset (especially if I mention anything about him to my brother).   If anything out of the ordinary happens he gets high anxiety, and gets threatening to me. It's very strange though, because he doesn't lash out at our 4 yr. old son, just me. I get to take all of his abuse. My son just today called me stupid. Yesterday my husband said he wanted to bash my face in when my son was in the other room.  All I had said to him was I wanted to go on vacation with my girlfriend. He blew up on me. I seem to take the punishment and am tired of it.  When I stand up for myself he tells me I am the bad person.  Living with someone with this condition is hell. I don't think anyone really knows how to handle living with someone with bi-polar disorder. I want out but just can't seem to get there.

    • Vicki
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Hi-I was with my husband 7 years.  I knew something was wrong.  The verbal abuse was horrible & I compromised.  Nothing was ever perfect enough.  I thought he had OCD.  But he has bipolar which I accepted.  He left in our travel trailer on 7/31/08.  At first, I missed him or was it the verbal abuse?  Today,I got me...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hi-I was with my husband 7 years.  I knew something was wrong.  The verbal abuse was horrible & I compromised.  Nothing was ever perfect enough.  I thought he had OCD.  But he has bipolar which I accepted.  He left in our travel trailer on 7/31/08.  At first, I missed him or was it the verbal abuse?  Today,I got me back! I have time for me and I laugh, smile and cry(tears of joy).  Yes, I miss him but I realize that no human being deserves to be treated like I was being treated.  I have boundaries now and I do miss the man I love so dearly but realize that he is overwhelmed by an illness.  He is in denial and all the love in the world and in my heart couldn't help him unless he wanted to be helped.  I actually feel so free and so do my sons.  They constantly tell me "Wow, mom you look so different!"  Take care of you cuz no one else will-Very best to you!Cool 

    • Anonymous
      anonymous
      Oct. 18, 2008

      Thanks Viki, :D We just had our 5 yr. anniversary, which we haven't had a chance to celebrate, but looks like we may not get to.  Last week his grandpa died, which he was more like a parent. He's been acting pretty bad, and still blames it on me. If I blame him for something he always turns around and says I'm the one who needs to look at myself. It's...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Thanks Viki, :D We just had our 5 yr. anniversary, which we haven't had a chance to celebrate, but looks like we may not get to.  Last week his grandpa died, which he was more like a parent. He's been acting pretty bad, and still blames it on me. If I blame him for something he always turns around and says I'm the one who needs to look at myself. It's so aggrevating. His anger is even worse because of his grandpa's death.  The other night I was on the phone with one of my girlfriends at around my sons bed time and  my husband tells me I have to get off the phone and just keeps pushing me to.  My friend on the other side of the phone said she couldn't believe how he was- it was scaring her.  My friend had asked me if I wanted to get away for a two day vacation on the beach and he blew up on me telling me I was a stupid ass and to shut up when I would try to talk. Our son was in the other room when he was going off and he came in the room right after he mentioned bashing my head in. He's 4 yrs. old.  I'm going to the lawyer Monday and draw up the papers.

       

    • Vicki
      Oct. 20, 2008

      Hey girl- It was so hard for me to file papers on a man that I so truly still love but the man I fell in love with is overtaken by a demon.  I daily think of him and light candles & say prayers every night.  I do miss the man I fell in love with but the focus these days is getting me back and feeling better about myself.  I love...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hey girl- It was so hard for me to file papers on a man that I so truly still love but the man I fell in love with is overtaken by a demon.  I daily think of him and light candles & say prayers every night.  I do miss the man I fell in love with but the focus these days is getting me back and feeling better about myself.  I love my two sons and I will heal.  Best to you & write anytime-Vicki  

    • Anonymous
      Muriel
      Mar. 13, 2010
      Good afternoon. Hello. My nick's Muriel.wanna see me on my page? Tell me, have I exactly. Help me! Need information about: Mickey mouse wall clock. I found only this - large led wall clock. Wall clock, despite smelling whole cuisine, the request introverted on. Just, arbonne went it impressive to maintain above the aspect of thousands to get in their site,...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      Good afternoon. Hello. My nick's Muriel.wanna see me on my page? Tell me, have I exactly. Help me! Need information about: Mickey mouse wall clock. I found only this - large led wall clock. Wall clock, despite smelling whole cuisine, the request introverted on. Just, arbonne went it impressive to maintain above the aspect of thousands to get in their site, wall clock. :o Thanks in advance. Muriel from Honduras.
  • Anonymous
    Carey
    Oct. 05, 2008

    i'm bipolar,been with my husband for 7 yrs also. the mood swings get so bad that i dont realize the hurtful things i say. i've had to apologize sincerely to keep my husband who is very understanding of my problem. He goes to the dr with me and says if i dont stay medicated that he will leave me. Outside of the home, i try to cover the fact that i have a problem...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    i'm bipolar,been with my husband for 7 yrs also. the mood swings get so bad that i dont realize the hurtful things i say. i've had to apologize sincerely to keep my husband who is very understanding of my problem. He goes to the dr with me and says if i dont stay medicated that he will leave me. Outside of the home, i try to cover the fact that i have a problem so i try to be as normal as possible,but when the moods hit, he is the first one who sees it and gets to c the worst side of me.Luckily he keeps up with all the latest/new meds and goes to the dr,he asks questions,etc so he learns to deal with me more easily.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Sep. 05, 2008

    Vicki, I truly feel for you.  I have been married for 14 years this month.  My wife has been diagnosed BP, but doesn't believe it nor will she take any meds or go to counseling.  She has been very demeaning and abusive for several years. I spend a majority of my work days at home caring for her at home. She had an affair two years ago and got...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Vicki, I truly feel for you.  I have been married for 14 years this month.  My wife has been diagnosed BP, but doesn't believe it nor will she take any meds or go to counseling.  She has been very demeaning and abusive for several years. I spend a majority of my work days at home caring for her at home. She had an affair two years ago and got pregnant. She confessed when she came home to kill herself and I happened to be there.  I took her in and cared for her and the baby because I couldn't think of throwing them out especially an innocent child. Well, she filed for divorce in Februaury. I tried to get custody of our 3 kids and the judge awarded them to her because she had the title only stay at home mom. I can't move on with my life because there is no one that understands she is ill that will take care of her.  I am always there picking up the pieces after her mistakes and afterwards I am ususally ripped to shreds with a verbal attack and I hate you.  There is never a thank you for my efforts to help our clean up the mess.  I am here because she needs me and my children live in fear.  Every day is a different day.  Sometimes I wake up hoping that the nightmare will be over today, but it never is. I doubt I will remarry anytime soon because I have too much drama to take care of that if I don't no one else will. I hope I am judged someday for my efforts and I hope when I die they say at my funeral "He really loved his wife."  Good luck.  It is so hard. I would love to talk to you if you ever have time. Let me know and maybe we can exchange numbers.

    • Vicki
      Sep. 08, 2008

      Hi-I filed for divorce and am sick to my stomach because I reallyb don't know the man that I'm dealing with now.  I'm beating myself up for allowing someone to treat me in this fashion and not setting boundaries.  On August 20th, our last phone conversation he told me that I was a nobody.  I had nothing to offer anyone.  He owned his...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Hi-I filed for divorce and am sick to my stomach because I reallyb don't know the man that I'm dealing with now.  I'm beating myself up for allowing someone to treat me in this fashion and not setting boundaries.  On August 20th, our last phone conversation he told me that I was a nobody.  I had nothing to offer anyone.  He owned his own business and I owned my own business.  I did the bookkeeping and clerical with both companies along with taking care of my two teenage sons.  When Joe arrived home, there were two beers in the refrig, Rachel Ray Dinner, dessert and off to bed at 6:00pm.  I would put lotion on his feet and sometimes wrap them because they were a mess.  Give him a full body massage, aloe vera on his face and off to sleep.  Then I would go downstairs make a homemade dessert for his lunch.  Make lunch  (huge). a note on his steering wheel and a rose on his wiper blade.  Back upstairs at 10:25 to start his shower.  he would be downstairs where I would have his Red Bull waiting, walk him out and off to bed.  Between all of this I did homework with my boys and bookkeeping for his trucking company.  When he came down stairs, all he did was sign paperwork, checks, etc..Never a thank you or anything.  He would always have to be acknowledged for what he did.  Cut the lawn or fix something.   Unfortunately, I fell in love with a wonderful man that I haven't seen in a longtime.  I've been lonely for such a longtime.  I just wanted someone to appreciate me for just being me. We have an appointment  on  Thursday, 9/11 to meet with our attorneys and I'm sick just thinking about seeing him-Call or email me anytime-I'm all alone!  Vicki          

    • Anonymous
      Doug
      Sep. 08, 2008

      Vicki, can you email me at dweller@deltavalve.com.  I'd like to talk to you privately if I could regarding this situation.  It looks like we are in the same boat.  I am the poster that has been married 14 years.  My name is Doug.  Please email me when you get a chance so I can respond personally or call.

       

      Doug

    • Vicki
      Sep. 14, 2008

      Doug-Sounds like you need a friend from California to talk toKissGive me a call & we will talk CoolVicki

    • Suzanne
      Sep. 25, 2008

      Vicki:  First off, I'm sure Doug is a wonderful person but I would caution you not to contact anyone you "meet" on the web.  You really don't know anything other than what he/she tells you & that may not be the full story or even the truth.  You have enough going on in your life without adding the complication of a stranger perhaps invading...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Vicki:  First off, I'm sure Doug is a wonderful person but I would caution you not to contact anyone you "meet" on the web.  You really don't know anything other than what he/she tells you & that may not be the full story or even the truth.  You have enough going on in your life without adding the complication of a stranger perhaps invading your privacy or something.  Just be cautious, PLEASE.  And Doug, no offense.  I'd say the same thing about ME.  I could be, I don't know, a stalker or something.

       

      But actually I am a wife with bipolar & my mother had bipolar.  She was very verbally abusive towards my father & blamed him for her unhappiness & everything that was wrong in her life.  This was during the 60's & 70's & the treatment was not very good--ECT's, meds not very good.  She had numerous suicide attempts, was hospitalized over & over again, was physically & verbally abusive to us kids (verbally & emotionally to me--physically to my younger brother).

       

      I remember having to call the police (my father moved out & left us with her; he had enough & deserted us--still supported us financially & checked in time to time, but basically was not there for us) as I was afraid she was going to kill my brother.  She heard me call them & by the time they arrived she was ready to serve them tea & they looked at me like I was the crazy one--talk about being able to pull yourself together for the public.  I never understood how she could do that--be a raging maniac in private & then despite her illness most of the time act normal  in public(sometimes she couldn't--like when she would run in front of my dad's car as he was driving away trying to get him to run her over while screaming at him & all the neighbors could see that).

       

      But then I developed bipolar & I did the exact same thing to my husband only not to the same extreme, thank goodness.  I wasn't abusive ever, but I got depressed & blamed him for my depression.  It was that I didn't know why I was so sad so I blamed him.  I couldn't figure it out so I said I wanted a divorce over & over & would cry & tell him every little thing he did that hurt me (I am way over sensitive so the poor guy had to walk on egg shells around me pre-medicated days).

       

      Finally, as he is only human, he got fed up & said OK, I make you so unhappy we'll get a divorce & I realized I didn't want a divorce.  And I shouldn't say things I don't mean & that I needed t get help or I would drive the one person I had in my life that cared for me away.

       

      I got help & am on meds, but still cycle.  To the outside world I am seemingly happy, confident, etc. yet I had a suicide attempt 2 years ago.  At home I have "meltdowns" where I get so sad, but I don't blame my husband or try not to.  Sometimes it is so hard not to that I lock myself in the closet to prevent myself from saying anything hurtful to him when I am that way. 

       

      I just don't know why this illness causes such emotional turmoil even when medicated.  I'm much better, but certainly not fully stable & from my support group my blaming the spouse behavior is very common.  I think the above posters who have bipolar & do not exhibit this kind of behavior are very lucky.  I think it is more common than they know.

       

      My heart goes out to you & I apologize for the hurt that the illness has brought on you.  Take care of yourself.  You need to & deserve happiness in your life.  I am amazed my husband has stayed with me.  He truly is a saint.   

       

  • Anonymous
    tiff
    Aug. 29, 2008

    I am bipolar, I am one at home, and another at work, and yet another around others! Is it a personality disorder , I don't know! I have gave up on those who took my money to give me a diaognoses! but yet I continue to diagnose myself! I used to be medicated, and then self medicated, but now I just Deal with it! Only because, Doctor's only want to put us meds...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I am bipolar, I am one at home, and another at work, and yet another around others! Is it a personality disorder , I don't know! I have gave up on those who took my money to give me a diaognoses! but yet I continue to diagnose myself! I used to be medicated, and then self medicated, but now I just Deal with it! Only because, Doctor's only want to put us meds that make us feel even more depressed, I have severe mood swings, I only take it out on those I love the most, In others eye's I have the perfect life! I deal with myself in private, and self meditation, I talk to God Out of hatered, I don't  mean to be hatefull, Espcially to my maker, but I beg Him, and I am Still who I am, Am I insane????? Ask those whom made me who I am, Do I hold them accountable? I am 41 years old, Who's responsible? I am A MESS, ( But ) I am lovable!., Kind, Understanding! Forgive me, for I do not know what I am Doing, nor Saying, so there for Love me!!!!!.... I am only me, and God created me in his own image, do you understand him?????????????? Think about what you read, what you see, what you understand, and know, there is a higher power, and only he (or ) she can give you the real truth to what, or who you are!

  • Hopeful mom
    Aug. 23, 2008

    My son wasn't physically abusive but during a rage would be extremely verbally abusive to me.  The reason for this most likely is I was the person who he knew would love him no matter what.  There were consequences for this.  He was grounded or he had things taken from him when he did this, but he knew nothing he said or did could change my love...

    RHMLucky777

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    My son wasn't physically abusive but during a rage would be extremely verbally abusive to me.  The reason for this most likely is I was the person who he knew would love him no matter what.  There were consequences for this.  He was grounded or he had things taken from him when he did this, but he knew nothing he said or did could change my love for him.  He alway knew he was safe venting at me in a way he wasn't safe venting to other people.  I'm not saying it's acceptable or right but that's the way it was.  On medication, he doesn't have uncontrolled rage.  He has rational anger and deals with it in rational ways.  Before, he really couldn't control it completely.  Bipolar or not, we all act better to strangers than we do to our own families.  The line has to be drawn.  You are right to insist he get help before he returns home.

  • nurz
    Aug. 23, 2008

    My husband and I  live our vows!  For better or worse, sickness and health...  I am the Bipolar and just started my hypomania on top of that.  I can dump loads of crap on my Beloved, and on me.  I fluxuate and vasilate back and forth with out notice.  I can't stand at the moment being away from him, but then we need our time away. ...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    My husband and I  live our vows!  For better or worse, sickness and health...  I am the Bipolar and just started my hypomania on top of that.  I can dump loads of crap on my Beloved, and on me.  I fluxuate and vasilate back and forth with out notice.  I can't stand at the moment being away from him, but then we need our time away.  It is like I am watching another person in theese actions, and not me, but it is me.  My Beloved just spouted off under his breath 'God I hope you get over thuis faster than last time I can't stand it when you are like this!'  I screamed out after him, 'you should try living within this alien body with all the fluxuating emotlions and actions.   I am in hell!'  I spout off at him, because he is the only one I know loves me truly, and understands my moods when I can't help it.  The only difference is, I stay on my medication because I hate my otherself. 

    My Beloved had an anger problem many, many years ago.  I know the abuse I had to put up with, I know yours too!  Who ios this Man I married!  A poor imitation of a clone!   He is Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde and you must love both!  My prayers are with you honey!

     

     

     

  • Anonymous
    nancy
    Aug. 22, 2008

    oh my god you just read my mind!! it's horrible i have been with my husban 17yrs and i feel like he is gone!

  • Jen
    Jen
    Aug. 21, 2008

    Hi Vicki, I saw you responded to my post about my husband. Only fair of me to share with you how much you are living my life. :) I still question whether or not it is me. I have learned to make some changes on how I approach my husband. Never accuse, never back him in to a wall and NEVER tell him to do something. He is close with a woman that he skydive's for....

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Hi Vicki, I saw you responded to my post about my husband. Only fair of me to share with you how much you are living my life. :) I still question whether or not it is me. I have learned to make some changes on how I approach my husband. Never accuse, never back him in to a wall and NEVER tell him to do something. He is close with a woman that he skydive's for. I'm not worried about the closeness for many reasons. However, when things were tough between us a couple of months ago he confided in her about the situation. Well, what do you know...she didn't think he was bipolar and she had previously been married to someone who was. At least she followed that up with stating it is usually different when you live with the person. Most people enjoy his company.

    We were seeing someone who prescribed Risperdal, which is a drug to treat schizophrenia. He doesn't have schiz, but she put him on a low dose because his major complaint was the high level of irritability. After the 5th visit she grew tired of his denial, told him he was argumentative, avoided conflict because he had no self-control and was afraid of his own actions and that the tingling in his arms and hands was due to anxiety rather than the medication as he thought. Well, that relationship ended. He's been working out of the state for a couple of weeks and I have to admit it has been quite relaxing. He came home for a few days and I felt tense again. I love him, I want to be around him, I just can't stand to be around him sometimes.

    I am thankful that he is in the very beginning stages of actually owning this condition and realizing he needs to take something to manage it. He is very resistant to being on meds. Doesn't help that he's not committed to the cause yet, but it is a start. I am hoping the last 15 years of my life with him have not been a waste of my time. He's due to come home in September and my plan is to help him get back in therapy and on medication....as long as it is his idea, not mine. It's best that way. I'm so sorry for your pain. You should take pride in the strength you have had over the last 7 years. I wish you the best in your situation.

    Jen

  • Anonymous
    CAN I TRADE IN ...
    Aug. 21, 2008

     

    Not literally, but figuratively. My wife JUST said your words to me last night.  My thoughts: A) to all you people reading/responding: THIS IS ABOUT HELPING THE ONE ASKING FOR HELP, NOT YOU. Stop defending yourself and your illness and glean what you can from these comments to try to achieve the objective of getting better. B) I am assuming it is...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

     

    Not literally, but figuratively. My wife JUST said your words to me last night.  My thoughts: A) to all you people reading/responding: THIS IS ABOUT HELPING THE ONE ASKING FOR HELP, NOT YOU. Stop defending yourself and your illness and glean what you can from these comments to try to achieve the objective of getting better. B) I am assuming it is verbal abuse, not physical; please clarify. "Abusing" and "Degrading" are very strong words, but without my wife using them in direct reference to me I simply do not even see myself as being abusing and degrading (and I am). C) Your challenge now is to find the real you, the one that you lost through time by compromising in order to adjust to his problem. Start with your intelligence and build off that as your self-esteem platform. On behalf of your ex-husband and all of us out here struggling with this demon, "SORRY WE PUT YOU THROUGH WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S US".

    • Vicki
      Sep. 14, 2008

      Hi-I read this post and keep coming back to it!  I so wish that my Joe would say this to me.  I wish for him to acknowledge that I am there for him and I would give 1/2 my liver to him if he needed it.  The demon that consumes him now is quite ugly!  Your words are great and thank you for taking the time for me!  Vicki 

    • Anonymous
      Anonymous
      Sep. 20, 2008

      have you printed these comments (all of them) and sent them to joe? in his condition, he doesn't see reality; he CAN'T hear the truth; the written word is powerful because it can wait for the emotional barriers to subside and still be available for the recipient to absorb when he is in a better (calmer/more normal) state. short, simple, sincere, direct - much...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      have you printed these comments (all of them) and sent them to joe? in his condition, he doesn't see reality; he CAN'T hear the truth; the written word is powerful because it can wait for the emotional barriers to subside and still be available for the recipient to absorb when he is in a better (calmer/more normal) state. short, simple, sincere, direct - much easier for the truth of the situation to be conveyed than, let's say, telling joe to read a book on bipolar.

       

      also, wisdom is power - the power to move on, get stronger, become the real you...adversity produces significantly more wisdom than the gentle waters of "everything is okay and calm"; so, look for the wisdom in every situation; pretend you are the objective, old chinese man giving vicki advice and pointing out to her, situation by situation, the wisdom that is knocking on her door.

       

      FYI for all: i've been to a wide variety of doctors and therapists on this journey to understand and overcome this "bipolar thing". i am actually bipolar II - it includes an element of adhd which is reflected by the mania portion being more a state of hyper irritation than a state of creative energy. chemical formula that works for me (after 10 years of every other combination on the planet): 300 mg of wellbutrin once per day; 300 mg of trileptal twice per day; 30 mg of vyvanse once per day.  

    • NewBride
      Oct. 16, 2008

      God I always wished my ex would have woken up and stopped the denial and said those words to me.  I supported him for years and got slapped in the face in return.  I still struggle with losing the love of my life to this disease but I know it's for the best.  Please contact me, as I would love some insight into what u and your wife are going...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      God I always wished my ex would have woken up and stopped the denial and said those words to me.  I supported him for years and got slapped in the face in return.  I still struggle with losing the love of my life to this disease but I know it's for the best.  Please contact me, as I would love some insight into what u and your wife are going thru - i think it would be very helpful to me!

  • Rose
    Aug. 19, 2008

    That exact same thing happened to me, only it was ME! who was mentally ill with bipolar.  So I can relate.  If anything comes up and you aren't sure why, you can always drop a line at my profile for "Rose".  I have had many problems, but rest assured, I have come out on top (with a lot of hectic days) after 15 years!

     

    Sincerely,

    Rose...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    That exact same thing happened to me, only it was ME! who was mentally ill with bipolar.  So I can relate.  If anything comes up and you aren't sure why, you can always drop a line at my profile for "Rose".  I have had many problems, but rest assured, I have come out on top (with a lot of hectic days) after 15 years!

     

    Sincerely,

    Rose

    • Vicki
      Aug. 19, 2008

      Rose-you are your name..."Rose"!  Thank you so much for the kind thoughts.  Vicki

  • Anonymous
    bobby
    Aug. 19, 2008

    Vicki,  my heart goes out to you.  the change in whom we married to what they latter become is so subtle, that all of the sudden one day we feel like we are not with the

    same person we married anymore.  i think that its worse during mania, and particularly,

    during swings.  it seems like the swings use up so much mental energy that nothing...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Vicki,  my heart goes out to you.  the change in whom we married to what they latter become is so subtle, that all of the sudden one day we feel like we are not with the

    same person we married anymore.  i think that its worse during mania, and particularly,

    during swings.  it seems like the swings use up so much mental energy that nothing is

    left for the relationship, and they sort of go into a detached limbo.  yes, they will do that impression management, and put on that extra friendly personality to the ones

    that they rely on for their validation.  inside, on the deepest level, i think they really

    know better, and have a sense of loss themselves.  it is very hard to sort out what is

    from the actual personality, what is from the bipolar, and what is from previous mental

    trauma's, particularly childhood ones.  i was so hurt following one long term manic bout, that i ended up depressed myself and having to seek treatment.  My dear supportive friends were with me through it all, i don't know what i would have done

    without them.  whatever pain we are dealing with, we also have to take in and

    appreciate the angels that are sent to all of us in the form of friends and mentors.

    good luck to you, i hope you will see only improvements. 

    • Vicki
      Aug. 19, 2008

      Bobby-There is an angel above.  Finally someone who realizes what its all about.  I sit here at my office mourning the loss of the man that I love and am so heart broken over.  Your response it what I needed.  Again, thank you so much for totally understanding what I'm going thru!  My prayers are with you-Vicki 

    • Anonymous
      bnotk@aol.com
      Aug. 19, 2008

      thank you Vicki, my prayers are certainly with you as well.  i think we are fortunate to

      have a way to connect and share with others in our situations.  its not just the resources, but the sharing and support which takes place on a personal level as well.

      if there is anything i can ever help with, please let me know.  bobby

       

    • Vicki
      Sep. 14, 2008

      Hey Bobby-Just checking in-The divorce is ugly.  My husband won't talk to me so we go thru the attorneys.  $325.00 per hour and my ex is arguing over firewood?  Hope all is going well with you!  Vicki 

    • NewBride
      Oct. 16, 2008

      Bobby - sounds familiar.  I would love to chat if you have time.  SHoot me an email!

  • Anonymous
    MrBluebird
    Aug. 19, 2008

    I'm glad he left you do NOT deserve that kind of inmature behavior. He is totally not worth awything when he acts like that.

     

    My father was not formally diagnosed with bi-polar but I think he has it. He was filled with abusive rage and violence physically and verbal-emotionally torward my brother and I and my mother and after my mom filed for a...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I'm glad he left you do NOT deserve that kind of inmature behavior. He is totally not worth awything when he acts like that.

     

    My father was not formally diagnosed with bi-polar but I think he has it. He was filled with abusive rage and violence physically and verbal-emotionally torward my brother and I and my mother and after my mom filed for a divorce he murdered her when I was 14 and my brother 12. He was a successful lawyer city law director and former cop-police officer.

    • Vicki
      Aug. 19, 2008

      Hey Mr. Bluebird-Thank you for the comment!  I'm getting me back and so appreciate the input and support!  Vicki

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous
    Aug. 19, 2008

    That sounds like my mother--raging at home, southern belle outside.  She never acknowledged her illness.  In my case, since I am on medication and very faithful about taking the awful stuff, the rages and mania have abated.  However, my 'normal' spouse has used my illness against me.  I am no longer allowed to make decisions although...

    RHMLucky777

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    That sounds like my mother--raging at home, southern belle outside.  She never acknowledged her illness.  In my case, since I am on medication and very faithful about taking the awful stuff, the rages and mania have abated.  However, my 'normal' spouse has used my illness against me.  I am no longer allowed to make decisions although he wants me to work.  He also tries to bait me into a fit.  He's better now after talking to a counselor.  He must feel like you do: he mourns the person he married 21 years ago.  That person also had bipolar disorder; she was just a lot more fun.  So bipolar disorder comes in a lot of forms.  In the next DMV they are going to call it bipolar spectrum disorder.  I hope your husband is all right.  Often it takes weeks for the medicine to take effect.  Suicide is a danger, but it will not be your fault in any way.

  • Drust7
    Aug. 19, 2008

    See what I mean? The people that are first concerned about themself and not the fact that you are heartbroken because someone close to you got self centered and treated you like crap in return for your hard efforts?

    • Vicki
      Aug. 19, 2008

      Dustin-Thank you ...the best response yet.  Vicki

  • star
    Aug. 18, 2008

    I have been dating a wonderful man who has Bipolar 2 and yes I have to admitt that Bipolar is very complex and challenging at times. One person with Bipolar is not the same as another. It affects each individual in a different way.

    The more you know/learn about it the better you will be and the better the relationship between the two will be as well.

    I have...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I have been dating a wonderful man who has Bipolar 2 and yes I have to admitt that Bipolar is very complex and challenging at times. One person with Bipolar is not the same as another. It affects each individual in a different way.

    The more you know/learn about it the better you will be and the better the relationship between the two will be as well.

    I have read books, articles and even joined a support group in the local hospital close to my house, and all of this has helped me a lot and I know that I will be learning as the relationship blossons each day. He has never been abusive to me. He is caring, loving, understanding, passionate  and compassionate. He takes care of himself physically,emotionally,mentally and spiritually, takes his meds on a regular basis,sees his doctor and he also belongs to a support group to help better himself and help others!

    There's a stigma when it comes to mentall illness and it's very sad . One thing I learned from a friend is to remember that it's not them but there illness AND YES we all need to take responsibilities for our actions as well.

    True what someone said in one of the posts above,often the caregiver is the one been abusive because we often do not educate ourselves enough about the illness( speaking in general here)

    Set boundaries,take care of you as much as you can mentally,emotionally,physically and spiritually and always remeber why you felt in love with him in the first place.

    No it's not easy but who said life was going to be easy anyways?

    Take care and hope he starts taking his meds again and both of you can work things out!

    • Anonymous
      over it
      Dec. 11, 2009

      Typical.

       

      They are like that while you are dating them "wonderful"

       

      everything will change the very minute you are married.


      Mark my words

       

      I watched it happen.

  • Eric
    Aug. 18, 2008

     

     

    I am not going to take anything away from your experience because from the sounds of things, things just haven’t been good on the home front for awhile. I guess you could attribute some of this too the illness but I am more convinced it is a personality trait and the dialog between the two of you than that of being bipolar.

     

    It’s...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

     

     

    I am not going to take anything away from your experience because from the sounds of things, things just haven’t been good on the home front for awhile. I guess you could attribute some of this too the illness but I am more convinced it is a personality trait and the dialog between the two of you than that of being bipolar.

     

    It’s more about teaching people how to treat you and what boundaries you have in place than just expecting people to respect you and your inner core. When I hear from people saying just about the same as you (the majority of these people are not bipolar), it more that the people outside the home don’t know the real person and their inner struggles whereas you do.

     

    People outside the home also rarely nag or have any expectations of this person and it is my assumption that since he is working long hours, once home you probably have a list of crap that went on that day that you had to deal with and complaints toward him on the hours he works, stuff he doesn’t get done around the house too lack of attention towards you. You already have an issue with the idea that he gets along with everyone else except you.

     

    So this brings us back to can a person with bipolarism be abusive and degrading to their spouse? Yep and a spouse of a bipolar person can also be abusive & degrading to the person living with the illness which is usually more common because they are tired of this person being a drain on them which harbors negative feelings. Ok…so he left in the motor home on the 31st and you have set the boundaries of no meds…stay away which is something I can agree with.

     

    Hopefully things will work out between the two of you, but I think there needs to be some serious dialogs between the two of you of the expectations you hope to get from one another. I would not bring his illness into this nor would I allow it as an excuse for bad behavior.

     

    I have a feeling you have no idea what effects you are having on him with the dialogs taking place thus far. I have a feeling you are going to hear the words nagging, complaining and just someone that no one wants to be around spoken from his mouth. Say nothing and listen and then hopefully he will do the same.

    • Vicki
      Aug. 18, 2008

      Hey Eric-Thanks for the input.  I'm a very compassionate loving considerate person. I'm a great listener and  turn the other cheek.  Never had the word "nag" referred before.  In fact, I work fulltime and would have a full course meal ready when my husband arrived in the door. I'm independent and extremely supportive.  I have...

      RHMLucky777

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      Hey Eric-Thanks for the input.  I'm a very compassionate loving considerate person. I'm a great listener and  turn the other cheek.  Never had the word "nag" referred before.  In fact, I work fulltime and would have a full course meal ready when my husband arrived in the door. I'm independent and extremely supportive.  I have read so many spouses that have commented about degrading and abuse and I'm just trying to get an answer.  I'm not about alot of fluff or material things just getting a better handle on bipolar.  Thanks for  the input!  Vicki   

    • Anonymous
      illAndMarriedTo...
      Dec. 13, 2009

      Vicky,

       

      I'm also married to a BP for 12 years now, and I myself have depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Just wanted to say, isn't funny how so many of the BPs on this blog want us to be understanding of them, while at the same time they are showing absolutely NO understanding of us? I find this common, too. I call it the "I have problems...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Vicky,

       

      I'm also married to a BP for 12 years now, and I myself have depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Just wanted to say, isn't funny how so many of the BPs on this blog want us to be understanding of them, while at the same time they are showing absolutely NO understanding of us? I find this common, too. I call it the "I have problems I can't just snap my fingers and not have, so you need to just snap your fingers and not have any problems so that you can devote all of yout time to me". I've had to explain to my husband numerous times that he's not the only one in the world with mental problems and with feelings. And if he wants me to be understanding of him, then he needs to be a little understanding of me. Being BP doesn't mean he can get away with whatever he wants and blame it on a mood swing. Yes, mood swings are real, but it has to stop somewhere. Example, you can't murder someone, and then blame it on a mood swing and expect no prison time and no consequences. It so often feels like the BP spouse wants us to be perfect (which is not humanly possible), while they get away with whatever they want. I don't understand where the blatant selfishness comes from in otherwise extremely intelligent people. Just my two cents.

    • Anonymous
      TryingHard
      Nov. 08, 2012

      YES...I have feelings.  And they get hurt.  So badly hurt.   But that is never acknowledged.   How I feel is irrelevant to life.   My feelings are intense but never expressed unless somewhere where no one can see me.   Sometimes I get ever so angry and explode, but there is no point.  Anger just escalates...

      RHMLucky777

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      YES...I have feelings.  And they get hurt.  So badly hurt.   But that is never acknowledged.   How I feel is irrelevant to life.   My feelings are intense but never expressed unless somewhere where no one can see me.   Sometimes I get ever so angry and explode, but there is no point.  Anger just escalates the situation and never achieves anything.  It is however the only emotion that still has the power to escape the imposed lock down.   To show feelings or emotions is to be targeted.  Maybe not right then, but it will be thrown in your face shortly.   Recently I went on a diet and exercise program, to try and strengthen my physical and mental health.   I felt good.   I dropped two dress sizes and was into a size 12.  I was able to wear clothes I hadn't worn for several years.    The first response from him was anger and an "I'm watching you" attitude.  Accusations of affairs.   The second, a few weeks later, was to look at me and tell me I didn't have the personal strength to ever do anything good for myself unless I was getting something for it.   The man I fell in love with would have been so proud of me for what I have been doing and so complementary...that is what I choose to keep in my mind.   But when I look in the mirror and see how good I look, my feelings drop alittle bit cause I know that for our relationship this has been painted a negative personal attack on my character and will remain so.   Yes, once again, my feelings are destroyed.  

  • Anonymous
    tabby
    Aug. 17, 2008

    Personal observation from one with Bipolar and one who was abused.  Can either take it - leave it.  Whichever...

     

    This is to adults - not children

    Children are defenseless, have little choice over the adults who abuse them, and therefore have little power to protect themselves.  Adults, especially parents, are responsible for protecting...

    RHMLucky777

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    Personal observation from one with Bipolar and one who was abused.  Can either take it - leave it.  Whichever...

     

    This is to adults - not children

    Children are defenseless, have little choice over the adults who abuse them, and therefore have little power to protect themselves.  Adults, especially parents, are responsible for protecting and defending the wee ones cause they aren't defenseless, have choices, and have power.

     

    #1: Not all with Bipolar abuse & degrade

    common misperception but misperception still the same

     

    #2: Not all who abuse and degrade have Bipolar

     

    Just thought I'd shoot a hole through the common misperceived sterotyping that continues to go on especially here.

     

    Now

    Inside the home:  Cause they can and the other adult is a willing partner cause the other adult allows it to happen.  The other adult doesn't deserve it - absolutely not but the other adult allows it to happen.  There are no boundaries, no self-respect, no limits placed, no consequences if boundaries or limits placed are crossed, if consequences are there they aren't followed up on, and well... if the one abusing and degrading does have a form of Mental Illness then the other adult is excusing the abuse and degradation.

     

    Outside the home no abuse or degradation:

    This is a no-brainer folks. 

    Someone bigger & badder might beat the crap out of the person, someone will have them arrested more than likely, they might get fired and likely not re-hired, their reputation is shot, their stature in the community is shattered, etc...

    Another adult, or adults, won't stand for it and won't allow it.

    Boundaries, limits, restrictions, and consequences are set up - adverse reactions are dealt.

    • hobie
      Aug. 17, 2008
      I second, third and fourth all the above comments, they are full of knowledge. but I must add..move on lady, The love is gone!
    • NewBride
      Oct. 16, 2008

      I had an abusive BP spouse as well and while I can see how BP's on this site might get offended by that comment, I too have read up on this, studied as much as I could, went to BP support groups, and talked to MANY spouses on this site - and 90% of the BP spouses were abusive in one way or another.  Whether willingly or unknowingly.  I have found...

      RHMLucky777

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      I had an abusive BP spouse as well and while I can see how BP's on this site might get offended by that comment, I too have read up on this, studied as much as I could, went to BP support groups, and talked to MANY spouses on this site - and 90% of the BP spouses were abusive in one way or another.  Whether willingly or unknowingly.  I have found this to be in a lot of cases.  Maybe this is becuase they put on a show for everyone else (in my case) and keep this image up during the day at work and in front of friends... and when they come home they feel they can be themselves and unleash the demons that have been circling in their heads all day long on someone familiar - who they trust. 

       

      Now, my own personal experience is with someone who was NOT medicated at the time he crashed.  It was too late when he got the diagnosis, and he just got worse the days following where I had had enough.  The blame, the yelling, the coldness, the lifeless zombie this man I thought I knew had become.  Please do not lash out at spouses on this site because everyone has a different personal experience.  Maybe it comes out the wrong way sometimes out of frustration, but i think it helps everyone to walk in the others' shoes now and then.

       

    • Vicki
      Oct. 16, 2008

      I agree with you because this is the life I lived.  No one needs to be defensive because we're trying to find answers to what were going thru.  It's so easy for someone reading our feelings to past judgement but we're talking from a heart that has been crushed.  To walk away from a relationship without closure and just go on with life like nothing...

      RHMLucky777

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      I agree with you because this is the life I lived.  No one needs to be defensive because we're trying to find answers to what were going thru.  It's so easy for someone reading our feelings to past judgement but we're talking from a heart that has been crushed.  To walk away from a relationship without closure and just go on with life like nothing has happened the last 7 years.  Get over it, it's gone-so very easy for someone to write this but our hearts still are trying to figure out what happened to the person we so very much loved?  Best to you, you're not alone!  Vicki 

    • donna
      Apr. 27, 2011

      hmm,,,funny thing how so many times on the news when a spouse, children, coworkers are being held by someone in a rage, it turns out theyre said to be bipolar. Funny how its a legal defense in court. I think when spouses are on site trying to get understanding and share, if the bipolar people, who I know dont quite think, especially off meds, like other people...

      RHMLucky777

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      hmm,,,funny thing how so many times on the news when a spouse, children, coworkers are being held by someone in a rage, it turns out theyre said to be bipolar. Funny how its a legal defense in court. I think when spouses are on site trying to get understanding and share, if the bipolar people, who I know dont quite think, especially off meds, like other people do, thats why they have the problems, dont want to simply try to learn what its like on other side of coin, then perhaps they should go to different site, and maybe whine about the people who arent bipolar. everyone needs to vent. Not everything is just about that person who whined about lumping everyone together,,hm,,I do believe thats one of the problems,,bipolar patients think the world evolves around them, and tries to enforce that attitude,,Much more than the average ahole. I will not enable anyone to think its all about them..

  • Chris
    Aug. 17, 2008

    I am a little upset with your post you stated that bipolars are abusive and degrading. I have bipolar and have never in my life degraded or abused my wife. I am sorry that YOUR husband is abusive but don't catorgozie a;; bipolars in this negative way. Thanks for the insult. 

    Good luck Chris 

    • Anonymous
      tabby
      Aug. 17, 2008

      I was a bit insulted as well

      Don't ya just love the constant generalization and sterotyping?

      Blatant lumping together

    • Vicki
      Aug. 17, 2008

      Tabby-Nice to hear that you're not abusive but a majority of the spouses that write in state degrading and abuse.  I just felt that this was a trait of someone that had bipolar because it's mentioned so much by spouses.  We're all gathering information and trying to understand about our loved ones.  There is no competition except the yearning...

      RHMLucky777

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      Tabby-Nice to hear that you're not abusive but a majority of the spouses that write in state degrading and abuse.  I just felt that this was a trait of someone that had bipolar because it's mentioned so much by spouses.  We're all gathering information and trying to understand about our loved ones.  There is no competition except the yearning to connect with the person we fell in love with and not the stranger that they have become.  We're all insulted, all degraded and all in search of answers to this illness.  When we write in, we're writing from our hearts and how torn they are because of our personal challenges.  We don't have the answers and there are no insults being given.  Just cries for answers.  If it were a perfect world, none of us would be writing in ...would we?   Vicki

    • Anonymous
      tabby
      Aug. 17, 2008

      "I just felt that this was a trait of someone that had bipolar because it's mentioned so much by spouses."

       

      You posted that you had studied this illness after living with your husband for 7 years. 

      Apparently, my hunch was correct.  You only studied your husband and the other spouses of folks who post on boards such as this and never actually...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      "I just felt that this was a trait of someone that had bipolar because it's mentioned so much by spouses."

       

      You posted that you had studied this illness after living with your husband for 7 years. 

      Apparently, my hunch was correct.  You only studied your husband and the other spouses of folks who post on boards such as this and never actually really "studied" the illness or folks with the disorder from all angles fairly.

       

      Now, you know.  Bipolar Disorder affects and effects each individual differently.  Each individual with their respective form of the illness copes, manages, and reacts to it's affects and effects differently.  If one with the illness chooses not to seek treatment, chooses not to undergo some type of therapy, chooses to self-medicate with alcohol and illegal drug activity then that is his/her choice and therefore chooses how he or she copes, manages, and reacts to their form of their illness.

       

      Oh and not all with Bipolar Disorder abuse and degrade and not all who abuse and degrade have Bipolar Disorder.

       

      I also believe on this site is a listing somewhere of different reading resource material for which you might be interested in picking up at your local library or bookstore to read up on the illness itself.  There are books for loved ones and those who struggle with the illness alike in an effort to better understand the illness and how it may or may not affect and effect each individual differently.

       

    • Vicki
      Aug. 17, 2008

      Tabby-Thank you for your reply.  I've only studied the illness since he was diagnosed October 2007.  I didn't even know what it was.  I so appreciate your reply!  Vicki

    • Anonymous
      over it
      Dec. 11, 2009

      hi Vikky

      I just wanted to say a quick - hang in there chikky :-)

       

      Your post is perfectly valid.  

       

      Unfortunately there are a whole heap of ppl with bipolar who, like your husband are playing pretend and better than thou.

       

      I have watched my step-father verbally abuse and degrade my mother for over 16 years now and have watched her wear...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      hi Vikky

      I just wanted to say a quick - hang in there chikky :-)

       

      Your post is perfectly valid.  

       

      Unfortunately there are a whole heap of ppl with bipolar who, like your husband are playing pretend and better than thou.

       

      I have watched my step-father verbally abuse and degrade my mother for over 16 years now and have watched her wear down and deteriorate - they will not relent.

      And yes, if you ever accused him of it he would act like you were mad to say such things.

      They live in denial. Obviously all the defensive posts on this board are from BD sufferers who most likely go home and abuse their wives, but like the men we know, are living in denial on this board.

       

      I can't answer your question as to why they do it. When I watch my step-father it seems calculated.  If we didn't stand to lose half of everything we owned this guy would have been long out of our lives.  Don't feel guilty, they way I see it is it isn't your problem. Move on.  My mother didn't and she has suffered for a third of her life.

      Get out there and live your life and enjoy it.

       

      They, like all humans, are responsible for themselves. 

    • Crystal
      Dec. 16, 2012
      I posted a comment to Kyle. I was reading your post and "over it" post. I messed up. I meant to address you as far as your mother goes. I am sorry your mom is living in such a bad situation. I haven't been there but I can only imagine how hard it is to get out. I do hope she gets help for the situation she is in. I understand your anger. Many people here are...
      RHMLucky777
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      I posted a comment to Kyle. I was reading your post and "over it" post. I messed up. I meant to address you as far as your mother goes. I am sorry your mom is living in such a bad situation. I haven't been there but I can only imagine how hard it is to get out. I do hope she gets help for the situation she is in. I understand your anger. Many people here are missing Vicki's post. She, like many others are assuming, just because you have BP you must be abusive and degrading. This is so not true. I think more people need to read about BP to fully understand BP and the many facets that go along with it. For people out there, Don't just assume you know from either your own personal experiences, someone elsee or what you have heard. Be informed before you judge.
    • Anonymous
      2mitzy
      Oct. 23, 2013
      I know this is an old post but you are so right. I met my bipolar boyfriend in 2001 and then got married 2002. The day I got married he told me to get rid of my two kids from previous relationships. I was heart broken. I fell in love with thus man that was the only child perfect gentleman treated me so great spoiled me than ruined me. I'm crying right now typing...
      RHMLucky777
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      I know this is an old post but you are so right. I met my bipolar boyfriend in 2001 and then got married 2002. The day I got married he told me to get rid of my two kids from previous relationships. I was heart broken. I fell in love with thus man that was the only child perfect gentleman treated me so great spoiled me than ruined me. I'm crying right now typing this. I have waisted over 10 years with him and it's not getting much better. We go to his Psychiatrists every two weeks his on tons of different meds. He won't work. He will come home after being gone and the first thing he says to me and the kids is. Where is the stupidest kid in the school and the fattest one. He says things that just crush me. I have fibro chronic fatigue neuropathy lupus and lost my colon and am in rehabilitation all because of him. I'm 1100 miles away from all of my family. It's so hard to leave because my dad is verbally abusive too. My sisters have personality disorders. I'm stuck. I just wanted to share my story. If I leave I loose health insurance car house and everything. But I don't think I can take it anymore.
    • Anonymous
      Kim
      Jan. 22, 2010

      Hello Vicky, My husband was diagnosed bipolar in May 2007.  Tabby is a wonderful man who takes ownership and management of his illness and wonderful to hear he is good to his wife because of his self education about bipolar and its capabilities.  I have lived with my husband for 23 years.  He had work related stress and anxiety within his long...

      RHMLucky777

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      Hello Vicky, My husband was diagnosed bipolar in May 2007.  Tabby is a wonderful man who takes ownership and management of his illness and wonderful to hear he is good to his wife because of his self education about bipolar and its capabilities.  I have lived with my husband for 23 years.  He had work related stress and anxiety within his long career in the Fire Service and found himself not being able to return to the work place after the Christmas holidays, taking himself to the Doctor who has prescribed antidepressant effexor. Trusting a Doctor and not knowing at the time he was bipolar, he has been sent manic from this drug.  Whew.....I cannot begin to explain the different person he has become, very abusive verbally, physically and financially. I  recognise bipolar in our relationship now that I know what it is, but never has he been the man he presents today.  He has abandoned our family he loved, relocating to another State, ended his career, raged, taken off with our retirement and redundancy money completely blowing it inside two years on self indulgence, drugs, a house, motorbikes, alcohol and has even used brothels and sexual affairs with random women.  I am at fault apparently and the target for very agressive name calling.  He refuses to speak about our children or anything that has been our personal business for 23 years that is for the wellbeing of our family, childrens education and mortgage on our family home. He is in hiding and will not take phone calls, if he does answer he will hang up.  I have been in a trauma as I do not know the man he has become.  I miss and love the man he was, but he is unrecognisable now.  He had been drinking and to my knowledge still does heavily whilst taking antidepressants and smokes marijuana.  He has been in total denial with me about manic illness and refuses to discuss it or educate the family.  The children do not understand.  He can go months without contacting them and this man was a very loving and interactive Father.  I believe if bipolar people (or any person) can get off these addictive antidepressants, their normal thinking and emotions can return and they are often surprised and unaware of the damage they have caused in a manic episode.  The trouble is antidepressants (without a mood stabiliser) cause mania and they are very difficult to withdraw from.  Doctors do not give enough information as we did not get the full disclosure of the side effects.  Effexor warns that this drug is not suited for people with bipolar. For our once normal family our lives are now a mess.  I miss my husband but know I will not get him back unless he wants to own his illness and seek help for his addictions.  I have read so many similiar stories and the key is that families and spouses need to know upfront what a manic illness is. Its about education and knowing where to seek help if Mania presents.  Unfortunately we do not recognise or understand it till it is too late.  

    • summerslave
      Aug. 20, 2008

      Well said! I wish people would REALLY research and learn about BP; it would just cut down on so much of the blanket stereotypes that people have with the disorder.  I live with it and there was so much I learned about myself through research. If I can get so much from finding information and I have BP I can only imagine what someone from an outside view...

      RHMLucky777

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      Well said! I wish people would REALLY research and learn about BP; it would just cut down on so much of the blanket stereotypes that people have with the disorder.  I live with it and there was so much I learned about myself through research. If I can get so much from finding information and I have BP I can only imagine what someone from an outside view could benifit. I feel this applies to any illness or disorder that someone in your life has that you want to understand.

       

      With that said no one should put up with being degraded or abused!!! I speak from the bad side of those situations. I am on a great management plan and have been stable for 4 years, but at one time I was very emotionally abusive and pron to rages. I never got physically abusive at any point but it was abuse none the less. In my heart I feel that nobody should be made to feel the way I made some people feel.

    • Anonymous
      TryingHard
      Nov. 08, 2012

      oh for god sake, read her post....listen to her.

       

      She is in pain.  She lost the man she loved!  Her heart is broken.   While she might not be doing everything 100% right, she is doing something...she is looking, reading, trying.   Give her credit.

       

      Credit for trying is something the spouses of certain bipolar partners...

      RHMLucky777

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      oh for god sake, read her post....listen to her.

       

      She is in pain.  She lost the man she loved!  Her heart is broken.   While she might not be doing everything 100% right, she is doing something...she is looking, reading, trying.   Give her credit.

       

      Credit for trying is something the spouses of certain bipolar partners rarely if ever get.     

       

      If we didn't love our spouses, we would be longggggg gone.  

       

      I am confident, attractive, funny, educated and most folk seems to like me.   My husband is a wonderful man in many ways.   BUT..everything is my fault, everything I'm proud of has been degraded and made fun of, his perception of reality is so warped and his memory is so bad and his 100% belief that he is right is so unmovable that it just results in me going silent.   To try to discuss, argue, explain, write, anything are all met with immediate 100% anger and denial.   I have tried everything I can think off.  Everything that books, councelors, self help etc suggest..well, I have been there and done it and bought the T-shirt.  He sees himself as perfect and every single problem in our relationship is my fault 100% of the time.   What do you imagine this does to a partner.  Knowing that your spouse feels you are a liar, not to be trusted, weak, immoral, lazy, miserable, vindictive?   Do you realises what that does to a persons soul?   So why are we still there?   I ask myself several times a week.   So I'll tell you why...because I remember who he was.   Because every now and again I see the man I love and the bottom drops out my stomach.   Because my heart still turns over when when I allow myself time to think back to 'before' and to how we were together.   Most of the time, there is just a shell of the relationship but sometimes...sometimes I see him.   I think of life without ever seeing that 'him' again and my heart breaks.    I cry in the bathroom several times a week.    I cry in the bathroom, because I have learned that if he sees me he believe it to be manipulation and tells me so.   I don't cry because we are arguing, I cry because I MISS HIM.   So I continue to read and I continue to try.   I would absolutely try anything, but have reached the point where I just don't believe there is anything.  I either except it as it is or I leave.   At the moment I live in pain but can't face the pain of leaving either.  

       

      If someone I loved had cancer and was experiencing symptoms, I would look those symptoms up on the internet.   I would look for answers to those symptoms.   It wouldn't mean that every single person who suffered from that type of cancer had those symptoms; they might have other symptoms.   The point is I look to find the answers to MY symptoms, not another persons symptons.   So it is with bipolar.   Since hypersexuality is not a symptom that impacts us, I don't tend to look it up.   Emotional withdrawal and assigning blame and warped reality are the problems I face so that is what I look up.  

       

      But don't critize spouses of biploar.  We are here.  We are trying.   We have zero support.  We suffer all the negative sides of bipolar without any of the positive aspects of it.  In many ways, this disease renders us helpless but still we try.   Once again, it is 6 a.m. and I am on a computer looking for answers I know I won't find.  Reading things I have read 100 times before.   This is my first time writing anything on any board.   I am just absolutely sick of folks not understanding us and seeing us as the problem.   Understand us once and for all..we are here cause we want to find a way to glimps the spouse we love with all our heart.   The person we want desperately to spend our whole lives with.   Inside we know, the best we can hope for is a glimps.   You don't hear from the ones who divorced.  They got out...they ran.   To stay is sell your potential life and happiness to the disease and to know that you will only live half a life.  It is a personal choice we make as do all spouses with partners with any disease.

       

       

    • out of hope
      Dec. 15, 2012

      makes me so sad to read ur story...its like someone wrote my life! i would lock myself in the bathroom and weep for hours...but i would cover my mouth with a towel so he couldnt hear it...because ur right...its like he enjoyed knowing he had caused damage! And when he saw i wasnt coming out, he would apologize and tell me the kids wanted to see me,only to explode...

      RHMLucky777

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      makes me so sad to read ur story...its like someone wrote my life! i would lock myself in the bathroom and weep for hours...but i would cover my mouth with a towel so he couldnt hear it...because ur right...its like he enjoyed knowing he had caused damage! And when he saw i wasnt coming out, he would apologize and tell me the kids wanted to see me,only to explode and accuse me that i didnt love them, if i didnt come out! He was hospitalized a few times,and would be sweet to me when he was in there, but the honeymoon phase didnt last very long after he came home...he at one point had me convinced that "I" was the problem...said i was his biggest trigger and that i had made his deppression and bipolar worse. And i believed it because i would see that eveywhere else he was awesome..everyone loved him, and he seemed happy....  I tried helping him in many ways, including saving his life in 3 occassions. I begged him to keep on meds, which he would do for a bit, and quit...I cant count the times he left us. I wouldnt sleep worried where he was or if he was ok. I finally realized that i couldnt keep breathing for him...I am so wasted away from the rollercoaster ride. and my kids are damaged. I got tired of loving him more than myself, and being his emotional sponge. i was the type to stick it through. The kind that thought "forever" and  "through thick and thin". but i just got run over one time to many....I dont hate him, even though he abandoned us, verbally and emotionally abussed his family, and didnt care about his partner from years back-and THE ONE PERSON that stuck by his side!!!!!- but if i had to do it again, id probably chose to jump off a cliff first....had i known all the pain i was setting up for, I woulda passed him up...The charm he wheeled me in with, was a mask...a hook. when they get comfortable, then they throw true colors...And i was so naive, he convinced me that sometimes he had anger issues because he had hyperhidrosis most of his teen years and went through alot, and that when a memory stroke, he sometimes got grumpy, and thats why he would snap at me....and i bought it !  ***NOTE TO THE ONES BARELY DISCOVERING SOMETHING IS OFF:   do research, ask questions,talk to their families-even if they insist you keep distant!  Make sure they are on treatment or that at least they are willing to try! ***BE PERSISTANT!!!! and if you see that ur getting hurt and that things arnt changing, walk away with ur health and ur self love, before theres NOTHING left

    • Anonymous
      Monique Carstens
      Feb. 12, 2013
      Oh my gosh, I am not the only one out there... Living a nightmare hoping the old person I once knew would come back, I cried reading you story, as I am going through exactly the same...
    • Anonymous
      Punky
      Sep. 09, 2012
      Tabby-I've going down nightmare lane. I looked back & stand behind what I wrote in 2008!Its who I sm & what I experienced in that relationship.In 4 years I've collected much information about what this is all about.If you have bipolar,or any other mental illness you acknowledge it& when someone joins in the union without knowing of this illness they are not...
      RHMLucky777
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      Tabby-I've going down nightmare lane. I looked back & stand behind what I wrote in 2008!Its who I sm & what I experienced in that relationship.In 4 years I've collected much information about what this is all about.If you have bipolar,or any other mental illness you acknowledge it& when someone joins in the union without knowing of this illness they are not to be blamed.As a spouse, partner , codependent it's a whole different experience.You tend to jump in for the jugular & really is that working for you because after revisiting your comment-I'm sorry for you & sending you blessings for ignorance.
    • Tabby
      Sep. 12, 2012

      Punky and all others...

       

      I will repeat:  "not all who have Bipolar are abusive and degrading to others and not all who are abusive and degrading to others, have Bipolar."

       

      this does not mean that one with Bipolar is NOT abusive or degrading... it means, NOT ALL with the disorder are

      as well as, not all who are abusive and degrading are struggling...

      RHMLucky777

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      Punky and all others...

       

      I will repeat:  "not all who have Bipolar are abusive and degrading to others and not all who are abusive and degrading to others, have Bipolar."

       

      this does not mean that one with Bipolar is NOT abusive or degrading... it means, NOT ALL with the disorder are

      as well as, not all who are abusive and degrading are struggling with Bipolar

       

      so to blanket state that "all" do this and "all" do that... lumps every single human being who has Bipolar disorder into a one lump description that is not only disrespectful but also, not entirely true

       

      I married a man, was married for 20 years, who abused me - physically, emotionally, and sexually.  I am the one with Bipolar, he was not.

       

      I loved him, I still love him, I will always love him... but I could not take any further abuse from him and I left.. to then get divorced from him.  I did it, so that I and my daughter - who is now 16 - could have a more stable and secure life than what we had when he was "in the picture".

       

      Now, I realize that this flies in the face of all generalization of how horrible those with Bipolar are... and I will not be so .... as to say that I have not, on occasion, let out a screaming scathing rant or two myself... likely several.  I am not proud of any incident of such and I promptly apologize for my behavior and try, as I might, not to repeat.  Sometimes I manage, sometimes I do not... we are all human and we are all prone to behavior (you and I) that we are not always very proud of.

       

      However, I've never physically abused a soul.  Though I grew up in a house of adults abusing children to then marry an adult who abused me, as his wife.

       

      NO ONE deserves to be abused, NO ONE.  Be it they are sick with mental illness or sick with whatever or just a plain ole jackass enjoying the pleasure of abusing someone... NO ONE deserves to be abused, NO ONE.

       

      However... if you are willfully staying with a spouse, partner, whatever who is abusing you because you love them, can't be without them, can't imagine life with them not in it, can't believe you'd make it without them, etc... then you are willfully remaining in the situation.  YOU STILL DO NOT DESERVE IT.

       

      Yet... NOT ALL with Bipolar abuse and degrade as well as not all who abuse and degrade have Bipolar.  There are many many kind, nurturing, and loving people out there who have Bipolar and would never think - in a million years - of abusing another; are more apt to abuse themselves first.

       

      So, I do send you blessings for having endured what you call a nightmarish 4 years... and pray that you will find peace with whomever you may be with now or may encounter in the time to come.   

       

      Also, a tip to everyone... get to know the person before you have sex, before you get pregnant, before you move in with them, before you marry them.... get to know them... get to know them when they are vomiting, have the flu/cold, mad cause their cash is missing, angry because the boss pissed them off, upset over the loss of a pet, something... spend time with them... spend A LOT OF TIME with them first...

       

      cause over a long period of time - say several months, maybe even a year, of really SEEING them continously... you will see much of what can not be kept up for a long period of time.  Someone with an abusive trait cannot keep up the "good face" and "good behavior" for very long.  Open your eyes, take off the blinders, any thing that tickles the innards or flags in your head that something isn't right in Denmark - take notice.

       

      As Judge Mabelyn of Divorce Court used to say - and I am paraphrasing "even Gangis Khan was fun for a little while.  It's when you really get to know someone, watch them, observe them, spend days upon days with them... though sickness, job loss, family/pet loss, their checkbook bounces, etc... that you get to know someone really really well."

       

      You may still get a jackass that enjoys abusing but I am pretty sure... the odds of such dwindles, when you actually see and spend a long period of time with someone.  I dated my ex for 4 years and chose not to see or pay attention to, things that didn't seem right... cause I loved him. 

    • out of hope
      Dec. 15, 2012

      hello vicki... i am so sorry that you have gone thru this....you know, i too lived thru hell with mine.I tried to keep our marriage together for sooo long. He would de grade me, and offend me, just like urs. He would make me feel like the most unwanted, hated person! Its like he got joy out of seeing me hurt so bad...and sometimes, out of the blue! I spent...

      RHMLucky777

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      hello vicki... i am so sorry that you have gone thru this....you know, i too lived thru hell with mine.I tried to keep our marriage together for sooo long. He would de grade me, and offend me, just like urs. He would make me feel like the most unwanted, hated person! Its like he got joy out of seeing me hurt so bad...and sometimes, out of the blue! I spent almost 11 years trying to understand him...i begged him alot to keep on treatment,counciling....He would take off and leave us alot of times without money...and the worst part is, it was always my fault! he turned his back when his family needed him the most! and well, here I am almost 11 years later, single mother, emotionally exhausted,homeless due to his decisions, and confused...I WILL make it without him, as i trust in the lord, and have the will to pull my kids through, but if you asked me how i feel in my heart, hes the reason i would never trust a man again...   :(     all i asked was for his respect toward his family, and for him to stay on a treatment plan.....i guess he didnt care enough

       

    • Vicki
      Aug. 17, 2008

      Chris-I have read hundreds of responses from spouses that are with bipolar mates.  You are a gem and the first one that I have heard that is not degrading and abusive to your spouse.  She is a very lucky lady!  Thank you for your reply-Vicki

    • Anonymous
      Kyle Walthers
      Oct. 17, 2009

      I am so sorry you feel singled out in the blog comment, It is true that not all bipoar individuals are abusive although a high percent are. I myself am a spouse of someone diagnosed with bipolar and I also am phsically and mentally abused (7 years and never the same day?). So if you think that blog was directed at you then you have issue's Which may need...

      RHMLucky777

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      I am so sorry you feel singled out in the blog comment, It is true that not all bipoar individuals are abusive although a high percent are. I myself am a spouse of someone diagnosed with bipolar and I also am phsically and mentally abused (7 years and never the same day?). So if you think that blog was directed at you then you have issue's Which may need to be talked about in therapy, you may be one of those who take things personel, so my suggestion is (that is if you can handle it)  to quit thinking it is all about you and take responabilty for all issue's surrounding you get of the pity pot and realize you are a major contributor to the problems in your life. stop blaming other people for you problems I understand living with this Disorder sucks. If you have a caring mate,(most of us do) I would hope they would try and understand this Disorder as much as you. It is hard for a spouse to understand this disorder(there are many books and websites) but a few things that I have learned, I am not your problem and I can only try to make you comfortable and get they tools in a way so I may understand and be aware of your triggers,this helps. I also let the other individual know of  my intentions if they like it or not. The responabilty for you maintained health lies on you. In other words your decide your own fate and quit blaming others. I hope this was not to harshs. This directed at you, I stated this because I am fully aware of the abuse that goes along on both sides with this disorder, And hopefully I may help someone in the future.

      PS: I have been and am continuing  my education in the studies Bi-Polar Disorder and other devastating mental disorders. Remember with help and support from others we can all try to make a difference in someones live.

       

      Best Regards,

      Kyle

      PS: I have been dating and In love with my Wife for seven years, and everyday I have to remind myself that my significant other is diagnosed bipolar with the help of some easy reads questins to her therapist (I sit in and interact with her through her weekly seesions) Helpful very Helpful.    ONE MORE THING AND IN KNOW WAY AM I AFFILLIATED WITH,  IS THE GREATEST BIPOLAR WEBSITE THAT I HAVE FOUND OUT THERE, IT DOES COST MONEY BUT I HAVE NEVER PAID BECAUSE THERE IS JUST SO MUCH FREE INFORMATION AND LINKS ON THIS SITE THE NAME IS WWW.DAVIDOLIVER.COM OR google david oliver

       

    • Vicki
      Oct. 19, 2009

      Kyle-By no means do I feel "singled" out.  I feel blessed that I was able to recognize my ex husbands illness and be there for him even though he chose not to continue with meds and therapy I get what I had to do as a friend and spouse. My exhusband enjoyed the buzz without the medication because the meds leveled him out and it was...

      RHMLucky777

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      Kyle-By no means do I feel "singled" out.  I feel blessed that I was able to recognize my ex husbands illness and be there for him even though he chose not to continue with meds and therapy I get what I had to do as a friend and spouse. My exhusband enjoyed the buzz without the medication because the meds leveled him out and it was way too much of a life change for him.  I respect him but also respected myself and it's been 14 months of getting me back and not not being a caregiver for someone to chose to go down another path which I fully respect.  God only gives us what we can handle and I admire all the people out there who have this illness who follow a program and have wonderful people along side of them for love and support.  Unfortunately, my ex husband was on his own journey!  I have been 14 months clean from domestic verbal abuse and life hasn't been better.  I speak my feeling( they belong to me) and only share the truth about my own experience.  Blessings to you Kyle for being a wonderful companion to your wife!      

    • thornapple
      Jun. 17, 2012

      I agree with you Kyle.  

      My daughter-in-law has been diagnosed as bi-polar.  She is totally out of control when she goes into one of her tirades using the foulest of language and screaming and hollering non-stop and talking so fast that no one can understand her.  These tirades are usually because she isn't taking her medicine.  It has now...

      RHMLucky777

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      I agree with you Kyle.  

      My daughter-in-law has been diagnosed as bi-polar.  She is totally out of control when she goes into one of her tirades using the foulest of language and screaming and hollering non-stop and talking so fast that no one can understand her.  These tirades are usually because she isn't taking her medicine.  It has now progressed to the point that she is telling lies and making life miserable for my son.  She has involved the law by placeing my son under an epo (emergency protective order).  Now he can't come (he''s a truck driver) to take a shower, change clothes or get some sleep.  He has to live in his truck until court date.   He can't see his children, not even a phone call.  If what she accused him were true I could understand it but she is just making this up.  She trusts me and will tell me everything but most times I can't tell if she is telling me the truth or not.

      My son has a letter from her psychiatrist  stating how bad her illness is and believe me what he says in that letter should cause the court to remove her children from her.  She has threatened her life and the children by asking my son what would he do if he came home and found her and/or the children dead.  I have told my son that is exactly when he should have involved the law and protected his children.  I don't know how much I should be involved.  I am 73 years old and not in good health and this is beginning to weigh heavily on me.  I love them all and I hate to seen this happening.   There is much more I could say about this situation.  Suffice it to say that my reputation is that I don't lie, and am straight forward.  Even she knows that I don't stand up for my son when he is wrong and in this case some times he is the instigator but most of the time it is her.  I  guess I've said enough but if anyone can tell me what steps he can take to protect himself I would appreciate it.   His court date is Tuesday, 6/19.

      Thanks for listening.

    • SplendaChic
      Oct. 17, 2012

      David Oliver is on bipolarcentral.com  Loads of info.. thank you!!

       

    • Crystal
      Dec. 16, 2012
      Kyle, You must be an expert. I would like to know what percentage this may be. My guess is that you are guessing based on your own personal experience. Any one can be degrading and abusive, not just people with BP. It's too bad that you think there are such a high number of abusive and degrading BP people. You are very wrong. I am sorry for what your mom has...
      RHMLucky777
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      Kyle, You must be an expert. I would like to know what percentage this may be. My guess is that you are guessing based on your own personal experience. Any one can be degrading and abusive, not just people with BP. It's too bad that you think there are such a high number of abusive and degrading BP people. You are very wrong. I am sorry for what your mom has gone through but we really are not all like that.
    • Anna
      Jan. 09, 2013

      I would like to know basing on your vast knowledge of BP, the effects of verbal and emotional abuse of a husband to a bipolar1 wife.... 

       

      Thank you.... 

    • stacey
      Aug. 25, 2011

      I think an apology is in order.  No one insulted you or bipolars.  My husband is bipolar and used to be physically abusive and is now only emotionally and verbally abusive.  He has even stated after we have both went to several counseling sessions that the bipolar rages and depression make him do things he normally wouldn't do.  I do...

      RHMLucky777

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      I think an apology is in order.  No one insulted you or bipolars.  My husband is bipolar and used to be physically abusive and is now only emotionally and verbally abusive.  He has even stated after we have both went to several counseling sessions that the bipolar rages and depression make him do things he normally wouldn't do.  I do agree that it effects everyone different.  Everyone has different lives, moods and issues.  I think everyone needs to quit taking any comment so personally.   

    • cuttheshit
      Oct. 22, 2011

      Get over yourself!  She was speaking from personal experience and a place deep within herself that has been damaged beyond repair.  I think since you took her post so personally that maybe you should take a moment to look in the mirror and make sure you haven't been "abusive" whether it be physically, emotionally, or verbally.  A guilty dog will...

      RHMLucky777

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      Get over yourself!  She was speaking from personal experience and a place deep within herself that has been damaged beyond repair.  I think since you took her post so personally that maybe you should take a moment to look in the mirror and make sure you haven't been "abusive" whether it be physically, emotionally, or verbally.  A guilty dog will bark...

    • cuttheshit
      Oct. 22, 2011

      Get over yourself!  She was speaking from personal experience and a place deep within herself that has been damaged beyond repair.  I think since you took her post so personally that maybe you should take a moment to look in the mirror and make sure you haven't been "abusive" whether it be physically, emotionally, or verbally.  A guilty dog will...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      Get over yourself!  She was speaking from personal experience and a place deep within herself that has been damaged beyond repair.  I think since you took her post so personally that maybe you should take a moment to look in the mirror and make sure you haven't been "abusive" whether it be physically, emotionally, or verbally.  A guilty dog will bark...

    • terry smith
      Jan. 04, 2012

      well i disagree , my so called boyfriend just moved in with a muitual friend that we knew for years , hes has shut me out , they are both bipolar. i did nothing wrong but get him into see a doctor, when he was suasidal thats when he was dianosed as bypolar . i cant seem to get over him .he hasent had a problem getting over me.

    • Bipolar passenger
      Jan. 23, 2012

      I just wanted to say that not people diagnosed with bipolar are abusive and crazy, but some truly are. I read that woman's post about her husband and I have a very abusvie and terrible situation like her. So, Im very glad for you that you do not fall into the same category and wish you the best. Wish those of us married to the abusive bipolar people the best...

      RHMLucky777

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      I just wanted to say that not people diagnosed with bipolar are abusive and crazy, but some truly are. I read that woman's post about her husband and I have a very abusvie and terrible situation like her. So, Im very glad for you that you do not fall into the same category and wish you the best. Wish those of us married to the abusive bipolar people the best as well. Thanks SS

    • unsure
      May. 11, 2012

      Im sorry but I think this conversation was for people that have to deal with bipolar spouses.  It seems there is a big issue with this situatition.  If this is not your problem why are you commenting on something you have no idea about? 

    • Anonymous
      Armor
      Jul. 20, 2012

      I think she was talking about HER situation, her experience and I totally heard her and I feel for her.

       

      My mother who peole call a Saint for "staying by her man" is constantly being put down, verbally abused by my dad who has Bipolar is unaceptable to me.  Mania or Manic stage.  I don't give a shit what they call it the facts remains that HE...

      RHMLucky777

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      I think she was talking about HER situation, her experience and I totally heard her and I feel for her.

       

      My mother who peole call a Saint for "staying by her man" is constantly being put down, verbally abused by my dad who has Bipolar is unaceptable to me.  Mania or Manic stage.  I don't give a shit what they call it the facts remains that HE is abusive and I'm sure he's not the only one with Bipolar that is abusive to his/her spouse.

       

      I'm too mad, upset, to continue with this conversation but I wish my 65 year old mother would stop saying how much she loves her husband and put her friggen foot down before he kills her.  Not only is HE verbally abusive, HE hallucinates, HE manipulates.

       

      I think HE needs to grow up, take his meds, stop drinking, and start showing some respect for himself and my mother.

       

      DENIAL - That's fine he's manic right now but who is protecting my mother, emotionally, physically, financially?  She got married at 16, she loves her husband, I get that...but she needs to put her foot down and realize that SHE doesn't have to continue taking this abuse from HIM.

       

      NOT ALL ARE ABUSIVE but some are and we need to talk about it.  A lot are hiden, from family and friends, it's taboo or some are just plain ashame....

       

      Don't be insultated and hear the pain and frustration.