I do not want to rant and rave especially on a bipolar website!! I have just started realizing that I have bipolar disorder and just how serious it really is. I have been reading some posts on this site and realize that the number of spouses that have left their significant others. The really scary part is the fact that you have so many people are supportive of this and are commending these people and bipolar or not that pisses me off!! Now don't get me wrong I do not support staying in a abusive relationship but if that person has tried to get help and has at any given time recognized the fact that they are bipolar it is also your duty as a spouse to go to the fullest extent to help and support this person remember your vows!!! I am going to explain the best I can from my point of view(remember everyone is different to a certain extent). First and foremost please remember we are sick! There is no cure for this sickness there are only treatments it never goes away it is always there just sometimes alittle deeper than others. There are poeple that have gone numerous years sometimes half a lifetime and still have found no meds that truly help them. Science is still in the toddler stages when come to meds for BP. Most of these meds have strong side effects which mostly involve drowsiness as I find to be more common and I hate to feel that way like a zombie!! It is very hard to function and be successful in anything either at home or at work while feeling this way and if you are not successful in anything you do it is kinda hard to be happy especially when you are also a manic depressant. I know I can be scary when I have a rage and I get very intense but I personally have never touched my wife but try being scared of yourself at least you all have a choice and can get away from that fire but we have no choice but to sit there and burn. I stay scared to death that I am going to lose my family to this sickness but I practice as much self control as possible and my loving wife sees it and recognizes it. But the meds do help but everyones body chemistry is different and there is no one set of combo of drugs that can completly eradicate the ill effects of this sickness. Our chemistry changes constantly with stress, excercise, diet, metabolism, everything!! So it is hard to balance these chemicals when they are changing all the time. But please give 1000% effort before terminating your marriage we need as much support as we can get and there no better treatment than love and family! How would you like it if you found out you had cancer and your spouse left you because they didn't feel like helping you anymore. I know we are hard to deal with at times and can bring alot of stress but people usually marry someone that they love and trust and feel like they can depend on and when that person walks out on you in a time of need there is no greater heartbreak!! We did not ask to be this way and I don't want to be babied I do assume responsibilty for my actions so therefore I do my best to stay as straight as possible but I will never be perfect or even close and that alone is hard enough to deal with. please think of it like this when we get depressed, or rage or do any other things that come with BP we are hurting, and this is no different than an ordinary person having a painful surgery, or a toothache, dismemberment, anything it is still pain and it is deep and strikes the heart the hardest. I have been told I am a very hard worker and I have succeeded in many things and have always been told I am a strong person but this is the most difficult thing I have ever delt with I wish it upon noone but I do wish some would have to live a couple of days in my shoes and see how it is there are not enough words to explain I will try to continue this when I have time I hope this helps!
I have been busy working on other projects for awhile so I really haven't had the time to read many posts these last few months. What I will say is that the majority of spouses that did leave were the consequences of either a verbal physical abusive relationship or that of adultery.
Here is where issues arise in a relationship where a mental illness exists:
Spouse takes on role of:
Doctor, therapist or the worst, the role of a caregiver in that this person has to assume the responsibilities of everything, treat the (significant other)patient as a child and do everything for them and the relationship becomes more of a need than a want.
In a relationship its a balancing act of each taking turns at being the strong one in that the other can lean on them. In this relationship above, the tendencies are that one has to be the strong one all the time and it takes its toll...sometimes to much of a toll.
You mentioned walking in your shoes for a couple of days...I have, and I have also walked in those same shoes of your wife's and that of other caregivers. I would be careful of being to hypercritical or too judgmental of when a person says enough is enough and needs to change course.
For you...my suggestion is to get in check that rage that as you put it scares everyone including yourself "I know I can be scary when I have a rage and I get very intense" before your wife finally says enough is enough.
I did say I assume responsibility for all my actions. My wife and I share the stress in our relationship and my manic rages are very minimal. I was not finished with my story either and the point of the story is to help them look through our eyes! We hurt people sometimes with no remorse, but at the same time do not mean what we say if you have been on both sides of the fence then you know not everyone finds the right meds but take them anyway cause they know no better. In fact I will put it like this TO ALL- Bipolarism is best compared to being paralyzed from the chest down and shitting on yourself, by the time you figure out what you have done it's usually to late!! Practice treatment but minimize dependency on meds more on self control and adapting to this sickness and if someone truly loves you they will not leave you alone in this fight but it is YOUR fight so take one on chin and get in there and fight quitters never win ha!! ha!!
How can I help my husband and not become his caregiver, doctor, therapist, mom etc...? I truly love my husband and have three children with him, but I am tired. He has just admitted(accepted) that he has bp. I want to help him, but don't want him to depend on me. He started meds a couple days ago and I'm not ready to give up just yet.