My BiPOLAR Significant OTHER has left me after 3.5 years together

Thanks Dshere for your comment. It's good to know that I'm not the only one in this position. We were only together for 3.5 years and I cannot imagine the pain you must feel when you were together for so long.

I wanted us to be the couple that makes it through anything....I hate the cliche that gay couples never see it through the long haul.....It's so hard when someone you love suddenly tells you that they just don't feel the same way....it really bites and strips you of so much...

But we are good people....and we deserved to be loved....and as hard as it is to let them go....I guess I just have to trust that God has something and someone BETTER for me....You have to believe that too.

Thanks Eric. I read your post and it was written with much thought and consideration to the situation. I think you are very right about a lot of things.

She did explain to me that after her hospitalization "I" became some kind of mother figure to her. That's not an easy task considering her mother's life ended tragically (suicide). So the BiPolar thing DOES run in her family. To no surprise, since somehow I became te caregive or her "MOM", there wasn't much sexually to be attracted to. I mean.....she lost whatever attraction she felt for me after this experience.

I agree, I did do TOO much but I didn't know at the time what to do. I just knew bills had to be paid and the mortgage did not wait for her to get out of the hospital. Se left me in charge of all of these things while she was in the hospital and I was left alone to deal with all of it (because he fathe rand brother were not even around and didn't even come to visit her in the hospital).

I guess you are right. I loved someone that NEEDED me.....but that is no where to being healthy enough to being in an EQUAL relationship. She even has said "what do I do for you because I don't feel I'm adding anthing to this relationship." and I didn't know how to answer that besides the fact that I love her for everything she is (with illness and all).....but I have to focus that energy on loving MYSELF now....because I do deserve a healthy relationship.....but I relaly don't want another one any time soon....LOL....I have to heal from all of this and it will take me a long time.

Thanks for your reply. It helps in some way to know that "I" did all I could. But the hurts are still REAL. Whether it comes from the illness or not...cheating, lying, and betraying is still REAL for me as the Non-Bp person....I can understand the illness but I don't have to endure it.  Regardless of whether a person has mental illness or not, no one should have to endure the abusive behaviors as a result of.

I loved her tremendously. I gave it all that I could...but after 3.5 years together....it just seems like a huge loss....but the more I "think" about it....I feel it's an even bigger loss for her.

YOU have (no offense...)how much of a loss she is feeling. We carry backpacks filled with the rocks of guilt uphill, both ways everyday of our lives.

I realize this changes nothing for you but it should give you some satisfaction to know we struggle minute by minute, day by day just to carry the load of guilt and condemnation we thrust upon ourselves.

Ever want to see real HATE, look into the eyes of a real BiPolar during or after an episode...hate, disgust, fear, loathing, torment, etc... all radiate outward from our eyes. We are our own worst enemies.

Yes I know that very well.

A part of me realizes that it has nothing to do with me. I know she feels guilt because she called me two nights ago to tell me she was out of breath, felt like throwing up, and in a complete state of anxiety over this situation. I know she feels the guilt. She told me to please call her back because she NEEDED to hear from me....but I realized....not only does she cause the pain....but she ALSO wants me to release her of the guilt....

In my heart....although it's broken...I forgive her because I realized....it must be SOOO hard to not be able to love freely and openly....to not be able to love and give to someone else. She said "she can only love to a certain extent." and that's sad to me....That must feel worse than the situation I am in...It feels like unrequited love....

I've seen the hate in her eyes...and I've seen this disease take on her life...from VP of a company to now almost declaring backruptcy and foreclosing her house...it's truly a sad thing to experience....

But I realized.....I only have enough energy now to get "myself" better.....and I can no longer be an enabler in this situation. She has to learn that you cannot take people for granted, that you can't keep treating people like CRAP to test their love for you, and expect them to stick around for you no matter what....it's just an extremely unhealthy pattern....

Thank you for your e-mails.....DId you ever regret breaking up with past lovers?

Before I answer your question, "did I ever regret breaking up with past lovers?" I'd like to interject one thought if you don't mind.

She may have called you asking your "forgiveness"; but until she learns to forgive herself...something almost completely a foreign concept to BiPolars; your forgiveness is only a temporary bandage - so to speak.

Now to answer your question, which is actually quite difficult to answer looking in hindsight. You need to understand we are BORN BiPolar, then later diagnosed with the disease. Kids get mis-labeled everday since so many different mental illnesses affect kids such as ADD. And in my particular case I am more than just BiPolar; I have PTSD, DD (dissociative disorder), DID (was called MPD 2 years ago), etc...

Now having said all of this I'll answer honestly.

Yes, I have more regrets on break-ups than I ever thought one person should or could have in a lifetime. Not all were verbally stated by me as if by my hand; yet all were instigated by my doing in one way or the other. If I felt the other individual needed to save face or dignity I'd change the scenario so they'd have the "upper-hand" and feel better about themselves to break up with me.

You are the 1st person I've ever told any of this to in my entire life, not even my shrinks know any of this.

I allowed 1 person too get into the deepest layers of me; and was pushed away, rejected. I haven't been able to to allow anyone past surface layers since; even though I'd love to let someone in again.

And no I don't blame the person for rejection, we all get rejected in our lives...even if we are "normal". But you asked if I had regrets, and yes I wish I could change it all and take back so much pain.

I'm sorry for your pain sincerely I am!

When you said that you would turn things around and wait for the other person to break-up with you, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING. Then I resented her for it because if she was feeling "different" towards me you shouldn't keep things going. But she said she just needed to "figure things out." It's like a part of her really wanted to dive in and another part of her was telling her that it could be the wrong choice (whichever choice she would make). So instead, she just made my life HELL and waited until "I" was brave enough to leave...but in reality....she had already left....so it's hard to tell who really broke up with who....LOL...It was either "accept this situation as it is without me having to do any work or leave."  and eventually....after numerous break-ups...I decided to leave.....after all....relationships are not suppose to be JUST work. and this one WAS.

I felt it was a slow and gradual break-up. 1st she asked me to move out because she felt we were not ready to live togehter (this is after we lived together for 1.5 years). Then we continued to date....During this time...well....she just kept pushing me further and further away....I mean....she didn't do ANYTHING to make me feel special and important to her....then she said she just didn't FEEL like doing anything important for me because she didn't want to give in TOO much...she was hospitalized and then she just started going down hill....she WANTED me around to take care of her...and it felt like she wanted me back....but then eventually she started feeling better....and I was kicked to the curb once again....that "I" was holding her back some way....

So I guess I'm a complete idiot...LOL....I mean....all the signs were there....but wat can I say....love is INDEED blind.