My Work Experience With Bipolar

By HeyJude Sunday, January 06, 2008

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Many jobs have come my way since being diagnosed with bipolar. Never have I been fired from a job, but God knows I have quit several. I don't know how many of you have had similar experiences, but I have to tell you it is a very degrading and embarassing experience. It caused setbacks to my recovery. I love working, but a bipolar's needs are not the same as the "normies" (a 40-hour work week) and employers ceertainly do not accomodate our job requirements.

I have worked a variety of different jobs from a baby food company to factory work, City Hall clerk, part-time work with Kelly Services, and Federal Government work. And I quit them all because of my illness at some point in my life.

The most rewarding job ever for me was working as an advocate for our local CMHC (mental health center). I worked the hours I could without question. The people were very understanding and appreciated whatever time I was able to give to the job. I did this work for about 3 years - then one day the "black dog" began creeping in and eventually I simply could not go into work any longer - I never went back, too embaressed.

And now I have the motivation and desire to work again but am apprensive, as I'm sure you can understand. Fear of failure is lurking over my shoulder. It shouldn't stop me from realizing my goals, but I told myself I would NEVER take a job again that I would eventually quit, and that seems to be my fate. I am pretty positive and upbeat of late, but when it comes to working, the NEGATIVE attitude, because of my past experience with quitting jobs, always creeps into my bipolar brain.

I'm smart enough, capable enough, have a good work ethic, and generally have been a good person to work with. But the bipolar always seems to get in the way. ****!!!...........Judy

Can any of you understand? Have you any advice? I would love to overcome this fear of failure but I seem destined to it. Too many bad experiences with quitting jobs.

The Bipolar Marriage and Relationships

Comments (14) | Add comment

Hopeful mom

1/ 7/08 7:26am

This is what I fear for my son. Sometimes, he's really on top of his schoolwork and there are times he seems he can't do anything at all. He goes in his room and tries but he can't get it together and he can only stare blankly at what he's doing. Sometimes all he can do is sleep. I know this is the medication and nagging him won't help because he literally can't keep his eyes open.

I am really wrestling with myself about nagging him. I think my expectations are sometimes too high but it's not like I expect all good grades. I just want him to pass. Last night he asked me if he could drop out of school. I really don't think this is a good idea because I feel if he quits, he won't go back and I think he'll always regret it.

So he has to go to school by law and if he doesn't pass he doesn't graduate which will affect his ability to find a good job. His grades are too poor to qualify for Vo-tech so I guess my son will just flip burgers or something until he gets too tired to get out of bed and stops going.

What kind of life is he going to have? This prospect terrifies me.

Judy

1/ 7/08 8:36am

Hi Mom...thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns regarding your son's problems with his education. It has to be especially tough - I cannot imagine because I've not dealt with a bipolar child. You are doing your very best....Judy

Eric

1/ 7/08 7:30am

Hi Jude,

You wrote…

If any employer would understand it would be them. Drop the embarrassment and go talk with them. These people want to succeed and will help if you ask. The worst case scenario is that they tell you no…it’s not the end of the world. I bet they were left with why she didn’t just come to us, we would have understood completely.

Or you may get that great job back if you’re totally honest with them about the flair-up and being embarrassed to show your face because of what you deemed as a failer caused from the illness. You have nothing to loose and all to gain. Good luck

Judy

1/ 7/08 8:47am

Eric...You are always so frank and honest, and you have given some good advice. My psych doc gave me practically the same advice. Just never followed through.

It's been two years since I held the CMHC job and the people in mgmt. that I worked closely with have left - I have checked just recently. Maybe I will stop in the clubhouse and visit with the consumers sometime. That would be a start.

I have a couple of other irons in the fire, they may or may not materialize.

Thanks, Eric, for taking the time to respond. Look forard to future posts. Judy

oem1234

1/ 7/08 11:11am

Don't worry about having to quit. If you do, so what. Just remember that there is no thing as a peranent job position any longer. This is especially true out here in CA.

Everything is temporary. EVERYTHING!

Even the ground that one stands on. So, again, don't stress about having to quit.

Judy

1/ 7/08 11:23am

oem...thank you for your reply. It's just that I'm get so mad at myself sometimes for giving up on jobs. But I guess you are right, they're all tempory, the best way to think of it. Thanks.......Judy

su1

6/12/08 2:13pm

Thanks for the reminder - yes, I have heard that these days, the average person (illness or no illness) has 7 different careers. So it's nice to know we don't stand out that badly.

manicmandy

1/ 7/08 11:46am

I can understand what you're saying. I'm in the medical field and I worked a contract job last year and got offered the position again this year. Last year I was motivated, on top of things, did things before they needed doing, etc. This year I broke down, sobbing like a child and walked out the door because I couldn't handle it. All I did was EKG's all day, that's it, not a hard task, but it became too much for me. I was just recently diagnosed so I don't know how much of that was my illness or (what everyone else keeps saying) Laziness.

Judy

1/ 7/08 2:24pm

Hello Mandy...It sure is frustrating trying to stay with a job when our illness gets in the way. Guess all we can do is keep trying when we are well. And it is never laziness, don't sell yourself short. Love...Judy

Eric

1/ 8/08 5:46pm

Can you just imagine what that poor sole thought that you were doing the EKG on…omg, it’s much worse than I though and I must be a goner? Sometimes life can throw you a curve ball and you swing and miss…the key is stepping back up to the plate and trying again…the game isn’t over yet.

tabby

1/ 7/08 8:43pm

Same thing : have had jobs that I dearly enjoyed, did well at, and then the darkness descended. I couldn't bear to go back, everything was an effort, mistakes, people, etc... and I quit because I just couldn't make myself go in every morning.

I also worked for my local MH center for nearly 3 years. Loved it - not the work - the patients themselves. I miss them actually even now. I could relate to them where others couldn't.

I'll have to say though - when my diagnosis came about due to a week long hospitalization brought on by a mixed episode - my employer (MH center) who I thought would understand, didn't. It is a business after all and when I left it left a person out in a short staffed situation to begin with. I returned to a lot of anger and resentment towards me for leaving.

I told the office manager one day, after she expressed her resentment, that she was lucky she had me at all considering the reason I was sent to the hospital was because I meant to die.

I also have dropped out of community college twice because of the suffocating darkness. Now, it is nearly impossible for me to return.

Judy

1/ 8/08 6:09am

Hi Tabby...You and I sure do share a lot of common ground with our jobs. And I know what you mean about working with the people at the CMHC and being the only ones that REALLY understand them. Peer advocacy is SO important. Love......Judy

su1

6/12/08 2:22pm

Thank-you for bringing up this subject. It seems to be a common problem for us with BD. I, myself, had 7 jobs and 3 school programs which I eventually quit, and moved 8 times, all in 8 yrs during my 20's. This was before my diagnosis, and I now realize that it's not the job/school program/place where I live that is wrong; it is my illness & I can't get away from that - that might sound negative, but realizing this actually helped me to name and facethe real problem, which is my illness. I landed my 'dream job' in 2002 & like clockwork, it eventually got too stressful for me. I was going to take a personal leave, thinking it is my problem, not theirs', but my husband insisted that this trouble is due to my illness & therefore I am entitled to proper sick leave like with any other illness...

I would be appalled if your mental health org employers could not understand - they of all people should understand & be all the more accommodating, one would think. I agree with Eric that maybe you're being too hard on yourself & it's worth looking into again. I'm sure they would appreciate all you can offer.

Take Care,

Sharon

HeyJude

6/12/08 3:01pm

Hi Sharon...The people at CMHC were VERY understanding. That's basically why it was my favorite job. When I left and never returned, it was my own embarassment and internal stigma (I think we all have some against this illness). One day I will stop by to see my old friends. They will surely welcome me with open arms. That is, if any of them are still there.

My Work Experience With Bipolar

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