At times, I maintain fairly good health, but during the winter months I often slip into depression for no particular reason. Depression can actually happen any time of the year with me, but it seems to occur most often after the holidays for two months or so. I don't believe it's situational but I suppose it could be.
When I'm depressed, I am a totally different person, very out of touch, very impersonal. Someone I hardly recognize. It's as though a stranger has invaded my body. My meds and my brain fall out of synch and life becomes practically unbearable.
I don't want to leave the house. I avoid my friends and acquaintences. Life becomes a drag and I don't care about much of anything. Everything in my everyday life changes. I know some of you deal with many of the same issues - our life turns to 'crap'. Yes, when I am depressed, I lose sight of who I am.
I become angry and frustrated with the 'depressed' me. If only I could understand why this shi* happens - why I can't figure out what to do to correct it. I just don't have the answers.
If only I could understand why I get depressed two or three times a year for weeks on end, then maybe I could stay healthy for longer periods. Just maybe.
The meds I take remain the same, they haven't changed in about 2 years. My doctor sees me as functioning at a fairly good level. Maybe it IS a seasonal problem, but I don't think so.
I remember reading about the breakthroughs in treating seasonal affective disorder. Basically, meds are adjusted BEFORE problems arise, as the seasons begin to change. It is hoped this will promote better overall health and stability. Perhaps this new approach would make a difference for all SADs. I'm sure my pdoc will enlighten me if I want to open up a discussion.
Maybe my recurring depressions happen because my BRAIN CHEMISTRY
is always changing and my MEDS work differently at various times. How do we keep our brains and our meds in synch? How do we cope? It's so frustrating. I wish I had some answers. I do not.
Judy
