Brain Chemistry - Meds

At times, I maintain fairly good bipolar health, but during the winter months I often slip into depression for no particular reason.  Depression can actually happen any time of the year with me, but it seems to occur most often after the holidays for approximately 2 months.  I don't really believe it's situational.

When I'm depressed, I am a totally different person, very out of touch, very impersonal.  Someone I hardly recognize.  It's as though a stranger has invaded my body.  My meds and my brain fall out of synch and life becomes practically unbearable.

I don't want to leave the house.  I avoid my friends and acquaintences.  Life becomes a drag and I don't care about much of anything.  Everything in my everyday life changes.  I know some of you deal with many of the same issues from time to time.  Our life turns to 'crap'.  When I am depressed, I lose site of who I am.

I become angry and frustrated with the 'depressed' me.  If only I could understand why this happens - why I cannot figure out what to do to correct it.  I just do not have the answers.

If only I could understand why I get depressed two of three times a year for weeks on end.  Then maybe I could stay healthy for longer periods.  That time of year after Xmas is almost upon us.  I only hope that I will stay healthy in the coming year.  Just maybe.

The meds I take remain unchanged.  They haven't changed in about 2 years.  My doctor sees me as functioning well.  I know better.

I remember reading about the breakthrough treatment for season affective disorder.  Meds are adjusted BEFORE problems arise as the seasons begin to change.  It is hoped this will promote better overall health and stability.

Perhaps my recurring depressions happen because my BRAIN CHEMISTRY is always changing and my MEDS work differently at various times.  How do we keep our brains and our meds in synch?  How do we cope?  It's so frustrating - I wish I had some answers.  I do not.

Judy