At times, I maintain fairly good bipolar health, but during the winter months I often slip into depression for no particular reason. Depression can actually happen any time of the year with me, but it seems to occur most often after the holidays for approximately 2 months. I don't really believe it's situational.
When I'm depressed, I am a totally different person, very out of touch, very impersonal. Someone I hardly recognize. It's as though a stranger has invaded my body. My meds and my brain fall out of synch and life becomes practically unbearable.
I don't want to leave the house. I avoid my friends and acquaintences. Life becomes a drag and I don't care about much of anything. Everything in my everyday life changes. I know some of you deal with many of the same issues from time to time. Our life turns to 'crap'. When I am depressed, I lose site of who I am.
I become angry and frustrated with the 'depressed' me. If only I could understand why this happens - why I cannot figure out what to do to correct it. I just do not have the answers.
If only I could understand why I get depressed two of three times a year for weeks on end. Then maybe I could stay healthy for longer periods. That time of year after Xmas is almost upon us. I only hope that I will stay healthy in the coming year. Just maybe.
The meds I take remain unchanged. They haven't changed in about 2 years. My doctor sees me as functioning well. I know better.
I remember reading about the breakthrough treatment for season affective disorder. Meds are adjusted BEFORE problems arise as the seasons begin to change. It is hoped this will promote better overall health and stability.
Perhaps my recurring depressions happen because my BRAIN CHEMISTRY is always changing and my MEDS work differently at various times. How do we keep our brains and our meds in synch? How do we cope? It's so frustrating - I wish I had some answers. I do not.
Judy
An interesting observation - that our brain's chemistry is always changing, and it is a challenge to always keep our brain and our meds in sync. I have seemed to find the 'magic bullit' in my new med, Geodon. But I wonder, How long will it last? Before I was diagnosed with BD in 2006, I was treated for unipolar dep for 3 years. The first med we tried worked brilliantly, for a year. But then it abruptly fizzled out. The 2nd drug worked as well for a year, and then it fizzled out. Each time these 'fizzle outs' happened, my depression was worse than ever - does that mean our brain becomes chemically dependent on these drugs? I know doctors refuse to say that these SSRI's are 'addictive' - yeah, that's what they used to say about benzo's in the 60's, too. A local doctor here in Vancouver who specializes in mood disorders now fully acknowledges the common 'poop-out' phenomenon of SSRI's (more common than with the older anti-deps?). Anyways, this is all just one example of how our brain's chemistry can be altered out of the blue - is that the meds' fault or our brain's? I have a feeling it's the meds - especially anti-deps. I have been on Prozac for years now & it has yet to poop out on me - I've heard from a pharmacy person that it seems to be the best SSRI for a lot of people, for this reason.
I'm hoping BD drugs are more dependable. They seem to be, according to many people I know. Would love to hear others' experiences with BD meds.
Thanks, Sharon, for your insights. It's so damn frustrating at times when we are not certain how long a new med will work for us. Guess it's best not to worry and just go with the flow - better for us psychologically. I'm waiting to see how my brain will react to Seroquel. So far it's very sedating. I take it at night and some mornings I stay in a fog until noon. But if it helps keep me healthy I won't complain. Regards to you.
Judy
I can relate...I have had the same issues for almost thirty years. I was finally dianozed with ADHD. Yes I take ampheamines 50 milg. a day. I am dependent on it...or shoud I say my Brain needs it. Prozac was my antidepressant of choice..because it usually had less side affects..then I realied the Old get up and Go affect. I wanted to get up..but the Prozac...kept IT down. Needless to say I found self in the position...of feeling I am D if I do and D. if I do not take it. Most of my life Prozac has worked almost instantly..like a shock therepy..without the memorey loss..q;) But for the past three yeas..Prozac just makes me anxious..after a few days on it. I have feet problems...and all I can figure is.that I an Not ROAM like I use to..to work off the Anixity...I never have been addicted to any substance except Diet Pepsi...and without it..I feel much worse. Caffine lifs my mode. One yr go I went to do a sleep study for sleep Apnea. I was thinking and maintaing on 50 mil of Dextro..1 to 2 mig Kronopin and Seroquel.. I had gotton past the food craving that Seraqul caused...But after trying to adjust to that CRAP machine ..plus a lot of Anxity..I find my self with ADHD...worst than I ever could have imagined.... I have Brain fog all day till in the evning. Oh as for the seraqul..It scares me..to take it. as it tends to put one ino very deep sleep..BUt it sure did knock my Sex drive up... I am close to the mind set that Mariwan-yah and Cocaine..would be better for me.At least I would gt up and go..and lay down when I wanted. Where as now I am in Fight or flight. away Too Much. Sorry about my spelling...My adhd brain..can't always give me the focas to find spell check. Oh the CRAP blew up in 3 months..I had the fear of dying in my head for month after going off of it...It just quit..Being the ADHD man that I am..I went and Tried to fix it myself....at least I tried... LOL I wish you the Best TUCKERED.